I try wake up at 11am but I'm not feeling that well. I'm in my 3rd day of a master cleanse fast and its usually the worst day of the 10. I lay there complating my day to come. Should I just stay in bed and watch tivo? Or should I get up, take a shower, get dressed, drink my shitty lemonade, and drive all the way down to Ceasars to spend $500 on a tournament that I'll probably last two levels in?
I choose the more painful option of the two and get out of bed.
Table draw:
Seat 1: younger guy. Wearing a Abercombie and Fitch sweat shirt. His bro hawk has molted, probably due to a late night out.
Seat 2: middle aged wife of someone else playing in the tournament. She has giant boobs and her hands shake.
Seat #3: oldtimer with a
Seat 4: a younger oldtimer with a turbo swift hat. WTF is that?
Seat 5: older middle aged house wife. Short hair, specticles, 50ish. I bet her husband has a mustache and likes to fish for bass.
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: possible sag with a receding mini mullet. Sag status not confirmed since shook hands with Allen the chainsaw kessler, the super nit.
Seat 8: non- descript random middle aged white guy
Seat 9: jdn
Seat 10: older guy with track suit and long eyebrow hairs.
Our dealer is officially the slowest shuffler evar.
Breaking news! Bad read on me. Seat 5 is English. She asked the waitress for some water and with apperance of a fanny pack, or a FUPA* pack in this case, her englishness was confirmed.
After the first break I have 5k and seat 6 is filled with another potential sag. A young Asian lady sits down and I can tell by the way she's handling her chips and cards, that's she's a gambler. I'll have to wait and see if she's a sicko.
After the 2nd break I have 6500. Turns out both of my potential sags are pags (passive asain gambler) and my table is one of the tightest ever.
Early in the 3rd level we lose the lady pag and the non-descript middle aged white guy. Shorty after this cat I know, Amir, moves into seat 6 and it makes me wish I brought my head phones. Non-descript white guy was replaced by non-descript balding white guy, who turns out to be a cool guy who donates all his chips to me.
A few hands later I run my queens into the pocket 7s of the oldtimer with the
I win a big pot against long eyebrow hair guy and lose another 1200 to turbo swift when my AJ can't out run his KQ.
I'd been torturing big breasted house wife for most of the tourney and I'm on tilt when she finally moves all in into a limped pot. I announce a tilt call with 73 of hearts. I think I have two live cards... Nope. She's got 77. Drawing dead on the turn. As boobies drags the pot she starts mumbling something and I reply, "you shouldn't complain, you won."
She mutters something about being greedy before she waves me off and the oldtimers and myself have a chuckle.
I lose most of my chips on a board of 9 4 3 all hearts with two black 7s. I had raised preflop and the brohawk in seat 1 called. I led out on the flop and he thought for a while before pushing in. I call pretty quickly and tell him he's only got one heart. He's got QhJc. Brillant play sir. The turn is red. Diamond. Good. River is red. Deuce of hearts. Shit.
Down to about 2500 now and the very next hand I have AJ of spades. I shove and English lady calls with TT. Ace on the turn and I double up. Snap.
Yum. Spicy lemonade.
After the 3rd break we've lost a few people including the oldtimers and big boobies. Turbo swift was replaced by a big guy that we will call Biggie. Biggie liked to play a lot of hands in early position. He also liked to play a lot of hands badly. He had about 22k in front of him and I had somehow amassed a pile of 18k.
He limped in early postion with the blinds at 300/600 with a 75 ante. I called with a9 off in middle position. The small and big blind also called/checked.
The flop fell T Q 8 with two diamonds. The blinds and biggie check. Oh momma I got a gutter ball! I bet out 2500 as the blinds fold and biggie calls. Hmm. He usually leads out with a big hand. (In the previous orbit he had led out in ep with kk against my TT and he shoved on a flop of A K x. I folded pretty quickly as he showed the table marvelous play.) So I didn't think he had a straight or even a Q. The turn comes 7. He checks again. He's gotta have a ten. I fire out 6k. He calls pretty quickly.
The river is an ace of hearts. He makes this bizarre face before checking. WTF was that. Does he have AT? Bugger. I check. He opens up JT. I show my A9 and drag the pot. 40k.
The very next hand biggie limps under the gun. I look down at two jacks and raise it to 2k. Everyone folds to biggie who calls. Flop comes A 7 2. He checks. I'm golden. I check. Turn is another ace. He moves in and I quickly call. He rolls his eyes thinking I have an ace. Nope just jacks. Snap. He shows QT and ships the pot to me. Weeeeeee.
45k at dinner break. I think I'm 2nd in chips.
My table finally gets broken with around 60 players left and I have about 50k. At my new table is someone who I've never met but I know by name.
I know his gf, Tiffany-Michelle aka Hot Chips aka Chopped Liver (inside joke), and she is sweating him from the table behind us. As soon as she introduces us I know he's going to come after me. He's a short guy. Short guys gotta mark their territory, like a dog pissing. Sure enough he raises my first big blind. I know its coming before he does. I fold the hand knowing this is gonna get ugly at some point.
Doesn't take long till we get mixed up in a pot. He raises in early position (I can't remember what level we're at) and I call in late with AT. Everyone else folds. The flop falls K 9 x. He checks. He's got air. I check. The turn is a 4 of hearts putting two hearts on board. He bets out a pot sized bet and I call. The river is another 9 and he checks. He's on bigger air than me. AQ I think. There's only one way I'm winning this pot. All in.
Of course he talks himself through the hand 8 times. Asking if I have a full house or busted flush draw. He finally makes a disgusted fold. Later he said he had KJ but never asked me what I had. AQ for sure.
The best thing about bad players that think they're good is that they'll lay down hands. Bad players that have no clue won't lay hands down.
We get down to 47, with 45 paying, I decide to try and abuse the bubble. To say it was successful is an understatement. I went from 55Kish to 85K with out seeing a turn card. Saw two flops with KQ and KJ and hit a K on both to pick them up. I made a preflop raise on average of 3.5 times an orbit and no one reraised. This game is easy.
Once we are down to 45 we redraw. To my left... Men "The Master" Nguyen. Did you know he wears heels? See the grainy cell phone picture below.
1am.
20 players left. I have 145k. I haven't shown a non all in hand since I was at 50k.
Play ends at 2am. I have $185,500 and that’s good for second place. I was up to $254,000 but I donated some chips to “The Master” is a blind vs blind hand that I played horridly. Oh well I’m in good shape. 15 players come back tomorrow for the final two tables. Time for sleep.
JDN
*FUPA is a Fat Upper Pussy Area
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