$500 Venetian Deep Stack

Since the WSOP sold out today I decided to play the Venetian. I get down here around 1 and surprisingly, I'm not an alternate.

Wow. I feel like I'm already a winner.

Table 53 seat 5. 15,000 in starting chips (well 14,450 for me since I arrived a little late) and 40 minute levels.

I officially have the slowest most boringest table evar! Here's how my day has gone so far: fold fold fold fold fold fold fold call check fold fold fold fold fold fold fold fold fold.

Awesome.

12K at first break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG with a blue PSP. He looks too old to have one
Seat 2: A woman. Not hot. Possibly a midget. Oops. Confirmed busto.
Seat 3: RBG who can't handle his chips and he's already mistakenly raised a couple of hands preflop when he was trying to call.
Seat 4: A woman. Asian. Also a dealer and not not hot.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: RAG
Seat 7: RWG with a WSOP hoodie.
Seat 8: ROWG, a long time grinder that I've seen around a bunch. No clue as to his name.
Seat 9: RAG
Seat 10: RWG, super aggro with continuation bets and reraising.

PSP guy is wearing a Rio All Suite Hotel shirt that says, "Paradise Found." I wonder if he's ever actually be to the Rio.

I get it all in with AK on a A K 4 board against seat 10. He shows AK. Chop chop. That's most action I've seen all day.

The PSP guy makes is 550 to go in the 100/200 25 ante level and he gets called in 4 spots including me.

The flop falls T 8 6. The not not hot Asian dealer bets out 1300 and I call. Everyone else folds.

The turn is a 9. She bets 3600. I call.

The river is a 7. Hey! Thats a straight on the board. She thinks about it for a moment before checking. Hmmmm. I wonder what the amount is that she would fold to and I wonder how much she would call.

I bet 6000. I'm pretty sure she would fold to an all in. She's got about 9K behind her.

After a bit she makes the crying call. I show JJ and take down the pot with a J high strizzle.

Up to 28K.

A few hands later I bust her with QQ and get my stack up to 33K.

Right around 32K at second break. Haven't really had any strong hands and I've been manufacturing all of my pots.

First hand back the PSP guy raises it up to 2300. The RWG to my right moves all in and the guy on my left that looks like a mini Layoto Machida moves all in too. Then the dealer mucks his cards.

Wait! What?

The floor is called over and the decision is made to take 2300 out of his stack, give him the rest of the chips back and lecture him on protecting his hand.

It saved him money. Both of the other players flopped sets and rivered full houses.

I look down at 22 and raise it up to 2100 in late position and get called by the old timey grinder from the small blind.

The flop is HOLY SHIT! A girl just sat down in seat 1 with giant boobies. Motorboat!

Ok where was I? I can't remember what I was writing about.

Anywoo I fired two bullets with 22 on a board of A 6 7 K to take down a nice pot.

40300 at color up. The girl with big boobies is cold.

Well level 8 sucked moosecock bro. I lost 6000 with TT and a few hands later I lost 8500 with 88. I wish my nickname was the man with no sets or the man with no nuts.

The big titty committee can't remember to put her antes out. Damn annoying. Then she busts. Ding!

I would say that 60% of the time my first card is a K. 100% of the time the second card does not complement the King.

772 total players for this tourney. 74 pay and $101,000 for first.

42,900 at 3rd break. Right about average with 260 players left.

Annnnd we're on dinner break.

Apparently someone at another table disagreed with a ruling that one way or the other caused him to bust out. So this gentleman decided the best course of action was to dump everyone's chips into the middle of the table.

As you can imagine chaos erupted and security was called. The guy tried to make a getaway but the poker room manager, Kathy Raymond, caught him in the parking lot.

So the TDs called an early dinner so that they could check the cameras and figure out who's chips are who's.

Awesome. Chipotle here I come.

Watched the ping pong championships at dinner.

Entering burrito coma post dinner break.

Levels 10 & 11 go as follows: fold fold fold fold fold fold fold think about it... fold fold fold fold fold fold

Then I look down at JJ in middle position. Ok I have 25,600. I got abot 13 big blinds. Do I raise to 6K or just stick it in?

That's what she said.

I stick it in.

That's what she said.

I get called by the big blind who just happens to be my new British friend Ramsey, with AK.

He blanks out and I double to 53K.

An orbit later I flop my first set and check raise the RBG in seat 2 to snatch 20K off of him.

I'm up to 72K which is a just hair below average.

I stopped writing at this pot and I will now post responses to my tweets.

# 1
Rocking my moose cock off to Preistess and it seems to be working. Flopped first of the day. 73K with 140 players 73 pay.

Umm yeah, pretty much already talked about this. I don't really have a moose cock, its more of a mouse cock.

# 2
68K at break. A bit below average. Waiting for that rush to hit. Maybe I'll order a heineken.

I did order a Heine and I won $10 playing video poker. I promised myself not to play video poker but I have a hard time keeping to my personal promises.

# 3
47500 going into the 2k/4k level. About 90 left 73 pay. Why do I get myself in these situations? Need to cash so I can shave.

I made a bet with myself not to shave or get a hair cut until I cash. Let's just say that the GF is not a fan of this.

# 4
On the money bubble. I have 12 chips for exactly 36K. Average is 160k. Short stack ninja or fold machine?

LA Mike told me to shove every hand and Robin, Perry's GF told me to fold every hand. Not a fan of either of those options.

# 5
Just saw half a nipple on a giant boobie while walking back from the can. That's good luck right? Still on the bubble.

It was a giant boobie and I saw the part around the nozzle. Whats that called?

# 6
It was a lucky nipple! And the monkey is off my back. I can shave! And I won $73. WTF?

Pretty sure I'm gonna start asking to see nipples when I get near the money. It probably would have got me to the money in the 5K PLO8.

# 7
Busto. 66 vs KK. Both hit sets. Don't know what place or how much I'm getting but at least I cam shave now.

So I end up getting AK twice after we redraw with 72 left. I get up to 78K, a high for the day, before I move in with 66 from middle position. I rivered a set but the other guy turned his set.

Oh well. I got 52nd and $894. It was my first cash since February... holy fuck thats bad, but I think I played awesome.

I never had AA or KK and got every chip I could with the shit hands I had. This is a good sign.

JDN

$500 Venetian Deep Stack

I get to the Venetian 45 minutes late and there's a line 60 deep. Not all these people can be as lazy as me... or can they?

Table 74 seat 4.

15,000 in chips, 40 minute level. Game on!

Table draw:
Seat 1: Possible Euro but... I only say that because he's wearing white capris and sandals. He also has a tattoo on his arm that says "I DEAL IN LEAD.". WTF does that mean? Then he talks with a Southern drawl. I'm confused here.
Seat 2: RWG that looks like he bought his outfit at Metro Park. Too much going on there to describe. His gf is also sitting behind me on the rail which is annoying.
Seat 3: RAG that busts and is replaced by a ROWG
Seat 4: RAG
Seat 5: JDN. Oops I guess I'm in 5 and not 4. Too lazy to correct it.
Seat 6: ROWG
Seat 7: RYWG with a Jew Fro.
Seat 8: RAG.
Seat 9: Faux Euro with some horrid looking hair plugs. I wish could take a picture. With his hair line it looks like a stringy triangle on top of his head.
Seat 10: RYWG

Wait! Why am I only getting two cards here? And what's this no limit thing all about?

It's been a while go easy on me.

I DEAL IN LEAD (which I now think must be a line from Gunsmoke or Kenny Loggins) busts when he pushs in preflop with 8h 9h with 75 big blinds. Now the nonsense tattoo makes sense.

A RPG with a very bedazzled shirt takes his place.

I pick up AA in the 75/150 level and after a preflop raise I see a flop of 8d 9d 4s with the faux Euro. He check raises me to 2500. Hmmm. He's either got top pair or a flush draw. I briefly consider a set but I decide I can't be that unlucky already.

So I reraise him to 6000. I leave myself enough to fold if he moves in. Not that I would actually fold, I just want the option. He thinks for a few seconds before calling. Ha! Gotcha bitch!

The turn is another 4 and he checks to me. I move in for 7000.

They've sent two alternates to the table without chips. The Venetian is slowly turning into a Harrahs property.

In a multiway limped pot I flop a set of 7s on a Q T 7 flop. I bet out and get called by the ROWG to my right. He def has a Q.

The turn is a J. I bet out again. It takes him a few moments of thought before he calls. He really wanted to raise there. He's got QJ.

The river is a Q. Fuck!

I check he bets 1K into a 5K pot. Is that a value bet? Now I think he might have AQ or KQ. Only a moron would make that bet. Right? It's only 1K. I call.

He shows QJ. Lame!

I show him my smaller full house and he says, "I didn't know you were that strong."

"Next time I'll tell you by betting." I reply.

20K at first break.

I pretty much just play small ball for the next few level and get up to 32K before I play 77 vs the ROWG to my left. Again. He's my pocket 7s mush.

Needless to say I somehow lose 11K in the hand. Down to 17K.

In the last hand before break I pick up a nice 6K pot with AQ (I know, crazy!) and get up around 21K.

21K at break.

Had to lay down JJ to the kid in seat 10 after he put the squeeze on our raise and call. I showed him the jacks and he was mildly surprised. Maybe it wasn't a squeeze but he's one of two other peeps at this table that know what a squeeze is.

20K at color up.

Good gawd it freezing in here!

Just trying to hang on until dinner break so I can go to Chipotle and service my burrito addiction. I'll probably go there anyway, since I'm an addict.

In the big blind I call a 2700 raise from the faux Euro with Tc 7c. The flop comes T 8 6. I bet 5100 he calls. The turn is a Q. Hmmm. I check.

He thinks for a bit, long enough to figure out that he doesn't have anything, before he moves in for 9000 something. I call pretty quick and he shows Ad Kd.

Gotta fade 11 outs... and I do. Double up to 40Kish. Sweet.

Oh look at that. Beth "The Cougar" Shak is now following me on Twitter. Who's a bad kitty?

The table breaks and I get moved to a much warmer part of the casino.

This new table has a couple of RPGs, a RAG, and 1 lone ginger with a creepy soul patch. He looks like Shaft from Youngblood.

A few minutes before break I call an all in from a short stack with 44. He shows 9s 7s and he flops the ten high straight. WTF? Is he related to Jeremiah Smith?

41,700 at dinner break.

Hi my name is JD and I have a problem...

I come back from dinner and lose 10K by calling preflop raises and check folding the flop.

Then the table breaks and I get moved to a table with a ton of chips. Awesome.

First hand dealt to me and I look down a 66. There was a raise in early position and I call. The flop is T 8 5. The old guy, who already had the chips in his hand, bets out 15K. I move in.

It takes him a few moments to call and I flip over my 66. He looks at the board, looks at his hand and looks at mine. I gotta be good here right?

It takes him about 30 seconds to turn over his hand, 77.

Nice slow roll douche bag.

Busto.

JD

The Final 10 hours

I clock in a little before 4:30pm and by 5, I'm up $175. Thanks to aces and a flopped set of deuces, things are looking up. We'll see how long this lasts.

It don't last long because I leave the table to go play a 4/8 mix game. So much more interesting than 1/3 no limit. The games are badugi, ace to 5 triple draw, omaha hi/lo, 2 to 7 triple draw, and Chinese poker.

Unfortunately the triple draw games are not very fun to write or read about. Not to mention I probably miss at least 75% of the action.

All that I know is that beginners luck is real. The guy to my left has never played 2 to 7 before. He rattles off 4 straight hands with a 86 or better, including the wheel. On the 5th hand he bet up an ace high because he forgot what he was playing.

I didn't do any accounting for the last couple hours because, because well I was busy losing $500 in a 4/8 game. This one Asian guy that looks like a mini Kelly Kim ran hotter than the sun. He ran Phil Ivey hot.

Each game is usually 3 or 4 bet preflop and I can't catch a break. I feel like this blog should be called "I wish I was Allen Kessler."

Finally I get fed up and throw my hand down during 2 to 7 and say, "Fuck this game!".

I'm going to Chipotle to drown my sorrows in a vegi burrito.

After dinner I start high carding for $50 with the crazy Asian in seat 8. He beats me 3 outta 4 to start before I go on a tear and win 6 of 8.

Then I actually start to win hands. Then we up the ante in the high card game...

Now, this is where I usually start writing about how I got pwned by so and so. A bad beat basically. But this time I do the bad beating. I'm just gonna say that I won high card with a 4. Twice.

Sweet. I leave the mix game only down $50 or so and head to the midnight tourney.

And... That lasts about an orbit. Details aren't interesting, I'm too tired to recount the details.

Instead of heading back to the mixed game I jump into a 1/3 game and low and below, guess who's playing?

That's McLovin!!!

I play to 3:30am and when I go to check out, the floor man tells me that I'm an hour and 15 short.

...

Cocktails. I tough it out for another hour, losing a hundo, before I head home. Come Feb 22nd, I'm gonna win this bitch. Unless I'm playing the LAPC main event.

I like torturing myself.

JDN