Hi. So day 2 started with 18 players remaining in the event. I came into to the day with about 60k with the blinds at 1/2k. Table lineup:
1. IHD....Indiana hick donk who wanted to be my friend.
2. LA
3. HSTD....Hat Shades Tat Dude
4. WAG...Wild Asian Guy
5. Brian Brunner...a local legend in Indianapolis
6. AFWN....Adam Friedman's Worst Nightmare
7. Adam Friedman and his super whiny voice (I'm sure you may remember him from his WSOP exit a few years ago on ESPN)
8. AWD...Average White Dude
9. Donk
Play started at 1/2k and of course I drew the 2 seat and the big blind to start off play. Sweet, I'll fold immediately to Adam Friedman's raise from late position with my 92. He proceeds to let the table know he's a nit etc...continues to talk and talk and talk to absolutely nobody. The dude seriously put me on tilt with his annoying voice. 2:18pm, a mere 18 minutes into play, I ask the dealer to call for cocktails. The dealer was smoking hot by the way. She chats up LA and wants to have beers. Score another one for the good guys. Couple Heinekens show up and I create a pseudo cocktail table out of the tourney directors chair. I know I'm in for the long haul today. Friedman talks to himself some more.
Adam Friedman talks some more and we lose 3 players fairly quickly to get down to 15. I didn't have any support at all for the first level, but I knew I could pick on the 1 seat whenever it was blind vs blind. He blew chunks. Not too much happening as I'm down to 41k as we go to 1.5/3k. I still feel ok though. Sure enough, Friedman opened for I think 6.6k, the button and small blind call. I'm in the big blind and make up my mind I'm shipping it in before I even look. In fact, I only looked at one card the 7 of hearts. I look at sexy dealer and let her know I'm playing for my tourney life. Predictably everyone mucks (Friedman talks some nonsense) and I increase my stack by over 20k to like 62k. Weee, we don't even show down our junk. I never even looked at the second card. Next orbit I raise 88 and 1010 on consecutive hands to 8k and have to muck with the action behind me. I nearly got it in with the 1010 but mucked to see AA. Score another one for the good guys. Down to 46k. Folded to small blind who makes it 9k to go. I sit back, take a sip or two of Heineken, give the guy a quick look and look down at 83. I'm all in for 45k and change. He immediately folds A6 diamonds. That worked well back to 55k. Lose a few more players and we're down to 12. More Heinekens delivered. Ok things are looking up.
Raise a couple hands and take them down to get up to about 75k. Friedman proceeds to bust blind vs blind 99 vs his AQ. God, peace and quiet at our table for once. Down to 11 and on final table bubble. I pick up AK soooted in the big blind and there's a raise and call before it gets to me. I repop to take down another 18k or so. Guy busts at other table and at 10 we combine to one table. I enter final table at 88k and feel very good considering I haven't picked up AA or KK the entire tournament while only looking down at QQ once. The blinds are only 2k/4k so I have plenty of play.
Final table was a fucking disaster for me. Muck the first several hands to see how things are going to play out at this table. Then I pick up, AJ clubs in mid/late position and raise it up. Folded to the chip leader who proceeds to make really huge reraise with handful of orange chips. Shit, my cards go flying into the muck. I fold a bit more and then all hell breaks lose. UTG raises it up, late position donk repops. I look down at QQ on the button and have him covered by a measly 17k. Keep in mind QQ, looked like AA to me and the stone cold. I still think for about a minute. Sure enough, I decide to get it in with the QQ and he obv rolls in with AK. Ugg, win a f'n race just once. Flop is great for us, turn good too. River fucking A. I let out a groan and count down my stack to 17k. The very next hand the big stack opens for 12k and I look down at KK. Score, first time all tourney. I put in the last 17k and both the big blind and original raiser call. Flop is 762, looks harmless enough to me. Turn is an 8, and the small blind fires for 20k...FUCK, I know I'm dead. Sure enough, he flips over 66 for a set. I finish 10th. GG life and GG liver. I proceed to need to get wasted.
I text my friend from LA who happened to be in Chicago visiting her fam and friends. Tell her I wanna get wasted, we plan to meet up in the city with a few of her friends. New Castle and shots of nonsense follow. As that place shuts down, a few of us end up at this bar called Exit. I was not familiar with this place at all. The downstairs seemed fairly normal, people drinking and such with a few Halloween customes mixed in. Well, apparently my friend was interested in having some fun at my expense. We walk upstairs and that's the dominatrix area I guess. Before I know it, I'm chained up to the fence. I got whipped and shocked all over my back and ass. The worst part is, there's photo evidence of it floating around. Once again GG life! Who knew things were actually more normal in LA? I'm outta the heartland.
-LA Mike
10.31.2008
10.30.2008
Welcome to America's Heartland!
Hi. I'm LA Mike, some of you loyal readers probably have heard of the legendary name. Some of you probably are saying, "Screw this idiot, where's JDN at?" Well, he's a worldly traveler but that doesn't include the Heartland baby! LA Mike gets sent to do correspondence from the "not so desired tourney stops."
Anyway, I'm in the $2.1k NL Circuit event from Hammond. I flew in from LA, just for this big internship with pokerwtf.com. This could turn into the next google or youtube ya know? Now remember, I left LAX and it was 88 degrees outside. I land in the NWA 757 and realize it's f'n snowing outside. WTF? It's 36 degrees in the Heartland of America!
I make it to the casino early enough to jump into a $250 STT for the $2100 event. Weee, play is horrible LA chops it up with HU. BTW, also chopped up the $100 7-way last longer. Oops, now LA is getting in on the cheap. LA proceeds to cage, signs all his right away and buys in. I tell lady as she's counting my money that I'd like to vote for the local guy Obama...she peers up at me with this completely baffled look on her face. I say, "ya, I'd like to go ahead and vote now too". She's not overly amused I don't think after realizing I was just goofing on her.
I get my seat and boy o boy what a lineup. My abbreviations may slightly differ from JDN's so I'll try to explain.
1. LA
2. CWSD...Chick with squatters disease, every decision she had this pained looked on her face like she was pinching off a giant load. She stunk like cig smoke too. Ugg LA pissed.
3. RD...random donk
4. SODWDMF....Super Old Donk Who Didn't Miss Flop
5. Tatoo guy with backward hat...later I find out he's Kevin Saul's buddy.
6. TAG
7. DWOPEH....Dumbass Who Overplays Every Hand
8. SSOD....Super Super Old Dude
9. OGHS...Old Guy Hawaiian Shirt
Start with 15k chips, LA plays pretty solid first 2 levels up to 25k...score one for the good guys!
Table ends up breaking and LA wanders around for awhile looking for his new seat. LA finds beer lady...score! Two Heinekens please, weeee.....
I find new table, I am card dead for like 6 hours just stealing and occasionally restealing to stay afloat and build to about 30k at dinner break. Good enough, buffet time.
LA chats it up with Tourney Director extradonaire Chris Spears...he proceeds to introduce LA Mike to the local Hammond crowd over the PA...wow, instant respect for LA from the locals. I think to myself, mamas gonna be proud...I've finally made it!
Anyway, a few other things I want to discuss but I made it to the final 18 and into the money after a brutal money bubble. Play starts back up at 2pm CDT today with 18 left, I have about 60k at 1k/2k. I'll be looking to put it in quickly.
Oh one other thing, the damn boat confiscated my computer on my way in, apparently too much porn or some shit. WTF? More to come...sorry for the wait.
-LA Mike
Anyway, I'm in the $2.1k NL Circuit event from Hammond. I flew in from LA, just for this big internship with pokerwtf.com. This could turn into the next google or youtube ya know? Now remember, I left LAX and it was 88 degrees outside. I land in the NWA 757 and realize it's f'n snowing outside. WTF? It's 36 degrees in the Heartland of America!
I make it to the casino early enough to jump into a $250 STT for the $2100 event. Weee, play is horrible LA chops it up with HU. BTW, also chopped up the $100 7-way last longer. Oops, now LA is getting in on the cheap. LA proceeds to cage, signs all his right away and buys in. I tell lady as she's counting my money that I'd like to vote for the local guy Obama...she peers up at me with this completely baffled look on her face. I say, "ya, I'd like to go ahead and vote now too". She's not overly amused I don't think after realizing I was just goofing on her.
I get my seat and boy o boy what a lineup. My abbreviations may slightly differ from JDN's so I'll try to explain.
1. LA
2. CWSD...Chick with squatters disease, every decision she had this pained looked on her face like she was pinching off a giant load. She stunk like cig smoke too. Ugg LA pissed.
3. RD...random donk
4. SODWDMF....Super Old Donk Who Didn't Miss Flop
5. Tatoo guy with backward hat...later I find out he's Kevin Saul's buddy.
6. TAG
7. DWOPEH....Dumbass Who Overplays Every Hand
8. SSOD....Super Super Old Dude
9. OGHS...Old Guy Hawaiian Shirt
Start with 15k chips, LA plays pretty solid first 2 levels up to 25k...score one for the good guys!
Table ends up breaking and LA wanders around for awhile looking for his new seat. LA finds beer lady...score! Two Heinekens please, weeee.....
I find new table, I am card dead for like 6 hours just stealing and occasionally restealing to stay afloat and build to about 30k at dinner break. Good enough, buffet time.
LA chats it up with Tourney Director extradonaire Chris Spears...he proceeds to introduce LA Mike to the local Hammond crowd over the PA...wow, instant respect for LA from the locals. I think to myself, mamas gonna be proud...I've finally made it!
Anyway, a few other things I want to discuss but I made it to the final 18 and into the money after a brutal money bubble. Play starts back up at 2pm CDT today with 18 left, I have about 60k at 1k/2k. I'll be looking to put it in quickly.
Oh one other thing, the damn boat confiscated my computer on my way in, apparently too much porn or some shit. WTF? More to come...sorry for the wait.
-LA Mike
10.25.2008
Caesars Classic $1000 heads up
I've never played a live heads up tourney before but I'm master of the $13.75 heads up token sngs on FTP.
On the drive in I was behind Cantu's car and his personalized license plate read CMYAGNT. That made me giggle. And when I remembered that his agent is Matt Palmer, I giggled some more.
The tournament started late as they waited for it fill up. Of course I had to take a last longer with Gsmith.
They were playing two matches per table and John Phan was in the other match at my table. It didn't take long for John to call for cocktails and order me a Bloody Mary.
My opponent introduced himself as Sam. He kinds looked Eric Mizrachi and he wore an ensemble of Ed Hardy gear. Lots of bedazzling going on.
The first big hand we got involved in came just 3 hands in. I held T6 in the big blind and he limped in. The flop came 4 T 8. He check raised my bet of 300 to 700. I called. The turn was a 7 and he bet out 800. I call. The river is another 8. He bets out 1250. Fucker. I call. He shows 89. Bahhhhh.
During the next few hands he mentions something about Chino (David Rheem) so I ask him if he's from Florida. He says "originally". I fucking knew it! He's one of those guys!
So I call him down in a couple hands with middle pair and lose most of my chips. He also proceeds to fold preflop to all my pairs. 6 of them to be exact. Queens, jacks, nines, eights, sevens, sixes and jacks again.
Ok well... It's taken me most of my stack to figure out that he does not play like those cats from Florida. He's much tighter but that early hand really threw me off.
He gets me down to 2500 before he moves all in from the small blind. I look down at AQ. I call and he shows A8. I double to 5k. Coolio. Back in it.
A few hands later in look down at AK in the small blind and raise to 1200. He moves all in and I call with 4600 left. He shows A8 again and I double to over 9k.
With the blinds at 200/400 I make it 1200 to go from the small blind. Or so I think. Sam looks at the dealer and says "What's that?"
There's only 700 there. I threw out a 500 chip instead of a 1000. So I have to complete to 800. Shit. Blew that one.
Sam moves all in. Ok weird. Seems like he's protecting his hand. I tell him I was trying to raise to 1200.
I read him for a big ace or a medium to small pair. It still seems weird that he would push if he had a weaker hand. He's got to have something. Right? Bollocks. I fold my deuces face up.
He shows an ace. Damn! He did have a weak ace. Still in don't know if I should have stuck it in. Two overs is still a race.
A couple of hands later he slow plays jacks and on a nine high flop and I lose some more chips. The blinds to up to 300/600 and I have 4600.
I ship it on three staight small blinds. I have AT, J9 and Jc9c. He folds a red king on the first two hands and finally calls with K8 on the third hand. The flop is Q high and the turn brings a T. So I can win with a 8, 9, J, or a K. River is an ace and I'm done.
ballsack.
JDN
On the drive in I was behind Cantu's car and his personalized license plate read CMYAGNT. That made me giggle. And when I remembered that his agent is Matt Palmer, I giggled some more.
The tournament started late as they waited for it fill up. Of course I had to take a last longer with Gsmith.
They were playing two matches per table and John Phan was in the other match at my table. It didn't take long for John to call for cocktails and order me a Bloody Mary.
My opponent introduced himself as Sam. He kinds looked Eric Mizrachi and he wore an ensemble of Ed Hardy gear. Lots of bedazzling going on.
The first big hand we got involved in came just 3 hands in. I held T6 in the big blind and he limped in. The flop came 4 T 8. He check raised my bet of 300 to 700. I called. The turn was a 7 and he bet out 800. I call. The river is another 8. He bets out 1250. Fucker. I call. He shows 89. Bahhhhh.
During the next few hands he mentions something about Chino (David Rheem) so I ask him if he's from Florida. He says "originally". I fucking knew it! He's one of those guys!
So I call him down in a couple hands with middle pair and lose most of my chips. He also proceeds to fold preflop to all my pairs. 6 of them to be exact. Queens, jacks, nines, eights, sevens, sixes and jacks again.
Ok well... It's taken me most of my stack to figure out that he does not play like those cats from Florida. He's much tighter but that early hand really threw me off.
He gets me down to 2500 before he moves all in from the small blind. I look down at AQ. I call and he shows A8. I double to 5k. Coolio. Back in it.
A few hands later in look down at AK in the small blind and raise to 1200. He moves all in and I call with 4600 left. He shows A8 again and I double to over 9k.
With the blinds at 200/400 I make it 1200 to go from the small blind. Or so I think. Sam looks at the dealer and says "What's that?"
There's only 700 there. I threw out a 500 chip instead of a 1000. So I have to complete to 800. Shit. Blew that one.
Sam moves all in. Ok weird. Seems like he's protecting his hand. I tell him I was trying to raise to 1200.
I read him for a big ace or a medium to small pair. It still seems weird that he would push if he had a weaker hand. He's got to have something. Right? Bollocks. I fold my deuces face up.
He shows an ace. Damn! He did have a weak ace. Still in don't know if I should have stuck it in. Two overs is still a race.
A couple of hands later he slow plays jacks and on a nine high flop and I lose some more chips. The blinds to up to 300/600 and I have 4600.
I ship it on three staight small blinds. I have AT, J9 and Jc9c. He folds a red king on the first two hands and finally calls with K8 on the third hand. The flop is Q high and the turn brings a T. So I can win with a 8, 9, J, or a K. River is an ace and I'm done.
ballsack.
JDN
10.23.2008
Caesars Classic $500 Omahahahaha Hi Lo
The last time I played an Omaha tournament was at the world series and I'm pretty sure I was the first person out. I wish I could say that the reason i played so bad was because I was odrunk or high but it really came down retardation.
I hope to correct the flaw in my Omaha game today. The problem, today at least is that I am high. I woke up this morning with a faucet for a nose and I was forced to take some allergy meds.
The secret phrase for today is, "Play tight motherfucker!"
Table 58 seat 8
Table draw:
Seat 1: a cowboy
Seat 2: random Asian guy
Seat 3: my accountant, I shit you not. His name is James something
Seat 4: rowg
Seat 5: rowg
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: rowg
Seat 8: jdn
Seat 9: rowg
All the interesting people seem to be at the other end of the table.
Seat 7 is pretty horrid. He's playing any 4 cards and slow playing his made hands while betting the draws
The older guys in seats 4 and 5 couldn't wait 50 minutes to the break and had to leave to table to take a wizz. I would bet, that with the average age of this tournament at somewhere near 55, that we're going to be seeing a lot of potty breaks. It's like a faux seniors event.
Oh sweet Jesus! Allen "The Chainsaw" Kessler just sat down in seat 7. Here comes the bad beat story.
It takes all of 3 minutes for Allen to tell everyone how he busted out of the Bellagio, QQ vs AA, big deal. Then he goes on a tirade about the structure of the tourney. He walks around to each table looking for someone that he knows so that he can complain to them.
He tells Barry Schulman that he should write about it on Cardplayer.
The dealer is telling seat 7 about how his marriage fell apart after his son died in a motorcycle accident. Aiyeah! As if Omaha wasn't depressing enough Mr. "penis vein in nose" dealer man.
Made the break!! Yes! And I made 100. 5100 at break. Next level is 200/400. Holy shit. Allen was right. This does suck.
I haven't been writing any hands down cause... frankley it's damn boring.
So I lose 1100 in the first hand back from break with AAKQ. See? Boring.
My accountant is out to get me. He reraises my KK95 with AQ47 and flops an ace and the nut flush draw. I'm thinking of looking for a new accountant.
Get knocked down to 1400 when I flop a wrap on a Q 4 5 board with A346 against the Asian and my accountant. I make a low on the river but it's second best. Def looking for a new accountant. And probably a new Asian too.
The Chainsaw just called Jack Effel to complain about the structure.
I double up to 2k with 245J vs AQT9 on a A 4 T 2 4 board. Yeah boy! I got 2k. Which is kinda sad when you think about it.
I actually bluff with A466 on a 9 7 8 Q K board with my tournament life on the line, and win! Up to 4600.
My accountant busted, his job is safe, and he's replaced by a guy by 3 times his size. He looks like a garage pail kid wearing headphones. Leaky Liz? Atom Bomb? Flabby Abby? That's all I got.
I'm a rollercoaster. At my lowest I was at 1400. At my peak 6k. Then I had to double up the chainsaw when I flopped 2 pair vs his flush draw.
3100 at 2nd break. Next level is 600/1200. Fuck balls.
Yeah that didn't last long. I got it all in with two pair against a gut shot and he gets there. So poor.
Hey look! The 7pm tournament is starting! Let's get it on!
Caesars 7pm $200
Yeah well, might as well play it.
The first person I recognize at my table is the skinny white hat guy. AKA douche bag. And he's eating again. Pretty sure he only gets food at the poker table.
Table 11 seat 1
Table draw!
Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: heavily tattoo'd german chick. Interesting...
Seat 3: rowg
Seat 4: rywg
Seat 5: skinny white hat guy (douche bag)
Seat 6: rywg
Seat 7: rowg
Seat 8: rowg
Seat 9: empty
Heh. Well I double the white hat douche bag with 99 vs TT. He folded the best hand the hand before so I thought he would he on minor tilt which he was but I was just a step behind.
And now I'm out. 4 5 6 flop with A6 vs 99. GG.
Cocktails!
JDN
I hope to correct the flaw in my Omaha game today. The problem, today at least is that I am high. I woke up this morning with a faucet for a nose and I was forced to take some allergy meds.
The secret phrase for today is, "Play tight motherfucker!"
Table 58 seat 8
Table draw:
Seat 1: a cowboy
Seat 2: random Asian guy
Seat 3: my accountant, I shit you not. His name is James something
Seat 4: rowg
Seat 5: rowg
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: rowg
Seat 8: jdn
Seat 9: rowg
All the interesting people seem to be at the other end of the table.
Seat 7 is pretty horrid. He's playing any 4 cards and slow playing his made hands while betting the draws
The older guys in seats 4 and 5 couldn't wait 50 minutes to the break and had to leave to table to take a wizz. I would bet, that with the average age of this tournament at somewhere near 55, that we're going to be seeing a lot of potty breaks. It's like a faux seniors event.
Oh sweet Jesus! Allen "The Chainsaw" Kessler just sat down in seat 7. Here comes the bad beat story.
It takes all of 3 minutes for Allen to tell everyone how he busted out of the Bellagio, QQ vs AA, big deal. Then he goes on a tirade about the structure of the tourney. He walks around to each table looking for someone that he knows so that he can complain to them.
He tells Barry Schulman that he should write about it on Cardplayer.
The dealer is telling seat 7 about how his marriage fell apart after his son died in a motorcycle accident. Aiyeah! As if Omaha wasn't depressing enough Mr. "penis vein in nose" dealer man.
Made the break!! Yes! And I made 100. 5100 at break. Next level is 200/400. Holy shit. Allen was right. This does suck.
I haven't been writing any hands down cause... frankley it's damn boring.
So I lose 1100 in the first hand back from break with AAKQ. See? Boring.
My accountant is out to get me. He reraises my KK95 with AQ47 and flops an ace and the nut flush draw. I'm thinking of looking for a new accountant.
Get knocked down to 1400 when I flop a wrap on a Q 4 5 board with A346 against the Asian and my accountant. I make a low on the river but it's second best. Def looking for a new accountant. And probably a new Asian too.
The Chainsaw just called Jack Effel to complain about the structure.
I double up to 2k with 245J vs AQT9 on a A 4 T 2 4 board. Yeah boy! I got 2k. Which is kinda sad when you think about it.
I actually bluff with A466 on a 9 7 8 Q K board with my tournament life on the line, and win! Up to 4600.
My accountant busted, his job is safe, and he's replaced by a guy by 3 times his size. He looks like a garage pail kid wearing headphones. Leaky Liz? Atom Bomb? Flabby Abby? That's all I got.
I'm a rollercoaster. At my lowest I was at 1400. At my peak 6k. Then I had to double up the chainsaw when I flopped 2 pair vs his flush draw.
3100 at 2nd break. Next level is 600/1200. Fuck balls.
Yeah that didn't last long. I got it all in with two pair against a gut shot and he gets there. So poor.
Hey look! The 7pm tournament is starting! Let's get it on!
Caesars 7pm $200
Yeah well, might as well play it.
The first person I recognize at my table is the skinny white hat guy. AKA douche bag. And he's eating again. Pretty sure he only gets food at the poker table.
Table 11 seat 1
Table draw!
Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: heavily tattoo'd german chick. Interesting...
Seat 3: rowg
Seat 4: rywg
Seat 5: skinny white hat guy (douche bag)
Seat 6: rywg
Seat 7: rowg
Seat 8: rowg
Seat 9: empty
Heh. Well I double the white hat douche bag with 99 vs TT. He folded the best hand the hand before so I thought he would he on minor tilt which he was but I was just a step behind.
And now I'm out. 4 5 6 flop with A6 vs 99. GG.
Cocktails!
JDN
10.21.2008
Sometimes I get bored UPDATE!
... all I can say is, "Well played, FTP. Well played."
Hello, JDN.
Thanks for your email. Your case has been escalated to me and I'll do all I can to explain our position on this matter.
While we understand your frustration over Mr. Ivey's alleged theft of your iPod (or uSheep, as we prefer to call them due to the blind fawning loyalty of their users), obviously we cannot pass judgment until we are allowed access to the security cameras at the Casino at the Empire. Even more obviously, the casino's management will never allow us that access. And more obviouser still, Mr. Ivey will more than likely deny any wrongdoing.
As a result, our most obviousest conclusion is to assume that your story is a fabrication, and therefore we consider this matter closed.
What troubles us more than your spurious accusations, however, is the blatant racial musical profiling you have used to make some conclusions about Mr. Ivey's taste in music. There is no place for such bigotry in poker, Jason, or any where else, for that matter. We know many Caucasians that enjoy the pounding beats of that hippity-hop music, and we are also aware of many people of color who enjoy the twangin' sounds of today's country music (otherwise known as "crappy pop with a steel guitar").
Further, we were very disheartened to see you your thinly-veiled disdain for the great Barry Manilow, who we consider to be a musical demigod. Shame on you, Jason. May you never fall in love at the Copa.
On a positive note, we do appreciate you explaining the mysteries of "position" to us as it relates to the game of poker. It's not often that one of our players teaches us something about poker, but on those rare occasions we give credit where credit is due.
As for your request for compensation, our policy precludes us from submitting to this form of blackmail, because, as you know, if we give in then the terrorists win. However, we may be able to grant your request for a personal avatar; we have attached a couple of prototypes for you to review. Please let us know if either is acceptable.
We trust you understand our position, JDN, and wish you the best of luck at the tables.
Sincerely,
Mike
Full Tilt Poker Support
PS: My eight year old daughter tells me that the Jonas Brothers are the greatest thing since Hannah Montana. And I don't know who *she* is either, before you ask.
This is a recent email that I sent to Full Tilt support about Phil Ivey's actions during the WSOPE. Hopefully they'll send a response back.
Hello FTP support peeps,
I recently played in the WSOPSE Horse tournament in London and was fortunate, or unfortunate depending on how you look at it, enough to have Mr. Philip Ivey to my left, that means he has position on me, for about 8 hours. Now it wasn't enough that he is the luckiest person in poker, and quite good looking too (no I'm not gay), but he also decided to steal my ipod.
How rude!
Actually, he asked me to look through his ipod, which turns out to be stolen too, to find something for him to listen to. I asked him what he liked and he said, "What do you think?"
"Barry Manilow?" I responded.
I thumbed through the artists list and was amazed to find among others, Clay Aiken, The Jonas Brothers (Who the F are they?), and I shit you not, Vanilla Ice. Now I know that this is not Phil's ipod because I've seen Phil pal around with Irv Gotti of Murder Inc fame. That mofo is gansta! And so are his rap projects.
"Phil," I said. "This pretty white." I guessed that this ipod must have had to belonged to Paul Phillips (you probably don't know who that is, but if you look up his account, he has a personal avatar) at some point. I know that Phil and Paul were pals at one point and that Paul even named his first born Ivey. Can you say bromance?
I pulled out my ipod and dialed him up some Black Milk. I pressed play and hand it to him to listen too. Then the table broke. Phil said, "I'm going to borrow this." Then he walked off to his new table. That was the last I saw of my lovely ipod.
I was then moved to John Juanda's right (that means he has position on me) and to my right was Max Pescatori (that means I have position on him). At this point I'm pretty sure that Full Tilt has it out for me. A few hands later was busted out of the tournament during Stud 8 by Mr Juanda and Doyle "Tex Dolly" Brunson.
So not only did one of your Team Full Tilt members bust me out of the tournament, one of them stole my ipod. Its quite a statement about the people you have representing your site. Whats next? Paul Wasicka robs me at gun point?
So at this point I'm prepared to ask for reparations. (Don't worry, I'll be emailing Doyle's Room to inform them of the shady play of their #1 endorsee.)
For my pain, suffering and loss of ipod I would like you to send me a brand new ipod and a 24" computer monitor. Would also like to have a personal avatar. Who can make that happen? Please forward this onto that person.
I look forward to your positive response,
JDN
Hello, JDN.
Thanks for your email. Your case has been escalated to me and I'll do all I can to explain our position on this matter.
While we understand your frustration over Mr. Ivey's alleged theft of your iPod (or uSheep, as we prefer to call them due to the blind fawning loyalty of their users), obviously we cannot pass judgment until we are allowed access to the security cameras at the Casino at the Empire. Even more obviously, the casino's management will never allow us that access. And more obviouser still, Mr. Ivey will more than likely deny any wrongdoing.
As a result, our most obviousest conclusion is to assume that your story is a fabrication, and therefore we consider this matter closed.
What troubles us more than your spurious accusations, however, is the blatant racial musical profiling you have used to make some conclusions about Mr. Ivey's taste in music. There is no place for such bigotry in poker, Jason, or any where else, for that matter. We know many Caucasians that enjoy the pounding beats of that hippity-hop music, and we are also aware of many people of color who enjoy the twangin' sounds of today's country music (otherwise known as "crappy pop with a steel guitar").
Further, we were very disheartened to see you your thinly-veiled disdain for the great Barry Manilow, who we consider to be a musical demigod. Shame on you, Jason. May you never fall in love at the Copa.
On a positive note, we do appreciate you explaining the mysteries of "position" to us as it relates to the game of poker. It's not often that one of our players teaches us something about poker, but on those rare occasions we give credit where credit is due.
As for your request for compensation, our policy precludes us from submitting to this form of blackmail, because, as you know, if we give in then the terrorists win. However, we may be able to grant your request for a personal avatar; we have attached a couple of prototypes for you to review. Please let us know if either is acceptable.
We trust you understand our position, JDN, and wish you the best of luck at the tables.
Sincerely,
Mike
Full Tilt Poker Support
PS: My eight year old daughter tells me that the Jonas Brothers are the greatest thing since Hannah Montana. And I don't know who *she* is either, before you ask.
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This is a recent email that I sent to Full Tilt support about Phil Ivey's actions during the WSOPE. Hopefully they'll send a response back.
Hello FTP support peeps,
I recently played in the WSOPSE Horse tournament in London and was fortunate, or unfortunate depending on how you look at it, enough to have Mr. Philip Ivey to my left, that means he has position on me, for about 8 hours. Now it wasn't enough that he is the luckiest person in poker, and quite good looking too (no I'm not gay), but he also decided to steal my ipod.
How rude!
Actually, he asked me to look through his ipod, which turns out to be stolen too, to find something for him to listen to. I asked him what he liked and he said, "What do you think?"
"Barry Manilow?" I responded.
I thumbed through the artists list and was amazed to find among others, Clay Aiken, The Jonas Brothers (Who the F are they?), and I shit you not, Vanilla Ice. Now I know that this is not Phil's ipod because I've seen Phil pal around with Irv Gotti of Murder Inc fame. That mofo is gansta! And so are his rap projects.
"Phil," I said. "This pretty white." I guessed that this ipod must have had to belonged to Paul Phillips (you probably don't know who that is, but if you look up his account, he has a personal avatar) at some point. I know that Phil and Paul were pals at one point and that Paul even named his first born Ivey. Can you say bromance?
I pulled out my ipod and dialed him up some Black Milk. I pressed play and hand it to him to listen too. Then the table broke. Phil said, "I'm going to borrow this." Then he walked off to his new table. That was the last I saw of my lovely ipod.
I was then moved to John Juanda's right (that means he has position on me) and to my right was Max Pescatori (that means I have position on him). At this point I'm pretty sure that Full Tilt has it out for me. A few hands later was busted out of the tournament during Stud 8 by Mr Juanda and Doyle "Tex Dolly" Brunson.
So not only did one of your Team Full Tilt members bust me out of the tournament, one of them stole my ipod. Its quite a statement about the people you have representing your site. Whats next? Paul Wasicka robs me at gun point?
So at this point I'm prepared to ask for reparations. (Don't worry, I'll be emailing Doyle's Room to inform them of the shady play of their #1 endorsee.)
For my pain, suffering and loss of ipod I would like you to send me a brand new ipod and a 24" computer monitor. Would also like to have a personal avatar. Who can make that happen? Please forward this onto that person.
I look forward to your positive response,
JDN
Caesars classic $500 (not a repost)
This tournament is a great one to play because it's on Sunday and you don't have to deal with all the Internet nerds and their check raising asses. So far my table is full of older middle aged men.
I was hoping they'd get 500 today but I forgot about the football effect. Looks to be around 400.
I swear I just saw Hurley from Lost walking around.
Table 61 seat 8
Table draw!
Seat 1: rwg
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: rwg who has no concept of pot size or blinds
Seat 4: the French terminator. Looks French but talks like a SoCal skater. With the beavis and butthead laugh to boot!
Seat 5: rwg, a Ginger. Keep away!
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: random younger Asian guy
Seat 8: jdn
Seat 9: not sure what happend with seat 9. They picked up the stack but I guess they can still put someone in it. So it's deemed undecided.
Seat 10: aggro rwg (oops he's out)
Hey there's cowboy Kenna James. Last time I saw him he had underwear on his head.
5575 at the end of the first level. I actually hit a set for the first time 20 hours of play. Yay!
The ginger raises to 300 and I can with 99. Four of us see the flop and we all check to the river on a board of A A T Q 9. The slow guy in seat 2 bets out 1k and it's folded to me. Hmmm. Do I shove or call?
I know he's "challenged" so I min raise to 2k and he opens his hand. Good read on my part. Eventually he calls and shows QJ. Ship it.
Two hands later I look down at AJ and I merely call behind a limper. A new strategy for me. Two others call, including the slow guy and the flop falls A J J. Check around! I'm not sure how I'm going to get anything else outta this hand. The turn is a J. Definitely not getting any more chips out of this hand, until... the slow bets 300. He's got a jack folks. I call as everyone else folds. The river it is a blank and short bus guy actually checks to me. I ponder for a moment and wonder how much he will call. I bet 550 and he calls. Snap! He's got J3.
Table break!
Table 47 seat 10
Table redraw!
Seat 1: random old lady
Seat 2: old dude with a creepy hulk hogan handlebar mustache
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: rwg, a chubby
Seat 6: rwg, a cowboy
Seat 7: rywg
Seat 8: rwg
Seat 9: skinny white hat guy who I always see playing sats and begging for money next to Eskimo.
Seat 10: jdn
Well, level 2 was a rollercoaster. Up to 9k then down to 4k. Think I'm at 6k now. At least I made the break.
Level turned into a horrible version of level two. Up and down, up and down. The I get 3500 all in on the flop of Jd Tc 5c with KQ against the old lady's JT and the Cowboys Ac 5c. Somehow I don't get there and the old lady's two pair holds up. WTF?
Fuck this shit I'm going to Chipolte.
I see a couple of bums get arrested at the Chipolte/Panda Express and I cheer up as all is right with the world.
Next up, Omaha hi/lo on Wednesday.
JDN
I was hoping they'd get 500 today but I forgot about the football effect. Looks to be around 400.
I swear I just saw Hurley from Lost walking around.
Table 61 seat 8
Table draw!
Seat 1: rwg
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: rwg who has no concept of pot size or blinds
Seat 4: the French terminator. Looks French but talks like a SoCal skater. With the beavis and butthead laugh to boot!
Seat 5: rwg, a Ginger. Keep away!
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: random younger Asian guy
Seat 8: jdn
Seat 9: not sure what happend with seat 9. They picked up the stack but I guess they can still put someone in it. So it's deemed undecided.
Seat 10: aggro rwg (oops he's out)
Hey there's cowboy Kenna James. Last time I saw him he had underwear on his head.
5575 at the end of the first level. I actually hit a set for the first time 20 hours of play. Yay!
The ginger raises to 300 and I can with 99. Four of us see the flop and we all check to the river on a board of A A T Q 9. The slow guy in seat 2 bets out 1k and it's folded to me. Hmmm. Do I shove or call?
I know he's "challenged" so I min raise to 2k and he opens his hand. Good read on my part. Eventually he calls and shows QJ. Ship it.
Two hands later I look down at AJ and I merely call behind a limper. A new strategy for me. Two others call, including the slow guy and the flop falls A J J. Check around! I'm not sure how I'm going to get anything else outta this hand. The turn is a J. Definitely not getting any more chips out of this hand, until... the slow bets 300. He's got a jack folks. I call as everyone else folds. The river it is a blank and short bus guy actually checks to me. I ponder for a moment and wonder how much he will call. I bet 550 and he calls. Snap! He's got J3.
Table break!
Table 47 seat 10
Table redraw!
Seat 1: random old lady
Seat 2: old dude with a creepy hulk hogan handlebar mustache
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: rwg, a chubby
Seat 6: rwg, a cowboy
Seat 7: rywg
Seat 8: rwg
Seat 9: skinny white hat guy who I always see playing sats and begging for money next to Eskimo.
Seat 10: jdn
Well, level 2 was a rollercoaster. Up to 9k then down to 4k. Think I'm at 6k now. At least I made the break.
Level turned into a horrible version of level two. Up and down, up and down. The I get 3500 all in on the flop of Jd Tc 5c with KQ against the old lady's JT and the Cowboys Ac 5c. Somehow I don't get there and the old lady's two pair holds up. WTF?
Fuck this shit I'm going to Chipolte.
I see a couple of bums get arrested at the Chipolte/Panda Express and I cheer up as all is right with the world.
Next up, Omaha hi/lo on Wednesday.
JDN
10.18.2008
Caesars Classic $500
The last time I played a tournament here I won it. Of course that was in April and the only tournament I've cashed since then was the barge main event. Hopefully lightening can strike twice.
Table 26 seat 5
Hey look at that! Same table and seat that I had when I won the tournament.
Good or bad omen? I dunno. Remains to be seen.
I fold every hand in the first level and never see a flop. So poor.
20 minutes into the 2nd level it's folded to me and I raise too 300 with queens. The Asian lady to my left calls as does the old man with the big blind in seat 10.
The flop comes 6s 7h 9h. The Geezer checks. I bet 600 into a 1000 pot. Lady folds and Gramps calls. The turn is the 6d. The Geriatric checks and I bet 1100. He moves all in. Huh?
I've already seen him play a few horrible hands so I can put him on anything from A9, TT, JJ or even a flush draw. All hands that I can beat.
So I call. He and his disgusting balding old man white ponytail show the monster 8c 6c.
Fucking moron.
GG
JDN
Table 26 seat 5
Hey look at that! Same table and seat that I had when I won the tournament.
Good or bad omen? I dunno. Remains to be seen.
I fold every hand in the first level and never see a flop. So poor.
20 minutes into the 2nd level it's folded to me and I raise too 300 with queens. The Asian lady to my left calls as does the old man with the big blind in seat 10.
The flop comes 6s 7h 9h. The Geezer checks. I bet 600 into a 1000 pot. Lady folds and Gramps calls. The turn is the 6d. The Geriatric checks and I bet 1100. He moves all in. Huh?
I've already seen him play a few horrible hands so I can put him on anything from A9, TT, JJ or even a flush draw. All hands that I can beat.
So I call. He and his disgusting balding old man white ponytail show the monster 8c 6c.
Fucking moron.
GG
JDN
pwned by old dude
10.01.2008
Superbad
There's this hilarious photoshop thread running on 2+2 about what poker players would be doing if it weren't for poker. If you've never seen it, check it out here. You might lose a day of your life, but its totally worth it.
Anyhoo, I was catching up with the latest updates and I found this one posted by Pavlik.
He gets an A for creativity and F for technical skills. Use the crop tool mofo!
I showed it to the Gavin yesterday and his only response was, "I wish I had hair like that."
JDN
Anyhoo, I was catching up with the latest updates and I found this one posted by Pavlik.
He gets an A for creativity and F for technical skills. Use the crop tool mofo!
I showed it to the Gavin yesterday and his only response was, "I wish I had hair like that."
JDN
9.29.2008
WSOPE Main Event (Phil Ivey Stole My Ipod)
On the walk from our flat to the casino, Gavin and I discussed today's strategy and sampled some of London's finest subway tunnel juice. There was a juice stand set up in a tunnel type of area next to the train station where a guy and his juicer have set up shop. I was a little skeptical of his set up, mostly because there was no running water. In the end I got a refreshing cup of apple, orange, watermelon, and some other random melon drink. We chugged it down before we got to the empire.
They wouldn't give me a receipt. WTF? Guess the dealer is going to have to trust me that I'm at the right seat.
Table 13 seat 3
Table draw!
Seat 1: big fucking Viking bastard who's just trying to give all his chips away
Seat 2: random canafian who is also very donational
Seat 3: jdn
Seat 4: random shelia? What do they call women here? Anyway, she's an online qualifier. Bunch of peeps are taking her picture so I would imagine she the only girl to sat in.
Seat 5: random euro with a giant diamond studded watch
Seat 6: random euro
Seat 7: random euro, definitely an Internet nerd
Seat 8: big fucking techno viking
Seat 9: random bloke
Holy shit I got a walk!
Holy shit I got another walk in the next orbit. Of course I had queens.
20,700 at break. Nothing much happens in the first level. At my lowest I was at 18k. Won most of it back preflop.
At break Daniel Negreanu buys me a veggie samosa. Score.
First weird hand of level 2:
Seat 2 is under the gun and makes a standard raise to 600 I call with 55 and the shelia calls. Fuck! That's too many. Here comes a squeeze. I look at seat 5. Here it comes. He raises to 2500. I notice something fishy about his raise. He announces it as he throws in 3 big chips. Odd....
The bloke to my right tanks it for a few minutes. If he calls I'm calling. If he folds I'm folding.
He calls. I do as well and so does the chick! Big pot. 10k plus.
The flop falls 9h 3h 9c. Check check check. Diamond watch guy bets 3500. Seat 2 folds. Wow. This quite a predicament I gotten myself into. He was so fishy to begin with and now he just reeks of carp. If he throws a half size pot bet out, I probably reraise him. The smallish bet throws me off. He very easily could have a A9 or K9. I fold unsure if I had just pasted on a golden opportunity.
The massage girl working on the guy next to me has B.O.
Other weird hand of the level:
Seat 7 raises in early position and I call in the big blind with AQ. The flop falls 6 A 6. I check he bets 1200. I call and check the T on the turn. He checks too. Wha? Does he have AJ or a smaller pair? Confused!
The river comes a Q. I lead out with 2k. After a moment he raises to 7k. Huh? We must have the same hand. No way he's got KJ. I call. He shows 6 4 off. Fuck me.
Then it strikes me, this is why they reraise here with medium strength hands. I've seen several reraise with jacks, tens and I seen a couple with AQ. They've learned that to get the junk hands out they gotta reraise the crazies.
This country baffles me.
I think the qualifier to my left is the stinky one.
8250 at break. Ninja time.
Techno Viking and Internet Nerd are playing some huge hands in the 150/300 level. These guys are out of control.
After the massive Viking in seat 1 busts Kelly Kim, of the November Nine fame, gets moved to our table. I don't plan on watching that final table. I'm going to have way more fun watching the paint dry in my garage.
I have aces twice and kings during the 3rd level and win all of them preflop. Bollocks. I've been folding AJ preflop all day and it seems to be saving me some money. I am now going to apply that rule to AQ. If I had just folded it all day, I would have around 30k. This blows.
7250 at dinner break.
During dinner I decide to mix things up and put on my white euro shoes. Hopefully they will change my luck.
On the way back to the casino I saw her out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing jeans and a jean jacket with just a white sports bra on underneath and her pregnant belly hanging out. I couldn't help myself, I had to get a better look and I involuntarily made eye contact as I did. Shit. Here it comes.
"Boys! Do you have any change to spare? I'm four months pregnant." She said through a dodgy looking set of teeth. There was a cigarette in her hand too. Gavin being the humanitarian that he is, gave a few pounds. As he was digging through his pockets she turned to me and said, "Some bloke just told me I look like a prostitute. Do I look like a prostitute?"
I'm just staring at her mangled grill. She's got like 4 teeth. She stares back at me waiting for an answer. She does indeed look like a cheap prostitute. But she's pregnant.
"Of course not." I respond.
"Can I get a couple of pounds?" She smiles back.
"No. Gotta go." I tell her as Gavin gives her a pound.
That's 2 dollars! That man is too generous.
Back at the casino:
Well, I lied to myself. I said I was going to start folding AQ preflop... I broke my promise. Some how I got all in preflop with AcQc vs the Techno Viking's 99. The flop blanked out but the turn brought a 2nd club. To win I needed an ace, queen, or a club. Whats that? 15 outs? Queen ball on the river and I'm up to 14k. Alright! Go team!
Well 14k doesn't last very long in my hands. I gamble a little bit and I'm back to to 7k. Fucking reraising euros!
I get back up to 10k when I call down the Internet nerd with Ah6h on a As Qs 2s flop.
Then I get pocket fours. Now I have a lot of found memories of these hand. I got my first live quads at Hollywood Park with pocket fours. I won a pretty decent sized online tourney with them too. So I play them hard. For old times sakes.
I raise in late position and seat 6, who's fucking clueless, calls. The flop comes J 3 7. He bets 1k. I call. The turn is a 6. 1500 bet I call. (oh the moron just pulled up to the bar next to me as I write this, hopefully he can read english and realize that he's a douche). The river is a queen. He bets 2500. I put him on AK since the start of this hand and I decide to stick to my read. I call. He doesn't turn over his hand. He looks sheepish. AK is right mofo!
He finally turns over AQ. Fuck me silly.
2775 at break. Only 1 level to the end of the day. Think I'm a 14/1 dog to survive.
With less than 10 big blinds, I ship it in early position with A7. Its folded around to the Techno Viking in the big blind, who I know is going to call with anything. He calls with QJ off. Blank blank blank blank ace! And I double to over 6k. There's some life left in me yet.
The shoes. They are working.
Another orbit or so and I'm on the big blind. In the cut off, Techno Viking raise to 850. The button, who has clearly been tagged a moron, reraises to 3100. Kelly Kim, in the small blind folds. I look down at JJ. Aiyeah. If I have more chips, I can easily fold this. I got 4900 total. No way I can fold. I put it in. Techno Viking folds and the button moron is happy to call the less the minimum raise. I say, "I hope you have tens." I open my jacks. He flips up his hand and I can only see one card. A ten of diamonds. Snap! The other card is the jack of diamonds. WTF?
Techno Viking says that he folded J9. Double WTF? These Euros...
The Flop falls 3 A Q. Fuck. The moron says "Any king will do." The turn is a King. Barf! I'm drawing for a chop. Three outs. I don't know what the river was, it wasn't a ten and I'm already walking away.
So poor.
JDN
Epilogue
This is getting brutal. I can satellite into any tournament I want to but I can't make anything happen in the big tournaments. What am I missing? I guess I've only played 8 major tournaments, not including all the smaller WSOPs, and that sample size is not big enough to draw an accurate conclusion from. My bankroll management is quite pathetic, and dwindling, and I've only cashed once since winning at Ceasars. That was in a BARGE tournament too.
I think I need to take a step away from poker and get lost for a couple of weeks even though the EPT starts tomorrow. Time to regroup.
There will be plenty of poker during October in Vegas at the Bellagio and Ceasars. As well as another Venetian Deep Stack in November.
Maybe I'll find a real job.
On second thought... maybe not.
They wouldn't give me a receipt. WTF? Guess the dealer is going to have to trust me that I'm at the right seat.
Table 13 seat 3
Table draw!
Seat 1: big fucking Viking bastard who's just trying to give all his chips away
Seat 2: random canafian who is also very donational
Seat 3: jdn
Seat 4: random shelia? What do they call women here? Anyway, she's an online qualifier. Bunch of peeps are taking her picture so I would imagine she the only girl to sat in.
Seat 5: random euro with a giant diamond studded watch
Seat 6: random euro
Seat 7: random euro, definitely an Internet nerd
Seat 8: big fucking techno viking
Seat 9: random bloke
Holy shit I got a walk!
Holy shit I got another walk in the next orbit. Of course I had queens.
20,700 at break. Nothing much happens in the first level. At my lowest I was at 18k. Won most of it back preflop.
At break Daniel Negreanu buys me a veggie samosa. Score.
First weird hand of level 2:
Seat 2 is under the gun and makes a standard raise to 600 I call with 55 and the shelia calls. Fuck! That's too many. Here comes a squeeze. I look at seat 5. Here it comes. He raises to 2500. I notice something fishy about his raise. He announces it as he throws in 3 big chips. Odd....
The bloke to my right tanks it for a few minutes. If he calls I'm calling. If he folds I'm folding.
He calls. I do as well and so does the chick! Big pot. 10k plus.
The flop falls 9h 3h 9c. Check check check. Diamond watch guy bets 3500. Seat 2 folds. Wow. This quite a predicament I gotten myself into. He was so fishy to begin with and now he just reeks of carp. If he throws a half size pot bet out, I probably reraise him. The smallish bet throws me off. He very easily could have a A9 or K9. I fold unsure if I had just pasted on a golden opportunity.
The massage girl working on the guy next to me has B.O.
Other weird hand of the level:
Seat 7 raises in early position and I call in the big blind with AQ. The flop falls 6 A 6. I check he bets 1200. I call and check the T on the turn. He checks too. Wha? Does he have AJ or a smaller pair? Confused!
The river comes a Q. I lead out with 2k. After a moment he raises to 7k. Huh? We must have the same hand. No way he's got KJ. I call. He shows 6 4 off. Fuck me.
Then it strikes me, this is why they reraise here with medium strength hands. I've seen several reraise with jacks, tens and I seen a couple with AQ. They've learned that to get the junk hands out they gotta reraise the crazies.
This country baffles me.
I think the qualifier to my left is the stinky one.
8250 at break. Ninja time.
Techno Viking and Internet Nerd are playing some huge hands in the 150/300 level. These guys are out of control.
After the massive Viking in seat 1 busts Kelly Kim, of the November Nine fame, gets moved to our table. I don't plan on watching that final table. I'm going to have way more fun watching the paint dry in my garage.
I have aces twice and kings during the 3rd level and win all of them preflop. Bollocks. I've been folding AJ preflop all day and it seems to be saving me some money. I am now going to apply that rule to AQ. If I had just folded it all day, I would have around 30k. This blows.
7250 at dinner break.
During dinner I decide to mix things up and put on my white euro shoes. Hopefully they will change my luck.
On the way back to the casino I saw her out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing jeans and a jean jacket with just a white sports bra on underneath and her pregnant belly hanging out. I couldn't help myself, I had to get a better look and I involuntarily made eye contact as I did. Shit. Here it comes.
"Boys! Do you have any change to spare? I'm four months pregnant." She said through a dodgy looking set of teeth. There was a cigarette in her hand too. Gavin being the humanitarian that he is, gave a few pounds. As he was digging through his pockets she turned to me and said, "Some bloke just told me I look like a prostitute. Do I look like a prostitute?"
I'm just staring at her mangled grill. She's got like 4 teeth. She stares back at me waiting for an answer. She does indeed look like a cheap prostitute. But she's pregnant.
"Of course not." I respond.
"Can I get a couple of pounds?" She smiles back.
"No. Gotta go." I tell her as Gavin gives her a pound.
That's 2 dollars! That man is too generous.
Back at the casino:
Well, I lied to myself. I said I was going to start folding AQ preflop... I broke my promise. Some how I got all in preflop with AcQc vs the Techno Viking's 99. The flop blanked out but the turn brought a 2nd club. To win I needed an ace, queen, or a club. Whats that? 15 outs? Queen ball on the river and I'm up to 14k. Alright! Go team!
Well 14k doesn't last very long in my hands. I gamble a little bit and I'm back to to 7k. Fucking reraising euros!
I get back up to 10k when I call down the Internet nerd with Ah6h on a As Qs 2s flop.
Then I get pocket fours. Now I have a lot of found memories of these hand. I got my first live quads at Hollywood Park with pocket fours. I won a pretty decent sized online tourney with them too. So I play them hard. For old times sakes.
I raise in late position and seat 6, who's fucking clueless, calls. The flop comes J 3 7. He bets 1k. I call. The turn is a 6. 1500 bet I call. (oh the moron just pulled up to the bar next to me as I write this, hopefully he can read english and realize that he's a douche). The river is a queen. He bets 2500. I put him on AK since the start of this hand and I decide to stick to my read. I call. He doesn't turn over his hand. He looks sheepish. AK is right mofo!
He finally turns over AQ. Fuck me silly.
2775 at break. Only 1 level to the end of the day. Think I'm a 14/1 dog to survive.
With less than 10 big blinds, I ship it in early position with A7. Its folded around to the Techno Viking in the big blind, who I know is going to call with anything. He calls with QJ off. Blank blank blank blank ace! And I double to over 6k. There's some life left in me yet.
The shoes. They are working.
Another orbit or so and I'm on the big blind. In the cut off, Techno Viking raise to 850. The button, who has clearly been tagged a moron, reraises to 3100. Kelly Kim, in the small blind folds. I look down at JJ. Aiyeah. If I have more chips, I can easily fold this. I got 4900 total. No way I can fold. I put it in. Techno Viking folds and the button moron is happy to call the less the minimum raise. I say, "I hope you have tens." I open my jacks. He flips up his hand and I can only see one card. A ten of diamonds. Snap! The other card is the jack of diamonds. WTF?
Techno Viking says that he folded J9. Double WTF? These Euros...
The Flop falls 3 A Q. Fuck. The moron says "Any king will do." The turn is a King. Barf! I'm drawing for a chop. Three outs. I don't know what the river was, it wasn't a ten and I'm already walking away.
So poor.
JDN
Epilogue
This is getting brutal. I can satellite into any tournament I want to but I can't make anything happen in the big tournaments. What am I missing? I guess I've only played 8 major tournaments, not including all the smaller WSOPs, and that sample size is not big enough to draw an accurate conclusion from. My bankroll management is quite pathetic, and dwindling, and I've only cashed once since winning at Ceasars. That was in a BARGE tournament too.
I think I need to take a step away from poker and get lost for a couple of weeks even though the EPT starts tomorrow. Time to regroup.
There will be plenty of poker during October in Vegas at the Bellagio and Ceasars. As well as another Venetian Deep Stack in November.
Maybe I'll find a real job.
On second thought... maybe not.
9.24.2008
WSOPE Horse
Of course I forget my receipt and I have to wait 25 minutes for the cage manager to find my carbon copy and another 10 to figure out how to photocopy it. Bollocks.
When I bring my receipt to the registration table they can't read it and I just give him my surname and get my seating assignment. Looking for a knife to stab myself in the eye.
Speaking of which, I found out that that giant ferris wheel is called "The London Eye.". I'm not sure why it has that name but that's what it's called.
Table 11 seat 7 (this is obviously the worst seat in the tournament. I'm sitting in front of a giant red light and for people to get into this section, they have to squeeze between me and the giant red light. Its like a red light prostate exam just to get by me. So poor!)
Table draw:
Seat 1: random euro that looks like a younger version of kevin from the office.
Seat 2: random american
Seat 3: andy "the Irish monk" black
Seat 4: random euro that looks like that creepy elton brown of iron chef America and good eats fame
Seat 5: random american internet kid with a retainer. Could be that timex fellow.
Seat 6: random euro that happens to be a full tilt pro and deoderant happens to be optional from where ever he's from.
Seat 7: jdn
Seat 8: Nick Binger's brother, Michael Binger.
Sausage time!
Andrew Black declares it's sausage time. He opens up a tupperware container of Irish (assuming) Sausage on the table and as it pops open, his chips go everywhere. I tell him that's why there's a no sausage on the table rule.
Mike Binger gets moved the hand after getting rolled up queens. I wish I were to get rolled up and moved.
9075 at break. Would have had a bit more if I could avoid the 3 x brick hands in razz.
Level two begins and Phil Ivey sits down in seat 8. Lovely.
I have a flaming hold'em round where I get paid off with a 2nd nut flush and a set. Up to 12500.
In razz elton brown completes with a 9 showing. Yes a 9. It only gets worse from here. Fucking razz.
I call and when the boards read 7 6 5 6 for me and he has A 9 T T. Of course he calls my bet. I lead out blind on 7th, hoping he sees it. He doesn't. He calls. With a T 9 low. He wins. I brick 7th and end up with a J 7 6 5 4.
Elton brown!!!! Your shows suck!
8100 at break. Ivey is officially the luckiest player in poker. Every hand he's opened, he's won. In the stud8 level he rivers aces up agianst my 3 pair.
3rd level... Fuck the 3rd level.
Elton Brown is my mega mush, with Ivey a close second. I lose all my chips in Omaha on two big hands.
The first bastard of a hand is a huge multi-way pot that was 4 bet pre-flop 5 handed. I held Ah Ad 8h 9h and the flop fell 6h 7h Js. Bet bet bet. Big pot like I said. The turn is a Qd. Bet call call raise call call. 3 handed when the river comes Ts. Elton brown checks. I check. Seat 2, his name is Bruce, bets. Elton raises. This hand don't make sense. Bruce has a set of queens. Elton has to have K9 or AK. I can't call. But it's Elton. He sucks. Fuuuuuck. I fold. Bruce calls Elton shows the 8s9s for the scoop. Skull fuck me in the eye hole please.
A couple of hands later I turn a 6 high flush then river a 6 high straight and get scoped after 3 bets. .Assdffghkllljgcfd
2 orange chips going into dinner. When we come back I'll be behind the button. I will be seeking the sage like advice from Allen Cunningham over beers at all one bar.
Layne flack cracked his Breitling watch at dinner break. He's says security did it, but I'm guessing he was just flailing his arms.
4 level
Holy shit. I'm a fucking rollercoaster. Started with 2000 this level and got all in for the first time with 1400 left. Typically I made a last longer with flack when we both had 2k. Amazingly I tripled up 3 handed all in pre-flop with AA in Omaha. Never seen that before.
I got all in 4 times in that level and doubled up everytime. Once even against Ivey's lucky ass when I out drew him in razz.
Mike Binger comes back to our table and takes Andy Black's seat.
Young Kevin from the office must be getting bored. In stud8 he got me all in with A 3 5 and bricked 4 straight cards against my split kings. On 7th street I said " hope you brick!". And he did. Snap.
A few hands later he reraises me with 3 3 6 vs my Q 9 Q. We get all the money in on 4th street and I hit a flush to double up to 7500ish.
I end the level with 8500.
5th Level
Kinda spin wheels in the next level and lose my iPod to Ivey. He's never heard BlackMilk and I almost had a bet down that he would like it. Phil likes it! So much so that he keeps it with him when the table breaks.
Table break!!!!
I bet Ivey 1k that he wouldn't bring my iPod back fully charged. I think I'm free rolling.
New table draw:
Seat 1: Doyle Brunson
Seat 2: random euro
Seat 3: Max "The Italian "arrrrrr" Pirate" Pesactori
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: John Juanda
Seat 6: random euro
Seat 7: Jean Robert Bellande
Seat 8: Robert Williamson the 3rd
Table of death? I think not. I love it.
But then things go sour. I lose a stud hand to the random euro in seat 2 when he slow plays buried aces. I got about 3100 left when I try to get Doyle to agree to a last longer bet. He declines. This is the very next hand courtesy of pokernews.com.
Jason Newitt Eliminated in Ridiculous Stud-8 Quads Hand
Jason Newitt was all in for small change on third street, with Doyle Brunson, Max Pescatori, and John Juanda all in the hand as well.
There was some giggling at Brunson's hand by fourth street and more by fifth street. Eventually he bet it on sixth street and Pescatori got out of the way, but Juanda called.
Juanda: {K-Spades} {A-Spades} {7-Diamonds} {6-Clubs} with {5-Diamonds} {4-Hearts}-X for the low.
Brunson: an entirely astounding {Q-Hearts} {Q-Spades} {Q-Clubs} {5-Hearts} with {3-Hearts} {5-Spades} {Q-Diamonds} for the high.
Newitt: {6-Hearts} {A-Diamonds} {2-Hearts} {6-Spades} with {2-Clubs} {4-Spades} {8-?} for not very much, although he initially thought he'd won the low.
Ok, the facts are right but the details are wrong. Doyle had less chips than me. I think he had 3k and I had 3200. Doyle raised on the door card before I reraised with my A 6 2. Max and Juanda both called and checked it to 6th street before Juanda bet out and Max folded. Anyway, I'm busto and its Miller Time.
After dropping a couple hundo at black jack I run into Layne, Cantu and Madsen in the upstairs bar. More beer. I also meet the danish kid that just won the $1500 event (the first person to win a WSOPE and a WSOPAFY bracelet) and Yuval Bronshtein, who has gone deep a couple of times. Both seem to be pretty pleasant peeps.
Elton Brown also makes and appearance and we break bread over a brew.
Some how I get roped into a heads up tournament on the WSOP heads up video game machine. Layne backs me (scary, I know) and I get heads up with Madsen for the championship.
Madsen is a donkey.
Needless to say I lose and Layne and I hit the black jack tables to dust off another couple of hundo.
I think I'm going to play a satellite to main on Friday. I think its the best chance I have of making any money on this trip since it seems like I can only cash in sats.
JDN
When I bring my receipt to the registration table they can't read it and I just give him my surname and get my seating assignment. Looking for a knife to stab myself in the eye.
Speaking of which, I found out that that giant ferris wheel is called "The London Eye.". I'm not sure why it has that name but that's what it's called.
Random night shot of "The London Eye."
Table 11 seat 7 (this is obviously the worst seat in the tournament. I'm sitting in front of a giant red light and for people to get into this section, they have to squeeze between me and the giant red light. Its like a red light prostate exam just to get by me. So poor!)
Table draw:
Seat 1: random euro that looks like a younger version of kevin from the office.
Seat 2: random american
Seat 3: andy "the Irish monk" black
Seat 4: random euro that looks like that creepy elton brown of iron chef America and good eats fame
Seat 5: random american internet kid with a retainer. Could be that timex fellow.
Seat 6: random euro that happens to be a full tilt pro and deoderant happens to be optional from where ever he's from.
Seat 7: jdn
Seat 8: Nick Binger's brother, Michael Binger.
Sausage time!
Andrew Black declares it's sausage time. He opens up a tupperware container of Irish (assuming) Sausage on the table and as it pops open, his chips go everywhere. I tell him that's why there's a no sausage on the table rule.
Mike Binger gets moved the hand after getting rolled up queens. I wish I were to get rolled up and moved.
9075 at break. Would have had a bit more if I could avoid the 3 x brick hands in razz.
Level two begins and Phil Ivey sits down in seat 8. Lovely.
I have a flaming hold'em round where I get paid off with a 2nd nut flush and a set. Up to 12500.
In razz elton brown completes with a 9 showing. Yes a 9. It only gets worse from here. Fucking razz.
I call and when the boards read 7 6 5 6 for me and he has A 9 T T. Of course he calls my bet. I lead out blind on 7th, hoping he sees it. He doesn't. He calls. With a T 9 low. He wins. I brick 7th and end up with a J 7 6 5 4.
Elton brown!!!! Your shows suck!
8100 at break. Ivey is officially the luckiest player in poker. Every hand he's opened, he's won. In the stud8 level he rivers aces up agianst my 3 pair.
My left hand with Phil Ivey.
My right hand with Phil Ivey.3rd level... Fuck the 3rd level.
Elton Brown is my mega mush, with Ivey a close second. I lose all my chips in Omaha on two big hands.
The first bastard of a hand is a huge multi-way pot that was 4 bet pre-flop 5 handed. I held Ah Ad 8h 9h and the flop fell 6h 7h Js. Bet bet bet. Big pot like I said. The turn is a Qd. Bet call call raise call call. 3 handed when the river comes Ts. Elton brown checks. I check. Seat 2, his name is Bruce, bets. Elton raises. This hand don't make sense. Bruce has a set of queens. Elton has to have K9 or AK. I can't call. But it's Elton. He sucks. Fuuuuuck. I fold. Bruce calls Elton shows the 8s9s for the scoop. Skull fuck me in the eye hole please.
A couple of hands later I turn a 6 high flush then river a 6 high straight and get scoped after 3 bets. .Assdffghkllljgcfd
2 orange chips going into dinner. When we come back I'll be behind the button. I will be seeking the sage like advice from Allen Cunningham over beers at all one bar.
Layne flack cracked his Breitling watch at dinner break. He's says security did it, but I'm guessing he was just flailing his arms.
4 level
Holy shit. I'm a fucking rollercoaster. Started with 2000 this level and got all in for the first time with 1400 left. Typically I made a last longer with flack when we both had 2k. Amazingly I tripled up 3 handed all in pre-flop with AA in Omaha. Never seen that before.
I got all in 4 times in that level and doubled up everytime. Once even against Ivey's lucky ass when I out drew him in razz.
Mike Binger comes back to our table and takes Andy Black's seat.
Young Kevin from the office must be getting bored. In stud8 he got me all in with A 3 5 and bricked 4 straight cards against my split kings. On 7th street I said " hope you brick!". And he did. Snap.
A few hands later he reraises me with 3 3 6 vs my Q 9 Q. We get all the money in on 4th street and I hit a flush to double up to 7500ish.
I end the level with 8500.
5th Level
Kinda spin wheels in the next level and lose my iPod to Ivey. He's never heard BlackMilk and I almost had a bet down that he would like it. Phil likes it! So much so that he keeps it with him when the table breaks.
Table break!!!!
I bet Ivey 1k that he wouldn't bring my iPod back fully charged. I think I'm free rolling.
New table draw:
Seat 1: Doyle Brunson
Seat 2: random euro
Seat 3: Max "The Italian "arrrrrr" Pirate" Pesactori
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: John Juanda
Seat 6: random euro
Seat 7: Jean Robert Bellande
Seat 8: Robert Williamson the 3rd
Table of death? I think not. I love it.
But then things go sour. I lose a stud hand to the random euro in seat 2 when he slow plays buried aces. I got about 3100 left when I try to get Doyle to agree to a last longer bet. He declines. This is the very next hand courtesy of pokernews.com.
Jason Newitt Eliminated in Ridiculous Stud-8 Quads Hand
Jason Newitt was all in for small change on third street, with Doyle Brunson, Max Pescatori, and John Juanda all in the hand as well.
There was some giggling at Brunson's hand by fourth street and more by fifth street. Eventually he bet it on sixth street and Pescatori got out of the way, but Juanda called.
Juanda: {K-Spades} {A-Spades} {7-Diamonds} {6-Clubs} with {5-Diamonds} {4-Hearts}-X for the low.
Brunson: an entirely astounding {Q-Hearts} {Q-Spades} {Q-Clubs} {5-Hearts} with {3-Hearts} {5-Spades} {Q-Diamonds} for the high.
Newitt: {6-Hearts} {A-Diamonds} {2-Hearts} {6-Spades} with {2-Clubs} {4-Spades} {8-?} for not very much, although he initially thought he'd won the low.
Ok, the facts are right but the details are wrong. Doyle had less chips than me. I think he had 3k and I had 3200. Doyle raised on the door card before I reraised with my A 6 2. Max and Juanda both called and checked it to 6th street before Juanda bet out and Max folded. Anyway, I'm busto and its Miller Time.
After dropping a couple hundo at black jack I run into Layne, Cantu and Madsen in the upstairs bar. More beer. I also meet the danish kid that just won the $1500 event (the first person to win a WSOPE and a WSOPAFY bracelet) and Yuval Bronshtein, who has gone deep a couple of times. Both seem to be pretty pleasant peeps.
Elton Brown also makes and appearance and we break bread over a brew.
Motherfucken' Elton Brown in the house!
Some how I get roped into a heads up tournament on the WSOP heads up video game machine. Layne backs me (scary, I know) and I get heads up with Madsen for the championship.
Madsen is a donkey.
Needless to say I lose and Layne and I hit the black jack tables to dust off another couple of hundo.
I think I'm going to play a satellite to main on Friday. I think its the best chance I have of making any money on this trip since it seems like I can only cash in sats.
JDN
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