Poker WTF

$225 PLO8 at the Golden Nugget

2010-06-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

First of all I would to point out that the Lakers won game 7 of the NBA finals last night I may or may not have drank a few too many Heinekens during said game.

Be forewarned!

Table 16 seat 9.
Holy shit this table is small. Apparently we're on a stud table. Who's genius idea was to have a PLO game on a stud table?

12,000 in chips (I think, can't be bothered to count) and 40 minute levels (i think, I can't be bothered to turn around and look at the clock.)

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: empty
Seat 3: Random Euro... Oops, he's busto.
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: RAG who got all of the Euro's chips
Seat 6: RWG with a grizzly Adams beard who thinks we play all the time together at the Bike.
Sear 7: RWG who's falling asleep at the table.
Seat 8: RWG aka the Hillbilly. Y'all.
Seat 9: JD fuckin N. Respect bitches.

I decide to play more aggressive poker today. I wonder how horribly this will fail.

I guess we started with 10k in chips. I finally turned around and looked at the clock.

Hey that means I have more than starting stack! Sahweet!

Grizzly Adams beard guy is officially the worst PLO8 player ever. He's followed closely by the Hillbilly. They just played a 10k pot that was won by a pair of kings.

The fatest dealer in the nugget is now at our mini table. Thank gawd this is the first table to break.

Grizzly Adams has a lisp and it's fuckin' hilarious.

Brainfart! I'm out.

I played a hand so badly that I'm embarrassed to recount it here.

So I run over to Binions to play the $500 HORSE.

Table 21 seat 7

It smells like French toast in here.

20K in chips, aiyeah! That's a lot of nuts. 20 mins per game. Lame. That means we'll be playing 3 times as many hand of hold'em compared to any other game. Laaaaaame.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Frumpy looking white guy. FLWG?
Seat 2: Ginger Canadian who won the $1500 HORSE last year at the WSOP
Seat 3: RYPG who I've played with before.
Seat 4: RWG. Kinda frumpy but it's a HORSE tournament at Binions. What else should have I expected?
Seat 5: ROWG
Seat 6: Random Old Black Guy with a frumpy white mustache.
Seat 7: JD Brianfart N
Seat 8: Random White Lady with hairy forearms.

I put on a stud 8 clinic to go on a 8k upswing and go into the break with 26K.

Table break!

I get moved to table 19 seat 4. Frumpy white mustache guy is here and I'm sitting between two women. Indeed!

Our 1st hand of Omaha takes almost 6 minutes to complete. The dealer sucks as I had to tell him to stack the chips up for a split pot game and he waited till the river to do it.

And he shuffles slow. Bah!

Man this a redonkalous structure. We're already at 500/1000. Average is 22k. 22 big blinds per person and only 5 hours into the tourney.

I sound like Allen Kessler.

Finally get a playable razz hand but it's the first hand of stud. Getting blinded down fast. Lame!

On the last hand before break in stud 8 I get heads up with one of the table idiots. With 4 clubs showing I bet 3000 on 6th street. Seat 6 calls.

On 7th street I bet blind and make sure he sees it. Numbnuts tanks for all of 1 minute and calls with two pair 9s and 7s. Moron. I hope I hit that flush.

I look at my last card it's a 3. They that's trip 3s. Ship it!

I play goot!

30K on break.

I go on but of a heater in hold'ed and get up to 42k before I get cold decked by seat 9 in hands to go back down to 30k.

Bah!

Holy jeebus! We've already lost half the field.

Well I played that omaha hand poorly. 9 high flush and seat 9 called me down with aces full. 19k.

Just saw a guy get all in during razz with 10 9 10 showing vs A A 2, and he was actually ahead but ended up losing.

I guess I just save all my big hands for the last of the level. I get a guy all in with A 2 3 6 Q vs seat 4's A 2 3 4 T. Shit. I thought I was way ahead. Thank gawd for the 5 on 7th that gave me the pot.

35K.

Then I manage to lose 9k on the first hand of stud I play vs what could be Allen Kessler's older brother.

Then I have buried aces with a ten showing and the Frumpy guy from the 1st table calls with Q showing.

4th street is another ace. Bet. Call.

On 5th I hit an 8. Bet. Call.

6th brings another 8. He now has a pair of 3s on the board so I have to figure him for queens up. I check. He bets.

I raise him to 12,000, yeah blinds are big, and I only have 300 left.

He calls the 300 on 7th and the pot is shipped to me! 52K.

Yeah boy! I'm above average with 33 peeps left.

42K going into dinner break.

Think I ate a gut bomb at dinner. Might puke. I probably deserve it for eating at a fast food Indian place on Fremont Street.

First hand I play in hold'em I got 2 red queens. Big blind calls the raise.

The flop is As Ks 8s. Check. I bet. Call.

The turn is the Kc. Check check.

Guy checks in the dark.

River is the Qc. Ding!

Bet. Call. I show my hand. He shakes his head in disbelief. Well, that's what happens when you let me get free cards. Haha!

We consolidate down to 3 tables.

I got 60K and average is 66,666.

The last hand of hold'em, again, and Allen Kessler's older brother raise from the button. The small blind moves all in for 11K.

I call with Ac8c.

The Chainsaw's bro says "complete" and gets the bet up to 14K.

I call. The flop is Jc Tc Js.

Bet. Call.

The turn is 5s. Bet. Call.

The river is 3s. The guy that was all in walks away. I bet. The bro disgustingly throws his hand away.

I show my A8 to collect the pot and he yells, "that beats me!"

Lol. 95K.

Down to 16 peeps. I got 126K.

And after 2 hands of razz I'm out. With levels at 5,000/10,000 I get fucked with a wheel draw on 4th street in the 1st hand. In the 2nd hand, I think I river a wheel but I forgot that I need a 3 and now I have bull shit.

So... fucking... frustrated...

JDN

$560 PLO8 at the Venetian

2010-06-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

Had a late night dinner last night for a friend's birthday at Rare 120 at the Hard Rock and it's not sitting too well with me. First of all it gave me weird dreams.

I was invited to church with Gavin Smith. And I went. I know. Weird. My high school friend's Norwegian wife was there also.

After trying to find a parking place and introductions to the blue haired ladies of the congregation, we all stood up, held hands and walked over to the bountiful buffet. I reminded myself not to drink the cool aid.

Then I woke up with a stomach ache and a dreadful feeling that I had missed my tee time. The thing was, there was no golf scheduled on this day.

I was tripping balls. I blame the lobster quesadilla appetizer from last night. It got me fuuuucked up. (I've never said that about a food before)

After clearing away the cobwebs I head down to The Venetian for today PLO8 tournament. In the car I manage to spill orange juice AND cream cheese all over my shirt.

This is gonna be a trainwreck of a day.

15,000 in chips to start, 40 minute levels, and a decent structure. Sweet.

Table 65 seat 4

Table draw:

Seat 1: Random Fat White Guy. Big one. Same shape as Humpty Dumpty.
Seat 2: RYWG
Seat 3: Random Persian Guy
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: RWG with bad breath. Why are they always sitting next to me?
Seat 6: Random White Lady with bleached blond hair and bruises on her flabby overly tanned upper arms.
Seat 7: Random Asian Guy. Low SAG possibilities.
Seat 8: Jason Stern. I swear this guy is stalking me.
Seat 9: RWG

I swear I always have to sit next to some douche bag with dragon breath that doesn't know how to brush his teeth or how to eat a Tic Tac. He's horrible at this game too so hopefully I will bust his Breath Savor needing ass.

I'm slightly torturing Humpty Dumpty. Not playing big pits but just keeping him off balance so he keeps giving me chippies.

20K at break.

I have bottom set hold up against seat 2's top two nut low and nut flush draw to get up to 25K. That hand never holds up! Woot.

190 runners for today's tourney. That's pretty amazing for a new game that blossoming on the tourney circuit.

24K for 1st. I have goal.

Humpty Dumpty had a fire lit under his ass in the 200/400 level and raised every hand until the RPG busted him after they both flopped broadway and it came runner runner diamonds. Can't put it back together after that BS.

It's limped to me in the big blind and check with the monster hand of 9997. To make my hand worse the Th was exposed before the flop.

Since I brought this hand up, you have to assume the last 9 flopped. I did. 9 3 2 board. And I had top set. So I pot it to 1200 and the kid in seat 2 repots to 5k or so. He's only got 3K behind so I put him all in guessing at best he's got an under set or a wrap.

He shows 3457. Got some outs to dodge.

Turn 3. Sweet.

River King. Scooooop!

34K.

Table break and I move to table 64 seat 6. The next table to break. Bah!

Table 64 is a fairly tight table. Every other preflop pot is winning the blinds.

I bet it up to 1700 with AAQ8. The big blind, a RYWG in seat 2, calls.

Flop is Q 4 6. He checks. I bet 2700 he calls.

Turn is a J. He checks. I check thinking he's gonna hang himself if a face card falls.

River is a 9. Gotcha bitch. He bets 7000 and I quickly call. He shows A239. Ship it.

Table breaks.

Table 76 Seat 3.

Big pot on the last hand before break. I raise to 2100 with As3sKcJc and get called in two spots before the big blind, seat 9, repots it to 11,100.

I read seat 9 for mild retardation, so I put him on a bad A2 hand.

I call, so does the Euro in seat 6. The small blind is short and is getting the right price, but he folds. Later he said he had aces.

The flop falls 4 J 6 two diamonds. Seat 9 jams it in for about 7k. I repot to isolate and the Euro folds.

Mr 9 shows A28K two diamonds. Oops. I don't like my hand so much now. I'm ahead. Barely.

Turn 6. Lame.

River King no diamond. Aiyeah. Chop it.

49,400 at break.

Get moved to a new table with about 60K.

There's two old dudes here just shipping it with naked low draws and they're both sitting on 100K stacks.

I try to catch them and end up giving away half my stack before missing a low draw and busting.

Very disappointed. Gonna go beat my dog.

JDN

Binion's PLO8 $200

2010-06-11T00:03:00.000-07:00

I show up at Binion's at 12:03pm and there's no one in the poker room...

Fuck cock shit!

It doesn't start till 2pm. Damn it.

Guess I'll wander around Fremont St for 2 hours.

Once on Fremont St it takes of 3 minutes for someone to offer me some "really dank ganja.".

No thanks. I'll go to the "dank" El Cortez and play pai gow. Truthfully I had no idea how I got there but $5 pai gow seemed like the right thing to do with 2 hours to kill downtown.

1:45pm, I walk out of the El Cortez down $3.75. Only in pai gow is that possible.

Table 14 seat 9

15,000 in chips (cool) and 30 minute levels (that's a little quick).

Table draw:
Seat 1: Robert Goldfarb
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: RYWG, looks like an Internet Nerd
Seat 4: ROWG
Seat 5: Jason Stern
Seat 6: Random Latino Guy
Seat 7: Random Black Guy
Seat 8: RWG
Seat 9: JDN. I hate seat 9. Bah!

I manage to have the 2nd best hand every time I see the river and I'm down to 10k at the end of the second level.

Gonna have to play tighter now.

And I'm out. Flopped top set of kings vs old guy with a naked low draw and he hits runner runner straight and didn't even know it. Old guys are awesome.

Golden Nugget $225 PLO8

2010-06-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

I felt like shit today so I didn't write anything about the tournament.

I basically played the short stack all day and busted with about 15 to the money.

So I'll leave you with a picture of the Jewish Brett Michaels.

JDN

Back at it. Kinda.

2010-06-02T01:08:00.000-07:00

I pretty much gave up poker for the last 4 months to play video games and gain several pounds around my mid section. I considered not playing ever again but then I sobered up and figured I should give it another go round.

The only problem... I'm broke. Bankroll is nonexistent and I can't really pin point the exact reason for my financial failures but I sure it has to do with the fact I don't have the ability to balance a check book. Never mind that I don't have a job and no prospects of any sorts. So any of the WSOP tournies are out of the question so this summer. Looks like I'll playing at the Nugget this year.

There's several PLO8 tournaments spread between the various casino this summer and my goal to play as many of those as I can. I can probably find someone to buy my action in the WSOP $1500 and $5000 PLO8 events but I won't worry about those quite yet.

I'll also probably play some cash games, and a few Venetian tournaments along the way.

Soooo... Prepare for a summer full of fail!

In other news:

I was on Jon Friedberg's Under the Gun show that hosted by Card Player. Gavin Smith is also a guest and we talk about how bad our softball team is and some other shit that I have really right discussing in public.

Check out Under the Gun: Softball and Sponsorship Deals

And just a couple of days ago, I was on again, this time with Jeff Madsen and Joe Tehan as we played the Savage Invitational Golf Tournament in Temecula. (godamnit I look fat)

15th Annual Savage Golf Tournament

I shot like a cripple over the 3 days so I won't go through the pain of listening to me bitch about missing a put, drive, and or chip. I shot on average, 110 over the 3 days. So I'll just do a photo easy with some funny captions.

Day 1: Cross Creek Golf Course

1 good golfer and 3 morans.. Tehan is the good one btw.

Friedberg decides to pee next to the restrooms.

My closest to the pin for the bad players. Also got a skin this day but I don't know what hole.

After finishing the first day, I decided to celebrate with some poison oak in the eye.

Day 2: Red Hawk Golf Course

Day 2 sucked ass so this is only picture of the day. I wore pink. Nuff said.

Day 3: Journey at Pechanga

Lots of gambling going on today. Probably the funnest round of golf I've played.

Teh Ghey

Another closest to the pin for the bad players. Got half a skin here too

The 6th hole. Amazing.

Madsen looking for his ball on the 6th hole.

Friedberg showing off for Tehan's gf Lisa

Madsen's water shot. Took two tries.

My biggest golf win evar! $640.

And finally... Pechanga, WTF?

JDN

$500 Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo LAPC

2010-02-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

Possibly my last stab at a Commerce tourney this year, one can only torture one's self so much.

Table 32 seat 3

4000 in chips
40 minute levels
Mah favorite game!

Table draw:
Seat 1: Random Middle Aged Lady who looks like Sabyl Cohen's mini me
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: Random Mexican Guy in a wheelchair. He sucks at PLO8 btw. He's always showing his big folds when he probably shouldn't have seen a flop in the first place.
Seat 6: RAG with zero SAG factor.
Seat 7: RPG that plays every hand. I'm gonna get all his chips.
Seat 8: RWG
Seat 9: RYWG

Sabyl's mini me busts out when she mis-reads her hand thinking she had the nut flush draw when in actuallity she had the ole' 6 high flush draw. Oops. An bald RPG takes her seat.

The old RPG in seat 7 bluffs me off a hand with the board reading 3 4 J 9 3. I have A3KQ. He fires a pot size bet on the river, about 2500, half my stack. I can only put him on 34.

I fold showing my 3. He shows A256. Argh! I'm going to get you, you fuckwit.

AhKh7c7s vs RPG's A289 board Jh Tc 6h Qs x. Triple up to 9k

Level two is the same as level 1. Blinds at 25/25. Cool beans.

9000 at break.

2348 vs RAG's AAAT vs RPG's QcJcTs9c. Board 4c 8c Kd 6h 8s. Scoop huge 21K pot.

Annnd that's the last thing I wrote. I end up going to the final table as chip leader with 145K.

DAY 2

I'm 45 minutes late to the final table because of this:

Yeah, that's the 10 freeway in LA. But it don't matter, I win the thing beating Chris Bjorn heads up in 5 hands. He had a 2 to 1 chip lead on the first hand. Ship it!

About fucking time! I quit.

JDN

$500 HORSE LAPC

2010-01-30T00:46:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm back here for more torture. I've never run this bad over so many tournaments. I might as well drink a bottle of bleach.

So I start out the day with a burrito from Poquito Mas, walk over to Hot Rod afterwards and buy a pair of Chukas, because new shoes are always lucky, and I make it from West LA to the Commerce in 20 minutes.

Those are all pretty good signs.

4000 in chips
40 minute levels
High card for the button
High card for the game... Stud 8
Autobots rollout!!!

Table 25 seat 1 (That sucks)

Seat 1: JDN (LAME!!!)
Seat 2: RPG
Seat 3: Young tight kid from the other Omaha tourney. He must not be stoned today cause he's talking to the table.
Seat 4: ROPG
Seat 5: RWG
Seat 6: ROWG that has a huge red nose that looks like a used cock.
Seat 7: RAndom Mexican Guy
Seat 8: ROWG

See these are the type of tables I'm used to. Lots of crotchey old dudes.

We start in stud 8 and early on I hit broadway on 7th street with Kings showing against two low draws. Or so I think.

I raise seat 8 and seat 6 folds his busted low draw. Seat 8 reraises me with 3s showing. I guess he's got a low straight. Prob gonna chop anyway so I just call.

He's got rolled down 6s for 6s full of 3s... It fucking never ends.

I win I nice sized pot in Omaha to get back to starting stack. I'm pretty amazed that the board didn't pair to kill mah flush.

Sweet! I get to be the bring in for 6 out of 8 hands in stud.

The dealer just tried to shuffle the cards and lost her handle of the deck, thus showering me in cards. Awesome.

I finally win a big hand when I fill up on 7th street agaist Cocknose's aces up.

4600 at break. I'm above starting stack! It pays to play like a crotchey old man.

Get off my lawn!!!

We have a r'tarded dealer who's never chopped a pot or dealt Omaha. Seat 8 is chopping pots for her.

I try to bluff the Latin guy on a Q J J 4 8 board in Omaha. I raised him on the turn representing a J and he called me down with top pair. It's good.

The very next hand I flop quad jacks, get reraises on the turn and the guy in seat 2 folds to my capped bet. Bah!

Cocknose has been all in predflop twice with 175 and 125 left in chips respectively. I also had him all in in razz with my A 2 3 4 draw vs his 8 7 5 draw. He won.

He did the same thing to the kid on seat 3. I'm changing his name to Cocknose the Cockroach.

The Mexican and Cocknose the cockroach should probably start a club. They're both morons who just seem to win through ignorance.

Cocknose the Cochroach finally busts.

Starting stack at 2nd break.

First hand back from break I have the big blind. I have TTT8 and win the hand with a straight. Sweet.

I didn't write anything after that so I have to assume I busted in some horrible fashion.

JDN

(insert funny pic here)

$500 OE (Omaha hi lo & stud 8) LAPC

2010-01-29T12:33:00.000-08:00

I buy in a little late, bad late night burrito, so I get see who will be at my table in line.

4000 in chips
40 minute levels
Prepare for failure

Table 14 seat 5

Table draw:

Seat 1: Miami John Cernuto
Seat 2: Steve Wong
Seat 3: RWG with a Mariners hat on. I've played with him a few different times.
Seat 4: Random Black Lady
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: RPG
Seat 7: RWG that I've played with before. He kinda looks like Steve Young.
Seat 8: RPG

Miami gets picked up and that creepy ginger Dan Hiemiller takes his spot.

In spectacular fashion I make an 8 high flush and a 7 low in stud 8 and get scooped by Seat 8's full house and Steve Wong's 6 low.

FML.

But wait it continues...

Typical shit. When I call with the bad low I lose. When I fold the bad low I would have gotten half. Stud 8 is killing me.

Omaha... Not so bad. It's keeping me alive even though I'm down to half a starting stack.

I finally win a big hand in Omaha, but I had to call a cap bet preflop with 2c 3s Tc Qh. I turned the straight and got paid off in 2 spots.

3825 at break.

I have declared that there will be no time traveling at this table.

I miss two huge scoop draws in omaha to get back down to 2100.

At least I'm not the first one out of the tourney. 3 down so far out of 131.

Peter, the cat that looks like Steve Young, hit a diamond royal and I called him down with the low. Too bad it was 3 handed and I had the 2nd best low.

Somehow I get down to 1000, well I know how, in Stud 8. So me being me I have the 2c showing. In stud the low up card brings in. Kinda of like a blind. So I bring...

Oh fuck it. I got all in 3 handed with a huge chance to scoop but I chopped it with the chick next to me and I doubled up kinda.

3000 at break. I suck.

I bust Steve Wong when I hit a 2 outter on 7th and promptly dump those newly won chips to Steve Young Jr when I again miss my straight and low.

Table break.

Table 3 seat 1

I got 2500 and we have Steve Young Jr, Frankie O'Dell, Ozzie, and Bigfoot at the table.

Oh sweet! 1250 now!

Outsky. Tried to squeeze out low against two high hands and I was given two pair for my troubles against Steve Young's full house.

JDN

$335 Stud 8 LAPC

2010-01-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

$335 Obamaha Hi/Lo LAPC

2010-01-29T12:22:00.000-08:00

Recovered from my barfy Saturday and my car breakdown Sunday I wait till Tuesday to get back in action. And that action is Omaha Hi / Lo aka Old Man's Torture.

It takes me 1:15 to get to the Commerce in the rain so I buy in right at the start time of 4:00pm. I get to my table and there's no dealer and no chips. And all the peeps who were around me in line, are at my table. WTF? Is this the WSOP?

Table 54 seat 7...
3000 in chips ...
40 minute levels ...
It's go time!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

"I think I have a low."

"there is no low."

Table draw:

Seat 1: Random Peruvian Guy (that's a new one). I can tell cause he's got one of this funny English hats on and all he's missing is a pan flute.
Seat 2: Pau Gasol. Not the real Pau Gasol, who's on TV right now, but he looks just like him minus a foot.
Seat 3: an oldtimer named Ozzie that I used to play with at Hollywood Park years ago.
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: Random Persian Guy who might be the very worst Omaha player I've ever seen. He's in every pot and calls every single one down.
Seat 6: Random White Chick
Seat 7: JDN
Seat 8: Random Old White Guy. At least 70 and oddly enough the only RPWG at the table.
Seat 9: RYWG. Our own little Allen Kessler. So tight I don't know why he is even looking at the hands.

With blinds at 25/25 there's no reason to raise preflop so I just call or limp pre and see play the flops. It seems to be working for me so far as I've scooped several pots in the first two levels.

I drill Ozzie when I limp with AAxx and I fill up on turn. I slow played it, then after he filled up on the river we cap it, I scoop it, and the dealer ships it.

Yeah boy!

The guy in seat 5 is trying so hard to bust but he's chopping just enough pots to keep his head above water.

3300 at break. I had 4600 but I caught the ass end of a straight against Ozzie and I called it down like a donk.

First hand back from break I limp with 2456 rainbow, a awesome Badugi if there ever was, and I flop the wheel four handed. Checked around. I turn the 7 high straight, checked around. I finally the river and everyone folds. Blargh.

Table break!

At table 41 I know a couple peeps. Seat 4 is my golfing buddy Carol and in seat 6 is Linda Johnson.

I lose a big hand with AA68 vs KKJ7.

Mark Gergorich moves to seat 3. This table sucks.

But then it gets better. I flop a straight against Carol and she donates a bit.

I make a hero call with AAxx on a multi-way pot with the board reading J 8 6 Q Q and it's good.

I hit and open ended straight draw on the turn and scoop a nice pot from the Asian guy in seat 2.

Hey I think Suzie Issacs is in seat 1.

Hey I just busted Suzie Issacs with the nut flush.

Hey Suzie Issacs has giant knockers.

Holy shit! There's a guy hulking out at table 34! There's gonna be a fight! Looks like the floor man, not Matt Savage, wants to get involved.

It's diffused. Bah!

My friend Kung Fu calls me at 7:30 to ask if I want to go get some drinks. He knows that I started the tourney at 4. I tell him I'm still in and he says "really?"

Fuckers.

Table break!

Table 31 seat 9.

The only one I recognize here is Chris "Hey I'm Really an Ewok" Bigler. He only lasts a few hands before busting.

I got around 8K. Which is double average.

And then I'm out. Couldn't win a hand once I got moved to the new table and I was in seat 9 which is the unlucky seat.

BAH!

JDN!

$335 1 Million Guarantee LAPC

2010-01-24T14:03:00.000-08:00

Day 3.

I drove in from Vegas last night to buy in and avoid the all too familiar alternate line.

In case if you don't know, it's monsoon season in the southwest.

And apparently is snows during monsoons too.

It was fairly uneventful save the van taking a 70 mph left turn into the center divider while coming into Barstow.

The next morning I begin my trek inland to the Commerce in another torrential downfall. Really is this LA?

I arrive at the casino at 11:55am, perfect. After a quick jaunt up to the ballroom, I see that the tourney doesn't start till 1pm.

....

Shiiiiiiiiiiite.

Fast forward 1 hour:

Table 62 seat 4
3000 in chips, 40 minute levels, blinds start at 25/25.

With blinds at 25/25 there's no fold equity preflop so I would imagine that there will be very little folding preflizzle.

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG wearing his free Commerce shirt.
Seat 2: RYAG with a set of buck teeth that could stab your eyes out. He seems fairly new to poker.
Seat 3: ROAG who is the king of the limpers.
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: empty
Seat 6: RAG
Seat 7: ROWG with a cowboy hat that looks like he should have been on Bonanza.
Seat 8: Random White Chick who I played with last night in a $80 single table. My read: Agro luckbox
Seat 9: ROWG that's trying to engage everyone in conversation. Can't you see I have headphones on old man?!
Seat 10: RAG

And I'm out

Got it in with AT on a Ten high board vs the Aces of the chick that I played the night before. She busted me in that tourney too. Luckbox.

I'm out so fast that its too early for me to buy in into the tournament for the next day. I gotta kill and hour and a half. Fuck.

Might as well go see if I can win my buy in at the cash games.

In win $400 in 45 minutes at a 2/3 no limit game. I love the Commerce.

Unfortunately I work up the next morning all barfy and couldn't play. Lame.

Next for me: Omaha 8 on Tuesday.

JDN

Heartland Poker Tour Main Event

2010-01-24T13:49:00.000-08:00

I win $100 playing video poker before the start of the tourney, so this trip to the Red Rock Casino won't be a total waste no matter what.

I get to my seat, the tourney starts, I win a couple of hands, I'm feeling good... And the... Holy Shit!!

I jump outta my seat and b-line it to the restroom.

I pass Tiffany-Michelle on the way and say, "hicanttalkGOTTAPOOP!!!"

I make it to a clean vessel no less than two seconds from detonation.

Whyaaaaaaaarrrrfgggghhhhhhhh!!!!1!

Once back in the pokerroom, I feel 5 pounds lighter and ready to get it going!

So I promptly bluff off 7K in chips while I was playing the board. I put the guy on a flush draw and when it didn't get I was agressible. He made the crying call on a paired board with middle pair.

Table 8 Seat 7

15,000 in chips, 40 minute levels, shitty structure.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG. I've taken half of his chips, then handed them over to seat 8.
Seat 2: ROWG that I played with in the super satellite. He sucks.
Seat 3: ROWG sporting the gold necklace and hairy chest circa 1983
Seat 4: Doug "The Toolbox" Lee
Seat 5: ROWG aka Shakes. His hands are twitching like a mofo.
Seat 6: Vinny Vinh. He smells like stale cigarettes.
Seat 7: JDN
Seat 8: RWG who I gave 7K to for being r'tarded.
Seat 9: Random Asian Guy, def not a SAG.
Seat 10: RPG

Doug Lee out! He play bad.

17K at break.

Down to 11,500 by virtue of checkdowns. Awesome.

I think I lose the minimum preflop with TT in the big blind when the RPG in seat 10 limp reraises to 12K. He shows AA.

8K.

Vinny Vinh out. So is the Poker Kat.

6K. I don't like this trend.

Jon Friedberg get moved to the table next to me and has 50K. FML.

The old guy that took Vinny Vinh's seat is wearing a WSOP bracelet. It had to be the seniors event in 92.

I move all in with 77 in early position and everyone folds. Pussys.

Its raised by the button while I'm in the small blind with QJ and I snap move in for the rest of my chips. The button snap calls with KQ.

GG.

JDN

Venetian Nooner

2010-01-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

I thought it was a $125 buy in but I forgot that it was Saturday, since I never know what day it is, and the buy in is $340. That's a little steep for the ole' bankroll nowadays... Oh well I drove all the way down here. Fuck it!

Table 51 Seat 8

I think we started with 10k in chips, I didn't bother to count and we got 40 minute levels. I think. I'm watching playoff football. I can't be bothered with details.

Table draw:
Seat 1: Random White Guy
Seat 2: empty
Seat 3: Random Persan Guy who I've played with before. He thinks he's good but he sucks. So he's probably better than me.
Seat 4: RWG with a teal and purple Zoo York hoodie/windbreaker thing that he should not be wearing. It totally clashes withhis gingery pale white skin.
Seat 5: Random Older White Guy
Seat 6: Random Really Old White Guy
Seat 7: RPG aka the human rain delay. This guy is killing me. Thank god football is on. Let's hear it for the over on the Jets / Bengals game!
Seat 8: JDN
Seat 9: Random White Bloke. (he's british and a big one too)
Seat 10: RWG who looks like he's been on a 3 day martini bender.

The line is 34 1/2 points for the Jets & Bengals game. And I got a big TV to my right. Sweet!

Zoo York Ginger snaps my AJ off with 93 on a A Q 9 6 3 board. Lovely.

Bengals score.

13K at first break.

I win a big pot with 22 on a 2h 4h 4c flop in a hand with seat 1. I bet out at the flop and he min raises me. Looks like an over pair or a flush draw. I just call.

The turn is an ace. That could be a good card for him or it's gonna scare him out of the hand. I check he checks. Guess it's a flush draw or a pair of tens.

The river is the 7h. Well if he has the flush he's going to raise me if I bet out. If he's got tens he's gonna fold to a bet and check behind a check.

I bet 3500 and he folds. Bah!

The Jets score! Yay!

I'm in a big hand facing an all in bet from the Big Bloke on a board of Th 7s Js 9s. I got Qd Td.

Then the Jets score again! Yes. I can fold happy now. I fold.

14 to 7 at half time. Over bets looking good!

A Russian looking chick sits down in seat 2. She looks mean. Vodka drunk mean. I'll be sure to stay outta her way.

I just realized that this is the first time I've played a live tourney since Canada in Novmember. I didn't do a post on that trip because it sucked ass. Like all things poker for me at the moment.

The Human Rain Delay busts and all is right with the world.

The old guy in seat 6 just took off his shoes, which he had a hard time reaching cause of his big ole' saggy old man gut.

Bengals miss a field goal! FML! Someone fire that kicker!

I'm card dead but then... The Jets score a touchdown!!1! Yes. I only need 7 points in the 4th quarter. C'mon motherfuckers!

The dealer is too fat to push chips to players beyond the grasp of his Snickers Bar fingers so he's just kinda of shoveling them at players. I might need some eye protection.

Bengals score!!! Ship the over!

Then I take KK against the old man's AT and over course he hits an ace on the river to bust me. He stands up shoots and invisible arrow over the table and does a dance before trying to shake my hand.

I stare at the hand in front of me. WTF? I tell him to go fuck himself.

Well at least I win my football bet.

I'm so steamed now that I walk down to Aria to try out its new poker room.

Aria:

There's no cell phone service in the poker room. Fuck this place. I'm outta here.

Venetian 7pm

I sit down a little late play a few hands before I flop two pair with A2 on a A 2 6 board. I get all in vs a player with AK and the king hits on the river. Typical.

On my way out the Venetian I see a tweet from Mark Seif saying that Amir Vahedi died.

Fuuck.

I'm going to miss that close talking, cigar breath having bastard.

RIP My Friend

JDN

2009 Poker Twitterers Awards

2010-01-04T14:21:00.000-08:00

The Funniest Twitterer Award goes to: @ComplainSaw

This is another anonymous account. This person seems to have a direct line to the thoughts and rational of Allen "Chainsaw" Kessler. Be it a bad tournament structure or the correct usage of comp points, @complainsaw gives us an amazing insight into one of poker's most... unusual minds.

@ComplainSaw highlights:

yawn. someone alert the media again. RT @allenkessler The bellagio 5k horse structure does NOT get thechainsaaw seal of approval
3:03 PM Dec 8th, 2009 from web

I am Kessler's Buffalo Bill. "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose"
3:01 PM Dec 7th, 2009 from web

I am Brandon Cantu's raging case of oral hemorrhoids. (@brandoncantu)
8:53 PM Nov 30th, 2009 from web

I am the Ralph Wiggum of Poker
1:38 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from web

I am Kessler's ability to tweet and fold at the same time
2:23 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from web

I am Kessler's simmering paranoia
1:11 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from web

Kessler Translation: Tourneys should play like cash games. Don't pressure me out of my comfort zone or expand my range to QQ.
10:33 AM Nov 21st, 2009 from web

Caught a cheater today at the buffet. He was using multiple plates per trip, an obvious angle shooter.
9:01 AM Nov 21st, 2009 from web

Keep it going @ComplainSaw!

The What the What Twitterer Award goes to: @MarcelLuske

We all know that Marcel is a bit of a nutter, we've seen it on his televised table appearances. Upside down glasses, the singing, the accent. None of it really makes a whole lotta sense. So it shouldn't surprise you that his twittering is just as random and confusing as ever. To top it all off, he's apparently launched his first album.

R U Ready 4 the best year of yr life,,2010,,,, the PCA bahamas,beats & victory,s,,, sun & fun...you,l better...cause we R...C U there, {;
2:33 AM Dec 29th, 2009 from web

vegassssssssssssssssssssss,,,prepair some sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss,,lol
12:20 PM Dec 9th, 2009 from web

We All state By Joking partly the truth with{out} knowing it,{B carefull what you wish 4} then After,it take,s a brave heart 2 admit that{;
5:11 AM Dec 6th, 2009 from web

moving problems to next week will not solve them,, taking time 2 do correct judgement does !
1:02 PM Nov 25th, 2009 from web

learn 2 enjoin the joy of others and C how how it make,s you happy as well,,Try it,,even when I know its hard 4 U grompy,s,,LOL
5:30 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from web

i know U dont have a clou what i,m talking about,, lets keep it like that,, grom..grom..,LOL
9:29 AM Nov 24th, 2009 from web

so retarded,,,hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
4:21 PM Oct 30th, 2009 from web

Wait! What?

The Meanest/Sometimes Funny Poker Twitterer Award goes to: @AsianSpa

No one really knows who Asian Spa is. He's crass, obnoxious, and sometimes damn funny. His tweets are repetitive and shallow, but you have to admit, the man likes to speak his mind. Latest rumor is that Asian Spa is actually our very own Jon Friedberg... The truth is out there, somewhere.

@AsianSpa highlights:

@Lara_Miller Are u reping @fat_david_benyamine ? I am trying to get ahold of him for a Jenny Craig deal and Subway is showing interest also
about 5 hours ago from web in reply to Lara_Miller

@laceyjones it isnt like anyone goes to your website anyway.
about 20 hours ago from mobile web

@hollywood_dave u sir could not service @tiffnymichelle right so she blew u out, now u wear UB patches to go to the grocery. Get –a-Life
4:44 PM Dec 18th, 2009 from web

@MariaHo sounds like somebody needed "Crack Spakle"
10:46 AM Dec 10th, 2009 from web in reply to MariaHo

@crissangel went to your show last week and boy did it SUCK
1:09 PM Nov 11th, 2009 from web

@back2backflack Layne your a True Fuck Head
2:49 PM Nov 7th, 2009 from web in reply to back2backflack

@dennis_phillips Your shit gets old sir.. Your podcast is like listening to dave stann talk about his cock size
8:58 PM Nov 3rd, 2009 from mobile web

@joesebok theres selling out, and selling out... U fucked the fans
9:51 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from mobile web

We hate @brandoncantu!
7:09 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from mobile web

@JonFriedberg what are u doing on MLK buying crack or hookers?
2:35 PM Oct 28th, 2009 from web in reply to JonFriedberg

Congrats @AsianSpa

The Laziest Twitterer of the Year award goes to: @BrandonCantu

I think Cantu is just trying to save time and energy by not writing complete sentences, hell he isn't even writing complete words.

Out
4:30 PM Jan 5th from txt

Hpy nye
9:54 PM Dec 31st, 2009 from txt

Mry xms
9:59 AM Dec 25th, 2009 from txt

Hpy thxgvg
11:46 AM Nov 26th, 2009 from txt

144k cant win a race
3:59 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from txt

w holds to 82k
4:25 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from txt

4 of 6
12:29 AM Nov 5th, 2009 from txt

Chipleader hu
6:39 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from txt

414k done
8:32 PM Oct 23rd, 2009 from txt

cngrts

The most Honest Twitterer of the Year Award goes to: @ToddBrunson

Todd just doesn't give a fuck. I like that.

@SavagePoker Ya you need to work on that piece of crap!!!
11:32 PM Jan 2nd from web

Merry Christmas to all!! Well cept the Jews and the Muslims. To u guys.. Happy Hanukkah and Ramadan.. Or whatever
1:27 PM Dec 25th, 2009 from txt

Lady gaga could kick ur ass!!!!
8:53 PM Dec 17th, 2009 from txt

Genius put all his chips in with middle pair
8:12 PM Dec 15th, 2009 from txt

What an idiot. I'm bb he's sb. He limps. Flop 345 he checks and I push
8:03 PM Dec 12th, 2009 from txt

And my stupid sister Pam
7:52 PM Dec 12th, 2009 from txt

I proceded to tell her how that place has gone down hill and that's why no poker players go there anymore
12:23 AM Dec 3rd, 2009 from txt

I really think if JFK and LBJ had eaten Vietnamese soup they wouldn't have been in such a hurry to go to war with them
12:55 AM Nov 18th, 2009 from txt

We are the only white ppl in here and everyone is staring at us
6:31 PM Nov 3rd, 2009 from txt

Down to 12 players. If I make it to 10 maybe I'll stake that bitch Lara miller since she came all this way
10:35 PM Oct 9th, 2009 from txt

This trophy sucks!

The Most Annoying Twitterer Award of the Year goes to: @jeffmadsenobv

Obv. Turn off that stupid horoscope that auto posts every day and fills up my twitter with BS. Post more conspiracy theories, that always gives us something to laugh at. Even his picture is too big. Obv.

Annoying, like a skinny rapping ginger

The Twitter Fight of the Year: @allenkesslar & @savagepoker

<

This was like watching to Star Trek nerds duke it out over the topic of who was the best captian in Trek history. Kirk or Picard? Picard or Kirk? Hey look at those two pale guys with the noodley arms slap box!

This orginally started in a 2+2 thread, that you can find here, but then it didn't take too long for it to spill into the halls of the Twitter-verse.

Here are a few of the highlights:

RT @allenkessler: Finished 4th in palms 25k winner take all ;( That's your best finish in a while..... Maybe the fast structure suits you!
12:38 AM Dec 5th, 2009 from Echofon

55 X 2 = 86 is @allenkessler Math?
1:36 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from Echofon in reply to allenkessler

@AllenKessler Can you seethe marquee in the distance? http://twitpic.com/qozgd
4:25 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from Echofon

Enough about @mymixednuts already. ......
6:16 PM Dec 19th, 2009 from twidroid

People complaining here about the fast limit structure. @savagepoker yours are even faster than this.
3:22 PM Dec 1st, 2009 from txt

@savagepoker youre embarrassing yourself. They played 90 min levels at venetian and day 1 was 3 hours longer than yours
3:18 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from txt

@savagepoker people dont want to play a main event where half bust by dinner and 80% out day 1 either. Borgata falls midway between.
5:40 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from txt

@savagepoker continues to make fun of me on twitter, perhaps there is some merit in my comparisons. Both venetian and borgata give more
1:06 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from txt

2 dead giveaways that @savagepoker main event structres need work. 1) half the field out by dinner 2) avg stack 5x starting chips end day 1
10:09 AM Nov 21st, 2009 from txt

Savage brought out the big guns in the 2+2 thread:

To the Chainsaw: Please avoid the LA Poker Classic if you are going to nit me everyday for more chips, longer levels, and buffet comps!

Advantage: Savage

Structure Fail Trophy

JDN

Listen here you douchebag!

2009-12-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

Quit fucking spamming my blog! Or I'm going to do this to you.

fuckwit.

$340 + $10 Floor Staff Bonus Venetian Deep Stack Tournament

2009-11-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

Is that Layne Flack on the left?

I get to the Venetian about an hour before the start of the tourney to meet up with a hot MILF for breakfast. The inherent problem with MILFs is the whole kids "thing."

Damn toddlers got me stood up.

I did the next best thing and had breakfast with old man Katkin. Not nearly as hot but at least he puts out.

12K in chips, 40 minute levels, here we go.

Table 29 seat 2

And the table breaks. Damn it. It's the greatest table evar! 3 old people who are clueless, a couple of young dudes swinging the poker cocks around, a female Asian commerce player and a crazy agro middle aged white chick. Epic.

I make a couple thousand before the table breaks and I'm sent out to the loud ass casino.

Table 67 seat 6

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: Random Internet Nerd
Seat 3: Random Internet Nerd #2
Seat 4: empty
Seat 5: empty
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: ROWG from the first table.
Seat 8: Random Club Bro. Affliction shirt, check. Muscles, check. Bad tattoos, check. Bad hair, check.

And my table breaks. WTF?!

At least I pick up aces on the last hand before the table breaks.

New table 45 seat 5

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 2: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 3: RWG with bad skin and thinning hair.
Seat 4: Random Latino Guy with sunglasses.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: Random Internet Nerd
Seat 7: RWG
Seat 8: RLG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 9: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 10: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.

I see a theme here.

The idiot in seat 8 just announced that he folded a set of 6s on a flop 6 5 4. He's such a r'tard, that I believe him.

Just saw the greatest hand ever! EVAR!

The R'tard in seat 8 raises to 850 with blinds at 100/200. The slow guy in seat 9 calls but he can't count so it takes about 3 minutes to get his chips out past the blind. I fold my big blind, Tc4c, and the flops falls Qh Th 6h.

The R'tard bets 300 and the slow guy snap moves in for 10K. Wait! What?

All kinds of awesomeness going down on this table.

21K at break.

Argument about playing brick breaker while in a hand just broke out between the r'tard, floor, and the ROWG in seat 10. I swear I'm riding the short bus.

Blargh. I raise to 1100 in early position with 55 and slow guy moves in for just under 7K. Then the big guy in the Phillies hat moves all in for less than 5K. Meh.

I call. The slow guy shows KQ off and the big guys shows AJ off. I got no chance.

The flop is K T Q. Slow guy walks away.

Blank blank and big guy rakes the main pot and someone has to grab the slow guy and tell him he's won the side pot.

Still got 26K.

Random Club Bro gets moved to my table.

Dude!

Sweet!

With blinds at 300/600 50 I'm on the big blind and the old guy in seat 10, who I now realize is wearing two hats, limps. The big guy in seat 2 raises to 2500. And then I pick up a tell...

Every time this middle aged woman comes over and talks to him he raises the hand. She's a mildly attractive 45 year old with a exposed midriff and a midlife crisis bellybutton piercing swimming around in her loose 2.3 kids belly skin.

He wants to tap that. But they're just friends.

Obv he's in love. He wants to show off.

I reraise to 8000 with Kh7h. I don't mind if the old guy with two hats moves in for his 10K. I just want smack the big guy with a boner down.

They both fold. Ha ha!

Embarrassing iPod song of the day: Clumsy by Fergie.

33K at break.

Just from break I loose 25K with JJ vs KK. The razor sunglasses lady to my left just flat called my reraise of 6500 and snap shoved on the flop of T 9 3.

It looked like a stop'n'go, which I gave her credit for knowing what that was.

15k as the table breaks.

Don't last long at this table as I'm blinded down to 8 big blinds before a I shove with Jd4d from the small blind. I hit a 4 at least.

Gonna go home and do this.

JDN

$340 Venetian Deep Stack

2009-11-06T00:35:00.000-08:00

It's a bright and sunny day in Vegas. Everything is new and clean. I'm wearing some nice clean Air Max 95s. I put new music on my iPod. The dogs let me sleep till 11am.

All is good.

I get to the Venetian but I forgot my players card. No worries. I'll just get another one from the guy at the table that looks like Jimmy Fricke's mini me.

I buy in for $340 and the TD tells me that it's $350 if I want the extra 2000 in chips for the dealer bonus. I say no thanks. (mostly cause I'm too lazy to dig through my pocket to find another $10).

After they take the 2000 out if my stack I realize that my iPod isn't charged. But that's ok, I have a back up. It's all good.

$10,000 in chips, 40 minute levels.

Table 16 seat 6

Table draw aka Holy shit I swear I'm in Atlantic City!:

The table is full bedazzled shirts and looks to be 80% east coasters. This should a great table.

Annnnd then it breaks. But that's ok, the next table is going to be even better.

I get to the new table with 9725.

Table 71 seat 9

Table draw:
Seat 1: Random Black Guy wearing a WSOPC ring on each hand. Tacky!
Seat 2: Random White Guy with an Ed Hardy shirt.
Seat 3: Random Older White Guy with a Jagermiester hat on.
Seat 4: Random Younger White Guy with a voice like Louis Armstrong.
Seat 5: Random Asian Guy. SAG factor: low. Ed Hardy shirt is a go!
Seat 6: Random White Guy with lots of studs and shiny things on his hat and shirt. Brand unknown.
Seat 7: Random Older White Guy.
Seat 8: A younger version of Miami John that doesn't speak English.
Seat 9: JDN
Seat 10: Busted as soon as I sat down.

Hey there's Jon Friedberg! He comes over say hi and I pick up AK. Sweet! I get it all in on the river when the board runs out 8s 7c Kc 7h Ad. The RBG with the rings calls and I double up. Thanks Friedberg.

A few hands later Friedberg is back after busting on his first hand played and I pick up KK and take down the 10k pot on the turn.

Wow Friedberg is a lucky bitch. We should go to the craps table. Lady luck is on my side when he's around.

24k at break.

Back from break and I see a raised multiway flop with AK. The flop comes out Ad Kh 2h. The Ed Hardy Asian, who, btw also has an Ed Hardy hoodie and was the original raiser, bets out 2400. I raise him to 6500. Rest of the table folds.

He moves all in. I call and he shows AQ. Dominated. Sahweet!

The turn is a Q. But it's ok. I know I'm not going to get bad beat.

The river is a 3. See? Positive thinking. It works for me sometimes.

Dave Stann aka Hollywood Dave is at the table behind me and he just got the floor called on him for too much ass crack. Ha. Guess he's trying to be a plumber too.

The super bedazzled/studded guy in seat 6 is officially the human rain delay.

Table break! I really liked that table. But it's ok because my next table will be even better.

Nothing really interesting going on at table 53 except the Asian guy in seat 7 with about 70k in front of him.

I'm back in seat 9.

I bust a guy for a 20k pot when my A high flush bests his J high flush

Now I got 70K.

4:10pm: iPod dies. But it's ok. I have a backup.

A little over 70K at break.

Thinking about betting on the Fedor fight.

After break I decide to turn up the heat on these motherfuckers... Heineken!

Then the waitress forgets my beer. But it's ok. She'll be back around in no time.

I run my first successful bluff of the day when I fire a bullet on turn and river on a board of A Q Q K 2 with 33. I put the big guy in seat 6 on a weak ace or a medium pair. He checked every street to me so I knew he didn't really like his hand and I knew he didn't have a queen after the check call on the turn.

9000 value looking bet on river and he folds it.

88K.

The super SAG in seat 7 is trying his hardest to dust off all his chips. He's sitting on 30k now. Down 100k. Oops.

I dunno if it was a bad play or not but I check raised a guy on a K 7 Q to 15000 with AJ. He tanked it for a few minutes before saying nice hand and putting all his chips in the middle. Moron. He had KJ and it held.

Down to 60k. But that's ok because I'm still 20k above average.

I bust the crazy Asian lady in seat 10 with 55 vs her AQ. I get about 24k from her.

I go into the break with about 90k.

First hand after break the Super SAG raises to 11600 under the gun with blinds at 800/1200. Wait what?

I look down at JJ. The SAG has about 30k left and he's so damn fishy. I raise to 30K. It gets back around to him and he calls pretty quick with the Ac6c.

:-)

He flops a 6 but I river a jack. Haha!

126K. Yeah boy!

Overheard in the bathroom at break: Did you guys pee on your fingers?

Stopped taking notes after dinner break because I ate at Chipotle and went into food coma. My phone was also dying so I twitted a little bit and here they are:

120k at dinner break. Average 50k. 88 players left. 36 pay. I like my spot.
7:37 PM Nov 3rd from Echofon

Rocking 160k with 50 players left got a bunch of Internet nerds at my table.10:41 PM Nov 3rd from Echofon

Busted 5 from the money. Had double average with 10 to the money. FML. I hate poker.11:51 PM Nov 3rd from Echofon

This is how I roll.

And there goes my positive attitude.

JDN

WSOP day 2b & Dream Team Poker

2009-07-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

Sadly this is my first day 2 in a no limit event at the World Series.

Sadly I have a starting stack.

Sadly there's traffic out in front of the Rio.

Sadly, I'm very happy to still be in after being card dead on the first day.

I get to my seat around 12:10pm and the tourney still hasn't started. Nice!

First hand of the tourney I look down at AQ and raise it to 1500. Or so I think. I look down and it's only 1100. Feck!

Big blind calls and I miss the flop. He picks it up on the turn. Lame.

When I'm the big blind it's folded to small blind, who've I've already pegged as a douche bag, insta raises to 1500.

I look down at AT and reraise to 4500. He moves in. Gagh!

He can be on nothing pretty easy here because I should fold this pretty easy. I fold telling him "I'll catch him later."

Good line huh?

Down to 26K.

An orbit later the older lady in seat 6, just after losing a big hand, makes it 3000 to go with blinds at 250/500. That's a little aggressive.

I look down at KK and move in. She's got about 7000 behind. So she's pretty much committed to calling. If she understands what that means.

She does call and shows AQ. Kings hold up and I scoop the pot.

Up to 40K. High point!

Brasilia Room. Table 210 Seat 8.

Table draw:
Seat 1: RYWG
Seat 2: RWG aka The Mustache. Holy moley this guy put Magnum PI to shame.
Seat 3: RAG that looks like Tetsuo from Akira. Tetsuo!!!!!!
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: RWG that may or may not be Kenny Powers brother.
Seat 6: RWOL... Oops busto. Ok it's a RWG... Busto. Now it's a Euro.
Seat 7: ROWG aka, Douche Bag
Seat 8: JDN
Seat 9: RAC Random Asian Chick. I can guarantee that she's a Commerce player.

18K at first break. Yes. 18k.

I stopped taking notes at this point because I was on life tilt. I could not win a hand. It was brutal.

The first of two hands that did me in was a hand against the Euro in seat 6. I could tell from the beginning that he had a very weak concept of preflop betting when he bet 4000 in middle position with blinds at 250/500.

He showed the table jacks and said he hated playing that hand.

Naturally a few orbits later he makes a 4x bet preflop and I call with TT.

The flop is a queen high and he checks. I check.

The turn is a blank and he bets out and I call.

The river is an ace. He bets out again but something about his movement and the bet amount is just fishy. I think he put in a pot sized bet and it just seemed like he wanted to buy the pot at that point.

I consider just shoving in and taking my chances. I've seen him open muck hands on the turn and if he thinks he's beat, he'll toss is away.

The only problem is that I don't really have enough chips to convince myself that he can fold. It would be barely more than a min raise.

But I then convince myself that I might actually have the best hand. The small (for him) preflop bet makes me think he's got a medium pair.

I tank it for several minutes.

I finally call, he says "nice hand" and flips over jacks.

I just shake my head and muck the hand.

I've got 6000.

I work it up to 9000 before that last hand before dinner break. I'm on the big blind and the Euro is on the button. Its folded to him and he makes a standard 3x raise to 1900. I look down at Q9 and make the call.

The flop is K 7 8. He checks out of turn. I shove. He calls with K7. Blank blank. I'm out.

That was so painful. It wasn't even fun. I should have sold my lammers when I won the satellite.

Dream Team Poker

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet.

I got Gavin Smith and Matt Keikoan on my team. I gotta good team. Right?

Both of them bust by the 3rd level. I'm playing like a maniac. I love it.

I crack aces twice and have 45K at second break.

I make a last long bet with Matt Savage for a round of golf. He's got 20K.

I crack aces again with a bluff.

I have 90K at 3rd break.

Joe Stapleton and I wander around the main event, inside the ropes, while drinking beer. Stapes gets kicked out first. I tell Gavin he's a bad teammate for busting so quick.

My chip count does this:

90k

55K

25K

2K

10K

28K

0K

Two orbits and I'm out.

I hate the Rio and I'm never coming back.

WSOP Main Event

2009-07-08T00:26:00.000-07:00

I pull a mini Hellmuth and arrive 20 minutes to little fanfare or notice. None actually.

I get to my table, find my seat, the 6 seat and look down to see Court Harrington in seat 7. Oh what the fucking hell?

Not only do I actually know someone at my table, who's a good player, he's sitting right next to me. Bah!

Amazon Room Table 97 Seat 6.

30,000 in starting chips and 2 hour levels.

What the he'll am I going to do with 2 hour levels? My style is much more suited to turbo satellites and 20 minute level.

Who am I kidding? I don't have a style.

In the first level I lose 1500 to the possible Euro to my right when he has JJ vs my TT on a K 8 K 6 K board.

A couple of orbits later I donate 3500 to the kid in seat 1 but I'm not mad. I called the river to see his hand and made sure my read was correct and to really make sure that his tell was what I thought it was.

It was. I'm awesome.

Table draw:
Seat 1: RYWG with a serious tell. Really. It's like a book.
Seat 2: ROWG
Seat 3: RYWG
Seat 4: ROWG possible Euro, maybe Canadian but he has no clue what's going on.
Seat 5: RWG and another possible Euro. Haven't really heard him talk.
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: Courtney Tyrell Harrington. Yes that is his real name.
Seat 8: RWG and a possible Mormon. Heard him tell Court that he was from Utah. I always assume the worst.
Seat 9: RYWG and another possible Euro. He's got a tight white shirt on.

25,500 on break. Time for the stampede.

Highlight from the hall stampede was watching Joe Stapleton pick up to of the Hellmuth models and take them to lunch. The man's got talent.

In the second level I win a nice pot from the ROWG in seat 2 with AT on a Ks Ad 8s Ts 3h board. Sweet!

A little while later I raise it up with Td Th and get called by the Mormon in seat 8. The flop comes down 7s Js 3d. I bet 800. He calls.

The turn is the 4s. I check, he bets 1500. Yeah right donkey. I call.

The river is a 7h. Check check. Tens are goot! Ship it.

Back up to 30K.

For the rest of the level I just fold. I'm pretty sure the deck doesn't have any face cards in it.

I'm changing my nickname to JD "No Paint" N.

29K at 2nd break.

Hallway highlight:
There's a Sapphire Girl (aka a stripper) walking around in her bikini with her arm in a sling. I don't know why but it's kinda hot.

First hand back from break I pick up 88 and win the pot on the turn to get up over 30K. High point!!

The maybe Euro limps from the 9 seat, seat 1 limps, I limp from the small and Court raises to 1800.

Lame Court! Lame!!

Seat 9 folds and he turns out not to be a Euro. Seat 1 calls and fucks up my plan of folding. Gawd... I call.

The flop falls 9 2 3. I check. Court bets 2300. Seat 1 folds and I think for a moment. I can't really put him on anything other than a strong ace. I call.

The turn is a 2. I check and Court verbally checks. I hadn't heard him do that before. Somethings fishy.

I decide that I'm betting the river unless it's a face card or ace, a blank if you will.

It's an 8. I bet 3350. Court tanks it. Looking at his cards a couple if times before folding.

I muck my 55.

He pretty much let me take the pot by checking on the turn and on the river I could represent a set of 3s. He's a good enough player to recognize what I was doing. If there were a weaker player, I might get a call.

Up to 37K.

I lose 8000 to the Mormon when he flops a set to my over pair. I got rid of the hand after I 3 bet him on the flop and he moved in for, for way more than I had. Fuck.

24K with 30 minutes to dinner.

Mean while Court flops back to back top sets with AA and QQ and gets not much action.

Finally! I hit a set and get action. I flop a set of 7s in a 4 way pot and get paid off from the kid in seat 1. Finally motherfuckers!!1!! Finally!

Back up to 30K.

$29,500 at dinner. Off to dinner over at the Palms with Katkin, LA Mike, Warren and Lara. As foreseen, I eat too many chips before the burrito arrives.

I spend level 4 in food coma. So I write nothing and remember very little.

I played AK strong a couple of times and folded preflop once. No sets and no pairs. I get up to 35K and drop down to 23K.

Then I bust a short stack with A7 vs his KJ and get up to 28,500.

Last break of the night I have 28,425.

Our table breaks, thank fucking gawd, right after break and I get moved to Blue 13 seat 6.

As I sit down I can already tell that this table is a train wreck. I'm filling the seat of the only person to bust off this table today.

Highlights include a guy in seat 1 that may or may not have swine flu.

A semi hot chick in seat 2 that's wearing mermaid poker. Cleavage is a go!!!

There's a bald guy in seat 4 that looks like the bald guy from original The Hill Have Eyes.

A creepy little Euro that's looks like he was in that first Hostel movie.

To cap off the table we have a Midwest middle aged house wife that looks like she's wearing her bowling shirt.

So it's more or less like a 2am Binions tournament.

Yes!

Thank gawd for head phones. The bald moron won't shut up about how he never gets any hands.

I have to bluff to win a hand for the rest of the night. I also get rid of an over pair on a T high flop. Poker sucks.

I've gone 3 whole tournament days with only getting aces once and flopping only two sets. I am so due. Playing again on Wednesday.

JDN

$500 Venetian Deep Stack

2009-06-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

Since the WSOP sold out today I decided to play the Venetian. I get down here around 1 and surprisingly, I'm not an alternate.

Wow. I feel like I'm already a winner.

Table 53 seat 5. 15,000 in starting chips (well 14,450 for me since I arrived a little late) and 40 minute levels.

I officially have the slowest most boringest table evar! Here's how my day has gone so far: fold fold fold fold fold fold fold call check fold fold fold fold fold fold fold fold fold.

Awesome.

12K at first break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG with a blue PSP. He looks too old to have one
Seat 2: A woman. Not hot. Possibly a midget. Oops. Confirmed busto.
Seat 3: RBG who can't handle his chips and he's already mistakenly raised a couple of hands preflop when he was trying to call.
Seat 4: A woman. Asian. Also a dealer and not not hot.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: RAG
Seat 7: RWG with a WSOP hoodie.
Seat 8: ROWG, a long time grinder that I've seen around a bunch. No clue as to his name.
Seat 9: RAG
Seat 10: RWG, super aggro with continuation bets and reraising.

PSP guy is wearing a Rio All Suite Hotel shirt that says, "Paradise Found." I wonder if he's ever actually be to the Rio.

I get it all in with AK on a A K 4 board against seat 10. He shows AK. Chop chop. That's most action I've seen all day.

The PSP guy makes is 550 to go in the 100/200 25 ante level and he gets called in 4 spots including me.

The flop falls T 8 6. The not not hot Asian dealer bets out 1300 and I call. Everyone else folds.

The turn is a 9. She bets 3600. I call.

The river is a 7. Hey! Thats a straight on the board. She thinks about it for a moment before checking. Hmmmm. I wonder what the amount is that she would fold to and I wonder how much she would call.

I bet 6000. I'm pretty sure she would fold to an all in. She's got about 9K behind her.

After a bit she makes the crying call. I show JJ and take down the pot with a J high strizzle.

Up to 28K.

A few hands later I bust her with QQ and get my stack up to 33K.

Right around 32K at second break. Haven't really had any strong hands and I've been manufacturing all of my pots.

First hand back the PSP guy raises it up to 2300. The RWG to my right moves all in and the guy on my left that looks like a mini Layoto Machida moves all in too. Then the dealer mucks his cards.

Wait! What?

The floor is called over and the decision is made to take 2300 out of his stack, give him the rest of the chips back and lecture him on protecting his hand.

It saved him money. Both of the other players flopped sets and rivered full houses.

I look down at 22 and raise it up to 2100 in late position and get called by the old timey grinder from the small blind.

The flop is HOLY SHIT! A girl just sat down in seat 1 with giant boobies. Motorboat!

Ok where was I? I can't remember what I was writing about.

Anywoo I fired two bullets with 22 on a board of A 6 7 K to take down a nice pot.

40300 at color up. The girl with big boobies is cold.

Well level 8 sucked moosecock bro. I lost 6000 with TT and a few hands later I lost 8500 with 88. I wish my nickname was the man with no sets or the man with no nuts.

The big titty committee can't remember to put her antes out. Damn annoying. Then she busts. Ding!

I would say that 60% of the time my first card is a K. 100% of the time the second card does not complement the King.

772 total players for this tourney. 74 pay and $101,000 for first.

42,900 at 3rd break. Right about average with 260 players left.

Annnnd we're on dinner break.

Apparently someone at another table disagreed with a ruling that one way or the other caused him to bust out. So this gentleman decided the best course of action was to dump everyone's chips into the middle of the table.

As you can imagine chaos erupted and security was called. The guy tried to make a getaway but the poker room manager, Kathy Raymond, caught him in the parking lot.

So the TDs called an early dinner so that they could check the cameras and figure out who's chips are who's.

Awesome. Chipotle here I come.

Watched the ping pong championships at dinner.

Entering burrito coma post dinner break.

Levels 10 & 11 go as follows: fold fold fold fold fold fold fold think about it... fold fold fold fold fold fold

Then I look down at JJ in middle position. Ok I have 25,600. I got abot 13 big blinds. Do I raise to 6K or just stick it in?

That's what she said.

I stick it in.

That's what she said.

I get called by the big blind who just happens to be my new British friend Ramsey, with AK.

He blanks out and I double to 53K.

An orbit later I flop my first set and check raise the RBG in seat 2 to snatch 20K off of him.

I'm up to 72K which is a just hair below average.

I stopped writing at this pot and I will now post responses to my tweets.

# 1
Rocking my moose cock off to Preistess and it seems to be working. Flopped first of the day. 73K with 140 players 73 pay.

Umm yeah, pretty much already talked about this. I don't really have a moose cock, its more of a mouse cock.

# 2
68K at break. A bit below average. Waiting for that rush to hit. Maybe I'll order a heineken.

I did order a Heine and I won $10 playing video poker. I promised myself not to play video poker but I have a hard time keeping to my personal promises.

# 3
47500 going into the 2k/4k level. About 90 left 73 pay. Why do I get myself in these situations? Need to cash so I can shave.

I made a bet with myself not to shave or get a hair cut until I cash. Let's just say that the GF is not a fan of this.

# 4
On the money bubble. I have 12 chips for exactly 36K. Average is 160k. Short stack ninja or fold machine?

LA Mike told me to shove every hand and Robin, Perry's GF told me to fold every hand. Not a fan of either of those options.

# 5
Just saw half a nipple on a giant boobie while walking back from the can. That's good luck right? Still on the bubble.

It was a giant boobie and I saw the part around the nozzle. Whats that called?

# 6
It was a lucky nipple! And the monkey is off my back. I can shave! And I won $73. WTF?

Pretty sure I'm gonna start asking to see nipples when I get near the money. It probably would have got me to the money in the 5K PLO8.

# 7
Busto. 66 vs KK. Both hit sets. Don't know what place or how much I'm getting but at least I cam shave now.

So I end up getting AK twice after we redraw with 72 left. I get up to 78K, a high for the day, before I move in with 66 from middle position. I rivered a set but the other guy turned his set.

Oh well. I got 52nd and $894. It was my first cash since February... holy fuck thats bad, but I think I played awesome.

I never had AA or KK and got every chip I could with the shit hands I had. This is a good sign.

JDN

WSOP $1500 PLO 8

2009-06-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

I think I broke my finger last night playing trivia with Gavin. Don't ask how. It's a long story.

Amazon Room (yay first time in here!). Orange table 72 seat 9.

1500 starting chips with two rebuy chips. 1 hour levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Jacobo Frenandez AKA The Human Rain Delay
Seat 2: RAG
Seat 3: Perry Friedman
Seat 4: ROWG
Seat 5: My arch nemesis from the Hollywood Park days, Mickey "Mouse" Mills
Seat 6: Mike "Salt of the Earth" Gracz
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: Random Euro
Seat 9: JDN

This table needs more Euros and less ROWGs.

This is gonna be a long day...

I sit down and double up to 3000 pretty quick in a drawing hand vs Jacobo when I hit my wrap for a straight against what had to be a set. Sweet!

Near the end of the 2nd level it's big pot time. 4 way all in with Jacobo, Perry, a ROWG and myself.

I had the nut low draw that couldn't be counterfitted vs Perry's full house vs Jacobo's trips and nut low draw vs the ROWG's top pair. I whiffed.

I use my rebuy chips and I have 3000 at 1st break.

We get back from break and have pause for the bracelet cerimony. Lame.

Jason Potter sits down in seat 2 and Joe Tehan takes seat 4.

A couple of hands in, Joe Tehan doesn't quite pot it from middle position and its folded to me. I have Ac 8c As Qs. I pot it to 1350.

Joe calls half his stack off as the flop comes 5d 6c 9d. I move in for 2000 and Joe quickly calls the all in.

I open my hand and Joe says, "Pretty good flop for my hand..."

Oh Jesus. Joe shows Ad 4d 7h Jh. What? Wait! Did Joe Tehan really just call off half his stack preflop with that?

Oh My Gawd.

The turn is a 3h and I'm drawing dead. Well played Mr Tehan.

I'm down to 450.

A few hands later I get it all in with K K T 9. Joe calls from the big blind as the does the original raiser in seat 7.

The board runs out 3 J T 9 K. Don't you worry, Tehan shows the ole 2 8 Q J for the 2nd nut straight. The old guy shows A A 2 T.

The best part of the hand was that Joe talked the guy out of betting on the flop because there was no side pot.

Nice.

Normally I like Joe Tehan, but today is he's a fuck wit. Sorry Joe, you just earned the title and you really deserve it.

JDN

$500 Venetian Deep Stack

2009-06-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

I get to the Venetian 45 minutes late and there's a line 60 deep. Not all these people can be as lazy as me... or can they?

Table 74 seat 4.

15,000 in chips, 40 minute level. Game on!

Table draw:
Seat 1: Possible Euro but... I only say that because he's wearing white capris and sandals. He also has a tattoo on his arm that says "I DEAL IN LEAD.". WTF does that mean? Then he talks with a Southern drawl. I'm confused here.
Seat 2: RWG that looks like he bought his outfit at Metro Park. Too much going on there to describe. His gf is also sitting behind me on the rail which is annoying.
Seat 3: RAG that busts and is replaced by a ROWG
Seat 4: RAG
Seat 5: JDN. Oops I guess I'm in 5 and not 4. Too lazy to correct it.
Seat 6: ROWG
Seat 7: RYWG with a Jew Fro.
Seat 8: RAG.
Seat 9: Faux Euro with some horrid looking hair plugs. I wish could take a picture. With his hair line it looks like a stringy triangle on top of his head.
Seat 10: RYWG

Wait! Why am I only getting two cards here? And what's this no limit thing all about?

It's been a while go easy on me.

I DEAL IN LEAD (which I now think must be a line from Gunsmoke or Kenny Loggins) busts when he pushs in preflop with 8h 9h with 75 big blinds. Now the nonsense tattoo makes sense.

A RPG with a very bedazzled shirt takes his place.

I pick up AA in the 75/150 level and after a preflop raise I see a flop of 8d 9d 4s with the faux Euro. He check raises me to 2500. Hmmm. He's either got top pair or a flush draw. I briefly consider a set but I decide I can't be that unlucky already.

So I reraise him to 6000. I leave myself enough to fold if he moves in. Not that I would actually fold, I just want the option. He thinks for a few seconds before calling. Ha! Gotcha bitch!

The turn is another 4 and he checks to me. I move in for 7000.

They've sent two alternates to the table without chips. The Venetian is slowly turning into a Harrahs property.

In a multiway limped pot I flop a set of 7s on a Q T 7 flop. I bet out and get called by the ROWG to my right. He def has a Q.

The turn is a J. I bet out again. It takes him a few moments of thought before he calls. He really wanted to raise there. He's got QJ.

The river is a Q. Fuck!

I check he bets 1K into a 5K pot. Is that a value bet? Now I think he might have AQ or KQ. Only a moron would make that bet. Right? It's only 1K. I call.

He shows QJ. Lame!

I show him my smaller full house and he says, "I didn't know you were that strong."

"Next time I'll tell you by betting." I reply.

20K at first break.

I pretty much just play small ball for the next few level and get up to 32K before I play 77 vs the ROWG to my left. Again. He's my pocket 7s mush.

Needless to say I somehow lose 11K in the hand. Down to 17K.

In the last hand before break I pick up a nice 6K pot with AQ (I know, crazy!) and get up around 21K.

21K at break.

Had to lay down JJ to the kid in seat 10 after he put the squeeze on our raise and call. I showed him the jacks and he was mildly surprised. Maybe it wasn't a squeeze but he's one of two other peeps at this table that know what a squeeze is.

20K at color up.

Good gawd it freezing in here!

Just trying to hang on until dinner break so I can go to Chipotle and service my burrito addiction. I'll probably go there anyway, since I'm an addict.

In the big blind I call a 2700 raise from the faux Euro with Tc 7c. The flop comes T 8 6. I bet 5100 he calls. The turn is a Q. Hmmm. I check.

He thinks for a bit, long enough to figure out that he doesn't have anything, before he moves in for 9000 something. I call pretty quick and he shows Ad Kd.

Gotta fade 11 outs... and I do. Double up to 40Kish. Sweet.

Oh look at that. Beth "The Cougar" Shak is now following me on Twitter. Who's a bad kitty?

The table breaks and I get moved to a much warmer part of the casino.

This new table has a couple of RPGs, a RAG, and 1 lone ginger with a creepy soul patch. He looks like Shaft from Youngblood.

A few minutes before break I call an all in from a short stack with 44. He shows 9s 7s and he flops the ten high straight. WTF? Is he related to Jeremiah Smith?

41,700 at dinner break.

Hi my name is JD and I have a problem...

I come back from dinner and lose 10K by calling preflop raises and check folding the flop.

Then the table breaks and I get moved to a table with a ton of chips. Awesome.

First hand dealt to me and I look down a 66. There was a raise in early position and I call. The flop is T 8 5. The old guy, who already had the chips in his hand, bets out 15K. I move in.

It takes him a few moments to call and I flip over my 66. He looks at the board, looks at his hand and looks at mine. I gotta be good here right?

It takes him about 30 seconds to turn over his hand, 77.

Nice slow roll douche bag.

Busto.

JD

WSOP $1500 HORSE

2009-06-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

goat on horse!

I arrive a little late and have to wait for the big blind to start playing. I catch the last hand of Omaha and look down at Ah Ad 2d 5h. I raise and get called by 5 players and lose to the ole K 9.

Our second dealer didn't know there was a burn in stud. Half the table didn't know either.

My #2 stud mush David Singer sits down in seat 8.

Brasilia Room. Table 233. Seat 4.

Table draw:

Lakers win!!!

Roland de Wolfe wins!!!!

Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: RWG
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: RWG
Seat 6: Random Lady. I don't know of what origins.
Seat 7: Russian Guy from the other HORSE
Seat 8: David Singer

The guy to my left check called 7th street in stud with trip aces. Of course I had trip 8s.

I go on a heater in the first level (where were you yesterday Mr Heater) and I head into the break with 6600.

After 2nd break I have 5000. On the first hand of hold'em I look down at 99 and raise it up. I get called by the doofus to my left and I bet out on a J T 6 board. He instaraises me. I could already see the chips in his hand before mine hit the felt.

So I reraise him. He calls. The turn is an A and I bet out, he calls. The river is something... I can't remember, but I bet out again and he calls with AQ. Moron.

The very next hand its raised by the new Asian kid in seat 6. I call from the big blind with QT. The flop is J 3 3. I check he bets I call. The turn is a 9, which I really like because it gives me an open ended straight draw. I'm figuring both of my cards are live too. No real read to get to that assumption. I just always assume I got two lives ones.

I bet he calls. The river is a blank and I fire out another bet leaving me 125 behind. I show him my 125 left, daring him to raise me. He decides to call with AK. Awesome.

Down to 125.

This should be the end of the story but its not. I double up twice and actually survive to Omaha.

In Omaha I look down Ad 3s 4s 5s and limp into a multiway pot. The flop is A 6 T. I get all my money and the turn is a 4. Think that just fucked me. The river is another low card giving me aces up and a 5 3 low. Don't you worry. David Singer has a flush and a 5 2 low.

Busto.

Oh and what are the odds that the same guy busts you out of 2 HORSE tournaments with a combined population of 1000 players in less than a week?

Even money if you're JDN

WSOP $5K PLO8 Day 2

2009-06-16T14:32:00.000-07:00

Amazon Room Table 88 Seat 4

I walk into the Amazon room and they announce that we're playing in the Brasilia room. Bah!

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: Random White Chick. Last one in the tourney.
Seat 3: ROWG
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: Mickey Appleman, looking like he slept in a park.
Seat 6: RWG
Seat 7: Kevin Petterson
Seat 8: Andy Black
Seat 9: Empty

Mickey doubles the 2nd hand of the day, then busts seats 6 and 7 a few hands later.

At table breaks and we get a Random German Pokerstars Pro (RGPSP?) in seat 6, Alex Kravchenko in seat 7 and Brent Richey in seat 9.

I bust the RWG in seat 1 when my aces hold up against his A 2 3 x.

Up to 208K.

Mickey Appleman is a cockroach. He just can't bust. He got a sick call for all his chips from Andy Black, then tripled up, then lost all his chips, then doubled back up again.

Down to 45.

Mickey Appleman has a pager.

175K at break.

Chufty is moved to seat 1. He does not know how to play hi lo. Obv.

Down to 36 and another table breaks. Two short stacks get moved to our table and one of them is Jeff Lisandro.

It's awesome watching the Euros play PLO8 and really never considering the low part. Likewise the American players generally just go for the low.

Brain fart and I'm down to 100K. No details. I order a Heineken.

89K at dinner break.

Two hands after the end Of dinner break we lose a player. Down to 27 time for a redraw.

On to table 192 seat 4.

Other notables at the table:
Seat 1: Brent Richey
Seat 2: Andy Black
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 6: Andy Bloch
Seat 7: Chris Bell

Down to 23 players.

Ivey shows up to play 1 hand and busts. Then he heads back to the OE tournament to win another bracelet. Down to 21.

A short stack pots it in late position and I look down a A Q Q 6. I call from the big blind. The flop is A 5 7. I know for a fact that he has A 2 and that I have the best high hand. My biggest hope is that he's holding a 9 T in there too. Pretty sure all I got to do is avoid him making two pair and I'll scoop this hand. I willing to gamble on that so I bet pot.

He moves in. A 2 3? He shows Ac 2s 4c 9c. He's pretty much got the low locked up so I guess I gotta avoid the two pair. Turn 2. Fuck. River 2. Fuck fuck. He's scoops with a live 4 for the low.

We count out the stack and I have him covered by 4500. Awesome.

I get my 4500 in on the next hand and triple up to 12k. That doesn't last long when I call all but 1500 off when the lady gets me drawing dead on the turn.

I get my 1500 all in on the small blind and hit a flush to take half the pot and double to 3000.

A couple of hands later I double again to 6000.

On the last hand before break I'm the big blind and with 4000 and already committed to the pot I get all in with 9 6 5 7 vs the guy that I doubled up's A A x x.

Outsky in 21st.

Probably the most painful day I've ever had in poker. I couldn't win a hand. When I played tight I had to check fold the flop. When I gambled, I bricked out. I can only think of 2 hands that I picked up after the turn or scooped at show down. I could not catch a break.

I'm so drained by the day that I don't want to play poker again for a long time.

This is my 3rd bubble bust in as my years at the WSOP. HORSE HORSE PLO8. All in games that I consider myself to be above average in. This has been so brutal.

JDN

WSOP $5K Pot Limit Omaha 8 or better

2009-06-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

Brasilia Room. Table 242. Seat 3.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

5000 in chips with 2 rebuy chips worth 5000 each.

I sweat Gavin for a bit in the stud8 / Omaha 8 tourney where he tries to get our Prince Albert bet on again. I turn it down, which I think, it a good fold on my part.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Justin Smith aka Boosted J. He just busted in 9th from the 2-7 No limit. Hopefully he's on tilt.
Seat 2: Max "The Italian Pirate" Pescatori
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: ROWG possible Euro
Seat 5: Random FTP Pro. Def Euro
Seat 6: RWG
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: John Racecar
Seat 9: Internet Nerd with a Thunder Cats shirt on.

Max doubles me up when we both blank out on a board of 7s 9h Qh 4d 4c. I held Ah 7h x x vs his Kh Jh Th 9s. Sweet. Back up to 5000.

4500 at first break.

I gotta fold big starting hands on the flop in the 3rd level and get down to 1550. Time to use my rebuy chips.

For the first time tonight I pot it preflop to 1050 with Ac As Ks Qc. I get called 5 ways. WTF? The flop is 4 5 5. Check fold by me.

I bust the old guy next to me when he calls off all his chips with a low draw and gets counterfeited with the 2 that makes my straight.

After Thunder Cats Noooo busts and Kathy Liebert takes his seat.

I make a redonkculous lay down preflop, and I made it really quick.

I pot it in early position with A 2 Q Q to 1400 and John Racecar repots to 5K. He can only do that with 1 hand A A 2 x. Even if he has A 2 K K, I'm a huge dog. I fold. Bah!

John Racecar has been playing pretty tight. Very ABC for PLO8. So when he raises there, I know he has a big hand.

A couple of hands later into a limped pot I flop 3 pair with Q 2 7 and bet out 1200. The kid to my right repots it to 4800. WTF? Really? He has to hit the ole 1 outter for a set?

This kid is not an idiot, he's not doing it with A3. I fold. Blah fucker!

11,200 at dinner break.

Shortly after the dinner break ended I get moved to a new table. This one seems to gave more gamble than the other one.

The highlights are as follows:

Seat 1: Burno Fitoussi
Seat 2: JDN (yes I'm a highlight. I write this shit out!)
Seat 5: Rob Mizrachi
Seat 7: Ross Boatman
Seat 8: David Bach
Seat 9: Chip Jett

David Bach out!

I fold my way down to 8700 before it's folded to Bruno in the small blind. He pots it and I look down A A 4 7. I repot to 4500, Bruno puts me all in for 8700.

He shows A 2 3 9. Aces hold up and I double up to 17K.

Bruno out. He played like he had better things to do.

Man I'm tired.

A big stack RWG takes seat one.

Seat 3 busts and is replaced by a Random Euro FTP Pro. (REFTP?)

Rib Mizrachi is a beast. He's so aggressive that every time he folds preflop the guy on his right raises. Together they're kinda running over the table.

Man I'm tired.

17300 on break.

I pick up a few pots in the 400/800 by being aggressive and get up around 25K.

Then I pot it under the gun with Ad 2h 5s 7s. Rob Mizrachi calls. The flop falls 7 6 9. I bet 4500 and Rob calls.

The turn is a 4 and I check. I'm just trying to see where I'm at. Rob moves me all in.

Sooo I guess that where I'm at. I'm probably getting quartered but I have the straight redraw. Ok I call.

Rob asks me if I have A 2. I say yes and he says he thought he had A 2 too. Oh wow. He's embarrassed to turn over his hand.

Rob shows A 3 J Q. Wow.

The river is a T. Scoop! Pair of 7s for the high and A2 for the low. 51K. Ship it!

Table breaks and I get move to the next table to break. That's how I roll. Andy Bloch and Scott Clements are here.

I flop a set of deuces on a 2 6 T board and check raise the kid from my first table, all in. I show A 2 2 3 and he's got A A 3 Q. The turn is another T.

I got the high locked up since Andy Block threw away an ace.

The river is a lovely 9 that allows me to scoop! Up to 80K. That's double average ladies and gents!

The tables breaks (again) and I'm moved to a table with Daniel Negranue and Chris Reslock.

One more level and I can sleep.

I decide to play tight at this next table. So I bust 2 short stack players in one hand and get up to 100K. Yeah boy.

Then with about 10 minutes left in the level, I look down at Ac 2c x x. Its potted preflop and called 5 ways.

The flop is 3c 4c Ks. I like that. The old guy next to me bets 10K. I repot it to 38K. Everyone folds back to him. He tanks it. Shit. He's got a set of kings. I'm too tired and I didn't even take the time to think about what he had before I raised.

I got too much money in there and I make the decision to get it all in on the turn regardless of what it is. Oh, and BTW, he started the hand with about 70K.

The turn is the 9h and he shoves. I have to call. He show the Kh Kc for top set, I show my Ac 2c for nut low nut flush draw.

River is the Qc. Ding bitches!

The day ends two hands later and I bag up 185,900 in chips. That's good for chip leader and that's 50K more than anyone else.

Man I'm tired.

Back tomorrow at 2pm. You can also follow me on twitter @jdnewitt and on Poker Road's Twitter page at http://tweet.pkrrd.com/nation

JDN

WSOP $3K HORSE

2009-06-11T18:22:00.000-07:00

HORSE Day 2

Apparently, I made a must win bet with Gavin last night. If either of us win, the other has to get a Prince Albert piercing. Yes. That's a ring through your peener. God I hope I win and he doesn't.

Brasilia Room Table 229 Seat 7

15100 in chips.

Table draw: (This one is a beast)

Seat 1: RPG
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: RWG, a Ginger.
Seat 4: Doyle Brunson
Seat 5: Kieth Sexton
Seat 6: Jennifer Harman
Seat 7: JDN
Seat 8: David Singer

Aiyeah! Not only are they "name" players, they're all very good at stud. I think I'm gonna have to get lucky today.

Annnd I really can't get lucky can I? I get chopped down to 5K pretty quick. Mostly due to Singer when he out draws me for a low in Stud 8.

Singer has his own game cards. Too bad we're playing omaha when this was taken.

Back up to 15K before I get into a big Razz hand with Singer and Jen. I have a 6 (4 3), Jen has a 5 showing and there's an ace up for Singer.

To cut a bad beat story short, David wins the pot with a Q T low and I lose with a K 6 low.

Down to 3500.

My little stack is so sad.

Jen busts. I totally thought I would be the first to go today.

I kinda double up to 4200 in stud8 when I go for the low and get an ace high flush to chop it up.

I look down a 7 (7 3) in stud 8 and I complete to 1K. Singer, with a Jh showing raises to 2K. The goofball in seat 2 reraises to 3K with a 5 showing. I rereraise to 4k and both players called. I hit a 5 on 4th street and put my last 400 in.

Needless to say brick brick brick for me and I never improve on my 77. Singer on the other hand Started the hand with Jh (5h 6h) and called 4 bets. Thats playing a little loose there Mr Singer.

Oh well I bust out. I'm not upset. I played good and just got out drawn on all my big hands.

I think I've played so good these last few tournaments, I'm actually encouraged to play some more. In fact I'm going to play the $5K PLO8 on Friday... now I just need to find someone to put me in.

JDN

WSOP #21 3K HORSE

2009-06-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

The very first hand of hold'em I pick up queens and after my raise I have 4 callers. An ace flops and I call a bet to see the turn. It's not a queen and fold to another bet.

Not a good start.

Then I look down at queens again on the 3rd hand of the tournament. They hold up against a flush draw and I take down a nice 1st level pot.

That's a good sign.

Up 1K in 8 hands of hold'em.

Brasilia Room Table 198 Seat 7

I pick up another $600 in Omaha and I can clearly see the Laker game in the other side of the room. It's not ideal but it will work.

10K at break.

I run up to the iBar to meet Layne for a couple of Mango tangos while we watch the end of the first half of the Laker game.

When I get back to my table Phil Ivey is in seat 8. To my left. Great. Not only is he pretty good at poker, he's the luckiest player on the planet.

Table Draw:

Seat 1: RWG with a yellow fishing hat and a teddy bear sweatshirt on.
Seat 2: Old black guy named Ozzie that I used to play with at Hollywood Park.
Seat 3: Doyle's man servant.
Seat 4: ROWG with a sombrero
Seat 5: Older Russian guy that I've played with a lot.
Seat 6: RWG named Chad. Talks too much.
Seat 7: me myself and I
Seat 8: Phil Ivey

Omaha sucks and I did not play every hand. I just made bad calls on the river. Gotta stop doing that.

Ivey turns out to be my mush. I don 't win a hand for a whole level thanks to Phillip. 6K going into the 3rd level.

I finally win a hand in Razz against Phillip and get back up to 9K.

The Lakers just tied it up at 99 with 2 minutes left. Phillip has big money on Orlando. Noob.

Phillip is steaming slightly.

In stud, I complete with 7c (Tc 7d). Phillip raises to 400 and I call. 4th street for me is the 7s. I double bet and Phillip calls.

To make a lame story short, he calls me down the whole way and hits his club flush on 7th street.

Now this is where lucky Phillip comes into play. If he would have been paying attention to the poker game and not the basketball game he would have noticed that there were 4 clubs up and I had 2 more showing by the end of the hand.

So Phillip had to hit a 3 outer on 7th to beat me in a 6K pot.

That's how he rolls.

1725 at break. Yes 1725.

Second hand back from break I'm in the big blind and Phillip tries to raise from under the gun. But he only puts out 400 and the blinds are 150/300. That's a call. (BTW he had just raised to 600 the hand before).

Anywhoo I flop 2 pair with T2 and get called down by Ozzie and double to 3800.

Chau Chang moves to my right. Better awesome.

Back up to 5K with what I assume was a running bluff with 5s in stud. Got the Russian to fold on 6th street.

Chau Chau is petite. And he has dry hands. Long nails too.

5500 going into level 6.

I get it up to 6K before someone decides to limp for the first time in hold'em.

I call 200 from the small blind with Kh5h and Phillip checks his big blind. The flop is Ah 2h 6d. I check and Phillip bets out as expected. Ozzie, the OG limper raises to 800. I call. Phillip folds.

The turn is the Ks and I check call Ozzie.

The river is a Q and it's check check. Ozzie shows A8 off. Nice limp. Phillip cost me another 400 in chips. He's so bad for me.

4200.

I 3/4 a pot with guy wearing a sombrero to get back up to 6K.

Sometimes I play a pretty good short stack.

Just lost everything when I flopped a set of aces and lost to runner runner wheel. Down to 1600.

Doubled up in Razz against Doyle's man servant when I make a 9 6 low on 7th street.

3600 at break. Joe Stapleton is wearing a pink shirt.

I get all my chips in drawing to an 8 in razz against Ozzie and I actually get there. Back up to 8K.

88. That's lucky.

I think Terrence Chan got moved to my table.

No it's not Terrence. It's that Asian Accountant guy that got deep in the main event. Excuse my whiteness.

I didn't think I'd ever say this but thank god for limit hold'em. I get aggressive with two hands and take them both down on the turn.

Wait a second. Chau's male masseuse is getting way to close to me.

Anyway I check raise with AJ on a K Q x x board to win it and fire out with 7c7d on a Qd 9h 2d 3d board too.

Up to 17K when that Schwartz guy from the final table moves to out table.

Table break.

I move to table 239 with 15k.

Nick Frangos is on my left and Dario Alioto is in seat 3. There's also a female pokerstars pro in seat 5. She's from Brazil. No clue as to who she is.

Dario hits a royal on the last hand of limit hold'em. Luck sack.

Daniel walked by and winked at me.... What does that mean?

I end the day with 15100. I'm very happy about that and I'm even happier that Phillip has busted.

On to Day 2!

$500 HORSE at the Venetian

2009-06-09T03:02:00.000-07:00

I get to the Venetian around the start time of 4pm and there's a line. A line? At the Venetian? For a HORSE tournament?

Whatever. I head over to the sportsbook to collect on my awesome bet on Brett Rogers to beat Andrei Arlovski in the MMA fight last night.

So that means this tourney is a FREEROLL!!!!

Table 75 seat 8

We start with 10K in chips and 20 minutes for each game. I still don't understand why they don't change the game every 8 hands. If Harrahs and the WSOP can do it, so can the Venetian. At least I would assume so.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG aka Douche Bag
Seat 2: ROWG, possibly a Euro. He also has the biggest fanny pack evar! Matusow would be jealous. If he pulled his shirt over it, he would look very preggers.
Seat 3: Agro Euro that I've played with before. I think he's Italian.
Seat 4: RBG
Seat 5: RAG with an Affliction shirt on. Bordering on douchiness but I'm not going to tap the aquarium.
Seat 6: RYWG. He's pretty bad at all the games.
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: J to the D to the N

I play drum tight for the first 5 levels, they're only 20 minutes long and nothing interesting happens.

I get to the first break with 11750

I decide to put on a clinic in the 2nd round of razz. I pick up 4 or 5 pots before the show down with a face showing or a pair visible. It helps that people are checking out of turn and the Asian kid pretty much tells you his hand with his facial expressions. I like my table.

I got 15K when we head into the stud level.

The douche in seat 1 opens up his hand on 7th street in stud8 before I can act. He's got 22 for a high. I have a 76 low no pair.

I check and open my hand and split the pot. Wait! Damn it! I should have bet. There's no way he could've called.

Well, he's bad enough that he might have.

14k going into the 2nd break and the Lakers are in overtime.

I chop down fanny pack guy in hold'em and he busts a few hands later.

Agro Euro busts at the beginning of Omaha. They're probably the first two out of the tourney.

Fucking Omaha! In a massive 4 way pot I lose 3500 with 3s full of 4s vs 3s full of 5s. Two other donks were playing nut lows. I thought I was taking half the pot and even when the cards were turned over I still thought I was getting half because the Affliction Asian said he had a 7 high straight. Then he saw his full house. Bah.

Down to 11K.

Here comes razz!

Ok... I'm either the wrostest or the bestest razz player. I personally think I'm reading the other players hands really well and making great bets.

I win two big pots when I'm the bring with a 9, and with the Ks. Got paid off the whole way with Ks hand when I make a 7 5 4 2 A low.

I know it sounds like a bad play, but believe me. It played it perfect.

Up to 15500.

The numbers are in! 230 players, 34K for 1st place. That would be nice.

16600 at break. I think the payouts are wrong. It's paying out 18 spots for an 8 handed tourney. That's probably wrong. I'm gonna start some shit.

Look like that's the way they pay out. Couldn't get in a TDA fight. Damn.

Cyndy Violette, Roy Winston, and Hollywood Douche (Dave), sightings on break. Times are tough.

I get a little frisky in the hold'em level and fire 4 bullets with A high and a gutter ball. The Afflicted Asian finally called thinking he was losing. Awesome.

Omaha sucks. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Frankie O'Dell moves to our table. Lovely.

9400 at dinner break.

I see an awesome hooker on hooker fight in front of the Venetian. I got a burrito in hand and I'm just waiting fir the titties to start flying.

They never make an appearance but the quote of the fight was, "Lemme catch my breath. I smoke."

I love las vegas sometimes.

On the 2nd hand of razz I have an ace showing with a 3 5 in the hole. I complete and Frankie raises with a 5 showing. The Afflicted Asian calls with a 5 showing, and someone else calls.

On 4th street Frankie catches a 9, the Asian gets a Ten, other guy gets a Q and I get a 6. Sweet. I'm first to act and I bet out. Frankie raises. What? The Asian with the T calls. Wait!

Other guy folds and I ask the dealer if we're playing razz. He says yes and I raise. Don't you worry. It gets capped 3 ways.

On 5th street Frankie gets a K, the Asian hits a J and I have a K. I bet. Call call.

Morons. I'm drawing to a 6 while they're drawing to a 9 and a ten.

6th street pairs Frankie's K, pairs the Asian's J and pairs my 6. I'm still way ahead. I bet.

Call call. I have 700 left and I put it in blind before the I get dealt 7th street.

Frankie calls and so does the Asian. WHAT THE FUCK!? Really?

I squeeze my and hand I see that I pick up the last K in the deck to get a pair of sixes for a low. Frankie flips over his 98 low like its the nuts and it is. The Asian drew a 10 7 low.

I stand up and tell Frankie to be really proud of that hand. Fucking morons.

I've never been so mad after a hand as I was after that one. I really don't have the words for it.

So I take all the money in my pocket to the blackjack table and try to lose it all.

Some how I make money and end up for the day. I'm still steaming though.

$3K WSOP HORSE is up next for me.

JDN

Venetian Deep Stack $500 NLH

2009-06-09T02:45:00.000-07:00

I decided yesterday to play this tourney rather than the WSOP $5K because I knew the players would be much more weak here. I feel that I'll have an advantage over the average player here compared to the ones at the Rio and... who am I kidding? I don't have the bank roll to play a $5K.

I'm slum'n it at the Venetian.

Table 81... holy shit! Table 81! I'm almost in the sports book. Seat 5.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG that is either homeless or he had a really long night.
Seat 2: RWG and that's all I'm gonna say about him.
Seat 3: Alan Smurfit. Wait, what? Does this guy own shipyards in Ireland? And a casino or 2?
Seat 4: ROWG
Seat 5: The hero with a heart of gold, JDN
Seat 6: ROWG with a lot of tells. It's awesome. I've called out his hand twice.
Seat 7: RAG, the hungover Filipino.
Seat 8: Rocker Dude. Looks like he shops at Hot Topic.
Seat 9: ROWG
Seat 10: RWG with an arm sock and peeling skin. Possibly a leper.

After an under the gun min raise and a call, I look down at KK and raise to 1500. The hungover Filipino calls as does the original raiser. The flop is A high, as if there was ever a doubt, and we check it to the river when Mr Hangover decides to bet 5K. Wha....

OG raiser folds and I fold my KK face up. Blah.

A little later on, The Leper in seat 10 limps under the gun. I raise to 700 with QQ and the big blind calls before The Leper reraise to 5K. Yes 5K.

Well there's only one hand he could have there. Right? Wrong.

I fold pretty quickly and the big blind moves in. Holy moley. The Leper quickly calls and shows KK. Big blind shows AK. Wow. Those are a couple of amazing plays.

A king flops and the ROWG in seat 9 is busto.

A couple of hands before the first break the Rocker Dude raise to 700 in early position. I look down at JJ in the big blind and merely call. Bad move.

I'll spare myself from recounting the whole hand but he got it all in on the river with the board reading 7 8 Q 7 6. He showed 88. Damn it Beavis!!

5750 at break.

To ease my pain I place a bet on tonight's MMA fight. Of course I pick the underdog that needs to suck out to win and play a little video poker. Up $25 and I head back to the tourney.

Alan Smurfit has pulled out his WSOP bracelet and is showing it to his neighbors. Tacky!

Then it's double up time!! My KK vs Rocker Dude's QQ. I'm up to 13,725 before I lose 4200 with JJ vs The Leper's AA.

Around 9000 going into the 200/400 level.

The homeless guy in seat 1 raises to 1K under the gun and I call with two red 7s. The Hungover Filapino calls too.

The flop falls, 5h 9h 2d. Check check to me and I bet 2500. Mr Hangover calls and the Homeless guy folds. The turn is the 8d. Hangover checks to me and I bet 4k. He askes me how much more I have. I count out 4200. He thinks about it for a minute before announcing 4200.

What?

He threw out 5200. What? Again. I guess he was trying to raise but could not count or verbalize it. So its a call.

The river is a Qc. He moves in for 4700. Really? Fuck. I know he's an idiot. He could have anything and he was trying to check raise the turn. If he can actually execute a check raise there I can call because I have the gutshot straight draw too. But in this position, I'd be calling with 3 overs on the board and a moron all in.

I have 10 big blinds left and that means fold equity. Fuck. I fold and he shows Ad 5d. BAh!!!!

I hate and love these idiots at this same time.

A few hands later the leper raises it up and the new RAG in seat 3 reraises to 4100. I look down at 7c 8c. I have exactly 4100 left. I put it in expecting to get heads up with the RAG and I figure I gotta have two live cards and hopefully my suit is live.

Then the leper calls. The flop is 7 Q 5. Check check. I'm definately ahead at this point. The turn is an A. Fuck. Leper bets into a dry side pot, and the RAG calls.

I need a 7 or an 8 to win these hand.

The river is a 6.

The leper says he has K high and the RAG turns over AJ off. WHAT THE FUCK?!!

So I just saw a reraise with AJ and a bet into a dry side pot with K high.

Fuck this place, I'm outta here.

JDN

The Savage Invitational Golf Tournament

2009-06-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

This is pretty much going to be a photo essay. Not to mention this happened about two weeks ago and I'm too lazy to write this up in a timely fashion.

For road trips I need fuel. Chipotle seems to do the trick and the burritos fit perfectly in the cup holders.

The night before the first round we meet at the Eureka Casino to get our tee times and gift bags.

George Karl is a little red and Matt Savage is very happy to hand out gifts.

Savage decided to be patriotic with the grab bags

After dinner Gracz, Katkin and I jump into a 2/8 spread limit game and Gracz announces that he is the world's greatest 2/8 player.

As Joe Tehan joins the game, Gracz asks if anyone will go skinny dipping with him at the hotel pool. The table is suspiciously silent.

I bust out of the game when I flop trip 6s vs a full house. Tehan folds the gut shot straight flush draw after the guy with the full house tells him he has a full house. The straight flush gets there. I hope Tehan is better at golf than poker.

Day 1

Hole 1

Oh boy. This is gonna be a long day.

I get bets down with Katkin, Gracz, Melissa Hayden, and Matt Savage. I'm playing them all straight up, $25 on the front 9, $25 on the back 9, $25 on the overall, and $5 a putt.

It's about 105 out too. Starting to sweat already.

Our group consists of Joe Tehan, Paul Taylor, Jon Katkin, and myself. I'm probably the worst golfer among us.

Hole 4:

On the 4th I hit my 4 hybrid over the mountain range and land a few feet off the green. My chip hits the pin and I birdie the hole with a 4 foot put. Sometimes I play good.

Front 9 totals:
Katkin - 52
JDN - 48

Hole 13:

This is my tee shot on 13. That's how I roll.

I shoot a 9 on 13. Did I mention we're hitting from the red tees today? Only 4000 yards and I struggling to break 100. So poor.

Day 1 totals:
Katkin - 100
JDN - 98

Back at the club house I find out that Savage beat me by 18 strokes, Gracz shot the lights out on the front 9 and destroyed me on the overall, and Hayden beat me in putts. Maybe I should quit golf, but I did win a $90 skin for my birdie on 4. I think that was split 3 ways. That damn chip should have been in the damn cup.

We play a bounty poker tournament that night and I make the final table along with Paul Taylor and Melissa Hayden. I finish 7th and collect nothing for my efforts save one bounty.

Day 2

I get bets down with Katkin and Gracz. Same bets and we're playing the blues today. It's 6500 yards from the blues. I'm going to be sore tonight.

In today's group its me and Katkin with a couple of old ladies named Matt and Andy. Matt won this tournament last year as a 14 handicap.

I've had to hit this shot on hole 1 two days in a row, blind shot to the pin, over the mountain. Who chose this course?

6th Hole

Front 9 scores:
Katkin - 57
JDN - 59

We are so bad.

Hole 11:

Hole 11 is a par 3 and it drops down about 200 feet from the tee. I step up with a 6 iron and hit my shot. Looks good. It drops about 20 yards to the right of the green, takes a great bounce and rolls onto the green. Sweet! Then it keeps rolling. Rolling to about 6 feet in front of the pin. That's closest to the pin! Yeah boy!

Katkin's tee shot lands 3 feet in front of the green on the fringe. Then he chips it in with his fake "chipper" club for a birdie. I miss my 6 footer and my chance for a skin. Damn it!

Katkin is a cheater.

12th hole

17th hole. I hate this hole and it knows it. I almost get hit in the back of the head with a ball from a tee shot from 16. Fuck this hole. Not to mention the lowest score I get on it in 3 days is a 9.

Day 2 totals:
Katkin - 122
JDN - 117

That is so bad. So so bad. We should quit.

I hit up the casino bar to watch hockey and play video poker.

ship it!

The Pens win and I in turn, win $50 from Gracz who loves the Hurricanes. There should be no hockey in the Carolinas. Its just wrong.

Day 3

On day 3 I get stuck with Matt Savage, Mike Gracz, and Paul Taylor. This should be a train wreck. I wish Joy Miller was here to be my caddie. Someone would def go to the hospital.

The bets get down and we're off. Me and Savage vs Paul and Gracz, straight up. I take no part of that bet because, well because, I suck and Gracz sucks just a little bit less than me.

On 6 I grab a Heineken before I tee off. It seems to work as I absolutely crush my shot. It clears the creek and ends up about 75 yards from the pin. That's a 330 yard drive. Thank you very much. Too bad I hit the second shot fat and end up with a bogey on the hole.

Hole 7

Gracz leeves his 2nd shot short and we all watch him stand on the edge of a painful death to make his shot.

fall motherfucker fall!

Hole 8

Savage puts his tee shot in the front of the par 3 green and into the creek. Paul and I put ours in the creek too but opt to chip up from the drop zone.

Savage scours the creek for his ball and soon the shoes come off.

His first shot goes no where, but the second gets out of the water and showers Matt in mud.

It takes us at least 20 minutes to play this hole. Thank you Savage for not dropping and making us stand in the sun for 15 minutes that we didn't need too.

I'm playing so bad.

Front 9 totals:
Grazc - 49
JDN - 52
Paul - 40
Savage - 47

On hole 14, Gracz announces that his alter ego, the Hulk is back. He doesn't break a club but he comes close after blowing up on a couple of holes in a row. I like this version of Mr Gracz.

Hole 14. An amazing hole, that amazingly, I played well all three days.

I shoot a 10 on 17 again. I hate that hole.

On 18 Paul 3 puts and gives Matt and I the win. Yay! Too bad I didn't have any action on it.

Day 3 overall:
Gracz - 100
JDN - 113
Paul - 83
Savage - 89

I don't know how we won but Savage said we did so I'll believe him. I remind myself not believe him the next time we play heads up. You gotta keep an eye on him at all times.

I bounce out pretty quickly to get back to Vegas and the opening of Santana at the Hard Rock. Had fun but its too damn hot in Mesquite in June to play 3 days of golf. Specially since I suck so bad.

WSOP coming up!

JDN

WSOPC 1K NLH

2009-05-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

I sit down at table 48 seat 10 about 20 minutes after the start of the tournament. I raise two of the first 3 hands and get 3 bet both times. Wow my first aggressive table.

I think the biggest hole in my game is that I just assume that everyone else at the table is a complete idiot. Which is my general view on human beings as a whole, but man I gotta prepare for some intelligence.

So as soon as I say "prepare for intelligence" I watch two players get all in, in the first level, on river on a board of 3c Ad Jc 3d 6d. The skinny kid shows AcKc and the guy in seat 5 shows Ah7h.

I flop my first set in a long time and actually get action on it from seat 4. I check raise him on the turn and he folds top pair face up.

Table 48 seat 10 (aFUCKINGgain). 10K starting stack, 60 minute levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: rowg
Seat 2: A woman. Not hot. No eyebrows. Bedazzled shirt.
Seat 3: Random Mexican Guy or Random Latino Guy. Whatever is politically correct
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: Busto but replaced by a Random Persian Guy, rpg.
Seat 6: Random Younger White Guy, rywg
Seat 7: Random Asian Guy, rag
Seat 8: rag
Seat 9: Skinny Euro Internet Kid, seik?
Seat 10: JDN

I got pretty good bead on the skinny euro. I called him down on a board of Ah 2d 5h 4d 6h with AcQc. I was pretty confident that we had the same hand and when checked the river to me I checked too. In the later stages of the tournament I probably would have put half my stack in there but it's only the 2nd level and there's no need to get half my stack in the middle with top pair.

He showed the AsQs.

13,750 at first break.

We've lost 40 people in 2 levels. These guys are crazy.

Everyone tightened up and are afraid to play the euro kid after he took a big pot from the lady with no eyebrows. His betting pattern is kinda obvious. Just got to see him open up a few more hands.

A new guy to the table raises to 450 (the first 3x raise I've seen in a while) from under the gun in seat 7. I look down at two red queens and reraise him to 1200.

It gets back to him and he reraises another to 2700. Hmmm. That was quick. I can only put him on two hands at this point AA and KK.

Blargh.

I fold the queens face up and he shows aces. Good read by me! :-)

In the 100/200 level I raise it in early position with AdQh and get two callers. The flop is Qd Jd 9h. I bet 1100, fold, and call. The turn is the 8d. I check he bets out 2200. I got the Ad. The pot is too big to fold. I call. The river is a blank.

I check he bets 2200 again. Ok now that fucks me up. It's such a scared bet. He's not confident about his hand. He could have the same hand as me. But I've found out, peeps in NOLA still call even if they think they're losing.

So I call thinking I'm 50% to win or chop this hand. He shows TT for a straight. Bad call by me. :-(

I'm done to 3K at 2nd break. Pretty sure this is my first 2nd break since I've been here.

Gonna buy into the PLO8.

So I get moved to a new table and I order a Heineken.

Then I double up. I flopped trip aces in a 6 way limped pot. I turn the boat and some old dude bets out. I call and were heads up. The river is a jack.

I move in and the old guy says, "I'll pay you off."

Ok thanks. He mucks and I'm up to 7500. Now I can't buy into the PLO8.

Table breaks and I get move table 50something seat 5. I got another Heineken and got a little aggressive. I push in with 22 on a 6 6 J board and took it down.

I flop a set, win a couple pots with a continuation bet and I'm at 10,075 at dinner break.

I head over to Sauve for dinner. Sauve is owned by Carlos Menica. The house margarita was decent and food was... mediocre. Just like Carlos' stand up.

Back at the tourney, I'm sitting next to a guy that looks like that dude who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart. Creepy.

A few orbits later I look down at AA from under the gun and make it 1100. The bald guy in seat 10 calls as down the older lady in the big blind.

The flop comes down 6 5 7. The lady shruges her shoulders and moves in for 4Kish. I move in over the top for 9K. The guy in seat 10 calmly says, "I call." Fuck. He shows the 66 for Satan's Set. The old lady shows A4 and says, "I need a 3."

Don't forgot get about an 8 dingleberry.

The turn is a Q and the river is a 3. Awesome. Aces come in last.

I'm steaming.

I can't win a fucking hand and now I can't buy into the PLO8. So its video poker time.

I win $500 in like 15 minutes. Fudge. Now I gotta buy into the 9PM tournament.

9pm $200 NLH

As the 9pm tourney gets under way, the Laker game starts. The Lakers are playing so well that the Rockets get a 17 to 1 lead to start the game. Did I mention that the room is half filled with people from Houston wearing McGrady jerseys.

Oh look! I got AJ. I'm all in. I get called by AK and I'm quickly walking out the door.

At least the GF is coming in tomorrow. In fact she gets in at 3pm. So I do the intelligent thing and play the noon tournament the next morning.

$340 NLH

I show up as late as possible and find my seat in the normal poker room. The first hand I see seat 1 slow roll the guy in seat 9. Oh gawd. I can deal with this shit and it only takes about three hands for me to call the guy down on the river. He of course, makes it a point to show me the non-winning card, he had trips, before the winning card.

Motherfucken douche bag.

Before I muck my hand I tell him to stop slow rolling and stop being a douche bag.

That pretty much sets off the table and the a discussion goes around about what is slow rolling and what a douche bag is. So after a few hands I pick up 88 vs TT and get it all in on a 9 high flop.

GG and now I can meet the GF at 3pm.

So far this trip has been a complete fucking disaster. I've only reached the 2nd break twice and lost every time I've opened up AA or KK. Blah blah blah. I'm skipping the 5k to hang out with some friends who've never been to NOLA before. I can guarantee that I'm going to have more fun doing that than playing another tournament. Not to mention it being cheaper.

Saturday Night on Bourbon Street

I had the most amazing 15 minutes on Bourbon Street on Saturday night. To start out, one of the bars caught on fire.

Imagine a fire truck trying to make it down Bourbon with all those people. There was 3 firetrucks.

A few blocks down an ambulance is making its way through the crowd to a man that may or may not have fallen off a balcony. The EMTs get a neck brace on him and decide that the best way to get him on a stretcher was to forgo the back board and lift him up by his arms. The guy had no idea where he was, and no one around him really seemed to care about his well being.

Did I mention it was raining? It was.

As I got to the end of Bourbon, or the start depending your direction, the notice a tricked out car. The unusual thing about this car was that it was a Fruity Pebbles car. The car was a mid 90s Pontiac with 32s. It was pink, with Fruity Pebbles decals on the hood and doors. This mofo loves Fruity Pebbles!

The windows had "Got Milk?" decals on them. Damn! The mofo loves sugary cereals.

I also missed the booty shake off while staring at the Fruity Pebbles car.

There were 3 girls on each side of the road. The music from the Fruity Pebbles car was blaring and the chicks had their hands on the ground and asses in the air.

kinda like this but with more pigment.

Skeet skeet skeet. Epically awesome evening.

The next night, we went out, back to Bourbon with WSOP Randy, Joy "TrainWreck" Miller, and Mike Binger.

Joy does not like cherry bombs and yes that is a white blazer.

In the end the poker was a fucking disaster but the weekend with good friends was compeletly worth it. Now if I could just cash a tournament...

Up next is a non-poker event, Matt Savage's 14th annual Golf Tournament at Wolf Creek.

I haven't decided what I'm doing for the WSOP yet. At this point I just might stay home and play video games.

JDN, signing off with a keyboard cat.

WSOPC NOLA $340 NLH

2009-05-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like shit. Only got 4 hours of sleep. Apparently NOLA doesn't want me breathing like a normal human. Pretty sure I almost swallowed my tongue at some point last night.

I miss 15 minutes of the tourney but I don't lose any chips to the blinds. Harrahs does something very stupid here. The button always starts in seat 10 and the last seats they sell are the seat 10s. So there's a minimal advantage to buying in late.

It's not a huge deal but someone at Harrahs should realize this and change it. But they won't. Ignorance is bliss.

Table 58 seat 10

Table draw: (This might be the greatest tournament table evar!)

Seat 1: Random Black Guy or a RBG if you will.
Seat 2: a woman, not hot. Portly. Elderly. Big hair.
Seat 3: a guy that looks like the Colonel from KFC.
Seat 4: a woman. Not hot. Elderly.
Seat 5: Random Old White Guy or a ROWG
Seat 6: A woman. Not hot. Very portly. Probably loves deep fried twinkies. Every time she's in a pot I want to say, "Lay Jabba no bother."
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: ROWG
Seat 9: ROWG
Seat 10: JDN

This table is playing like a 2/4 limit game. 5 limpers every hand, min raises with flush draws, it's awesome. Except I keep paying the RBG off when he hits his hand.

The ROWG in seat 7 asks me what I'm listening to on my head phones. Sigh... I don't feel like explaining to him who and what Bongzilla is so I just say "a little bit of everything."

Being from the west coast, all this southern hospitality is really throwing me off. When some random person is being nice and friendly to me I assume they're a pervert or the want some money from me.

When that guy from the other night invited me to his house for a grill I just figured he wanted me to fuck his wife or something nefarious.

7500 at first break.

Jabba busto. She said bring me Solo and the cookie as she left.

I can't steal from position so I opened up my range of hands to raise with under the gun. Seems to be working. When they can't limp they just fold.

I've had to limp in the blinds with a couple of premium hands because there's 6 limpers already.

I like bad players.

Absolutely no interesting hands happening. And no cocktails waitresses either. Like a 2/4 game.

In the 4th level, somehow I'm short and I look down at 22 under the gun. I raise it up a standard 3x raise and get called by the a guy in late position and the small blind. The flop falls 4s 3c 8c. Check, I check, gonna reraise if someone bets out, and of course the goofball in late position bets out 1K. Small blind folds and I reraise to 3500.

The goofball thinks about it for a few seconds, checks his cards again, and moves in. Looks like a flush draw to me. Don't think its a set or an over pair, probably something like a AT of clubs. So I gamble and call off all my chips.

I show my 22 and he flips over the Ac 4c. I was right. Just gotta fade a club and... waitaminute! Oh shit, he's got a pair of 4s. Crizzap! I blank out and walk out.

Now I gotta kill 2 hours before the mega satellite starts.

6pm Mega Satellite

I'm not gonna go into details about playing the super, but man what a horrible payout structure. Ok I'm going to go into some detail.

We end up getting 18 players for the satellite and by all accounts, that would be 1 seat to the main, and $3500 for 2nd place. Right? Right.

Wrong.

For some reason Harrahs NOLA pays out satellites like this, 1 seat, 2nd thru 7th get a $500 lamer and 8th gets $80. WTF? So poor. So Harrahs.

Needless to say you can pretty much fold to the money because people play so bad and I end up getting 6th and never getting above 5K.

I bust out at 9:15pm which allows me 15 minutes to buy in to the nightly 9pm.

Nightly 9pm Tourney

I'm card dead again and basically have to bluff my way up to 10K just before the break. Then I flopped 2 pair from the big blind and lost half my stack to a turned straight.

At break I lose $50 on the Texas Tea machine. On a roll here.

Two hands after break I run TT into AA. Aiyeah. In everyone of these tournaments I've doubled up in the first 3 levels only to bust out in the 4th or 5th level. Obv I'm doing something right, especially since I haven't had a hot run of cards. I need a good smack in the face. Knock some sense into me.

1K tomorrow. If I get up in time. PLO8 at 5pm.

JDN

WSOPC New Orleans

2009-05-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

After a lovely lunch at Juan's Flying Burrito, I hustled back to the casino to catch the 5pm PLO. I have to show picture ID to get into the casino and to buy in to the tourney.

I'm considering wearing my ID around my neck so I don't have to fish it out of my wallet every time I have to prove my identity.

And... I'm out.

Took the ole AAJ5 vs AA36 and lost to a 7 high straight when the 5 hit the river. Awesome.

I play the 9pm $200 tourney a little later and after bluffing all my chips off with 9 high I bust out in the 3 level with KJ vs 88.

I decide to play some cash games and find a 4/8 limit hold'em limit omaha high game and sit. 3 or 4 hours later, down $100, I head back to the hotel but before stopping at 24 hour dinner called Daisy Dukes. Pretty sure I saw them mircowaving my New Orleans Sampler while the new graveyard waitress tried to figure out the cash register.

Got back to the hotel around 5am to chow down on some gumbo, jambalaya, and red bean something or other.

The Next Morning:

Having stayed up at little late and drinking a little too much, I slept till 3pm and missed the noon tournament. No biggie. I want to play the 6 handed Wednesday.

After wandering around Bourbon Street and eating a catfish po-boy, I head back over to the Casino to play the 9pm tourney again.

Just as we're starting the tournament, I see that the 6 handed was today. Blargh!!!

I play 4 levels of poker before I raise it up with KK and get two callers. The flop is 7 high and its checked to me. I move in and the big blind calls with A7. Blank on the turn, 7 on the river.

GG and I'm headed back to Bourbon Street.

JDN

WSOPC Main Event Caesars Palace

2009-04-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

My new pre-tournament ritual now consists of 15 minutes of Call of Duty, a big bowl of quinoa, and a baby bell cheese wheel. So far, this is the second of a ritual, it seems to be working.

I satellited into the main event on my second try yesterday, thanks to an appearance of infamous Senor Heineken.

So after epic display of bad ass sniper skills I arrive 45 minutes late to the tourney. I lose all my green chips and I'm down to 24,800.

I'm invisible.

Table 38 seat 4. @OleGSmith is sitting right behind me. Gonna be a long day if this table doesn't break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Internet kid named Owen. I think he's my facebook friend.
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: Internet kid named Phil. There are already too many Phils in poker.
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: rowg. He's pleasant but a little confused on how things work. He likes to min-raise preflop.
Seat 6: Peter "Nordberg" Feldman
Seat 7: rwg with a giant screw as a card protector.
Seat 8: rbg that I played a satellite with yesterday. Think I got a pretty big tell on him.
Seat 9: Internet kid named James or Brian that I played the Caesars Mega Stack Main Event with. (his name is Brent)
Seat 10: fresh off a win at Bay101 Shooting Stars, Steve Brecher

I play a couple hands with the rbg where we reverse positions. The first one I flop top pair with AK and he hits a set. He check calls then bets out on the turn and river. He has 5s full of 8s. He gets 3500 from me.

An orbit or two later I flop bottom set with 22 and check call the flop. I bet out on the turn, trying the same thing on him but he raises me. Wait what? That's not supposed to happen. Top or middle set? I call the 3500 raise and I fill up on the river. I'm outta position so I check and he checks. Bah! He shows top pair and I take it down.

24,650 at first break. Treading water.

That Phil kid sucks. He's getting lucky when playing weird hands. Then Nordberg forgets to bet the turn on a hand and gave the kid a free card which allowed me to lose 7K.

Fuck you Nordberg!

Down to 17K I order the days first Heineken. This should turn things around.

Everyone is staring at the massage lady at the next table. That's a lotta ass. Trying to get a pic.

Meh...

The Heineken is kinda working. I've gone card dead so I'm not losing chips.

19,025 at break. EDog paid me back and I put it on the over for the Lakers Jazz game. Productive break.

Nordberg tells me that this Phil kid is USCPhildo... I don't know what that means.

Table breaks and I get moved to 35 seat 4. Brent is to my left and Mr Smokey is to my right. Awesome.

I wad up a napkin and bounce it off of Joy Miller's head when she's shooting an intro video. I get AA the next hand.

Joy's head is lucky... There's a joke there but I'm not going to say it.

I think seat 1 is Cory Carrol.

The masseuse (not the hot one) behind me keeps rubbing her ass on me.

I do a video with Joy Miller at dinner break and I get "beeped."

Here's a link, here.

After dinner at Sushi Roku (the gf is gonna be pissed) with Edog (busto), Nordberg (busto), Gsmith, and katkin I double up with KQ vs KT against the kid in seat 9 that looks like a healthy Mark Newhouse.

3 hands later I lose 15k with AQ vs J4.

Lovely.

Seat 1 is Matt Brady. Who the fudge is Matt Brady?

I try to see some flops but I have to lay down 77 and AQ preflop against aggressive players like Mr Smokey and some other internet nerds.

Then this hand comes down. I'm on the button and Matt Brady tries to raise from the cut off. He misbets and can only make the minimum raise. I know Mr Smokey is gonna raise it, and he does. I look down at AJ and move all in for 13K. Brady folds and Mr Smokey makes a quick call.

Fuck. How does he wake up with a hand here? He shows AK and I blank out. I'm sure I'm good about 85% of the time in that position. Whatta lucksack.

Oh well, I kinda freerolled the whole thing with my video poker and Edog winnings.

Off to New Orleans next week. Lots of poker in store for me!

JDN

Shronk

2009-04-23T03:04:00.000-07:00

I didn't quite know what to write about about Shronk. I had to let it sink in before I could wrap my head around it.

I've known the guy for a few years. We weren't close friends, I don't think I have his phone number in my address book, but we could share a beer and a story together.

We never worked together directly, but during the WSOP we would interact daily to organize Cardplayer interviews and videos with the pros from Full Tilt. I got to know this... awkward, funny person during the '07 series and he immediately struck me as someone that would keep things interesting with just his basic perception and reaction to the insane world that we were working in.

In the summer of '07, there was a world series of roshambo tournament and Shronk was on interview duty for Cardplayer. He also got to play the tournament for Mike Matusow because Mike, believe it or not, was still in a tournament, and didn't want to come down to the Rio at 9AM. This being a story about Shronk, we met in the 2nd round.

Shronk catches a hot one at 3:10 in.

Having only known Shronk for a few weeks, I knew him well enough that I could do some physical comedy on him and he would roll with it. So I slapped him after beating him. He laughed it up and we bro'd up shortly after.

When I was running Pokerwire, having resurrected the Circuit, aka Pokerwire Radio, aka PokerRoad Radio, Shronk came to me and asked if Pokernews could do a feature on the new show. He only wanted to do it because he was a fan of the show. Plain and simple. You don't see much of that in poker media, or any industry for that matter.

After I left the working poker world for a life of luxury at the small stakes, I saw less of Shronk. I would randomly run into him at the televised tournaments that I would play and I would undoubtedly get some kinda of random story from him about traveling to Korea or Australia and getting some virus from eating the local cuisine late at night. None of it was surprising. It was Shronk. You'd expect that kinda of story from him every tournament.

It was a let down when he didn't tell you about going to the hospital or getting stuck in some foreign airport for 2 days. You always needed a Shronk story to keep you in a positive attitude because... it wasn't happening to you. Like watching Jerry Springer.

But it didn't really seem to bother Shronk. It was all a part of the ride for him. Acceptance and experience. I think he had fun.

The last time I saw Shronk was at the Dream Team Poker tournament at Caesars. He was prepping the radio show when I walked over to say hi. He went into another story, that escapes me, before I was lured away by a green bottle. I remember saying "see you later" as I walked away.

Brutal.

Pokerroad Radio did an amazing tribute show for Shronk. Please listen. Even if you didn't know him, by the end of the show, he'll be your friend.

JDN

Caesars WSOPC $340 NLH Double Stack Turbo

2009-04-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

Can someone explain to me why Caesars would have a turbo tournament and make it a double stack? It makes no sense. If anything it should be a half stack.

Anyhoo, I'm playing it. I arrive 5 minutes before the start and am greeted by a line of 60 people waiting to buy in.

Lovely. The 1K only got 116 players in it today. The prize pool should be about the same in this tourney. Plus I didn't want to commit to a 1K because there's a UFC on tonight. Go Rua!

I miss half of the first level buying in and miss another 5 minutes waiting for them to open up our table. Think ahead Skeezers peeps!

Table 2 seat 5. 12K in chips with 25 minute levels.

Table draw:
Seat 1: rowg. Very very hairy. His beard goes up to his eyes, down onto his chest, and I'm pretty sure it meets up with his back-of-the-neck hair via the path below his ear. I bet he's got a mean manvest under that salmon colored polo.
Seat 2: rag that doesn't understand the concept of a turbo
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rwg kinda stinky
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: rwg rocking blu blockers.
Seat 7: rwg, very loud and annoying. He was also trying to pick up on our first dealer. Aim low buddy.
Seat 8: rowg. A euro.
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rag

$10,850 at break. Played 2 hands and got a walk. Boring!

Back from break I order a Heineken and settle in for the long haul. Then the table breaks. Assdfgljjh!

New table is 58 seat 5. I'm stuck between two older dudes.

There's a creepy Ginger with a beard in seat 2 and Dennis Waterman is in seat 8. Times are tough.

Blinds just went up to 200/400 with a 50 ante. In 4 levels, the best hand I've seen has been A8. I'm saving up all my good hands for later.

I got 10K left. 25 big blinds, but I do my best work with 10 big blinds. I'm playing this like the turbo hundo on FTP.

The euro to my right raises to 1400 preflop and I call with 99, the best hand I've seen all day. The flop comes down 7s 8c 9c. He checks I bet 1550.

Another Heineken shows up. He moves in. I call and show my set'o'nines. He shows aces. No club. Sweet.

The turn is a 6 and the river is a 10.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Chop up the blinds and antes. (There's a joke in here somewhere but it escapes me at the moment.)

Blinds move up to 300/600 with a 75 ante. On my big blind, 3 peeps limp to me. I'm sitting on 7000 which is pretty much 10 big blinds. Action time! I move in with J2.

Everyone folds. This is how we do it. I need to get back down to 10 BBs so I can move in with more weak hands.

Right before the break it's raised to 3K and called when I'm in the small blind. I look down at QQ and move in. The big blind moves in too. Crizzap.

The other two donks fold and he shows me AA. I scoot back to stand up when a queen hits the flop. Double up to 22K.

22,025 at break.

I win the race off during the break and get up to 22,100. On a roll.

Shortly after the break another euro limps to me on the big blind and I raise to 3100 with KK. Small blind calls as does the original limper. The flop falls J 5 J. Check check and I bet 5000. Small blind, a Spaniard, calls. The other euro folds.

The Spaniard checks blind and I move in for 11k. He thinks a bit before calling and shows TT.

Blank on the river and I double to 44K.

After another break, I'm sitting on 45K, which is double average. UFC is starting.

On the button, it's limped twice to me for 1600. I look down at AK and raise to 7000. Small blind folds and big blind calls leaving him self 9K behind. What?

Fold fold and the flop comes of J 5 9. Big blind moves in. I can't fold. I call. He shows J9 off. What the fuck? Why would you call have your stack off with J9? I can understand if he moves in preflop, but just calling? It makes no sense.

I'm not drawing dead, turn is a 9. Now I am. River is a jack. Blargh.

A few hands later, the bald guy under the gun moves in for 14K and the guy next to him calls. I look down at 99 and call also.

The flop is J 3 6, pretty good for 99, and the not all in guy moves in. What? Looks like he's defending AK. I call and he shows 66 for Satan's Set. I whiff on the turn and river and I'm out.

pfffft!

JDN

$500 6-handed NLH Caesars Circuit

2009-04-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

I find an orange skittle in my pocket while walking through the casino. That's good luck right?

First thing I see when I walk into the pokerroom is an Eskimo lurking for change. We make eye contact, he recognizes me but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know my name.

I make it by him without being asked for money. Sweet. I'm already a winner on this day.

This a 6 handed event. I've flamed out of the last two I played before the first break. Those were at the series and in Tahoe and that was when I was running bad. I'm not running great or even playing decent but... I really wanted to play golf today but there were lightening bolts on my iPhone. So I'm playing poker.

Apparently I just wanted to lose $500 today.

Table 38 seat 3

Table draw!

Seat 1: rwg. Think I've played with him before. He's kinda clueless.
Seat 2: rwg who's a damn know it all
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: Thor Hansen. The dealer already made a joke about his missing hammer.
Seat 6: rbg (random black guy). Trying to bust to play the Venetian because he didn't know it was a 6 handed tourney.

The rbg is a cockroach. He gave all his chips to Thor before I double him up from 300 when my 33 got counterfeited by the board and his J high wins.

Then he gets down to 50, yes 50 chips, and doubles 3 hands in a row with 95 vs AQ, JT vs QQ, and A9 vs JJ.

Aiyeah. He's doubled at least 3 more times but he still only has 1200.

Doubled again up to 3K. Seat 1, a Canadian, has doubled him up 4 times and he's down to 4200.

The Kings of Leon should change the title of their new album to "Songs to Hump By." I'm sitting here with a bunch of guys wanting to get back home for nefarious reasons. Gotta change the tunes.

I limp for 100 with 22 in late position and seat 2 raises it to 500. Everyone folds back to me and since I haven't hit a set in a while, I call.

The flop falls 8 2 9 and I check and he bets 800. I call and check the 3 on the turn. He bets 2500 leaving himself 2000 behind

I put him all in and he calls showing queens. Sweet! Ship it.

20K at break. That skittle I found in my pocket was lucky!

They got 247 players for this tourney. The SCOOP must be over.

A little High on Fire has cured me of my "Leon Boner" and I'm winning hands with my renewed focus.

I participate in this series of texts with Jeremiah early in the 3rd level.

Jeremiah Smith:
Yo homoface just sent you some money on tilt

JDN:
Sweet. Playing the 6 handed. 20k at break.

JS:
What 6 handed???

JDN:
caesars

JS:
Wtf. Thanx for telling me. Woulda loved that.

JDN:
I was gonna golf but here instead. Schedule is online.

JS:
I'm so tilted right now.

JDN:
Self induced?

JS:
By u not telling bout 6max

i hate u

so much

JDN:
You're such a girl

JS:
I would say go blow yourself but i know ur too fat

JDN:
LOL nice one

In the 4th level rbg raises to 750 under the gun. On the button I reraise to 1750 with AK. He calls and the flop is 9h 2h 3c. Check check.

The turn is the 4h and he bets 2700. Hmm, this is not making a lot of sense to me. He usually checks the made hands. But to call the reraise preflop, he's gotta have a decent hand. I basically put him on a JT or better but no pair. I also rule out two hearts. One heart makes more sense.

I got the gut shot draw too. I call the 2700.

The river is the 2s. He bets 4525. Well, that couldn't have helped him. None of this is making sense.

I tank it. Replaying the hand in my head. Nope. No way. Riiight. Nothing is adding up.

I look over at him and he's pulling a chris ferguson. Hands on chin, covering his nose and chin, just staring at me. This is new. Haven't seen this before.

He keeps staring at me. Now with any other player I would take this as a strong hand. But not him.

I call. He shows QT. Gotcha biatch! I show my AK. Minor freak out on the table as I scoop the pot.

I bust a dingleberry when I flop another set at the end of the level. I'm a machine.

47K at 2nd break.

I pretty much just maintain for the next two levels before these two hands happen.

A new seat 2 does not know how to bet preflop. He's betting out 4 and 4.5 times the blind while the rest of the table is betting less than 3 times.

Everyone is waiting to catch him with a 3 bet. So of course it's folded him on the button and he raises to 2300. I look down at QQ and raise to 6500. He calls.

The flop is Ad Jh 2d. He quickly checks outta turn. I bet out 8K sensing weakness and he raises all in. WTF?

I ditch the queens and he shows an ace.

On the very last hand of the level seat 4 moves in under the gun for 7500. It's folded to me in the big blind and I look down at QdJd. They're probably live. I just lost a big pot. I'm on tilt. I call.

He shows AdQc. Blargh. But a jack on the flop wins it for me. Sweet.

30K at dinner break.

I get moved to the table behind me and there are two women at the table. Last two in the tourney.

Then something happens to me that's never happened before. It's folded to me on the button, I raise to 2100 with 94. Standard right? I drop a chip on my cards and as I pull my hand away the edge of the card catches a ridge somewhere in my finger print and flips the cards over.

Wait! What?

The card flips over, the chip drops straight down on top of the 9. My 4 of spades is exposed.

...

So embarrassing.

Everyone laughs. The small blind shows a 3 of clubs and folds. Then the big blind, a woman, who's low in chips, moves in. I have to fold and she shows QJ.

Bah!

Blinds move up to 600/1200 and I'm hovering around 25K.

I pick up kings and everyone folds. Shenanigans!!!

The TDs may have changed the payout structure mid-tournament.

Details to come.

Make another break with 35K. 36 players left.

I get all in for the first time in tournament with AK in the big blind. The lady with all the chips folds AQ face up. Sgghhfsaghhjllkjk!

The pay out structure has been changed from 27 peeps to 24. Bunk. Basically they said that the payouts were for a 9 handed tourney and they had to change it to a 6 handed one.

Makes sense.

The night TDs at Caesars are way better than the morning ones.

I bust the old guy in seat 2 with my hot mess of a A8 vs his K8. Up around 75K.

I make a big call with 2 pair and it's good. Up to 110K.

We redraw at 30 players and I swear to god my cousin Nathan is to my right. Except he's wearing Ed Hardy. Nathan would never wear that... Well, he might.

In the big blind I get moved to another table behind the button. Sweet! Allie Prescott is the only person I know here.

I try and abuse the bubble and I get the cards to do it, but I end up breaking even on the level and finish at the break with 116K.

4th break. I gotta pee.

25 peeps left. We'll be hand for hand when we get back.

Oh momma. On the small blind I decide to 3 bet anyone that raises. Under the gun raises to 6500 and the Ginger to his left calls. I reraise to 19200 with K2. Wait wait! Hear me out.

I know the Ginger doesn't have a big hand and the Asian under the gun will fold AK here.

The Asian folds and the Ginger reluctantly calls. The flop is Q 2 4. He checks and I move in. He quickly folds. Looks like a middle pair to me.

Up to about 140K.

Finally!!! We make the money. I got close to 150K. I think we get $1200 for 24th.

Donk off a bunch of chips to the retarded ginger who called my raise with 76 vs my A6.

58k at the next break. 16 left.

In the 2000/4000 level seat 6 raises under the gun to 1200. I call with 33. Allie calls behind.

The flop falls 9h 3c 3h. Oh. Snap. Bitch. Now how am I going to get any chips outta this?

Seat 6 moves in. Ah! Ha! I call. Way to quickly. Allie shows the Ah 4h and folds. Fudge.

Seat 6, who is a ringer for Tim Meadows, shows Ad 8d.
Ship it this way. Back up to 145k.

I bust seat 2 with TT vs his 66 and we're down to 12. Table redraw. I got 200K.

I like my new seat. I'm in 6 with two big stacks to my right. The first hand is of course raised by the young kid with the beanie to my right. I look down at A5 and make the call.

The flop falls A 3 K. He bets out on the flop for less than half the pot and I call. I also decide to call him down on this hand. He's a solid player, but I've seen him over play a couple of hands. The turn is a 6. He bets half the pot, about 45K. I call.

The river is an 8 and he quickly moves in. What? I got about 125K left. Weird. I tank it. I look at the payouts, 5 minutes to end of the day. Still have a lot of chips if I fold.

I notice that a couple a guys on the rail stand up to watch this hand. They're wearing beanies too. Must be a gang. They're all young.

I ask the kid if that's his backer. He says yes. Pretty sure the little one is Chad Batista. He could be showing off for his backer. He's either got nothing or everything. Smells a little like a bluff, or maybe he even has a K.

If I win this hand I'll be up around 450K. I can fold, play it safe and come back tomorrow.

Fuck it. I call.

He's got a King. And an Ace. Bollocks. Nice hand sir. I muck my cards.

My 1st really horrible read of the day.

Bah. 12th place pays $2K. Not bad for a days work. Even better, I was playing good. Not too tight, aggressive and making spot on reads has me feeling really good about playing some more tournaments at Caesars and beyond.

This is a stepping stone.

JDN

$500 HORSE Venetian Deep Stack AKA Debacle at the Venetian

2009-04-15T18:33:00.000-07:00

I get to the Venetian around 1pm and sit down at a 4/8 Omaha hi/lo table with a half kill. I gotta kill two hours before the horse tourney starts. Might as well do it at omahahaha.

Just found out that the tourney doesn't start till 4. Blargh!

I pick up from the Omaha game at 4:00pm to play the horse. And I'm up $350. Ship it! I'm freerolling the horse!

Table draw:

Table 45 seat 3. 8k in chips, 20 minutes per game. Blargh! I like 8 hands per game way better.

Seat 1: rowg, a Greek. Kinda fat.
Seat 2: rowg named Stan. A very friendly gentleman.
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4 rowg, apparently he won this tourney in feb. He's announced it 3 times.
Seat 5: rowg
Seat 6: rowg that looks like martin Scorsese. Complete with the giant glasses.
Seat 7: rwg
Seat 8: crazy ivan. Some Russian with a New York accent. He's channeling Tony G.

I lose 2500 in the first round of limit hold'em. At 50/100. Good gawd. At least I can last longer than 25 minutes... that's what she said.

I get it all back in Omaha and get up to 12K.

Then all hell breaks loose when razz starts. Apparently no one looked at the structure before we played. We jump up to 25 ante, 25 bring in 100/200.

Pretty much every table calls the floor over to protest and Mr Matt Savage walks over to say hi. I ask him if this is his structure.

He says no and that he just texted someone that it was bullshit. Tru dat.

10k at first break.

I pretty much stop writing shit down at this point because I lose every hand I play.

I stay alive long enough to have two old dudes in stud blind check 7th street to me when they both hit gutshot straights. Dummies. Eskimo Clark did that to me once with a straight flush. Old dudes man...

I get down to 500 and get it all in 5 or six hands in a row and chop every one.

1150 at next break.

On the button in hold'em it's limped to me with Kh7h. I call and 4 of us see the flop. All I know is that there are 2 hearts on the flop and that's all I'll ever see.

Gotta walk back to Caesars.

I play so bad.

JDN

$500 Caesars Circuit Event

2009-04-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

Insta-tilt to start the tournament. The tournament starts and the floor directs the dealer to deal. The problem here is that there are only 3 people at the table. I call the floor over to say that you can't deal with only 3 players.

He says all the seats are sold, go ahead and deal. I tell I him I don't believe him for a second that all the seats are sold.

He sarcastically says, "I hope you win the tournament."

As he walks away I reply, "I if win you better hope for a tip."

What a fucking douche bag. I text Matt Savage to see what the TDA rule is.

(start text)

JDN: Hey the TDs are caesars are retarded. Can you start dealing a tournament when there are only 3 players at the table?

MS: depends on the situation?

JDN: It's a ten handed 10 table only 3 seats sold. Happy Easter btw

MS: Thanks, with only 3 on a new table i will wait but if all the seats are sold or even 8 of the 10 are there then i will deal

JDN: THat's what I thought. thx

MS: Golf... lets do it!

(end of text)

I then watch the next person to buy in, walk over to our table and sit down in seat 8. Fucking lying bastard.

Now we have 4.

I lose two tilty hands in the next orbit and 4 more people buy in and take their seats at the table. I swear I'm gonna smack that guy next time I see him.

It's not so much that he was wrong, it's that he treated me like I was retarded. I know what the fucking rule is. Just cause you don't, don't lie to cover it up.

Then with seat 8 on the button, seat 1 limps, I raise to 175 with Ac8c. The small and big blind call as does seat 1. The flop comes 6c 7c 8d.

There's gonna be some fireworks on this hand.

Seat 8 bets out 550. Seat 1 calls. I raise to 1500. Small blind folds.

Then seat 8 does this whole confused act for several minutes before trying to raise to 4500. It takes a couple more minutes to get the right amount of chips out there.

Ok I'm up against a set or a straight. I never win these. I should fold.

I move in.

He calls and says, "show me aces!"

I got better. I show the Ac8c and he shows 7h6h. WTF? Why would you wanna see aces with that hand. Guess he's never been counterfeited before.

No sir I only have 16 outs. The turn is a 4. Now I got 19 outs.

The river pairs the board with the wrong card. A 6 and I'm out.

Fuck this place. I'm going to go the Venetian to play the HORSE tourney. In 3 hours. Blargh!

JDN

$500 Venetian Deep Stack

2009-04-10T18:49:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas is slowing turning into Los Angeles. I get stuck in traffic on Spring Mountain in Chinatown for 20 minutes. Brutal!

So I'm 15 minutes late to the tourney and to punish me for my tardiness, I draw seat 1 on table 50. I hate seat 1!!!

We start with $15K and that is accompanied by 45 minute levels.

Table draw!

Seat 1: your favorite loser, JDN
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 2: random Asian guy that looks like he was born to be a member of BARGE. Weird Indiana Jones hat, check. Glasses, check. Ponytail, check. Probably a math nerd too.
Seat 3: rwg. Balding but still trying to look cool.
Seat 4: rwg younger than seat 3 but completely bald. He also likes to check dark.
Seat 5: older rwg who likes to raise with crazy hands, like the kids do. He also won't shut up and has told the table about his chemo.
Seat 6: older rwg. He looks kinda lost.
Seat 7: rag with serious SAG tendencies. He's also wearing a hat that says, "Laotion Lotion.". I wonder if that's his nickname, which would awesome, or just his favorite product.
Seat 8: middle-aged housewife with silver hair. I'm trying to figure out her range of hands because I've seen her play AK like aces and min raise with a full house.
Seat 9: younger rwg playing very weak tight

The table is pretty tight in the first level and I pick up 1000 chips in the first orbit. Sweet!

Then it all goes down the shitter. I basically call down with 2nd pair 8 or 9 times and lose half my stack.

Then this hand goes down.

It's limped to me on the button in two spots. I look down at A9 and call for 200. Small blind calls and big blind raises to 800. Seat 5 calls, so does the older lady in seat 8. Shit, I guess I should call too, so I do as does the small blind.

The flop falls T 8 9 rainbow. Small blind checks, big blind bets 2K. Seat 5 folds, old lady goes into the tank. If she calls I gotta call. Getting the right price. She calls, I call, small blind tanks it and starts talking to himself. What the... he raises to 5K. Damn. OK I'm done with hand.

Big blind and old lady call the 5K. Wait what? Whatever. I call leaving 3K behind. The turn is a 5 and its quickly checked to me! What?! All in.

I put my last 3K in and the small blind goes into the tank. I think at this point QQ and JJ will fold. The lady could easily have AJ the way she was playing. Small blind is talking to himself again. He finally moves in for 14K.

While the big blind thinks about it, the small blind leans over to me and tells me I'm winning the hand. What? There's a big possibility that I'm drawing dead. Hopefully this donk has an over pair or two pair. Those are the only hands I can beat.

Big blind and the old lady fold. The guy turns over 76 for the ass end of the straight. Drawing dead. Idiot. Or am I the idiot?

JDN

PS Google is our friend. Found this after a search. http://laotionlotion.com Two words: Awe Some

Random Golf Tournament for... Medical Students?

2009-04-09T22:58:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I know this isn't golfwtf.com (I gotta see if that's available) but I've been playing more golf than poker lately and this is a tournament, and I'm playing with some degen poker players, so it seems like a perfect fit for pokerwtf.

So Jeff Madsen texts me the other night and asks if I want to play a golf tournament. Having just played two days in a row, I was a little hesitant to say yes, until I found out that Gavin, Bobo, and Layne were playing too.

Ok I'm in and we got action!

I show up at the Eagle Crest Golf Club at 1:30 and I can't find anyone. I text Gavin and he says he's on his way. Off to the driving range.

I find Madsen and he tries to steal my bucket of range balls. You gotta watch this kid.

We head back up to the carts to get started, but Gavin and Bobo are no where to be seen. The professor that organized this thing is asking us where Gav is and I tell him he's on his way.

Team New Hotness

2:15pm
Still no Gsmith. Madsen and I find the refreshment cart and promptly remove all their Heinekens for $4 each. And! They give us a cooler.

Team Old and Busted

2:20pm
We meet our other twosome that will be playing with us. They're med students and I forget their names as soon as the first Heineken is cracked open.

2:25pm
Gavin, Bobo, and Ryan (Gavin's Manservant is taking Layne's place because he's in jail again. Just kidding, he's playing the SCOOP) make their entrance and even from 50 yards away, I can tell that Gavin is drunk. His hair is doing that bozo thing where it is just sticking straight out. Kinda like Curly from the 3 Stooges.

Turns out he was playing trivia all night at the Porchlight and when Madsen called him at 12:15pm he was still there. Stay classy G!

Bets get placed and we're ready to go. I bet Jeff $100 a side and $5 a putt. I give him 6 shots over the whole course and 2 putts. We also get two mulligans apiece.

Jeff gets a bet down with Gavin for $2K. Team vs team and Gavin's giving us 10 shots. We could be good here.

2:30pm
We finally head off to hole #14 for our shotgun start.

Madsen drops his beer while driving. I almost have to jump out of the moving cart to avoid getting wet.

Hole #14 par 3
We lose our partners, they decided to drive across the 13th green for some reason. So we tee off. Madsen grounds his to the right and I put mine in the shit on the left. Great start.

The med students finally show up to tee off and I realize that they only have 1 golf bag. The guy wearing the Affliction shirt holds a driver up and asks me if he should use this club. Oh boy.

Turns out neither of these guys have ever played before. Aiyeah.

Jeff and I bet on who will get the better score. I take Affliction guy and Jeff takes the guy with the shorts. $100 on this one.

The first hole takes us 25 minutes to complete. This is gonna be a long day.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #15 Par 3
The yardage sign reads 147 from the white tees. I take an 8 iron and hit a beautiful shot straight at the pin. Looks a little long. It bounces on the back of the green and into some bushes across the cart path.

That sign is a liar!

Madsen: 6
JDN: 5

Hole #16 par 3

Madsen: 3 shots 2 putts
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

Hole #17 par 3
This is a closer to the hole... hole. I put it in the sand behind the hole and take 3 shots to get out. I hate the sand.

Madsen: 6 shots 3 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #18 par 4
Our first driver hole! I put mine about 250 yards out, but to the right and I lose the ball. Pretty sure one of those poor med students on the hole next to us picked it up.

On the green, Affliction guy tells me that he wants to be a ER doctor. Sweet, there's hot chicks in the ER. I watch House. Then he tells me about sticking his finger in other dudes' asses. I'll pass.

Madsen shows us his "ball behind the club" technique.

Madsen drives the cart up next to the green and the marshall yells at him. I tell the marshall that he's going to be doing a lot of that today.

Madsen: 7 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots and 2 putts

Hole #1 par 4
At 306 yards, I almost drive to the green, but end up in the sand on the right. I have problems getting out. It would probably help if I had a sand wedge and not a lob wedge for these.

Madsen: 7 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 2 putts

Hole #2 par 3
We're almost out of beer. Everyone has to pee.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #3 par 3
The refreshment cart arrives! Yes!

Madsen: 4 shots 1 putt
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

Hole #4 par 3
After peeing everyone is invigorated and ready for more. I put my tee shot 6 feet from the pin and I still 2 putt it. Blargh! At least I made par.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 3 shots 2 putts

Hole #5 par 4
I lose my tee shot in the water and Madsen doesn't. He puts his over the water and has to hit from the beach on the other side of the lake. Pretty sure he cheated on this hole.

Madsen: 5 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #6 par 3
I hit my tee shot fat and only make it half way to the green. I hit my second shot fat and lay up in front of the green. I quit.

Madsen: 5 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #7 par 3
I get the tee shot within 10 feet of the pin before 2 putting it. So rigged against birdies.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 3 shots 2 putts

Pee Break!

We block off the tunnel and whizzle.

Madsen killing ants

Hole #8 par 3
Nothing interesting happened on this hole.

Madsen: 6 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #9 par 4
Play has slowed. When we reach the tee box, there are 2 other teams in front of us. We decide to draft players on the foursome behind us, Gavin, Bobo, Ryan, and the Professor, and bet on closest to the hole for $50 a shot. We both win one and lose one for a push.

Madsen decides to run up a drainage pipe until he walks into some spider webs and runs out screaming, "Ahhh spiders!" like a little girl.

Madsen: 7 shots 3 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #10 par 4
Both Madsen and I have decent drives on this hole. When I reach my ball I realize that it's about 5 yards short of the longest drive. Damn, if I would have known that, I would have taken a mulligan to try and out-drive it. I need that $25 gift certificate to Sammy's.

On the green we decide to implement a new rule. You have to bring your beer with you to the green. We're gonna need more beer.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots 1 putt

Hole #11 par 3
After our tee shots, some college girls show up with booze. Sweet. They apparently have been driving around this whole time giving out free drinks. Oh what the hell? We're almost done and we're just finding out about this? I ask for a beer and all they have is Coors Light or MGD. Good grief. Gimme the silver bullet.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 3 putts

Hole #12 par 3
Again we're waiting for the team ahead of us so we bet on Gavin and company's tee shots. I scoop and I'm up $200. Yeah boy!

Madsen: 6 shots 1 putt
JDN: 6 shots 2 putts

Hole #13 par 4
I have to use my last mulligan on this one because Madsen hit a nice drive about 280 yards out. On my second tee shot I crush it right up the middle and Madsen tries to tell me his is longer. Bet! I'm about 20 yards from the hole and out drive him by 80 yards. Sucka!

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

As a team we end up shooting a 90. Pretty good. Gavin and Bobo need to shoot a 79 or better to win. I think Madsen is money here. I shoot a 96 with 41 putts. Jeff got a 107 with 49 putts. I beat him for $500 something. I need to play with him more often.

Gavin and Bobo shoot a 71. Oops. They beat us by 19 strokes. We are so bad.

We join Gavin and Bobo near the putting green and we all get our gamble on. We throw golf balls closest to a designated pin. Jeff and Gavin are betting in the thousands and Bobo and I are betting $5 a throw.

Madsen shagging balls.

Gavin just got pwned

Good times.

JDN

Opportunity Village Charity Poker Tournament

2009-04-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

I meet up with Perry Friedman at registration and we notice that Mr Top is also registered for the tourney.

Top Carrot, a new show coming to Bravo this fall staring 20 hopeful gingers vying to become the next creepy ginger celebrity.

$300 buy in, 1000 chips to start, rebuys get you 1500 and the add on gets you 2000. 20 minute levels, it's a turbo! Sweet!

Table 5 seat 4

Table draw: Is really boring. No famous peeps, no poker pros, nothing. Except the little guy at the other end of the table that looks like Warwick Davis of Willow and Leprechaun fame.

In the first level I flop a flush and get paid off. Then I flop a straight and get paid off.

In the second level I flop 2nd pair and lose all my chips. Rebuy!

I call a 450 raise with 88 from the small blind and 3 of us see the 5 6 9 flop. Looks like I'm getting all in on this one. I check and seat 6 moves in for 750. Seat 10 flats calls and I move in for 725 more. Seat 10 can't fold and shows QQ. Seat 6 turns over 66 for set of sixes (hail Satan!) and I show my 88 and ask for a rebuy. A 7 on the turn and I tell the rebuy to go away. Triple up to 5500 or something.

Sweet.

Hey look! It's the backside of that female poker player from that Celebrity Apprentice show. Don't they know that poker players are not celebrities?

I do the add on at the end of the 3rd level and I have 7500 at break. Since I have no crazies at my table I'm looking good. Figures that this is charity tourney and I'm doing good.

I double up the cranky grandma in seat 7 after her K8 makes two pair on the turn vs my TT. She got angry with me after I asked her how many chips she had left after she called my preflop raise.

She didn't want me to look at her chips and she tried to hide them behind her cup holder.

They're auctioning off a full tilt poker poker table signed by team full tilt. Including Clonie Gowen. Oops. I wonder how long that's been sitting in storage?

The redneck guy in seat 1 is playing for reals. He gets all pissed when people beat him in pots and he's boarderline throwing his cards into the muck. This charity tournament circuit is serious stuff.

This is officaly the most boring, tightest charity tournament table evar. I might need to order a cocktail.

I make the second break with 3575.

Triple up with jacks on the first hand back. Up to 9k before losing with aq vs a8. Down to 500, I move in under the gun with KK and get 2 callers. The guy next to me has TT and the guy in the small blind has AQ.

When an Ace hits on the flop I'm walking out the door, but I sit back down with the river brings a two outter K. I think I'm around 3000 when the table breaks.

I get moved next to Marissa the tax lady and funny enough, James the tax man was at the same table before he busted. This is pretty much the first time ever James and I weren't at the same table during a tournament. Next to Marissa is a dancer from the Fantasy show at the Luxor.

It's a topless show and this chick is defintely qualified. Her gianormous fun bags are basically spilling out the top of her corset. I have a hard time remembering my hole cards.

Then she stands up. Whoa! Those pants are too tight girlfriend. She's got this weird skinny chick muffin top, a biscuit can if you will, going on. Not to mention I see half her ass when she stands up.

With the tight jeans and the corset pinching her skin, her waddle looks like the cheese spilling out of the grilled cheese sandwich your mom used to make you.

Aiyeah.

I get my stack up to 10K before Jeremiah Smith and his nerdy glasses shows up to sweat me in a charity tournament. The guy has no life.

With blinds at 1k/2k I move in for 11k from middle position with As7s. The english guy at the other end of the table thinks about it forever before calling with AK. WTF took you so long bloke? I hit a 7 but still lose the hand thanks to my mush Mr Smith.

Oh well, it was for charity and I had a good time.

I'll probably play a Venetian tournament later this week. Bellagio only got 27 people for the 5K. I'm not going back there this month. Especially with the WSOPC starting at Caesars next weekend.

JDN

Bellagio $1500

2009-04-02T02:24:00.000-07:00

As usual the bellagio's clocks are 15 minute slow and I got some time to kill after buying in. I resist the urge to blow money on video poker, I'm trying to quit, and instead I do the healthy thing and get an orange juice at snacks.

I promptly spill it all over my air force 1s. Damn you video poker! Damn you.

The Venetian started their deep stack today and it killed the bellagio's numbers. We'll be lucky to get 125 players.

Table 53 seat 9. 4500 in chips with 1 hour levels.

Table draw:

12:45. The first table has broken.

And I'm out. Tax man Jim was at my table, and this SAG in seat 4 got me all in with 77 vs her AK on a 8 high flop. Ace on the turn and I'm going to play Venetian tournaments from here on out.

JDN

Dream Team Poker

2009-04-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

The night before the tournament I, Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith and the GF, attend some sort of party in the poker room at Caesars. It wasn't easy to get a drink and it was harder to get our jerseys!

Even though it was on the wall, we couldn't get it.

I guess we have to buy in. ok ok.

While standing in line with Miah, we're discussing the latest issue of Invincible when Zee Justin and Jimmy Fricke walk up. This should be good. Miah says "hi" to both before Jimmy throws out a hand to me. I shake it, then say, "Do you know who I am?" He says no. Sweet. I tell him I'm the guy that forwarded the email from Howard to you.

Awkward silence.

He says, "Sorry."

I laugh it off and continue with the talk with Miah about Invincible. Issue #60 was awesome.

After buying in we get our jerseys.

Oh yeah, our 3rd is non other than Scott Fischman. And we're Team Zurvive. Don't ask about the name.

The peeps from Dream Team sent me this email about a week before and here's my response:

1) Why you think you have the best team?

We don't have anywhere near the best team. Our best chance to win is to move in on any two cards that make a flush or straight. This technique is also know as the Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith system.

2) How you came up with your team name?

Truthfully? Spellcheck on the computer broke.

3) How you decided on who was going to be on your team?

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Jeremiah's response to #3 was classic:

#3) Most teams are trying to put together a team of mixed playing styles, but we took that one step further. We are fielding a has-been, a wannabe, and a never-was.

I'm not sure who I am but I would put money on the wannabe.

Day 1

We're starting no earlier than 12:45. It's takes 30 minutes to get people in their seats and just when we think we're going to see some cards, we get some special announcements. One by the founder of Dream Team Poker, one by the mayor of Beverly Hills (WTF), and one by a congress woman who's name I can't remember. Shelly something. Regardless it was a brutal 45 minutes waiting for this thing to start.

In the first orbit I lose 3K with 44 vs seat 5 when he fires 2 bullets with AK and catches the ace on the river. Blargh.

An orbit later I raise with AA in early position and everyone folds. So it's just gonna be one of those days.

My right eye is killing me. I feels like someone rubbed a chipolte in my eye. I'm slowly turning into Popeye here.

In the 50/100 level it's mistakenly minraised by seat 5 and I call the extra 100 with K2. The flop falls 8s Kd Qs. Sweet, time for a check raise. It's checked around. Bah! I bet $350 on the turn when a jack falls.

Seat 5 calls and I bet 625 on the river. Its an 8. Seat 5 thinks about it for a few seconds before he raises to 3600. Damn it! He makes a funny face and winks at me. Full house or quads? I fold. Down to 5500.

Table 36 seat 1

Table draw:

Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: rwg can't remember his name but he's on team Drity Sanchez.
Seat 3: rwg with a Jew-fro. And no, it's not Alex Jacob.
Seat 4: rowg that I've played with before. He's a got a bad mustache too.
Seat 5: rwg. Way too old to be wearing a basketball jersey. But to his credit he's wearing a sweat shirt under it.
Seat 6: Steve Sung. He left in the 2nd level to go play a blackjack tournament at the bellagio
Seat 7: rwg. Some girl on his team walked up to talk to him and she wasn't wearing a bra under her jersey. I know exactly what her breasts look like. All I can think about is a motorboat.
Seat 8: rag
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rag. Minor SAG.

9950 at break. Jeremiah has 15k and Scott has 12k.

Joe Sebok tucks his jersey in. I LOL'd.

Steve Sung just came back but he has to go back to the bellagio at 4 for more BJ.

Jeremiah just got congratulated over the pa for going deep in the main event. I'm def the never-was.

Level up! 200/400 with a 50 ante. Gamble gamble. I got 10k.

Steve Sung can make his BJ tournament. He's busto.

Seat 5 stares at my chips every time he raises. So now I call him on it every hand. I'm trying to tilt him and it seems to be working. He lost two raise hands in a row. Haha fucker!

With blinds at 200/400 I raise to 1100 in middle/early position with KcQc. The rag in seat 8 calls from the big blind. The flop is 2 5 6. Check check. The turn is a K. He bets out 1400 and I call. The river is a 4 and he checks. I must be good. I bet 2000 and he calls.

I show my KQ and he flips over what I think is KQ. On my second take I see that it's KK. WTF?! That's right I gotta hit the 1 outter to lose any money. But he plays it so bad I get away cheap.

Down to 5500 I get it all in with AK vs the 99 of seat 10. Ace on the flop and I'm up to 10K. Again. Starting stack.

A few orbits later seat 3 raises under the gun to 1200. Seat 7 flat calls and I move in with KT on the button. I know seat 3 reads this as a squeeze and moves in. I'm racing. Then seat 7 calls all his chips off, seat 3 has him covered.

Seat 3 shows 66 and seat 7 shows JJ. After a T on the flop I blank out and head to the Mermaid Maid Bar to kick it with Scott Huff, his GF, and Amanda Leatherman. None of them make me fell better about the way I played, so I have a few more Hieneken's before hitting up the roulette table.

Fuck this team shit!

Jeremiah busts a few hands after me and Scott actually makes it to the bubble before busting with KK vs QQ.

Aiyeah!

JDN
(I'm not spell checking this BS before I post it. Deal with it!)

Wynn Classic 1K Omaha hi lo

2009-03-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

On my drive down to the Wynn I keep telling myself that I should just turn around and go home, get back in bed, then play online in the afternoon. But I can't seem to turn the car around.

The only thing keeping me going forward are those trophies they give out for winning one of these. It looks like a wynn hotel. I came close last year in the HOSE tourney. I was chip leader with 12 players and busted out in 9th. Final table and money bubble. It was awesome.

Once I get to the Wynn I tell myself to just get a sangwich and go home. But for some reason I walk over to the registration desk and hand over my thousand dollars.

I'm a glutton for punishment.

The tourney starts 30 minutes late due to the time change. Or so they say. I would imagine that nobody really wanted to come down here to play a $1000 Omaha tourney on sunday. That or they listened to their conscience and turned around and got back in bed.

In the first twenty minutes I display my inability to play tight and play premium hands. I lose 2K in the 25/50 level.

Table 43 seat 4

Table draw:
Seat 1: clueless old white guy that needs help reading his hands.
Seat 2: rwg with a red moley moley mole right in the middle of his forehead. If he shaved his head he could pull Indiana Jones' heart out. Oh and he has a giant zit on his upper lip. Whitehead and all.
Seat 3: little Asian chick. Not a sag but definitely a gambler
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: rwg
Seat 6: really old rwg
Seat 8: kinda Asian guy. Or maybe he's just Jewish. I can't tell.
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rwg that was talking about banging hookers in Thailand before the start of the tourney. I hope he wore a jimmy hat.

Oh there's the Chainsaw.

Maureen Feduniak, my omaha arch nemesis, is at the table next to mine.

And now for something you only hear in a omaha tournament:

"Is your prostate bothering you?"

12,325 at first break.

The profile of the really old rwg's nose looks like a penis. I'm gonna try to get a pic.

Turns out the little Asian chick is Etay who I've apparently met no less than 3 times before. I drink too much.

She said I looked different. I asked if it was because I'm getting fat? She I looked younger... I'm the motherfuckn' Benjamin Button of poker!!

Around 20K at break. Man I was getting all squirrely in that last level. I played way too many hands but unlike the normal outcome, I was winning hands.

24,125 at dinner break.

I learned 3 important lessons during dinner break:

1. The Wynn and the Encore do not comp booze at bars. Even if you're playing video poker.

2. Video blackjack cheats.

3. Both the Wynn and the Encore have nice clean crappers.

My table breaks twice after dinner and I end up at table with Scott Clements on my left and Richard Tolavich is somewhere in the other end of the table.

26,700 at break.

Dan Hiemiller, a balding ginger with a mustache, gets moved to my table and he totally over takes the chainsaw for creepiest dude in the tourney.

I have a major monkey brain fart in the 500/1000 level and go from 30K to to 8K up to 20K and back down to 4K. I'm a rollercoaster. I'm not going to mention the hand where the guy called my river bet with bottom pair and it was good.

In the last hand before the 11pm break, I'm on the big blind and Scott raises to 2K under the gun. The kid in seat 1 reraises to 3K and its folded to me. I look down to KK67. I know that both of these guys are holding an ace. Probably A2 too. I can flat call and see a flop or reraise and make the pot bigger. I got 5400. I got spades with the K and 7, which is probably live. 67 can make a straight, I think I really only have to dodge an ace to take half the pot.

I reraise to 4K and both players call. The flop falls A A 2. Fuck me. Well, they both flopped trips at least if not both full houses. I look down at my 67. That might be very very live for the low if their both holding A2. I check hoping to get a free card. Scott bets 1K and the kid raises to 2K. Ok, I'm right where I thought I was. My kings are dead. Hopefully my 67 is live for the low.

I put my last 1400 in and Scott reraises before the kid get all his money in. The kid turns over A2TK and Scott shows A36J. Shit. I'm not drawing live. I need a 3 for the low. Turn is a T and the river is a Q. I'm out.

So poor.

JDN

Chris Bell quiting poker?

2009-02-27T21:11:00.001-08:00

I just caught an episode of this season's Hell's Kitchen and it looks like Chris... Bell has decided to quit poker for a culinary profession.

Caesars 1K Final Table

2009-02-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

I walk in as they're dealing the first hand. I blame the gf's driving skills for the delay.

Apparently I miss counted my chips and I only have 338,000 and not 388,000. Stupid Heinenkens. Oh well, let's get it going.

I don't know what table this is but I'm in seat 4.

Table draw:

Seat 1: that bad skin guy that cracked my set on day one.
Seat 2: mr 3 bets. One of this Internet nerds.
Seat 3: Tracy Nguyen, pearljammers gf
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: Internet nerd with bad teeth bad gums and bad hair, and no it's not Dr Pauly.
Seat 6: big dude. Really big dude.
Seat 7: rwg, a Ginger
Seat 8: rwg
Seat 9: that Mexican guy from the wsop or the human rain delay as Jeremiah calls him
Seat 10: Swedish kid

Well, I get a walk in my first big blind, which is nice. Then all the other short stacks double up with KK, KK, and QQ. The best hand I've seen is A4 off.

After 40 minutes of play we take a break. 325K. I pretty sure I had 388K to start with. I only won one hand and I still have 325K. Dealers are smoking crack.

I order a heineken and I win 2 straight hands. Up to 450K. Heineken, it's magical!

Order another heineken, win another pot. 600K.

Tracy bust the big guy with TT vs A9 and we're finally down to 9. The real final table.

In the 15K/30K level I raise from early position with 22. The Ginger in seat 6 flat call with 245K behind. Alert Will Robinson!

The flop falls 2 4 T. I check, he checks. The turn is a 7. I check again. He puts in his stack and I call. He shows AA.

Blank on the river and I rake the pot.

I'm up over 1 meeeeeeellion in chips for one hand before I pay the blinds.

Ugly Internet guy busted by clueless bad skin guy when he over shoves with AQ and goes out in 8th place. Down to 7.

Just shy of 1 million when we go on break.

Mr 3 Bets busts the rwg and we're down to 6.

Tracy puts me to the test when she moves in from the small blind for 560K with blinds at 20K/40K. I look down at 33.

Gawd! Ok. I think it through. I know she probably has an ace and a over. It's a bit of a over shove but that's not too important. I'm sure I'm racing but, do I wanna be in a race for 70% of my chips?

I finally decide to fold face up. A couple of hands later I ask her if she had A7. She says "something like that." Ding! I'm right.

Good fold by me.

Few orbits later its folded to the clueless bad skin guy in the small blind, he raises it up and the Mr 3 Bets calls. The flop comes Q J 6. Bet call. The turn is a 4. Check check. The river is another 4. I look at clueless guy and see him mouth the word "damn" and smile. 3 Bets isn't even looking at him. I wanna slap him and tell just to look to you right. He doesn't. Clueless guy slowly bets out 500k. Look at him!!! Mr 3 Bets calls and clueless guy shows Q4. C'mon internet kid, look at the people you're playing with.

After raking the pot he tries to give knucks to 3 Bets and gets denied. Listen guy, don't try to buddy up with people you just crippled.

At this point I begging to get heads up with this guy. I could get all his chips with preflop mini raises.

Clueless guy starts stacking the chips from the 2 million chip pot and when he looks down at then next hand, he limps. He's limping in a 6 handed final table. First one of the day. I instantly put him on a pair. Tens minimum.

Its folded to me in the small blind and I look down at 45 off. I call and the big blind checks. The flop comes 4 5 6. Gotcha bitch. I bet out 110K. Big blind folds and clueless bad skin guy raises to 300K. Maybe he has AA. Makes sense to me. I've seen this guy check down TT on a 7 high board.

Aces or kings make a lot of sense to me here. I'm all in for 800K. He calls pretty quickly and show 66 for top set. I'm almost drawing dead. He stands up to shake my hand and I just walk away from the table shaking my head.

6th place. Fuck me.

JDN

Caesars 1K Day Two

2009-02-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

Table 44 seat 8

I got $71,800 and that's below average. The biggest stack at my table is
only maybe 90K. Good draw. Of course Kyle Bowker is at my table again
and he has position on me again, but he's only got 39K.

Blinds start today at 1500/3000 with a 400 ante. Eek. Kinda steep.
This tournament is going to be played and won preflop.

78 players left. Here we go.

I pick up aces in the first orbit and win the blinds and antes. Then I
get moved to the table with all the chips. Lovely.

In the first orbit I pick up aces again and make a preflop reraise
against seat 3. He calls but then folds on my all in bet on the K high
flop. I'm up over 100K.

Ok, the real table draw:

Seat 1: Kyle Bowker, this guy is my fricken shadow
Seat 2: Thor Hansen doppelganger
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rag definite non-sag
Seat 5: Internet geek
Seat 6: rag (non-sag)
Seat 7: rwg
Seat 8: big fat English guy wearing a rugby club shirt. Guaranteed he
hasn't played rugby in a while
Seat 9: JDN
Seat 10: rwg

I get seat 10 all in with my A4 vs his AK. D'oh. The flop falls Jd 6c
Jc. Sweet. The turn is the Jh. D'oh. The river is As. Chop! Sweet!

We're already down to 58 players from 78. We've lost 20 players in
less than an hour.

Internet kid doubles through drunk guy in a donkey play, then he cracks
my QQ with A3. So poor.

Random white guy in seat 7 just showed us naked pictures of his wife.
I shit you not. Not bad for an old guy. Probably photoshopped though.

75K going into level #12.

In the small blind with levels at 2000/4000, the fat bloke, who turns
out to be from Amsterdam, moves in from the button. I knew he was
going to do that before he did. I look down at QQ and call. He shows
58 off. Haha

The flop falls 7 3 9. Fuck. Gotta fade the gut shot, which I have not
been good at recently. But I do this time!!! Double up to 140K.

Then I take a shot at a pot and get knocked down 74K. I swear this
midget-looking kid can't miss a flop.

74K at break with 39 people left.

With blinds at 2500/5000 the Internet nerd, whose name is Brent, I
think, raises to 12,000. The midget kid to my right calls and I look
down at AA.

How should I play this? Can't flat call it with 2 in front. So I decide to
over raise it to look like a steal. I throw out 45,000. Take that
fuckers.

I look down at my bet. There's only 25,000 out there. Shit. I
miscounted my 5K chips. D'oh! Ok. Well I guess its looks like I have
aces then.

Everyone folds to the midget kid, who calls. He can't read the signs
obv. The flop falls K 8 6. I bet 35,000 and the kid moves in. I snap
call and he asks if I have a set of kings. Fuuck he flopped a set.

He shows 66 for bottom set. D'oh. I stand up and grab my hoodie, Ace on
the turn! Aces! Fuck yeah!!!

Up to 200K.

Table breaks when we're down to 30 players. Of course the drunk guy
from last night is to my left and working on getting drunk again. He
won't shut up.

Drunk guy AKA Thor Hansen doppelganger is popping Valium. Awesome.

It's folded to me in the big blind and I look down at 55. I raise to
18,000 to the doppelganger's protest. He tanks it for a moment before
raising another 45,000. I call bullshit and move in. He shows 92 off
and asks if I can beat that.

I say "no" and rake the pot.

240K at dinner break. 23 players left and 18 pay. Getting down to it.

Mike Laing The drunk guy is Mike Laing! I knew I knew him.

In the next level I see AJ 3 times and AA once. I win two of those and
basically break even until were down to 20.

We redraw when we're down to two tables and guess who I'm sitting next to?
Kyle motherfucken Bowker. But he's on my right this time and he's
short. Haha fucker!

Mike Laing busts in 19th. On the bubble.

Gross. Kyle Bowker bubbles with QdQs vs KdTd. Gross. Runner runner
flush and kwob busts. Bad for him. Good for me.

Vee Rob, you get 20% of your buy in back.

$239,000 at break. 16 players left. Not much going on with me. I'm
just maintaining my stack, making preflop raises once or twice an
orbit. This shit is easy.

Just found out that the Mexican guy at our table, who's wearing
sandals, is that guy who finished 3rd in the WSOP POY points race. I
guess he knows how to play this game, but not how to speak the language.

Sick! I'm in the big blind when under the gun limps. The Ginger in
seat 7 calls, as does the chip leader in seat 1. I'm in seat 2 and
look down at AT.

The flop comes Qd Td 3c. Check around. The turn is a 7c. Check, check,
45,000 from the under the gun limper. I call. Fold fold.

The river is a Qc. I like the queen but hate the club. I check. The
UTG limper bets 90K. I got 130K. Ok ok I call. If I'm wrong I got
another hand to get my money in.

He shows Ad3d. I show my ten and take the pot down.

I got about 360K as someone busts on the other table.

13 left.

In the sickest hand yet, euro guy flops a full house with KK on a Q K
Q board against the guy next to me's KQ. Aiyeah!

Down to 10. Mexican doesn't want to play and we're coming back tomorrow.

Damn it. Most of us want to play another level.

$388,000 in chips. That's good for 7th at the final table. Gl me.

JDN

Caesars 1K mega stack thingy

2009-02-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

I had the report all written up for the Caesars freeroll that I tortured myself to get into, but I accidentally deleted it from my iPod notes instead of emailing it. Thank you Apple for not having a back up for the notes. Genius bar my ass.

I had this new positive attitude and good outlook on the day then I bubbled the final 64. I had queens with 4 players left to the heads up and I moved in. I was short and of course I ran into aces. I should have folded.

On the bright side, I swapped 10% with Vee Rob and he made a run for it in the heads up finishing 4th for 6K. So at the end of my 40 hour debacle I'm up a little bit. Thanks mostly to the goofball playing high card with me in the mix game and Vee Rob going deep in the freeroll. I love poker.

On the way to Caesars I discover that they closed the Twain underpass behind Caesars. The tilt! That was my favorite short cut! Damn it.

My new positive attitude is out the window!

Table 58 seat 1

$30K in starting chips (holy shit) and 60 minute levels.

Table draw:
Seat 1: JDN
Seat 2: rwg (random white guy)
Seat 3: rwg with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 4; rwg with sunglasses and a hat
Seat 5; rwg with sunglasses and a hoodie
Seat 6: rwg
Seat 7: rwg with sunglasses and a hat and a bracelet. Wait! What? Yes he's got a wsop bracelet on. How tacky! To top it off, it's one of the ugly 2005 ones. That's barely a bracelet.
Seat 8: rag (random Asian guy)
Seat 9: goofy white guy who I've played with before. That's all I got.
Seat 10: rwg with a visor on.

Bracelet guy is playing like a goofball and hitting every hand. He is absolutely torturing seat 10 who's got under 5K.

I play pretty tight through the first two levels and only win 4 hands. All 4 hands counted and I'm up to around 35K.

35,275 at break.

Oh snap I win the $25 chip race off and I am rounded up another $25. Sweet. Free money!

237 total players. Wow. About a 100 more than I would have guessed. First place is $60K. 18th is 4K. Good payouts.

Just saw a 50k pot where all the money went in on the turn on a 4 7 K 6 board. Seat 6 shows 64 for two pair, seat 8 shows J9 for jack high. Ummm ok. Nothing like going bust with J high.

Oh no. Vee Rob is out. There's goes my 5%.

I catch goofy bracelet guy bluffing at the river on a board of A J 7 A 2. I call with queens and I got 45K.

In the 200/400 level I call a raise from goofy bracelet guy from the small blind with AhKc. The flop comes down 3h As 5h. I bet out 2100 and get two callers, seat 5 and the goofball. The turn is a 6c. I bet 3500, seat 5 calls and goofy raises to 12,000.

Ick. His hand range is huge, but I've seen him tighten up in his level after the break. Plus this other kid is in here with who knows what. So I tank it. For a long time.

Probably the longest I've ever thought and didn't get the clock called on me. I just go through all of the hands I've seen him play. Can he do this with AQ, AJ, or AT? Yes. KK or QQ? Yes. But he could also have 24, 47, 78, A6, A5, A3, 33, 55, or 66. There's more hands I lose to than win against.

Plus there's this other kid in the hand, which makes me think he's making a move. Arghh!

Wow, while writing this, I just got a walk! Bitchen'.

I finally fold and tell the guy I give him too much credit. The kid in seat 5 says he folded a set, which I know is complete bullshit. He was on a flush draw.

I think I was right to fold even though I might have been ahead. It wasn't worth my tournament to push in on a hunch. Now if I would have had AhKh, I would have just called.

Maybe I should have check raised the flop. That would have gotten rid of one of them. I don't know. This game sucks. I wanna play PLO8. Or HORSE.

43,100 at break.

Table break!

Table 32 seat 2.

Table draw
Seat 1: rwg
Seat 2: JDN
Seat 3: rwg. Just kidding! It's Kyle "kwob" Bowker.
Seat 4: rag
Seat 5: rpg
Seat 6: I think it's Tommy Vu. He's got an orange, like Johnny Chan, and a 32 oz bottle of apple juice.
Seat 7: a guy that looks like Nolan Dalla but fatter
Seat 8: a guy that looks like John D'Agostino but taller.
Seat 9: rag
Seat 10: rwg

And.... Table break. Again!

Bullshit.

I'm not going to do a table draw cause it's going to break soon anyway. But two players from the first table are here and Blake Bluffington, I swear that's his real name, is in seat 3.

David "C4" Plastik moves into seat 1. I think he should change his nickname to "CB4." Then he can sing "Sweat from my balls" at the table.

Made the dinner break with $39,500. I basically win 4 hands preflop and lose 3 hands post flop in the last 2 levels. Treading water.

Table breaks again and I get moved to table 33 seat 3. To my left is Kyle Bowker again. Random my ass.

In the 600/1200 level I raise it up under the gun to 3200 with TT. The goofball with the bad skin on the button pushes in for 18K. He looks nervous. He's staring at the ceiling. AJ? I call. He shows AQ.

The board runs out K 4 T J 8. Fuck. Me.

18K. Argh! I get it all in on the next hand with 77 on a T high flop to get some more chips.

The very next hand it's limped to me in the big blind while I'm holding Qs4s. The flop falls J Q Q. I get some more chips.

An orbit later Tommy Vu fires at the pot on the river with 3rd pair and I call with top pair to take down the pot.

Another few hands later on the big blind, Mr Vu moves in from middle position and I call with AJ. He's shows A4. Sweet. I'm up to 50K.

Then I get aces. And everyone folds. WTF?

Then a guy who I think is Thor Hansen sits down with a ton of chips. Then he talks and I do a double take. That's not Thor! It's some kinda country bumpkin doppelganger!

The whole table can tell that he's drunk and on his first hand he raises to 4500. I happen to be in the big blind and look down at 66. I call as does the small blind before me.

The flop falls J 8 6. Cool. I bet out 12,000 to get things started. The faux Thor raises me to 27,500. I push in for another 26K and he folds. Wait! What? Drunk bastard must have had 5 high. He was getting like 4 to 1 on his money. Bah! Whatever. I got 80K... Wow. Even though it's a mega stack it's been a while since I had that much.

After another f'ing table I end the day with 71,800. A little bit below average but still in good shape.

Starts up again tomorrow at 2pm.

JDN

Venetian $340 NLH

2009-02-20T19:04:00.000-08:00

After the last debacle in a $300 tournament, I'm hoping to last more than 2 hands and not stand in line for 2 hours.

As I walk into the Venetian, I am greeted by another damn line. This one is small and I get bought into the tourney in about 5 minutes and only miss a few hands.

After a moment of searching, I find my seat at 18 and get dealt my first hand. I look down at queens. Not this shit again. After raising, I get a call from the old guy to my left and the flops falls 2 3 9. Wonderful. Just wonderful. (I'm slowly turning into Allen Kessler. I go into a hand thinking that there's no chance I'm going to win it).

I bet out and he folds. Whew!! Good start.

Table 18 seat 8

12K in starting chips. 40 minute levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: a crusty old seaman with a bushy mustache from Reno. He's wearing a Peppermill hat and he looks like he's had a hard life on the high seas.

Seat 2: a younger white guy who looks like he just came from the club. He's got on way oversized sunglasses and he's sucking on one of those fake cigarette things. From the other side of the table it looks like he's got a sharpie in his mouth.

Seat 3: an older white guy that looks like a turtle. I don't think it would be to hard for him to pull his head into his jacket to avoid giving off tells when he's made a reraise on someone.

Seat 4: rwg

Seat 5: rwg who I've played with before. I would bet that he's clinically insane. He really has no concept of poker, betting, gambling or math.

Seat 6: a younger white guy with one of the worst jr high school mustaches evar! The only reason I can see it is because he's pale and he has dark facial hair.

Seat 7: older white guy trying to channel Mickey Rourke from that Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man movie. He's got the bandana, 1 hoop earring in the left lobe, leather jacket, and cowboy boots. And he's horrid at poker.

Seat 8: jdn

Seat 9: the mad Greek. He's a little guy, about 60, and insane! Never saw a hand he didn't like and he went on a roller coaster in the first level. Going from 12K to 3K back up to 25K with blinds at 25/50. I need to get some of those chips.

Seat 10: rwg that kinda looks like Chris Moneymaker. In between hands he's highlighting documents.

LOL the kid in seat 2 is wearing reading glasses under his way oversized shades. Classy.

Holy moly! My table is outta control. In the first 3 levels we've lost 6 players. The blinds were at 100/200 and people were going apeshit. I love these tournaments.

I was pretty card dead through the last two levels, levels 2 and 3... So I didn't see any of the bust out chips. Clinically insane guy got most of the chips and he's sitting on a 50K stack.

I got 10,750 at break.

Wow. They got over 500 players in this shizzle. And they lost about 100 in the first 3 levels. It's like a turbo but not.

I pick up kings early in level 3 and take some chips from the turtle guy to get up to 15K.

I have to start manufacturing hands to get any chips. I get all of my chips in the middle with AQ on a board or 2 K J 4 against the insane guy. I think I'm bluffing with the best hand because the most I can put him on is a bad flush draw. He folds and I win the 8K pot.

The old scallywag in seat 1 just raised a 750 bet to 8000. Maybe he can't see past his mustache.

In the middle of level 5 the table breaks. Damn. So sad to see it go.

I get moved to table 31 seat 2 and I don't want to do a table draw. Frankly, because all these new peeps are boring and non-descript. Just a bunch of RWGs.

In the 200/400 level I finally pick up aces. I reraise seat 9's 850 bet (WTF is that?) to 2100 and get the big stack in seat 5 and seat 9 to call.

The flop comes 5h 7h 4c. Not a huge fan but when it's checked to me I bet 6K. Big stack folds and seat 9 goes into the tank. He thinks forever so put him on 8s 9s or 10s.

He finally calls and shows 88. Ok, gotta fade 6 or an 8. The turn is a two of hearts. Ick. I dunno if he has a heart or not. It's definitely red though. The river is a harmless deuce and I drag the pot. Now I got some chippies!

A few hands later I bust this Grizzly Adams looking mofo with 99 vs his A8. I get up to around 37K. Woo hoo!

That doesn't last long.

I'm in the small blind when it's folded around to seat 1 who raises to 1500. I call with AT and check the Q high flop. He bets 3K. I call thinking that's he's continuing the semi bluff. The turn is a 9. I check he bets 3K again. Now I know he's on air. I call and the river peels off a K.

After a few seconds of thought I put him all in with a bet of 8K. He calls pretty quick and shows AJ. Kicker plays. WTF was that? How do you call off your stack with AJ?

He says something about being committed. Really? What kind of math is that? K-Mart math?

I'm pretty sure I found the only person in this tournament that would be dumb enough to make that call.

I think even if I put him all in on the turn he's calling. These people...

After the break, I don't even bother counting my chips, we're in the 400/800 level and I'm in the big blind with about 13K in front of me.

It's folded to the idiot in seat 1 and he raises to 2500. Every time it's been folded to him in late position he's raised. He read a book or something about position apparently. I look down at J8 off and make the call. I'm calling that small blind raise about 90% of the time with any two cards. And he can't possibly have another hand. Right?

The flop falls 4 8 J. Sweeeet. He bets 6K. I move in for my last 11K or so. He doesn't snap call this time. He must have not have AJ again. After the dealer does a piss poor job of counting out the chips, he finally calls. I show my two pair and he gasps. I guess he didn't expect me to have a hand. He shows AK.

The turn is a Q, river a T. Giving him the nut straight. GG.

Really? I mean WTF? The guy plays like shit and wins only two hands while I'm at the table. Both from me. I just handed him 40K.

I now understand why people go on shooting sprees. Makes total sense now. This is why I don't own any weapons. I would use them.

I feel so robbed when I walk out of the Venetian. Why can't I just not get over the hump? I just keep getting raped and I keep going back for more. No matter what you do, you're still gonna get prison raped in the shower. There's no escaping it.

I think about going back into the Venetian to stab that guy with a spork but I decide the best course of action would be to find out if he has any kids. If he does, I'm going to take them down to the animal shelter and get them fixed right away. Those genes do not need to be passed down to another generation of idiots. I'll be doing a good deed for society and saving the welfare system some trouble too. I'll be a hero.

Why am I so worked up over a $300 tournament? I don't know. Its ricockulously frustrating to keep losing to horrible players in shitty low stakes tournaments.

I get to look forward to the Caesars freeroll on Sunday, Venetian main event on Monday, and Caesars main event on Tuesday...

Fuck this shit, I quit.

JDN

LAPC $300 NLH $100K guarantee

2009-02-20T18:48:00.000-08:00

It's been raining all night like a bitchfist, but when I leave the pad it has cleared up slightly. There's no traffic on the 10 because it's Presidents Day. Shitty weather plus a holiday equals not much traffic. Yay for me.

Then I get to interstate 5 and things slow down a bit. Then I get to the Washington exit and the line of cars stretch back onto the freeway. Ick. Can all these people be going to the Commerce to play a $300 tournament on a Monday?

Yup.

They're not going to have a problem getting the guarantee. Valet was full and I had to park about 1 mile away from the casino. Lucky for me it had stopped raining.

I run upstairs to get in line. In a line that runs back through a part of the commerce I didn't even know existed! There's more elevators back here.

There are about 500 people in line ahead of me. Damn it. I should have had Bobo buy me in. He's already playing. Bad planning on my part.

1:18pm
I see Chris Ferguson buying in. Times are rough.

1:24pm
The line hasn't progressed much. Looks like I'm gonna miss the 1st 3 levels. Minimum.

1:36pm
I can see the entrance to the tournament room. Looks like there is an equally long alternate line that follows the buy in line. Man, I need a beer.

1:45pm
First level has ended. Good news, the blinds were only 25/25.

1:59pm
I buy in. I'm alternate 293. Cocktails!

2:20pm alternate line
I run into Jeremiah Smith. After a lengthy chat, I'm still 200 deep in the alternate line.

2:28pm alternate line
Looks like they're putting people in the tent. There's a mofo'ing hurricane outside!

2:36pm alternate line
I have decided that this is the worst tournament experience of my life.

2:44pm alternate line
The old guy in front of me is wearing those ughhs boots. Dude, you're too old and you're a dude!!!

2:50pm alternate line
I make it back into the tournament room.

2:56pm
I take my seat at table 13 seat 6. 7 minutes left in level 3.

And I'm out.

I pick up queens on my second hand and get it all in on the turn of a board reading 6 7 9 T. The ole A8 has me drawing dead. GG.

What a waste of fricken time!

Fuck this shit I'm going back to Vegas.

JDN

LAPC $1K HORSE

2009-02-13T12:01:00.000-08:00

I get to the Commerce Casino in about 30 minutes from Venice which is a great sign. I'm running good already, I beat the LA traffic game.

The other tilter about the Commerce is that if you bust between 3pm and 7pm you get stuck in traffic heading home. Bust out time becomes a real issue here.

I run into Scott Clements and Brian Devonshire shortly before the tournament and get roped into a 30 person last longer. Actually I was the fifth one in and at that time there was only the aforementioned Scott, Devo, Jimmy Fricke (I LOL'd and sent out a couple texts), and some kid with a lol donkaments shirt on. Nerd alert.

Since then it's ballooned to about 30 players and includes the likes of Miami John, Jerry Buss, Maria Ho, Raymond Davis, Mark Gregorich, and assorted other Internet nerds that I don't know.

It's definitely the biggest last longer I've ever been a part of. I also got Devo to promise to manage the list even if he busts.

Table 10 seat 6

Table draw:
Seat 1: rwg
Seat 2: Tyler Patterson, a Canadian
Seat 3: Dr Jerry Buss, who looks exactly like the guy that owns of the Lakers.
Seat 4: a younger skinny white guy that I've played with in vegas and couple of occasions.
Seat 5: rwg with lovely knit sweater on.
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: a guy the looks like the actor Luis Guzman but talks like he's from the valley.
Seat 8: don't his real name but his online name is cardsharpsnet. He's a dirty hippy too. He's wearing a grateful dead shirt.

The last longer is up to about 35 players. That's a fifth of the field.

I make myself look like a noob in stud 8, when after 7th street in a big multiway pot I announce my hand as a wheel with 3s up. D'oh!

I didn't even have 3s up. I had 4s up. So poor. A few people have a laugh but I'm the one scooping the big 3k pot. Biacthes!

And Devo is out. First one in the tournament.

I gotta give some kudos to TD Matt Savage. Awesome structure! We start with 5K and blinds start at 50/100. Levels are an hour long and the game changes every 8 hands.

There's no 3 levels of fluff. Every hand counts. Well done sir! I hope the WSOP is listening. But I bet they're not.

And you know they're not listen to the community because this year the lifestyles show is called pokerpalooza. Really? Genius.

$5850 at break. Down from 8K cause I got a little frisky in Omaha.

About half the people at the table are riding Jerry's nuts. I saw this happen at the last LAPC main event when we were at the same table on day 2. He doesn't seem to mind but it bugs me. One of them will be saying this later:

Jerry can't remember the blinds to save his life. It's soooo cute when he acts all confused.

Official count is 212 players which beats my guesstimation.

I'm running so bad in limit omaha. I'm thinking about just sitting out of the game and going to take a dump. It would be more productive than this.

In a hand with Tyler the flop falls K Q T rainbow. I have AAJ9. I flop the nuts as I check call Tyler's bet the turns peels off another T. My nuts go right out the window. I check call again as the river puts a flush out there. I check call again and he shows AsJs. Pfffffft.

I win half a multiway stud 8 pot with AQ high. Sweet!

I get involved in a big stud 8 with Tyler and cardsharps in the final hand of the round. It's bet every round and I hit a wheel on 7th to scoop. I should just be playing stud 8 and going to lunch during all the other games.

And now I've seen everything. In Omaha (of course) seat 5 bets the flop, turn and river with A high and gets called by top pair.

I'm changing the name of it to Omahhhhfuckitha.

$5325 at 2nd break. Treading water. My speciality.

I get blinded down 3300 before I pick up split kings in stud 8. See? I should just be playing stud 8. It's the only thing keeping me alive.

Anyway... I'm up against split aces for seat 5 and split queens for seat 7. I call the aces down till I get Kings up on 6th and put him all in. It holds up and I collect his stack to get back up to 5500.

Tony Ma sits down in seat 5 and some balding little guy with a really bad mohawk, it looks like a comma on his forehead, takes seat 8.

The idiot in seat 1 is winning every hand he plays. It's so gross. I just keep telling myself, "be patient motherfucker!".

The blinds are now at 300/600 and peeps are dropping like flies. I have 3700. Patience!!!

That random guy who final tabled the 50K last year gets moved to seat 8 after horrible Mohawk guy bust by playing a razz hand horribly.

Down to 1900 on the 3rd hand of stud 8 (see?) I get it all in vs the idiot in seat 1 with 8s and 6s against his queens and flush draw. I don't have to sweat it cause an 8 pops out next and I more than double to 5000. Starting stack!!!

In the last hand before dinner break Jerry Buss beats me out of a hand that I would gotten half of. Course he got scooped by the idiot in seat 1.

$3800 at dinner break.

In the 400/800 hold'em level I have to bluff off my whole stack to pick up a pot against Luis Guzman. But as it turns out, my 8 high was good. 4300.

Oh Luis!

Haha. Jerry Buss still uses a RAZR phone.

After the Canadian busts, Scott Clements takes his seat. Great. He's an Omaha specialist, two bracelets! But he's super short.

I fold every hand in the Omaha round. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Seat 1 idiot and Scott bust out in the same razz hand to Luis Guzman. Miami John takes seat 1. And he has chips. Lovely.

Fuck razz. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Seat 1 busts. Donk. Of course I didn't get any of his chips. Those all went to Tony Ma.

I'm in life support during stud. Down to 1700 at one point. I. Just. Need. To. Make. It. To. Stud. 8.

So I do make it to stud 8. 80 people left in the tournament and I never had more than 8000 chips. Lovely. I look down at 2s 4s in the hole and a 3s showing. Let's get this shit moving. It's a 4 way pot with Tony Ma, Luis Guzman, and the kid. My 4th street card is the 4c. I don't really like that but I'm moving in on this.

For some reason its checked around. 5th street is a Ks and I get it all in. Luis calls as does the kid. I pick up a 6d on 6th street and it looks like I'm in a good spot to scoop the main pot.

On 7th Luis bets out and the kid calls with trip 7s. Luis has an ace high heart flush. Ok. I can scoop with the ace of spades or get half with a low card. Time to squeeze. I shuffle up the down cards. 4s. Ok I already knew I had that. Red ten. Fuck. I throw down my cards and walk out.

JDN

Venetian $340 Omaha Hi Lo

2009-02-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

Yes it's true, I am the reigning champion in Omaha hi lo from the feb 08 Venetian Deep Stack Extravaganza. I feel like Tom Selleck in the classic movie Mr Baseball when he says to his agent after getting traded to a team in Japan, "I led this team in 9th inning doubles with 2 outs fir the month of August!"

Yeah you did buddy.

Well, to be honest, last year it was a $500 tournament and there almost 300 people in it. This time it's only a $300 buy in and only 175 peeps in it. Damn economy!

So I get down to the Venetian at 3:15 for the 3pm start time. Hey! It's limit! The room looks pretty full and when I buy in I notice that the tourney doesn't start till 4. Shiiiiit.

Ok guess I'll go play some video poker and kill an hour.

15 minutes later and $200 down I take a seat a 4/8 limit hold'em game. I like to punish myself.

This mousy guy in a pink shirt sits down to my right and unracks about 400 in red and 200 in white. He begins to tell the table about how much he's won and shit. Quite annoying.

They he starts arguing with the dealer about posting or something. The floor gets called over and makes a ruling while the guy continues to complain about 2 extra dollars. 2 dollars!!!

I ask him if he really is complaining about 2 dollars. He says it's about the principal. Yeah but it's 2 dollars dude.

Then the guy in the pink shirt tells me to shut my mouth.

...

At a 4/8 game.

...

Bwahahahaha!!!1!!!

Ok ok pink shirt tough guy. I can't stop laughing as the dealer tells me to calm down.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and walk over to the tournament area.

Table 52 seat 1 (I hate seat 1!!!)

Table draw:
Seat 1: damn sexy
Seat 2: older white guy
Seat 3: Hawaiian guy
Seat 4: older white guy that uses a fold up knife for a card protector. There might be some legalities there.
Seat 5: tax guy jim. I swear he's at my table every time we play the same tournament.
Seat 6: heavy older white guy with a fat gold chain
Seat 7: older white guy with a beard and a seahawks hat.
Seat 8: empty, but when it fills I bet it gets filled with an older white guy.
Seat 9: older white guy with a molester mustache
Seat 10: older white guy. Nothing special about him.

I make the first break with 13,200. Woof I'm up 700. Now let's try to not to lose it all in the next level.

To my surprise an Asian guy takes seat 8. Good thing too. This table was starting to look like the set of Cocoon. With me as Steve Gutenberg of course.

The floor has announced that players need to keep their big chips out in front. Morons!!! It's limit!

Then they ask the players to stack their chips when they bet so it's easier for the dealers to cut the spilt pots. Morons again!!! The dealers still have to verify the bets. That's when they're supposed to stack the chips. C'mon floor peeps! Don't act like noobs.

I don't write about too many Omaha hands because, well mostly there's just too many cards to keep track off. So here are two hands that sucked for me.

On a board of Q 3 3 7 I hold 2 3 5 7. It gets 3 bet on the turn and I'm the only caller. The river is another Q and seat 6 bets out. There's no way I can win this hand. I fold my 3 7 face up and he shows Q Q 3 x. That's how I like it!!! Drawing dead on the flop!

Then I hold A 2 5 Q in a multi way pot on a board of A 3 Q and I can't improve. Two players catch runner runner flush. One guy, my tax guy, with ten high.

I hate this game.

After tax man jim busts, an older African American lady wearing a Redskins jersey (did they even make the playoffs?) takes his seat. The cast of Cocoon becomes a little more diverse.

Then I lose all of my chips in horrible hand that I can't remember but I was in last place and I'm down to 1300.

I just push the rest of my chips in on the next hand with a 2 3 something something and I'm out after I miss a flush or a low or a straight.

Fuck this shit. I'm going to LA.

JDN

Venetian $500 Deep Stack

2009-02-07T17:28:00.000-08:00

It's another rainy day in Vegas. I don't get to say that much but my windshield wipers aren't working and I need to point it out. Well, actually my passenger's side wiper is working perfectly. WTF?

The last few days have been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. I geeked my wrist hitting a ball out of the sand. This stopped masturbation for a few days, then on Thursday I final table the FTOPS PLO8 and was in a good position to take it down before I lost two back to back hands where I was a 72% favorite (thanks to Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith for running the numbers). I finished 7th and needless to say I was a bit disappointed.

On Friday I had to get 3 stiches in my ass cheek. Don't ask, it's a long story. Katkin said I should roll with it and tell people I was shot. I could call myself 25 cent.

Ewww

As you can tell Katkin is very white. I'm gonna call myself Nickle Cent.

This is the only Deep Stack I'll get to play before I go to LA to play of all things, the LAPC. Better make it count.

Table 28 Seat 2

15k in starting chips with 40 minute levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: younger guy that looks like Emile Hirsch in Alpha Dog
Seat 2: JDN
Seat 3: an older creepy pedo bear type of guy. I won't go into it because he already busted
Seat 4: Shaky. This guy must have Parkinson's disease. He's wobbling like Muhammad Ali.
Seat 5: a younger east coast guy that's a dead ringer for johnny bax at 25.
Seat 6: big bingo lady with the mega bedazzled shirt and tight jacket combo.
Seat 7: creepy Ginger with a circa '99 chin length flavor saver. He totally looks like Shaft from Rob Liefield's Youngblood.
Seat 8: random latin guy
Seat 9: rwg that never saw a hand that he didn't like
Seat 10: rwg

I catch the creepy ginger bluffing with 9 high in a 10K pot at the end of level 2. He had been playing way too many hands for me to respect him, so I called him down with tens in a board of 3 K K 7 4.

Lacey Jones stops by to say hi and I briefly consider tell her about my ass wound before I decide to let it go.

The Venetian cocktail waitresses, which are way better, in every aspect, to the Caesars ones, have new outfits. That means no more accidental nip slips. Damn! That was half the reason I used to come here to play.

Speaking of asses, mine is starting to hurt.

I'm convinced that Shaky can't read his hands. I just say him limp in early position with 92 off and bet out on a flop of T T T.

I just continue to punish seat 10. I've gotten about half my chips from him. I've caught him firing with ace high twice and had him bet into me when I turned broadway. I hope someone doubles him up soon.

$24,675 at first break. Not bad. Now I gotta find some Advil.

For some reason after break I get all frisky and give away about 5k. I have no idea why I did it and I don't even think I played the hands bad. Maybe that greasy slice of pizza threw off judgment center of my brain.

Creepy Ginger cracks my kings with A7. Sweet!

The hemorrhage continues.

I order a spicy bloody mary to get myself back on track.

Bloody Mary didn't help. I've manage to spew over 8k in less than 30 minutes while never facing a bet bigger than 1100.

Then I raise from early position with 88 and get called by young Johhny Bax before the creepy ginger reraises to 2000. I have to call. So I do. Bax folds then flop rolls out J 4 8. I check and he bets 2500. I call putting him on a wide range of hands. He could have AA, KK, QQ, AK, AQ, or even an a smaller pair. I don't think he has jacks because of the preflop reraise. The turn is a Q. Ick. I don't like that card at all. I don't consider T9 a possibly but I'm gonna check anyway.

Then he takes his time to make his move. Weird. He fiddles with his chips for a while before moving in. This screams AA or KK to me. I call and he shows QQ.

Shiiiiiiiit.

I'm down to 800. I've lost 24K in one level. Awesome.

The very next hand the ginger reraises it up again and seat 1 calls. The flop falls J 8 4, I shit you not. Seat 1 checks as the ginger bets out 2000. Seat 1 raises to 6000 and the creepy ginger folds QQ face up... I guess I played it wrong.

A few hands later I move in for 775 with 99 and get flat called by the big bingo lady. Everyone else folds. She shows JJ and flops a J. Sweet. I'm outta here.

But not before I hit up the video poker bar where I get ID'd before getting a free beer. I love how you can lose $550 without them IDing you but try to get a comp'd beer, "Let's see your ID."

The lady tells me its a complement and I tell her its annoying. She looks at my drivers license and says we're the same age and how she would love to be ID'd. I almost say "lay of the crack," but I hold my tongue and piss $100 away.

So does one do after being beaten down by the unholy trifecta of the creepy ginger, big bingo lady, and crackhead bartender? You head to Casino Royal of course. 100x craps!!

I buy in for $100 and roll 5 points before I 7 out. Sweet! I got some of my dough back.

JDN

The Final 10 hours

2009-01-28T01:52:00.000-08:00

I clock in a little before 4:30pm and by 5, I'm up $175. Thanks to aces and a flopped set of deuces, things are looking up. We'll see how long this lasts.

It don't last long because I leave the table to go play a 4/8 mix game. So much more interesting than 1/3 no limit. The games are badugi, ace to 5 triple draw, omaha hi/lo, 2 to 7 triple draw, and Chinese poker.

Unfortunately the triple draw games are not very fun to write or read about. Not to mention I probably miss at least 75% of the action.

All that I know is that beginners luck is real. The guy to my left has never played 2 to 7 before. He rattles off 4 straight hands with a 86 or better, including the wheel. On the 5th hand he bet up an ace high because he forgot what he was playing.

I didn't do any accounting for the last couple hours because, because well I was busy losing $500 in a 4/8 game. This one Asian guy that looks like a mini Kelly Kim ran hotter than the sun. He ran Phil Ivey hot.

Each game is usually 3 or 4 bet preflop and I can't catch a break. I feel like this blog should be called "I wish I was Allen Kessler."

Finally I get fed up and throw my hand down during 2 to 7 and say, "Fuck this game!".

I'm going to Chipotle to drown my sorrows in a vegi burrito.

After dinner I start high carding for $50 with the crazy Asian in seat 8. He beats me 3 outta 4 to start before I go on a tear and win 6 of 8.

Then I actually start to win hands. Then we up the ante in the high card game...

Now, this is where I usually start writing about how I got pwned by so and so. A bad beat basically. But this time I do the bad beating. I'm just gonna say that I won high card with a 4. Twice.

Sweet. I leave the mix game only down $50 or so and head to the midnight tourney.

And... That lasts about an orbit. Details aren't interesting, I'm too tired to recount the details.

Instead of heading back to the mixed game I jump into a 1/3 game and low and below, guess who's playing?

That's McLovin!!!

I play to 3:30am and when I go to check out, the floor man tells me that I'm an hour and 15 short.

...

Cocktails. I tough it out for another hour, losing a hundo, before I head home. Come Feb 22nd, I'm gonna win this bitch. Unless I'm playing the LAPC main event.

I like torturing myself.

JDN

Hades part 3

2009-01-26T14:09:00.000-08:00

I get clocked in at 1:32 even though I've been sitting at the table since 1:15. The floor person called "Bill" is a moron.

Oh well 22.5 more hours to go and 3 days left. I'm going to try and get 12 hours in today.

The day starts out great when my aces get cracked by J8. Down $60.

I've gotten so bored that I'm counting hands per hour. It took 14 minutes for the first 9 hands and 27 minutes for 18 hands. So I'm looking at 35-40 hands an hour and in the neighborhood of 450 hands over the 12 hours that I'll be here today. Gawd that's depressing.

Retarded cocktail waitress is back. Why can't she have a day off?

I keep telling myself that this whole 40 hour thing is not about results. Otherwise I would be playing the 5/10 at bellagio. I'm just putting in hours for the overlay. Though I much rather just pay a $500 entry fee than do 40 hours in H E double hockey sticks.

I haven't won a hand yet and the guy next to me just went south for $200.

So here are my hour 18 results:
-$190
1 Heineken

2:56pm
I win my first hand of the day when my Q high holds up in a four handed pot that gets checked down. That $12 is mine bitches!

Finally win a hand with post flop betting. Of course I had to play it horrible and hit a 2 outer to win it but I'll take it non the less.

I call a $50 bet on the turn with a board reading 2c 5d 6c Qs. I hit my 3rd 3 on the river with a 3c. It tilts the guy so bad he leaves the table.

Hour #19 results:
-$220
1 Heineken

I lose a good sized pot to the crazy old guy with dyed eyebrows in seat 1 when he rivers a 3 outer with his KT vs my AK.

I finally hit a hot streak and win two more hands. I flop trip 8s and bust the middle aged house wife with my T kicker.

Then I get the crazy old dude with the eyebrows, or CODWTE, to call me down with top pair vs my two pair.

I'm on fire!!!

Hour #20 results:
-$200
1 Heineken
1 water
No pee breaks

I look down at KhQs and raise to $11. A house wife calls from the 6 seat as the big blind from the 7 hole. The flop falls Ks Kc 8s. When she bets at flop I know she has a king too. She's done the same thing when she flopped a boat and a nut flush.

So I reraise her to $45 and she moves all in for $150ish. I call as the turn and river come 2s 7s putting 4 spades on the board. She asks if I have a spade and say yes. Then she turns over K7 for the full house. Nice.

She didn't slowroll me on purpose, she's just a noob. The tilter is that her husband is on right and he slapped me on the back and said something like, "Ooh boy!"

The very next hand I limp with Kc7c and it's a family pot. The flop is Ac 9c 4c. Great! How am I going to get any action on this hand.

Seat 9 moves in for $101 from early position. Sweet. I call and then the guy to my left moves in for $225. Awesome.

Seat 9 shows 3c5c, seat 4 shows Jc6c, and open up the da nuts. I just gotta fade the 2c. It doesn't come and I'm up to down $200.

Hour #21(over the hump) results:
-$200
1 Heineken
1 shitty burrito from the food court

The shitty burrito comes back to haunt me and I make a run for the border. Time to do the deuce.

I manage to lose another couple hundred to the lesbian in seat 5 when she hits a set. Down $475.

As I sit here typing this I gotta think to myself that there might be a chance that I cannot beat 1/3 nl game. I'm definitely running cold, ie no flopped sets, no kings in two days, but can I really be this bad? Am I in right profession? Is this a profession?

I've never tried to play this much poker before and I am now realizing why. Cause it sucks. Fuck this shit I'm going home.

Well, I didn't go home. I met up with the GF and got some sushi roku.

I make back to the pokerroom before they pick me up. My luck is changing. I can feel it.

I think this hour 27. Results:
-$400
3 Heinekens
2 deuces

And would you believe, I pick up aces and flop a set! I didn't get much action but it's a step in the right direction.

11:23pm
Well that streak didn't last long. I run into a couple sets and lose another couple hundo.

To top it all off I've developed a weird zit on my hand.

I'm pretty sure I got it from the dirty ass chips. Or the video poker machines at the hooker bar. It's probably a staph infection.

I get pissed and head to the hooker bar to play some video poker. Now I know I said I wouldn't go there any more but it's been a rough day and I need to blow off some steam by losing more money.

Then something different happens. I go on video poker monster motherfucken tear! I hit quads 4 times in 15 minutes on a double bonus machine and walk away up $800 plus a free beer! YEAH BOY!

I'm even for the day. Maybe. I don't know if my accounting is correct. Probably not.

My mood instantly changes I'm happy, I'm ready for the morning, I'm going to play the midnight tournament, and I don't think I have a staph infection anymore.

I decide to play the tournament to get a change of scenery. Since I've already played 11 hours I'll just quietly walk over to the tournament area and keep the clock running.

The tournament is boring and I bust out around 1:30am. I clock out with 29.5 hours credit. Only 10.5 to go.

I'll be back tomorrow to knock this bad boy out.

JDN

Purgatory: Day 2

2009-01-24T11:11:00.000-08:00

I got to Caesars about 5 hours earlier than expected because of rain. My day of golf got rained out. In Vegas. Really?

So I'm up all early and after breakfast I head down to Caesars. Unfortunately I forget my daily ritual and halfway through hour 1 I gotta drop a deuce.

So there I am in the stall. In a casino. Not much cleaner than Hollywood Park. Complating the universe, solving the world's problems when I hear the guy next to me start to cuss in between his gasps for breath as he presummibly gives birth to a monster brown trout. A lunker if you will.

This goes on for several long minutes as just sit there waiting for a prolapse. Then suddenly he gets up flushes the can and leaves. I don't think he wiped. I try to get a look at his shoes to see if he's at my table.

On a side note, I was impressed with Caesars TP quality. It's no charmin but it's quite soft. Kudos Harrahs.

Hour #7 results:
+$38
1 bloody mary
0 Heinekens

Post BM I start feeling all losey goosey and fire a bluff on the river vs the old lady in seat 5. She limped preflop, called my $10 bet on the T 7 3 flop, checked the 6 on the turn and bet $40 on the 9 river.

I reraised to $120 with A5. I did so because she looked really uncomfortable after making the bet. She was looking up, fumbling with her cards and such. I'd never seen her to do that in the hour and a half that we've been playing. I know she's weak. I've been pretty tight, I got a good image, but this is 1/3 at Caesars.

After thinking about for a while she says, "This is a bad call. I call."

She shows AT. Bah!

Hour #8 results:
-$150
0 Heinekens

Hour 9 is absolute shit. I have to rebuy after calling most of my stack off with bottom pair. Hey I thought I was good.

The goofball in seat 1 is holding over me and I've doubled him up twice, almost 3 times.

So I order a Heineken.

It's not here yet.

I more than double up to $420 (LOL) when I get it all in with a flush draw vs two pair. I river the flush. Finally! Some luck. Sweet!

I just watched the retarded cocktail waitress give my Heineken to a guy at another table. She then walked over to our table give the old lady her drink. She proceeded to stare at the wall for 10 minutes as I tried to get her attention.

Obv I failed to get her to notice me as she soon wandered over to the other side of the room trying to avoid eye contact with thirsty poker players.

This bitch is fucking with my mojo.

I proceed to blow 120 to the tubby cowpoke in seat 4.

The young kid next to me keeps mumbling about how bad the players are and how he wants a table change. I tell him this how all the games are. Noob.

Hour #9 results:
-$200
0 fucking Heinekens (I'm going into an alcoholic rage! Motherfuckers!)

I'm pretty sure that peter griffin from family guy is our dealer. He got contacts and grew a goatee to go incognito.

I decide to take a break and lose $200 at video poker. That worked out well.

It's now well into hour 10. Only 30 more to go. Shoot me now.

I like the new cocktail waitress. She's not retarded for starters. And she told me that she too likes to drink alone. I'm usually alone at midnight in my man cave drinking but I'm the only one at the table with a frosty beverage in front of me.

Hour #10 results:
-$385 in poker
2 Heinekens
-$200 in video poker

Shiiiiiiit. Retard waitress is back.

Absolutly nothing happens in hour 11.

Hour #11 results:
Lame

I swear I'm playing on a slow short bus to hell. The new guy in seat 2 looks like lurch and the senile old man in seat 5 just check raised the flop before open folding the turn. I've never seen that before.

I finally turn things around when I bust the senior broham when my flush gets there on the turn. Back up around $300 down. It's sucks so bad to be happy about being only $300 down in a 1/3 game.

Didn't notice at first but my hommie Kevin "bleu329" Peterson sits down in seat 3. I haven't seen that guy in a couple years.

I keep running into the goofy white guy in seat 7's big hands. He's got all these weird tells, it looks like his palms are sweaty, and twitches. I finally make a move on him when I push in with 6 high on a 9 A 9 K 7 board. He folds AJ face up, I can't resist and I show him the bluff. What a great set up. Now I can't leave till I bust him.

I think I'm in to hour 13 or 14. Results:
-$250 in poker
3 or 4 Heinekens
-$200 in video poker

Goofy white guy keeps holding over me and I get down to -$515 after he, I guess, outplays me or I underestimate his intelligence.

The very next hand I pick up aces, first in 12 hours, and what do you know? Goofy guy raise in front of me.

Oh snap! I just throw in my chips, about $85, (I've got $400 cash behind) hoping that goofball thinks I'm steaming. And it works! But on the wrong player.

The creepy euro kid in seat 2 reraises to $200 not seeing my $400 behind. Then goofy white guy almost calls. Damn it! He would have doubled me up had he called the $85.

Goofball finally folds and I throw my cash out on the table all disgusted like. I totally deserve an oscar nod. The euro calls with jacks. Sweet. I flop my set. Double sweet.

Then the dealer puts the Td on the turn giving him a royal gut shot draw. Shiiiiiiiiit. Now I gotta sweat this shit.

He misses and now I'm only down $100.

Goofy guy leaves. Fuck. I'm thinking about following him.

Hour #15? results:
-$200 in poker
5 heinekens
-$200 in video poker

The new "not obv retarded cocktail waitress" forgets my Heineken. WTF is going on here. You think with the economy being what it is, that Caesars would hire some decent waitresses for below street value.

Guess not. I may need to write a letter to Mr Harrah.

Hal Lubarsky is back. His reader is wearing the same pokerwire shirt from yesterday. My legacy lives on in the rarely bathed.

Around midnight I flop 2 pair on a J 7 A board with J7 and I run into A7. Down $550. Thats it, I'm done. I gotta go home and watch the Wire. It will be my only moment of happiness I'm going to experience today. Omar needs to blast some fools.

Results:
17 hours and 30 minutes
+$4 in poker
-$117.50 in video poker

I need to stay away from the hooker bar.

JDN

40 hours of hell

2009-01-23T02:49:00.000-08:00

Caesars Palace is running a promotion where a player can get into a freeroll to the NBC heads up if they play 40 hours of cash games in January. The first prize in the freeroll is a $20K seat and $10K in cash. Top 32 pay at least a dime and there should be only 225 people in it.

Of course I forgot about it until yesterday so I have 5 days to get 40 hours in. That's like a work week. It's been a while since I've done that.

So I gotta get this done by Tuesday. I leave for a vacation from Vegas on Wednesday (a must for vegas residents at least a couple of times a year).

I'm not much of a cash player. Definitely not a grinder and I'm riding a shit streak at cash. Somehow I've lost 3K straight at the Red Rock playing 2/5. So poor. Ok. Here we go. This is gonna suck.

I get into my seat around 6:15 and buy in for $300. Looking around at the boneheads playing this 1/3 game, and... and it's what you would expect at Caesars on a Thursday. I so belong here. This is my hell.

I play pretty tight for the first hour. I gotta practice some money management skills. The bank roll is wounded.

Only hand I saw the river on was my 77 vs the guy in seat 4's AA. Of course I called down and hit a 7 on the river.

Hour #1 results:
+$27
0 heinekens

In hour 2 I open it up a bit. On a board of 5 5 8 T 6 I call a $50 bet from seat 4 (again I know!) with 44 and it's good. The table goes wild. Seat 1 and 5 talk about it way too long, breaking it down and analyzing it, and I have to put my head phones in to drown it out.

I also hit a gutter ball on the turn with KT on a A 8 T J 7 board and get paid off. Sweet.

The cocktail waitresses here are pretty brutal. I ordered 3 drinks and only got 2 in 2 and a half hours.

Hour #2 results:
+$200
0 heinekens

After finally getting my Perrier, I pick up 22 in a multiway pot. The flop falls 8h 6h Th. It's checked around to the preflop raiser who bets $10. Hmmm. He must have the ace of hearts. I call. Everyone else folds. The turn is a black 7. I check he bets $10 again. Ok I just gotta fade an ace, king or a heart and this pot is mine. I think the river is a 5d. I check he shows the Kh As.

Dang! He was worse off than I thought. But not by much. The table laughs as I scoop the pot. Seat 1 starts talking again. Shut up dude!

A few hands later I pick up aces. I grab some chips to make a raise and a random chip rolls out from off my stack, not my hand, and stops past the betting line. WTF?! I stare at it for a second before asking the dealer if that's a bet? She says yes. Well, she should said it's a call. I protest as the other players at my table call the $3.

I call the floor over just explain the rule. (it was obv that I was trying to raise and the chip didn't come out my hand). Then the guy in seat 9, who looks like a mini Mike Matuaow, does the dumbest thing I've ever seen at a poker table. He raises to $8 to give me that option back.

Wait what? He says something like he's just being nice. Whatever. Idiot. I reraise to $20 and get 4 callers. Ahhh 1/3 No limit. You gotta love it.

I flop an ace and bust the fishy old dude in seat 7.

Hour #3 results
+$450
0 Heinekens

I decide to take a dinner break in hour 4. As long as your chips are at the table, you still get credit.

I grab a slice of pizza in the food court, that breaks apart when I pick it up, and hit up Caesars version of the hooker bar to play some video poker and watch the end of the laker game.

At the end of regulation I hit a straight flush and the smelly pirate hooker next to me slaps me on the back says something intelligible to me. Her voice is as gravely as county road she grew up on. I assume it's that way due to 50 years of smoking and gargling bum dong.

Hour #4 results:
+$300 in poker
2 heinekens
+$82.50 in video poker

the cash out machine runs on windows xp. vista sux.

The fat guy in seat 4 tells the hillbilly in seat 3 that he's a food broker. No shit Sherlock. What are the odds he's getting his kick backs in bacon?

The fake ginger dealer is telling the table about how she shares her boyfriend with other girls and her preference in the chubby chicks over the "skinny bitches".

Caesars is totally becoming Hollywood Park east.

I rake the biggest pot of the night when I flop a full house with 22 on a board of 6 2 6. The new seat 7 had Q6 and called a reraise and a $125 bet on the river. Sweet. I don't often get action when flopping a full house.

Hour #5 results:
+$500 in poker
3 Heinekens
1 bisexual dealer
+$82.50 in video poker

Hal Lubarsky is playing 1/3 two tables over. No doubt playing for the freeroll. Pretty sure Hal used to play the 10/20 game at the Mirage. I wonder how much he pays his reader? Is it a flat rate or a percentage? Gawd, playing him heads up would be brutal.

I wonder if it would be possible to throw his reader off? Like pretending to fall asleep at the table and betting the wrong amounts. Maybe blowing a vomit burp his way. I think tilting his reader would be the best way to beat him.

I pretty much coast through the last hour.

Hour #6 results:
+$554 in poker
3 heinekens
+$82.50

Shiiiiiiit. I clocked out too early and only got 5 hours and 50 minutes credited to me. 34:10 to go.

JDN

Poker on Fremont

2009-01-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

January is gonna be pretty slow for me since I couldn't sat into the Aussie Millions or the PCA. Time to go downtown. Its the weekend after new years so there will be alot of people in town to fill up the cheap tournaments.

So Jeremiah, katkin and I make it downtown in time for the 7pm $65 tournament at the Golden Nugget. We start with 2000 in chips and with a $40 rebuy we can get another 3000.

I order heineken #1 and take my seat at table 6 seat 9.

Table draw:
Seat 1: old guy that looks like Kyle Gass from tenacious d
Seat 2: empty
Seat 3: old balding guy with a Hawaiian shirt on. Isn't it a bit cold for that?
Seat 4: another older guy worrying about whether or not he can afford the rebuy.
Seat 5: really old guy playing way too tight for a $65 tournament.
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: Jeremiah smith
Seat 8: crazy old guy that mumbles to himself. Then again, he maybe talking to me.
Seat 9: jdn
Seat 10: younger guy that left the tournament for 10 mins to go to the ATM to get his rebuy.

I get it all in on the 4th hand of the tournament with 7d5d vs Mumbles' A8 vs Miah's 65 off. Needless to say,I end up playing the board and am left with 500. Miah rebuys and Mumbles takes the pot.

I get it in again the very next hand with A7 vs Mumbles' KK. This guy is on fire! Rebuy!

No long afterward Jeremiah busts with 27 vs Mumbles' A2. He's unstoppable folks.

Katkin is at the other table, there's only two tables, and he's treading water at the "tight" table.

Mumbles finally loses all his chips in a race and he has to rebuy. He's mortal after all.

Where the he'll is that cocktail waitress? I'm parched over here.

Jeremiah texted me from Binions. Apparently they swapped the 6pm and the 8pm tournies. So the 8pm is a $55 instead. Weak sauce.

I actually make the break with 3800. Katkin busted on the last hand before break so we book it over to Binions to check it out.

When we get over there I make eye contact with Amir Vahedi. He's playing the 6pm. Wow when times are tough, times are tough. As katkin buys in I say hi to amir and he tells me he's a little embarrassed that he's playing at Binions.

Don't worry about it buddy. I'm playing at the Nugget. In a $65 tournament. Two weeks ago I was playing the $15k at the bellagio. So poor.

In the restroom I see a guy getting his reeboks polished. That's baller.

Four hands after break we get down to 10 players and the final table. Sweet! And I'm not the shortest at the table. Of course I get the big blind with blinds at 200/400.

Heineken #2 finally shows up.

In the small blind, the button raises to 1500 and I push in for 3400. Big blind folds and the button calls. I show 66 and he shows AhJh. The board runs out 6 8 J J 5. Hahaha. Ship it! I double to 7200.

Two hands later I get it all in on a flop of 2c 8c 2s with AcQc vs Crazy Ivan's 99. A Queen on the turn seals the deal but a club hit the river to rub it in. 15,000.

8 players left and 3 places pay.

We get down to 7 when Mumbles gets all in with bottom pair vs kings and hit his 2 pair on the river. This guy is amazing.

We color up the 100 chips and I got 17,500. Cocktail waitress is no where to be seen.

I just realized that seat 7 is missing the end of his middle finger on his left hand. Missing digits at the poker table is a bad sign and nothing ever good comes of it.

The missing finger guy recongizes Jeremiah, from what I assume was his donk fest in this years main event. I yell over to Miah, who's busted out of binions and now playing cash at the next table, that he just got recongized for being on TV. The dealer says, "Ohhh yeah. I saw him on the WSOP."

I make everyone that can hear me knows that the donkey from the WSOP is playing 1/2.

I take another 7k off Mumbles to get up 24,000.

Still no heineken.

After busting a short stack I get up to 31,000. We're down to 5.

Missing says that he played softball with Jeremiah. That takes the wind outta sails but I still LOL'd.

I bust Crazy Ivan with T2. That's Doyle's hand! On the money bubble! I'm a pretty big chip leader. I got more than half the chips in play.

40k on break.

In the money! Mumbles busts the short stack and I'm chip leader.

The 4th heineken magically appears. My mana is almost full.

Play somehow slows, I'm not sure how, but I bust the other short stack with A3 vs his 86.

I get heads up with Mumbles with a 3 to 1 chip lead. Play slows some more as I wait for Mumbles, who's name I find out later is Lynn (hahaha), to get bored and start over shoving with shit hands.

It takes about 12 minutes for him to call reraise me with J5. I call with AK and I'm a winner. Yes I am.

Ship the $740 to me. Just in time for the Binions 10pm.

Binions $75 10pm tournament.

I get over to binions at 10:05 to buy into the 10pm tourney but they changed the tourney schedule today. It starts at 11. Balls. Let's find the cash games.

I manage to lose 300 at 1/2 in about 30 min. Most of it to Jeremiah and his donkey ass.

I buy into the tournament with 7 minutes to spare so I hit the black jack table. And I win. Sweet. Buy in is paid for.

Table 32 seat 1

Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: quiet guy
Seat 3: a member of the raider nation. He's wearing a Gannon jersey so he's still living the past.
Seat 4: random white guy
Seat 5: mr long cornrow guy. Looks like he hasn't had then done in a couple of weeks. Too much downtown for this guy.
Seat 6: random over betting white guy
Seat 7: George mutherfucken Lucas
Seat 8: old guy that already busted
Seat 9: random African american. Is that the PC term?
Seat 10: random play everything white guy

I come storming out of the gate and lose every hand I play. I've lost 4000 in the first level.

Heineken #6 arrives.

Blinds go up to 100/200 and I got 1900 left. Shove or fold time.

I double through seat 9 with A4 vs KQ and pair my 4. Yeah boy!

Then the weirdest hand I've ever played happened. They gray haired lady, who I find out later is George Lucas' wife, and I accuse them of cheating later on, in seat 7 raises to 800 with blinds at 150/300. 6 peeps call including myself with 8h6h. The flop is 3 8 5. I bet 1200, seat 4 calls, seat 6 moves, I call.

Oops. The action is on the old lady in seat 7. She folds and we call for the floor for a ruling. My call stands and my chips go into the middle. Seat 6 shows a set of 3s. Oops. I need runner runner to win.

The turn is a 6. Okay we can work with that. The river is a 4. Fuck. Wait. Wait. WAIT! There's only two burn cards. The dealer didn't burn the turn.

I've never seen this before! So we call the real floor over. We count the muck up and it's an even number. It should be an odd number. She missed the turn burn.

The 6 should be a burn and the 4 is the turn. We see the river burn which is a jack and the real river is a 7. That gives me a straight. Holy moley! I dunno if that's the right call from the floor but I'll take it.

15k at break.

George Lucas kills me twice on the river after we get it all in on the turn and I'm way ahead. So poor.

Down to 2000 I double twice somehow as my 8th or 9th heineken shows up.

In the 800/1600 level I put the big blind all in from the small blind with Qc8c vs 9d3d. The board runs out spade spade spade spade 3. Fuuuuck.

I actually make the final table as the short stack and 5 pay. I think I can fold to the money.

On the first hand back from break the big blind is on the phone and his hand is mucked. I move in for 6k with Jd3d. Everyone folds. Sweet. I survive another orbit.

I bust in 8th against the guy that I hit the straight on when his 89 out flops my A5.

Onto the 2am tourney.

Binions $55 2am

I move to the 2 table tournament. I'm on table 21 seat 5. I get my stack up to 6000 pretty quickly but I lose it to a moron in seat 8. It's limped to me in the big blind and I have 66. I raise it to 1100 and moron moves in for 3600. I call and he shows 9T. Don't you worry. A 9 on the river gives him his hand. Moron.

A couple orbits later I get it all in with with QQ vs KK vs AQ. Fuuuuuck me in the eye hole. Oh wait! I hit the one outter on the river to triple up. Sweet. That my first one outter in a live tourney.

8k at break.

Final table! Again. I'm a machine!

I'm about average at this final table from a tournament of 19 people. This is my bread and butter.

I stopped taking notes at this point, probably due to heineken #10 or so.

Somehow I bust out of the tournament and Katkin and I hit up the blackjack table.

I buy in for a couple of hundo and before I know it I've ran through all my winnings. Katkin meekly tries to stop me but I say fuck it and order another heineken. Down to my last hundo when this guy just sits down at the table with us and just watches us play. This isn't going to end well.

I run my hundo back up to a sweet dime before we stand up. The non-playing starring guy follows us to the elevator at the back of Binions, which is the scariest elevator evar!

Oops we forgot to validate the parking ticket. Back to the cage to validate it a second time. We lose the tail.

Quick thinking on my part saves me from having to punch a fool's lights out. Realistically it probably saved me from getting stabbed and bleeding to death in Binions parking lot.

On the way, at the toll booth, some drunkard bumps his minivan into the back of Katkin's brand new BMW. I get out of the car to tell the fucker to back up and we start yelling at each other. He won't backup. It gets more heated.

I may get stabbed yet!

I can tell Katkin is kinda getting nervous and the lady in toll booth is starting to freak out. I flip the guy off and tell him to move his shitty minivan. Katkin finally says, "Let's just go."

The toll booth lady doesn't charge us and we head home as the sun starts to rise.

Good times.

JDN

PS Of course we had to stop at the Porchlight Bar and Grill for some vegi quesadillas and Heineken. And I killed the video blackjack even though it cheats.

Its kinda slow this time of year...

2008-12-29T21:27:00.000-08:00

and I've been surfing the world wide web. A lot. I've seen things I shouldn't have and I've shared them with others. But the other day I came across this jpeg of Erick Lindgren's senior year picture.

Needless to say, it looks like Erick chose to forgo the thespian route.

JDN

I hate christmas..

2008-12-21T16:54:00.001-08:00

but this is kinda funny. Staring yours truly, Jeremiah Smith, Layne Flack, Gavin Smith, and a monkey.

Happy Holidays from Poker WTF!

Weekend Activities in North Hollywood (Updated with video link)

2008-12-16T03:25:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, normally this blog is about poker tournaments, bust outs, bad beats, sick Asian gamblers, JDN not being able to muck bottom pair etc. Well not tonight, LA Mike is really emotional right now. I just found out that I missed the secret show that The Cure played in Hollywood on Saturday night. Wtf, I run so damn bad. 3 f'n hours of The Cure in a tiny, standing room only venue. My Christmas was just ruined...GG life.

But I have a special Christmas/Hanukkah present for anyone who has had the pleasure of being seated at a poker table with 'Hollywood' Dan errr Dave. Chances are the blackjack pro turned poker wannabe has berated you at the table whether it be online or live. Well, 'Hollywood' won a tourney online and wanted to celebrate in style. It's fairly well known, I hate partaking in cocktails but what was I to do? He wanted to celebrate his win! So myself, Melissa and Dom who I was hanging out with, hit the streets during Winter Storm '08 even though it was already like 1:15am. By the way, I've never seen the news blow a little bit of rain so much out of proportion.

Being that we live in LA and the bars close at the stupid hour of 2am, (you can't buy alcohol from the store past 2am either) we were only able to get 2 drinks in so we had to take the celebration to a residence.

Combining that you can't buy alcohol past 2am and that the private residence is occupied by Melissa, well lets just say she really likes alcohol. In fact, the night before she downed an entire bottle of Grey Goose so we knew the alcohol supply was pretty low. On hand, we had some beer, a big bottle of champagne and some peppermint schnapps. That was all. Brutal beat! We so weren't prepared for this impromptu HD celebration.

Time to improvise. Melissa and I spot a homeless man who had just purchased a bottle of vodka outside a store. Thankfully, he hadn't dug into it yet (as I'm super OCD and a germ-o-phobe). We pull up next to him and offer him cash for the bottle. Seems like a good deal for everyone especially since he told us he just got out of jail the previous day. I ask how much he paid for it, he says like $20. I offer him $40...which actually ended up being $38 or $39 but whatever. We score the bottle and I proceed to pour him some vodka into his juice bottle. We bolt toward Melissa's place, score one for the good guys!

The four of us proceed to polish off some of the alcohol and random prop betting ensues. Believe it or not, 'Hollywood' brought up being tased and low and behold, Melissa happens to own a taser. I mean, why wouldn't she right? After about an hour of deliberation, Melissa charged up the taser and it was going to be aimed at 'Hollywood'. This video was apparently taken at the scene. It is not intended for a youth audience but more so for peeps who have been berated by 'HD' at the tables over the years!

One other thing I wanted to add in this blog was something I saw on the very popular craigslist. It was an entry titled "Professional Witness". I personally found it absolutely hilarious. Check it out at http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/lgs/958055676.html

Happy Holidays to all...Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Quanza etc... and a very safe New Year!

Video update: For some reason the video won't upload but I've provided the next best thing. Here's a link to the video. Remember, this is a rather disgusting sight and shouldn't be viewed by kids or anyone with a faint heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9InCBih1opw

Bellagio 5 Diamond day 2

2008-12-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning and it was snowing. Yes. Snowing in Las Vegas. On Dec. 15. Global warming my ass.

Knew I would see this today.

Table 64 seat 7 (that's the table on the stage)

Table draw... Good god

Seat 1: Ralph Perry
Seat 2: Internet kid who shops at urban outfitters. He's wearing a "It's good to be gangsta" hoodie.
Seat 3: Devon Porter, him again.
Seat 4: Doyle Brunson
Seat 5: Carlos Mortensen
Seat 6: younger Asian guy that I recgonize
Seat 7: JDN
Seat 8: Eric Cajelais or Eric Casualgay as Roland de Wolfe calls him.
Seat 9: random Asian guy

Jeebus. How do I play this table? I guess I either play crazy tight or crazy crazy. We'll how this first level goes before I make that decision.

Devon porter is starting to look a little like Roland de Wolfe.

Clonie Gowen and Howard Lederer are at the same table. Ohhhh I wish my table would break and I could move there.

Seat 9 busts when Carlos runner runners a flush on him. The failed musician from day 1 takes his seat.

Carlos is taking over the table. I sooo happy I'm on his left. Not that it would matter with the cards I'm getting.

38,400 at break. Completely card dead.

Special shout out to BJ Nemeth for letting charge my iPod during break.

The failed musician gets he kings cracked by Devon's 88. Haha. Payback is a bitch mofo!

With blinds at 500/1000 with a 100 ante, I look down at 55 under the gun and raise it to 3000. Doyle calls from the button. The flop falls 9h 8h 4s. I bet out 5000 think that he's got two overs and I could pick this pot up, even though I missed the set for at least the 30th time in a row. Doyle calls. Opps.

The turn is the Qd. I bet out quickly, throwing 11,000 out. Hope he doesn't have a queen. He folds. Sweet! That's the second hand I've won today. Back up 41k.

The very next hand, Eric Casualgay limps under the gun. Doyle, Carlos, and the small blind call. I check the option with 67. The flop comes 6 5 4. I likely. Check check, Eric bets 4k. Here comes my check raise... but the small blind calls. Arrgh. I just call. The turn is a 2. Small blind checks and I bet out 7500.

Now this is where I decided to move in if I get raised. Eric thinks about it for a while. He's shrugging his shoulders, counting out his chips, even thing picking up the cards like he's going to fold. He does that twice. Odd. He finally raises to about 22k, I didn't even bother to look really. As long as the small blind folds I'm going to snap move in. Small blind folds.

"All in."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Eric roll his eyes. Then he counts out his chips, calls, and asks if I got the nuts. I love when people call an all in and think they're losing. Now if I could just have a winning hand. One time.

He shows 33 for the 6 high straight. Ok. He took away two of my outs. I orginally thought he had an over pair or AsKs. The turn would have given him a flush draw. Obv, I was effected by that check raise bluff from Vancouver. Still got six outs.

The river is a red jack. GG.

This is only hand during the whole tournament where I was in the position to suck out and I didn't get there. WTF?

JDN