I got to Caesars about 5 hours earlier than expected because of rain. My day of golf got rained out. In Vegas. Really?
So I'm up all early and after breakfast I head down to Caesars. Unfortunately I forget my daily ritual and halfway through hour 1 I gotta drop a deuce.
So there I am in the stall. In a casino. Not much cleaner than Hollywood Park. Complating the universe, solving the world's problems when I hear the guy next to me start to cuss in between his gasps for breath as he presummibly gives birth to a monster brown trout. A lunker if you will.
This goes on for several long minutes as just sit there waiting for a prolapse. Then suddenly he gets up flushes the can and leaves. I don't think he wiped. I try to get a look at his shoes to see if he's at my table.
On a side note, I was impressed with Caesars TP quality. It's no charmin but it's quite soft. Kudos Harrahs.
Hour #7 results:
+$38
1 bloody mary
0 Heinekens
Post BM I start feeling all losey goosey and fire a bluff on the river vs the old lady in seat 5. She limped preflop, called my $10 bet on the T 7 3 flop, checked the 6 on the turn and bet $40 on the 9 river.
I reraised to $120 with A5. I did so because she looked really uncomfortable after making the bet. She was looking up, fumbling with her cards and such. I'd never seen her to do that in the hour and a half that we've been playing. I know she's weak. I've been pretty tight, I got a good image, but this is 1/3 at Caesars.
After thinking about for a while she says, "This is a bad call. I call."
She shows AT. Bah!
Hour #8 results:
-$150
0 Heinekens
Hour 9 is absolute shit. I have to rebuy after calling most of my stack off with bottom pair. Hey I thought I was good.
The goofball in seat 1 is holding over me and I've doubled him up twice, almost 3 times.
So I order a Heineken.
It's not here yet.
I more than double up to $420 (LOL) when I get it all in with a flush draw vs two pair. I river the flush. Finally! Some luck. Sweet!
I just watched the retarded cocktail waitress give my Heineken to a guy at another table. She then walked over to our table give the old lady her drink. She proceeded to stare at the wall for 10 minutes as I tried to get her attention.
Obv I failed to get her to notice me as she soon wandered over to the other side of the room trying to avoid eye contact with thirsty poker players.
This bitch is fucking with my mojo.
I proceed to blow 120 to the tubby cowpoke in seat 4.
The young kid next to me keeps mumbling about how bad the players are and how he wants a table change. I tell him this how all the games are. Noob.
Hour #9 results:
-$200
0 fucking Heinekens (I'm going into an alcoholic rage! Motherfuckers!)
I'm pretty sure that peter griffin from family guy is our dealer. He got contacts and grew a goatee to go incognito.
I decide to take a break and lose $200 at video poker. That worked out well.
It's now well into hour 10. Only 30 more to go. Shoot me now.
I like the new cocktail waitress. She's not retarded for starters. And she told me that she too likes to drink alone. I'm usually alone at midnight in my man cave drinking but I'm the only one at the table with a frosty beverage in front of me.
Hour #10 results:
-$385 in poker
2 Heinekens
-$200 in video poker
Shiiiiiiit. Retard waitress is back.
Absolutly nothing happens in hour 11.
Hour #11 results:
Lame
I swear I'm playing on a slow short bus to hell. The new guy in seat 2 looks like lurch and the senile old man in seat 5 just check raised the flop before open folding the turn. I've never seen that before.
I finally turn things around when I bust the senior broham when my flush gets there on the turn. Back up around $300 down. It's sucks so bad to be happy about being only $300 down in a 1/3 game.
Didn't notice at first but my hommie Kevin "bleu329" Peterson sits down in seat 3. I haven't seen that guy in a couple years.
I keep running into the goofy white guy in seat 7's big hands. He's got all these weird tells, it looks like his palms are sweaty, and twitches. I finally make a move on him when I push in with 6 high on a 9 A 9 K 7 board. He folds AJ face up, I can't resist and I show him the bluff. What a great set up. Now I can't leave till I bust him.
I think I'm in to hour 13 or 14. Results:
-$250 in poker
3 or 4 Heinekens
-$200 in video poker
Goofy white guy keeps holding over me and I get down to -$515 after he, I guess, outplays me or I underestimate his intelligence.
The very next hand I pick up aces, first in 12 hours, and what do you know? Goofy guy raise in front of me.
Oh snap! I just throw in my chips, about $85, (I've got $400 cash behind) hoping that goofball thinks I'm steaming. And it works! But on the wrong player.
The creepy euro kid in seat 2 reraises to $200 not seeing my $400 behind. Then goofy white guy almost calls. Damn it! He would have doubled me up had he called the $85.
Goofball finally folds and I throw my cash out on the table all disgusted like. I totally deserve an oscar nod. The euro calls with jacks. Sweet. I flop my set. Double sweet.
Then the dealer puts the Td on the turn giving him a royal gut shot draw. Shiiiiiiiiit. Now I gotta sweat this shit.
He misses and now I'm only down $100.
Goofy guy leaves. Fuck. I'm thinking about following him.
Hour #15? results:
-$200 in poker
5 heinekens
-$200 in video poker
The new "not obv retarded cocktail waitress" forgets my Heineken. WTF is going on here. You think with the economy being what it is, that Caesars would hire some decent waitresses for below street value.
Guess not. I may need to write a letter to Mr Harrah.
Hal Lubarsky is back. His reader is wearing the same pokerwire shirt from yesterday. My legacy lives on in the rarely bathed.
Around midnight I flop 2 pair on a J 7 A board with J7 and I run into A7. Down $550. Thats it, I'm done. I gotta go home and watch the Wire. It will be my only moment of happiness I'm going to experience today. Omar needs to blast some fools.
Results:
17 hours and 30 minutes
+$4 in poker
-$117.50 in video poker
I need to stay away from the hooker bar.
JDN
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