WSOPE Main Event (Phil Ivey Stole My Ipod)

On the walk from our flat to the casino, Gavin and I discussed today's strategy and sampled some of London's finest subway tunnel juice. There was a juice stand set up in a tunnel type of area next to the train station where a guy and his juicer have set up shop. I was a little skeptical of his set up, mostly because there was no running water. In the end I got a refreshing cup of apple, orange, watermelon, and some other random melon drink. We chugged it down before we got to the empire.

They wouldn't give me a receipt. WTF? Guess the dealer is going to have to trust me that I'm at the right seat.

Table 13 seat 3

Table draw!

Seat 1: big fucking Viking bastard who's just trying to give all his chips away
Seat 2: random canafian who is also very donational
Seat 3: jdn
Seat 4: random shelia? What do they call women here? Anyway, she's an online qualifier. Bunch of peeps are taking her picture so I would imagine she the only girl to sat in.
Seat 5: random euro with a giant diamond studded watch
Seat 6: random euro
Seat 7: random euro, definitely an Internet nerd
Seat 8: big fucking techno viking
Seat 9: random bloke

Holy shit I got a walk!

Holy shit I got another walk in the next orbit. Of course I had queens.

20,700 at break. Nothing much happens in the first level. At my lowest I was at 18k. Won most of it back preflop.

At break Daniel Negreanu buys me a veggie samosa. Score.

First weird hand of level 2:

Seat 2 is under the gun and makes a standard raise to 600 I call with 55 and the shelia calls. Fuck! That's too many. Here comes a squeeze. I look at seat 5. Here it comes. He raises to 2500. I notice something fishy about his raise. He announces it as he throws in 3 big chips. Odd....

The bloke to my right tanks it for a few minutes. If he calls I'm calling. If he folds I'm folding.

He calls. I do as well and so does the chick! Big pot. 10k plus.

The flop falls 9h 3h 9c. Check check check. Diamond watch guy bets 3500. Seat 2 folds. Wow. This quite a predicament I gotten myself into. He was so fishy to begin with and now he just reeks of carp. If he throws a half size pot bet out, I probably reraise him. The smallish bet throws me off. He very easily could have a A9 or K9. I fold unsure if I had just pasted on a golden opportunity.

The massage girl working on the guy next to me has B.O.

Other weird hand of the level:

Seat 7 raises in early position and I call in the big blind with AQ. The flop falls 6 A 6. I check he bets 1200. I call and check the T on the turn. He checks too. Wha? Does he have AJ or a smaller pair? Confused!

The river comes a Q. I lead out with 2k. After a moment he raises to 7k. Huh? We must have the same hand. No way he's got KJ. I call. He shows 6 4 off. Fuck me.

Then it strikes me, this is why they reraise here with medium strength hands. I've seen several reraise with jacks, tens and I seen a couple with AQ. They've learned that to get the junk hands out they gotta reraise the crazies.

This country baffles me.

I think the qualifier to my left is the stinky one.

8250 at break. Ninja time.

Techno Viking and Internet Nerd are playing some huge hands in the 150/300 level. These guys are out of control.

After the massive Viking in seat 1 busts Kelly Kim, of the November Nine fame, gets moved to our table. I don't plan on watching that final table. I'm going to have way more fun watching the paint dry in my garage.

I have aces twice and kings during the 3rd level and win all of them preflop. Bollocks. I've been folding AJ preflop all day and it seems to be saving me some money. I am now going to apply that rule to AQ. If I had just folded it all day, I would have around 30k. This blows.

7250 at dinner break.

During dinner I decide to mix things up and put on my white euro shoes. Hopefully they will change my luck.



On the way back to the casino I saw her out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing jeans and a jean jacket with just a white sports bra on underneath and her pregnant belly hanging out. I couldn't help myself, I had to get a better look and I involuntarily made eye contact as I did. Shit. Here it comes.

"Boys! Do you have any change to spare? I'm four months pregnant." She said through a dodgy looking set of teeth. There was a cigarette in her hand too. Gavin being the humanitarian that he is, gave a few pounds. As he was digging through his pockets she turned to me and said, "Some bloke just told me I look like a prostitute. Do I look like a prostitute?"

I'm just staring at her mangled grill. She's got like 4 teeth. She stares back at me waiting for an answer. She does indeed look like a cheap prostitute. But she's pregnant.

"Of course not." I respond.

"Can I get a couple of pounds?" She smiles back.

"No. Gotta go." I tell her as Gavin gives her a pound.

That's 2 dollars! That man is too generous.

Back at the casino:

Well, I lied to myself. I said I was going to start folding AQ preflop... I broke my promise. Some how I got all in preflop with AcQc vs the Techno Viking's 99. The flop blanked out but the turn brought a 2nd club. To win I needed an ace, queen, or a club. Whats that? 15 outs? Queen ball on the river and I'm up to 14k. Alright! Go team!

Well 14k doesn't last very long in my hands. I gamble a little bit and I'm back to to 7k. Fucking reraising euros!

I get back up to 10k when I call down the Internet nerd with Ah6h on a As Qs 2s flop.

Then I get pocket fours. Now I have a lot of found memories of these hand. I got my first live quads at Hollywood Park with pocket fours. I won a pretty decent sized online tourney with them too. So I play them hard. For old times sakes.

I raise in late position and seat 6, who's fucking clueless, calls. The flop comes J 3 7. He bets 1k. I call. The turn is a 6. 1500 bet I call. (oh the moron just pulled up to the bar next to me as I write this, hopefully he can read english and realize that he's a douche). The river is a queen. He bets 2500. I put him on AK since the start of this hand and I decide to stick to my read. I call. He doesn't turn over his hand. He looks sheepish. AK is right mofo!

He finally turns over AQ. Fuck me silly.

2775 at break. Only 1 level to the end of the day. Think I'm a 14/1 dog to survive.

With less than 10 big blinds, I ship it in early position with A7. Its folded around to the Techno Viking in the big blind, who I know is going to call with anything. He calls with QJ off. Blank blank blank blank ace! And I double to over 6k. There's some life left in me yet.

The shoes. They are working.



Another orbit or so and I'm on the big blind. In the cut off, Techno Viking raise to 850. The button, who has clearly been tagged a moron, reraises to 3100. Kelly Kim, in the small blind folds. I look down at JJ. Aiyeah. If I have more chips, I can easily fold this. I got 4900 total. No way I can fold. I put it in. Techno Viking folds and the button moron is happy to call the less the minimum raise. I say, "I hope you have tens." I open my jacks. He flips up his hand and I can only see one card. A ten of diamonds. Snap! The other card is the jack of diamonds. WTF?

Techno Viking says that he folded J9. Double WTF? These Euros...

The Flop falls 3 A Q. Fuck. The moron says "Any king will do." The turn is a King. Barf! I'm drawing for a chop. Three outs. I don't know what the river was, it wasn't a ten and I'm already walking away.

So poor.

JDN

Epilogue

This is getting brutal. I can satellite into any tournament I want to but I can't make anything happen in the big tournaments. What am I missing? I guess I've only played 8 major tournaments, not including all the smaller WSOPs, and that sample size is not big enough to draw an accurate conclusion from. My bankroll management is quite pathetic, and dwindling, and I've only cashed once since winning at Ceasars. That was in a BARGE tournament too.

I think I need to take a step away from poker and get lost for a couple of weeks even though the EPT starts tomorrow. Time to regroup.

There will be plenty of poker during October in Vegas at the Bellagio and Ceasars. As well as another Venetian Deep Stack in November.

Maybe I'll find a real job.


On second thought... maybe not.

WSOPE Horse

Of course I forget my receipt and I have to wait 25 minutes for the cage manager to find my carbon copy and another 10 to figure out how to photocopy it. Bollocks.

When I bring my receipt to the registration table they can't read it and I just give him my surname and get my seating assignment. Looking for a knife to stab myself in the eye.

Speaking of which, I found out that that giant ferris wheel is called "The London Eye.". I'm not sure why it has that name but that's what it's called.

Random night shot of "The London Eye."

Table 11 seat 7 (this is obviously the worst seat in the tournament. I'm sitting in front of a giant red light and for people to get into this section, they have to squeeze between me and the giant red light. Its like a red light prostate exam just to get by me. So poor!)

Table draw:
Seat 1: random euro that looks like a younger version of kevin from the office.
Seat 2: random american
Seat 3: andy "the Irish monk" black
Seat 4: random euro that looks like that creepy elton brown of iron chef America and good eats fame
Seat 5: random american internet kid with a retainer. Could be that timex fellow.
Seat 6: random euro that happens to be a full tilt pro and deoderant happens to be optional from where ever he's from.
Seat 7: jdn
Seat 8: Nick Binger's brother, Michael Binger.

Sausage time!
Andrew Black declares it's sausage time. He opens up a tupperware container of Irish (assuming) Sausage on the table and as it pops open, his chips go everywhere. I tell him that's why there's a no sausage on the table rule.

Mike Binger gets moved the hand after getting rolled up queens. I wish I were to get rolled up and moved.

9075 at break. Would have had a bit more if I could avoid the 3 x brick hands in razz.

Level two begins and Phil Ivey sits down in seat 8. Lovely.

I have a flaming hold'em round where I get paid off with a 2nd nut flush and a set. Up to 12500.

In razz elton brown completes with a 9 showing. Yes a 9. It only gets worse from here. Fucking razz.

I call and when the boards read 7 6 5 6 for me and he has A 9 T T. Of course he calls my bet. I lead out blind on 7th, hoping he sees it. He doesn't. He calls. With a T 9 low. He wins. I brick 7th and end up with a J 7 6 5 4.

Elton brown!!!! Your shows suck!

8100 at break. Ivey is officially the luckiest player in poker. Every hand he's opened, he's won. In the stud8 level he rivers aces up agianst my 3 pair.

My left hand with Phil Ivey.

My right hand with Phil Ivey.

3rd level... Fuck the 3rd level.

Elton Brown is my mega mush, with Ivey a close second. I lose all my chips in Omaha on two big hands.

The first bastard of a hand is a huge multi-way pot that was 4 bet pre-flop 5 handed. I held Ah Ad 8h 9h and the flop fell 6h 7h Js. Bet bet bet. Big pot like I said. The turn is a Qd. Bet call call raise call call. 3 handed when the river comes Ts. Elton brown checks. I check. Seat 2, his name is Bruce, bets. Elton raises. This hand don't make sense. Bruce has a set of queens. Elton has to have K9 or AK. I can't call. But it's Elton. He sucks. Fuuuuuck. I fold. Bruce calls Elton shows the 8s9s for the scoop. Skull fuck me in the eye hole please.

A couple of hands later I turn a 6 high flush then river a 6 high straight and get scoped after 3 bets. .Assdffghkllljgcfd

2 orange chips going into dinner. When we come back I'll be behind the button. I will be seeking the sage like advice from Allen Cunningham over beers at all one bar.

Layne flack cracked his Breitling watch at dinner break. He's says security did it, but I'm guessing he was just flailing his arms.

4 level

Holy shit. I'm a fucking rollercoaster. Started with 2000 this level and got all in for the first time with 1400 left. Typically I made a last longer with flack when we both had 2k. Amazingly I tripled up 3 handed all in pre-flop with AA in Omaha. Never seen that before.

I got all in 4 times in that level and doubled up everytime. Once even against Ivey's lucky ass when I out drew him in razz.

Mike Binger comes back to our table and takes Andy Black's seat.

Young Kevin from the office must be getting bored. In stud8 he got me all in with A 3 5 and bricked 4 straight cards against my split kings. On 7th street I said " hope you brick!". And he did. Snap.

A few hands later he reraises me with 3 3 6 vs my Q 9 Q. We get all the money in on 4th street and I hit a flush to double up to 7500ish.

I end the level with 8500.

5th Level

Kinda spin wheels in the next level and lose my iPod to Ivey. He's never heard BlackMilk and I almost had a bet down that he would like it. Phil likes it! So much so that he keeps it with him when the table breaks.

Table break!!!!

I bet Ivey 1k that he wouldn't bring my iPod back fully charged. I think I'm free rolling.

New table draw:
Seat 1: Doyle Brunson
Seat 2: random euro
Seat 3: Max "The Italian "arrrrrr" Pirate" Pesactori
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: John Juanda
Seat 6: random euro
Seat 7: Jean Robert Bellande
Seat 8: Robert Williamson the 3rd

Table of death? I think not. I love it.

But then things go sour. I lose a stud hand to the random euro in seat 2 when he slow plays buried aces. I got about 3100 left when I try to get Doyle to agree to a last longer bet. He declines. This is the very next hand courtesy of pokernews.com.

Jason Newitt Eliminated in Ridiculous Stud-8 Quads Hand

Jason Newitt was all in for small change on third street, with Doyle Brunson, Max Pescatori, and John Juanda all in the hand as well.

There was some giggling at Brunson's hand by fourth street and more by fifth street. Eventually he bet it on sixth street and Pescatori got out of the way, but Juanda called.

Juanda: {K-Spades} {A-Spades} {7-Diamonds} {6-Clubs} with {5-Diamonds} {4-Hearts}-X for the low.

Brunson: an entirely astounding {Q-Hearts} {Q-Spades} {Q-Clubs} {5-Hearts} with {3-Hearts} {5-Spades} {Q-Diamonds} for the high.

Newitt: {6-Hearts} {A-Diamonds} {2-Hearts} {6-Spades} with {2-Clubs} {4-Spades} {8-?} for not very much, although he initially thought he'd won the low.

Ok, the facts are right but the details are wrong. Doyle had less chips than me. I think he had 3k and I had 3200. Doyle raised on the door card before I reraised with my A 6 2. Max and Juanda both called and checked it to 6th street before Juanda bet out and Max folded. Anyway, I'm busto and its Miller Time.

After dropping a couple hundo at black jack I run into Layne, Cantu and Madsen in the upstairs bar. More beer. I also meet the danish kid that just won the $1500 event (the first person to win a WSOPE and a WSOPAFY bracelet) and Yuval Bronshtein, who has gone deep a couple of times. Both seem to be pretty pleasant peeps.

Elton Brown also makes and appearance and we break bread over a brew.

Motherfucken' Elton Brown in the house!

Some how I get roped into a heads up tournament on the WSOP heads up video game machine. Layne backs me (scary, I know) and I get heads up with Madsen for the championship.

Madsen is a donkey.

Needless to say I lose and Layne and I hit the black jack tables to dust off another couple of hundo.

I think I'm going to play a satellite to main on Friday. I think its the best chance I have of making any money on this trip since it seems like I can only cash in sats.

JDN

WSOPE $1500 No Limit Tourney

It's been a while since I was really excited to play tournament. The WSOPAFY! (World Series of Poker of America Fuck Yeah!) was kinda of a downer, not to mention it was at the Rio in Las Vegas during the summer and it was 120 degrees out. And I had to walk down that redonkulous hallway just to lose my money. I'm slightly bitter. Can you tell? Unfortunately I had to fly half way round the world to get here.

Truthfully I love traveling to London and I've been here a few times before but this is the first time I can actually play a tournament here. If the brits all play like Roland de Wolfe, I could take this bad boy down.

I walked pass this gigantical ferris wheel on my way to the Empire Casino which used to be the Empire Nightclub

Table 3 Seat 3

Let's get it on!

Table draw:
Seat 1: random bloke but he's quite nice. He called a cocktail waitress over to get me a water. So pleasant.
Seat 2: random bloke who has no idea what's going on
Seat 3: jdn
Seat 4: the steaming swede. This guy called off half his stack against the nuts in the first orbit and has been on dead steam ever since.
Seat 5: empty
Seat 6: the cocky bloke
Seat 7: that guy that went deep in the main event a few years ago that looks like the geico caveman
Seat 8: random bloke and I'm almost 100% certain that he has a nipple on his left wrist. Bizarre.
Seat 9: empty

Our dealer is having trouble boxing the cards and reading the hands. He's already mucked two winning hands. Time for a push!

I'm slightly distracted by the Ibiza Angels. They're the massage girls and they're all wearing see-thru white linen pants. I can tell if they're wearing hotpants, thongs or grannie panties. One of them is dancing while she rubs seat 4 on the table next to ours.

Levels 1 and 2 are pretty boring. I picked up kings once and won it on the flop. I also chopped AQ twice, so I'll be playing that hand more aggressive in future. Or maybe I'll play it more passive. I dunno. It's generally a lame hand.

6k at break. Treading water, which is my specialty.

Layne Flack asks to borrow some franks at break. We're in London Layno!

Hotpants!

I've never seen so many walks in the first two levels of a tournament. Of course I haven't had one.

Big pot time! With blinds at 100/200 I raise to 600 under the gun with AK. Seat 6, the cocky bloke, reraises to 1600. It's folded back around to me and I ponder over it for a few seconds before making the call.

Now seat 6 is the guy who raised with a gut shot and got there on the turn to steam the swede in seat 4, who I think may be german, but the steamin' swede is a better nickname than mad german, so I made the called based on his previous play.

I might lay AK down to a better player because I'm getting 25% of my chips in preflop. Whoa... I'm using math.

The flop falls A 8 8. I check and he bets 1600. I move all in for 3750 more. He tanks it. When he bets the flop I can rule out him having AA or 88. And A8 is not even on the radar.

He goes through the motions and asks if I have ace. So he has QQ or JJ. I don't think he folds KK there. So I'm golden.

He continues to think it over as I settle into my seat. Now... This is the first time I've ever cracked up while being stared down. And Seat 6 didn't even do anything.

The waitress comes to the opposite end of the table and offers the players some all in energy drink, which tastes like battery acid imo. The new guy in seat 9 takes one and the waitress looks over at the geico caveman, who's name I later found out it something like lief farce, anyway he's laying his head down on the table with eyes closed. Obv, he had a long night so the waitress says, "looks like you need an energy drink."

She offers him one and he doesn't even see or hear it. I fucking lose it. Good thing the guy didn't notice it. So he calls the clock on himself.

Thong!

I've never seen anyone call an all in bet when they call the clock on themselves. He folds.

I'm up to about 11k after the hand.

A few hands later when the cocky bloke has the big blind I look down at aces and make standard raise. I would've almost bet that he was going to shove on me. He folds. Damn! I hope I can take advantage of his tilt.

Doesn't take long for me to spring my trap. Exactly one orbit later I look down at A9 and make the standard raise. Its folded to the cocky bloke in the big blind who shoves it all in. As he does it I notice that he's looking straight up. That's a motherfucking tell! I call. He shows 2 3 off. I win. Snap.

9k at 2nd break.

Creepy moment of the day!
Doodoo Merman (Davood Mermand) follows a bloke into the loo and continues to talk to him abouy a hand as the guy takes a leak. I'm Soooooo happy the Doodoo isn't at my table.

Quote of the day!
"Someone tell Roland de Wolfe to stop eating."
- Joy Miller

Level 5

With blinds at 150/300 with a 25 ante, I raise to 1000 with JJ. There are two limpers in front of me and both of them call. The flop falls 5s 8d 4d. The under the gun limper bets out 2500. Huh? The other donk folds. I think about it for a moment. AK of diamonds? I'm slightly baffled. I count out my chips, I can't reraise, I gotta push if I stay in this hand. WTF does he have? I shove.

He almost beats me into the pot. Fuck. He shows 88 and 10 minutes later I'm walking past the ferris wheel. Someones getting married on it. That's lame.

The HORSE starts on Monday.

JDN

I busted a Full Tilt Pro

Congratulations! You busted out a Pro, your details are required!

customerservice@fulltiltstore.com Sun, Jul 27, 2008 at 3:10 PM
Reply-To: customerservice@fulltiltstore.com
To: jdn@pokerwtf.com, customerservice@fulltiltstore.com

Hello JDN,

Congratulations! You busted ScottMontgomery in the following tournament:

European Main Event Qualifier

We have credited your Full Tilt Poker account with a bounty prize of $200.00.

In recognition of your achievement, we would like to send you a special T-Shirt. So that we can ensure you receive this prize, please reply to this email and confirm your shipping address and T-Shirt size. T-shirts are available in the following sizes: M, L, XL, XXL, or XXXL.

Remember, Full Tilt Poker offers a bounty for busting any red pro playing in any scheduled real money tournament with 30 players or greater. You can collect a bounty matching the tournament buy-in (not including tournament fee) up to $200.

The current address we have in our records for you is:
JDN
I'm not posting my address here cause the 4 fuckwits that read this are insane.

If you would like the T-Shirt shipped to another address, please note your preferred destination in your reply.

We're happy to have you playing at Full Tilt Poker, and best of luck at the tables!

Sincerely,

Full Tilt Poker

JDN Mon, Sep 1, 2008 at 5:55 PM
To: customerservice@fulltiltstore.com
Dear Full Tilt Support Peeps,

Thank you for the free shirt offer. The $200 bounty was pretty damn cool too. But I'm all little confused as to who the hell ScottMontgomery is. Does he really not have a space in his given name? I tried asking him who he was and what was he doing in red. The only response I got from him was, "I'm red? Why am I red? I may have a fever."

Thank goodness that the nurse was at the table. She prescribed a a healthy dosage of fail and I delivered to him in the form of a bust out. Oh snap!

I would like my shirt to read "I Busted a Random Red Noob on FTP and it wasn't a suck out." XL please. I've been bulking up at the gym.

I would also like to get a shirt for my girlfriend (yes I do have one and she doesn't live in Canada). The last time I busted a red noob, I think it was that UFC guy (I kicked his ass), I request a small shirt to fit her petite frame. Unfortunately you sent me a XXXL. What does that mean? Do you think she's overweight? Big boned? I don't think so. She should probably wear a large but I'm not going to tell her that. That would be like trying to take the KFC bowl out of her hand before she's done. The last time I did that I had to sleep on the floor with the dogs for a week.

But I digress. Please send a small shirt that says, "My BF busted a red one and I all I got was this stupid t-shirt."

Thank you and I look forward to receiving my shirts.

JDN



JDN Wed, Sep 3, 2008 at 10:33 PM
To: customerservice@fulltiltstore.com

Ok,
Since I know you guys are slammed (there's like 300 pros on your site, and 75% of them suck @$$(no offense Phil Gordon, but you're just a tall guy that likes to look down at people)) and you're dealing with a lot (A LOT) of bust outs. So I took the initiative and designed the shirts that I want from you. Feel free to add them to your store. Free of charge! I'm cool like that. I'm also a successful poker player and I don't need your peanuts.

Anywho, I look forward to receiving my shirts.

JDN

For her.

For him.

We going London! We going London!

Oh snap! I satellited (is that a word?) into the WSOPE main event on FTP recently. So in September I'll have some more material for the 3 people that actually read this blog.

More bad calls coming to you courtesy of JDN.

\
Bad teeth, here we come!