Back at it. Kinda.

I pretty much gave up poker for the last 4 months to play video games and gain several pounds around my mid section. I considered not playing ever again but then I sobered up and figured I should give it another go round.

The only problem... I'm broke. Bankroll is nonexistent and I can't really pin point the exact reason for my financial failures but I sure it has to do with the fact I don't have the ability to balance a check book. Never mind that I don't have a job and no prospects of any sorts. So any of the WSOP tournies are out of the question so this summer. Looks like I'll playing at the Nugget this year.

There's several PLO8 tournaments spread between the various casino this summer and my goal to play as many of those as I can. I can probably find someone to buy my action in the WSOP $1500 and $5000 PLO8 events but I won't worry about those quite yet.

I'll also probably play some cash games, and a few Venetian tournaments along the way.

Soooo... Prepare for a summer full of fail!

In other news:

I was on Jon Friedberg's Under the Gun show that hosted by Card Player. Gavin Smith is also a guest and we talk about how bad our softball team is and some other shit that I have really right discussing in public.

Check out Under the Gun: Softball and Sponsorship Deals

And just a couple of days ago, I was on again, this time with Jeff Madsen and Joe Tehan as we played the Savage Invitational Golf Tournament in Temecula. (godamnit I look fat)

15th Annual Savage Golf Tournament

I shot like a cripple over the 3 days so I won't go through the pain of listening to me bitch about missing a put, drive, and or chip. I shot on average, 110 over the 3 days. So I'll just do a photo easy with some funny captions.

Day 1: Cross Creek Golf Course

1 good golfer and 3 morans.. Tehan is the good one btw.


Friedberg decides to pee next to the restrooms.


My closest to the pin for the bad players. Also got a skin this day but I don't know what hole.


After finishing the first day, I decided to celebrate with some poison oak in the eye.

Day 2: Red Hawk Golf Course


Day 2 sucked ass so this is only picture of the day. I wore pink. Nuff said.

Day 3: Journey at Pechanga


Lots of gambling going on today. Probably the funnest round of golf I've played.


Teh Ghey


Another closest to the pin for the bad players. Got half a skin here too


The 6th hole. Amazing.


Madsen looking for his ball on the 6th hole.


Friedberg showing off for Tehan's gf Lisa


Madsen's water shot. Took two tries.


My biggest golf win evar! $640.


And finally... Pechanga, WTF?

JDN

Random Golf Tournament for... Medical Students?

Disclaimer: I know this isn't golfwtf.com (I gotta see if that's available) but I've been playing more golf than poker lately and this is a tournament, and I'm playing with some degen poker players, so it seems like a perfect fit for pokerwtf.

So Jeff Madsen texts me the other night and asks if I want to play a golf tournament. Having just played two days in a row, I was a little hesitant to say yes, until I found out that Gavin, Bobo, and Layne were playing too.

Ok I'm in and we got action!

I show up at the Eagle Crest Golf Club at 1:30 and I can't find anyone. I text Gavin and he says he's on his way. Off to the driving range.

I find Madsen and he tries to steal my bucket of range balls. You gotta watch this kid.

We head back up to the carts to get started, but Gavin and Bobo are no where to be seen. The professor that organized this thing is asking us where Gav is and I tell him he's on his way.

Team New Hotness

2:15pm
Still no Gsmith. Madsen and I find the refreshment cart and promptly remove all their Heinekens for $4 each. And! They give us a cooler.

Team Old and Busted

2:20pm
We meet our other twosome that will be playing with us. They're med students and I forget their names as soon as the first Heineken is cracked open.

2:25pm
Gavin, Bobo, and Ryan (Gavin's Manservant is taking Layne's place because he's in jail again. Just kidding, he's playing the SCOOP) make their entrance and even from 50 yards away, I can tell that Gavin is drunk. His hair is doing that bozo thing where it is just sticking straight out. Kinda like Curly from the 3 Stooges.

Turns out he was playing trivia all night at the Porchlight and when Madsen called him at 12:15pm he was still there. Stay classy G!

Bets get placed and we're ready to go. I bet Jeff $100 a side and $5 a putt. I give him 6 shots over the whole course and 2 putts. We also get two mulligans apiece.

Jeff gets a bet down with Gavin for $2K. Team vs team and Gavin's giving us 10 shots. We could be good here.

2:30pm
We finally head off to hole #14 for our shotgun start.

Madsen drops his beer while driving. I almost have to jump out of the moving cart to avoid getting wet.

Hole #14 par 3
We lose our partners, they decided to drive across the 13th green for some reason. So we tee off. Madsen grounds his to the right and I put mine in the shit on the left. Great start.

The med students finally show up to tee off and I realize that they only have 1 golf bag. The guy wearing the Affliction shirt holds a driver up and asks me if he should use this club. Oh boy.

Turns out neither of these guys have ever played before. Aiyeah.

Jeff and I bet on who will get the better score. I take Affliction guy and Jeff takes the guy with the shorts. $100 on this one.

The first hole takes us 25 minutes to complete. This is gonna be a long day.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #15 Par 3
The yardage sign reads 147 from the white tees. I take an 8 iron and hit a beautiful shot straight at the pin. Looks a little long. It bounces on the back of the green and into some bushes across the cart path.

That sign is a liar!

Madsen: 6
JDN: 5

Hole #16 par 3

Madsen: 3 shots 2 putts
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

Hole #17 par 3
This is a closer to the hole... hole. I put it in the sand behind the hole and take 3 shots to get out. I hate the sand.

Madsen: 6 shots 3 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #18 par 4
Our first driver hole! I put mine about 250 yards out, but to the right and I lose the ball. Pretty sure one of those poor med students on the hole next to us picked it up.

On the green, Affliction guy tells me that he wants to be a ER doctor. Sweet, there's hot chicks in the ER. I watch House. Then he tells me about sticking his finger in other dudes' asses. I'll pass.

Madsen shows us his "ball behind the club" technique.

Madsen drives the cart up next to the green and the marshall yells at him. I tell the marshall that he's going to be doing a lot of that today.

Madsen: 7 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots and 2 putts

Hole #1 par 4
At 306 yards, I almost drive to the green, but end up in the sand on the right. I have problems getting out. It would probably help if I had a sand wedge and not a lob wedge for these.

Madsen: 7 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 2 putts

Hole #2 par 3
We're almost out of beer. Everyone has to pee.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #3 par 3
The refreshment cart arrives! Yes!

Madsen: 4 shots 1 putt
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

Hole #4 par 3
After peeing everyone is invigorated and ready for more. I put my tee shot 6 feet from the pin and I still 2 putt it. Blargh! At least I made par.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 3 shots 2 putts

Hole #5 par 4
I lose my tee shot in the water and Madsen doesn't. He puts his over the water and has to hit from the beach on the other side of the lake. Pretty sure he cheated on this hole.

Madsen: 5 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #6 par 3
I hit my tee shot fat and only make it half way to the green. I hit my second shot fat and lay up in front of the green. I quit.

Madsen: 5 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #7 par 3
I get the tee shot within 10 feet of the pin before 2 putting it. So rigged against birdies.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 3 shots 2 putts

Pee Break!

We block off the tunnel and whizzle.

Madsen killing ants

Hole #8 par 3
Nothing interesting happened on this hole.

Madsen: 6 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #9 par 4
Play has slowed. When we reach the tee box, there are 2 other teams in front of us. We decide to draft players on the foursome behind us, Gavin, Bobo, Ryan, and the Professor, and bet on closest to the hole for $50 a shot. We both win one and lose one for a push.

Madsen decides to run up a drainage pipe until he walks into some spider webs and runs out screaming, "Ahhh spiders!" like a little girl.



Madsen: 7 shots 3 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #10 par 4
Both Madsen and I have decent drives on this hole. When I reach my ball I realize that it's about 5 yards short of the longest drive. Damn, if I would have known that, I would have taken a mulligan to try and out-drive it. I need that $25 gift certificate to Sammy's.

On the green we decide to implement a new rule. You have to bring your beer with you to the green. We're gonna need more beer.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots 1 putt

Hole #11 par 3
After our tee shots, some college girls show up with booze. Sweet. They apparently have been driving around this whole time giving out free drinks. Oh what the hell? We're almost done and we're just finding out about this? I ask for a beer and all they have is Coors Light or MGD. Good grief. Gimme the silver bullet.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 3 putts

Hole #12 par 3
Again we're waiting for the team ahead of us so we bet on Gavin and company's tee shots. I scoop and I'm up $200. Yeah boy!

Madsen: 6 shots 1 putt
JDN: 6 shots 2 putts

Hole #13 par 4
I have to use my last mulligan on this one because Madsen hit a nice drive about 280 yards out. On my second tee shot I crush it right up the middle and Madsen tries to tell me his is longer. Bet! I'm about 20 yards from the hole and out drive him by 80 yards. Sucka!

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

As a team we end up shooting a 90. Pretty good. Gavin and Bobo need to shoot a 79 or better to win. I think Madsen is money here. I shoot a 96 with 41 putts. Jeff got a 107 with 49 putts. I beat him for $500 something. I need to play with him more often.

Gavin and Bobo shoot a 71. Oops. They beat us by 19 strokes. We are so bad.

We join Gavin and Bobo near the putting green and we all get our gamble on. We throw golf balls closest to a designated pin. Jeff and Gavin are betting in the thousands and Bobo and I are betting $5 a throw.

Madsen shagging balls.

Gavin just got pwned

Good times.

JDN

Matt Savage – 0, Golf Cart – 1

It was a pleasant day on the 10th hole at TPC canyons. We had just teed off and Layne and I were a seconds behind the other cart containing Matt Savage and Phil Gordon. We lost sight of them as they turned the corner and Layne and I discussed the pros and cons of being in the other fairway on this hole.

As we turned the aforementioned corner a sight lay before us that took me several seconds to comprehend. Why was Matt laying face first on the concert cart path? Was he looking for his ball or doing sprinkler maintenance? Layne observed, “Look at this twinkie here.”

Layne, being thoughtful human that he is, drove right past Matt’s limp body and said, “Walk it off.” We had to find his ball in the trees on the other fairway and it took precedence over injuries.

Phil is obviously new to cart driving techniques and apparently he turned into the turn, hit the curb and bounced poor Matt out of the cart.

Matt pared the hole and requested some Neosporin from the snack lady.

JDN