WSOPC 1K NLH

I sit down at table 48 seat 10 about 20 minutes after the start of the tournament. I raise two of the first 3 hands and get 3 bet both times. Wow my first aggressive table.

I think the biggest hole in my game is that I just assume that everyone else at the table is a complete idiot. Which is my general view on human beings as a whole, but man I gotta prepare for some intelligence.

So as soon as I say "prepare for intelligence" I watch two players get all in, in the first level, on river on a board of 3c Ad Jc 3d 6d. The skinny kid shows AcKc and the guy in seat 5 shows Ah7h.



I flop my first set in a long time and actually get action on it from seat 4. I check raise him on the turn and he folds top pair face up.

Table 48 seat 10 (aFUCKINGgain). 10K starting stack, 60 minute levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: rowg
Seat 2: A woman. Not hot. No eyebrows. Bedazzled shirt.
Seat 3: Random Mexican Guy or Random Latino Guy. Whatever is politically correct
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: Busto but replaced by a Random Persian Guy, rpg.
Seat 6: Random Younger White Guy, rywg
Seat 7: Random Asian Guy, rag
Seat 8: rag
Seat 9: Skinny Euro Internet Kid, seik?
Seat 10: JDN

I got pretty good bead on the skinny euro. I called him down on a board of Ah 2d 5h 4d 6h with AcQc. I was pretty confident that we had the same hand and when checked the river to me I checked too. In the later stages of the tournament I probably would have put half my stack in there but it's only the 2nd level and there's no need to get half my stack in the middle with top pair.

He showed the AsQs.

13,750 at first break.

We've lost 40 people in 2 levels. These guys are crazy.

Everyone tightened up and are afraid to play the euro kid after he took a big pot from the lady with no eyebrows. His betting pattern is kinda obvious. Just got to see him open up a few more hands.

A new guy to the table raises to 450 (the first 3x raise I've seen in a while) from under the gun in seat 7. I look down at two red queens and reraise him to 1200.

It gets back to him and he reraises another to 2700. Hmmm. That was quick. I can only put him on two hands at this point AA and KK.

Blargh.

I fold the queens face up and he shows aces. Good read by me! :-)

In the 100/200 level I raise it in early position with AdQh and get two callers. The flop is Qd Jd 9h. I bet 1100, fold, and call. The turn is the 8d. I check he bets out 2200. I got the Ad. The pot is too big to fold. I call. The river is a blank.

I check he bets 2200 again. Ok now that fucks me up. It's such a scared bet. He's not confident about his hand. He could have the same hand as me. But I've found out, peeps in NOLA still call even if they think they're losing.

So I call thinking I'm 50% to win or chop this hand. He shows TT for a straight. Bad call by me. :-(

I'm done to 3K at 2nd break. Pretty sure this is my first 2nd break since I've been here.

Gonna buy into the PLO8.

So I get moved to a new table and I order a Heineken.

Then I double up. I flopped trip aces in a 6 way limped pot. I turn the boat and some old dude bets out. I call and were heads up. The river is a jack.

I move in and the old guy says, "I'll pay you off."

Ok thanks. He mucks and I'm up to 7500. Now I can't buy into the PLO8.

Table breaks and I get move table 50something seat 5. I got another Heineken and got a little aggressive. I push in with 22 on a 6 6 J board and took it down.

I flop a set, win a couple pots with a continuation bet and I'm at 10,075 at dinner break.

I head over to Sauve for dinner. Sauve is owned by Carlos Menica. The house margarita was decent and food was... mediocre. Just like Carlos' stand up.

Back at the tourney, I'm sitting next to a guy that looks like that dude who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart. Creepy.

A few orbits later I look down at AA from under the gun and make it 1100. The bald guy in seat 10 calls as down the older lady in the big blind.

The flop comes down 6 5 7. The lady shruges her shoulders and moves in for 4Kish. I move in over the top for 9K. The guy in seat 10 calmly says, "I call." Fuck. He shows the 66 for Satan's Set. The old lady shows A4 and says, "I need a 3."

Don't forgot get about an 8 dingleberry.

The turn is a Q and the river is a 3. Awesome. Aces come in last.



I'm steaming.

I can't win a fucking hand and now I can't buy into the PLO8. So its video poker time.

I win $500 in like 15 minutes. Fudge. Now I gotta buy into the 9PM tournament.

9pm $200 NLH

As the 9pm tourney gets under way, the Laker game starts. The Lakers are playing so well that the Rockets get a 17 to 1 lead to start the game. Did I mention that the room is half filled with people from Houston wearing McGrady jerseys.

Oh look! I got AJ. I'm all in. I get called by AK and I'm quickly walking out the door.

At least the GF is coming in tomorrow. In fact she gets in at 3pm. So I do the intelligent thing and play the noon tournament the next morning.

$340 NLH

I show up as late as possible and find my seat in the normal poker room. The first hand I see seat 1 slow roll the guy in seat 9. Oh gawd. I can deal with this shit and it only takes about three hands for me to call the guy down on the river. He of course, makes it a point to show me the non-winning card, he had trips, before the winning card.

Motherfucken douche bag.

Before I muck my hand I tell him to stop slow rolling and stop being a douche bag.

That pretty much sets off the table and the a discussion goes around about what is slow rolling and what a douche bag is. So after a few hands I pick up 88 vs TT and get it all in on a 9 high flop.

GG and now I can meet the GF at 3pm.

So far this trip has been a complete fucking disaster. I've only reached the 2nd break twice and lost every time I've opened up AA or KK. Blah blah blah. I'm skipping the 5k to hang out with some friends who've never been to NOLA before. I can guarantee that I'm going to have more fun doing that than playing another tournament. Not to mention it being cheaper.

Saturday Night on Bourbon Street

I had the most amazing 15 minutes on Bourbon Street on Saturday night. To start out, one of the bars caught on fire.



Imagine a fire truck trying to make it down Bourbon with all those people. There was 3 firetrucks.

A few blocks down an ambulance is making its way through the crowd to a man that may or may not have fallen off a balcony. The EMTs get a neck brace on him and decide that the best way to get him on a stretcher was to forgo the back board and lift him up by his arms. The guy had no idea where he was, and no one around him really seemed to care about his well being.

Did I mention it was raining? It was.

As I got to the end of Bourbon, or the start depending your direction, the notice a tricked out car. The unusual thing about this car was that it was a Fruity Pebbles car. The car was a mid 90s Pontiac with 32s. It was pink, with Fruity Pebbles decals on the hood and doors. This mofo loves Fruity Pebbles!

The windows had "Got Milk?" decals on them. Damn! The mofo loves sugary cereals.

I also missed the booty shake off while staring at the Fruity Pebbles car.

There were 3 girls on each side of the road. The music from the Fruity Pebbles car was blaring and the chicks had their hands on the ground and asses in the air.

kinda like this but with more pigment.

Skeet skeet skeet. Epically awesome evening.

The next night, we went out, back to Bourbon with WSOP Randy, Joy "TrainWreck" Miller, and Mike Binger.

Joy does not like cherry bombs and yes that is a white blazer.

In the end the poker was a fucking disaster but the weekend with good friends was compeletly worth it. Now if I could just cash a tournament...

Up next is a non-poker event, Matt Savage's 14th annual Golf Tournament at Wolf Creek.

I haven't decided what I'm doing for the WSOP yet. At this point I just might stay home and play video games.

JDN, signing off with a keyboard cat.

WSOPC NOLA $340 NLH

I feel like shit. Only got 4 hours of sleep. Apparently NOLA doesn't want me breathing like a normal human. Pretty sure I almost swallowed my tongue at some point last night.

I miss 15 minutes of the tourney but I don't lose any chips to the blinds. Harrahs does something very stupid here. The button always starts in seat 10 and the last seats they sell are the seat 10s. So there's a minimal advantage to buying in late.

It's not a huge deal but someone at Harrahs should realize this and change it. But they won't. Ignorance is bliss.

Table 58 seat 10

Table draw: (This might be the greatest tournament table evar!)

Seat 1: Random Black Guy or a RBG if you will.
Seat 2: a woman, not hot. Portly. Elderly. Big hair.
Seat 3: a guy that looks like the Colonel from KFC.
Seat 4: a woman. Not hot. Elderly.
Seat 5: Random Old White Guy or a ROWG
Seat 6: A woman. Not hot. Very portly. Probably loves deep fried twinkies. Every time she's in a pot I want to say, "Lay Jabba no bother."
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: ROWG
Seat 9: ROWG
Seat 10: JDN

This table is playing like a 2/4 limit game. 5 limpers every hand, min raises with flush draws, it's awesome. Except I keep paying the RBG off when he hits his hand.

The ROWG in seat 7 asks me what I'm listening to on my head phones. Sigh... I don't feel like explaining to him who and what Bongzilla is so I just say "a little bit of everything."

Being from the west coast, all this southern hospitality is really throwing me off. When some random person is being nice and friendly to me I assume they're a pervert or the want some money from me.

When that guy from the other night invited me to his house for a grill I just figured he wanted me to fuck his wife or something nefarious.



7500 at first break.

Jabba busto. She said bring me Solo and the cookie as she left.



I can't steal from position so I opened up my range of hands to raise with under the gun. Seems to be working. When they can't limp they just fold.

I've had to limp in the blinds with a couple of premium hands because there's 6 limpers already.

I like bad players.

Absolutely no interesting hands happening. And no cocktails waitresses either. Like a 2/4 game.

In the 4th level, somehow I'm short and I look down at 22 under the gun. I raise it up a standard 3x raise and get called by the a guy in late position and the small blind. The flop falls 4s 3c 8c. Check, I check, gonna reraise if someone bets out, and of course the goofball in late position bets out 1K. Small blind folds and I reraise to 3500.

The goofball thinks about it for a few seconds, checks his cards again, and moves in. Looks like a flush draw to me. Don't think its a set or an over pair, probably something like a AT of clubs. So I gamble and call off all my chips.

I show my 22 and he flips over the Ac 4c. I was right. Just gotta fade a club and... waitaminute! Oh shit, he's got a pair of 4s. Crizzap! I blank out and walk out.

Now I gotta kill 2 hours before the mega satellite starts.

6pm Mega Satellite

I'm not gonna go into details about playing the super, but man what a horrible payout structure. Ok I'm going to go into some detail.

We end up getting 18 players for the satellite and by all accounts, that would be 1 seat to the main, and $3500 for 2nd place. Right? Right.

Wrong.

For some reason Harrahs NOLA pays out satellites like this, 1 seat, 2nd thru 7th get a $500 lamer and 8th gets $80. WTF? So poor. So Harrahs.

Needless to say you can pretty much fold to the money because people play so bad and I end up getting 6th and never getting above 5K.

I bust out at 9:15pm which allows me 15 minutes to buy in to the nightly 9pm.

Nightly 9pm Tourney

I'm card dead again and basically have to bluff my way up to 10K just before the break. Then I flopped 2 pair from the big blind and lost half my stack to a turned straight.

At break I lose $50 on the Texas Tea machine. On a roll here.

Two hands after break I run TT into AA. Aiyeah. In everyone of these tournaments I've doubled up in the first 3 levels only to bust out in the 4th or 5th level. Obv I'm doing something right, especially since I haven't had a hot run of cards. I need a good smack in the face. Knock some sense into me.



1K tomorrow. If I get up in time. PLO8 at 5pm.

JDN

WSOPC New Orleans

After a lovely lunch at Juan's Flying Burrito, I hustled back to the casino to catch the 5pm PLO. I have to show picture ID to get into the casino and to buy in to the tourney.

I'm considering wearing my ID around my neck so I don't have to fish it out of my wallet every time I have to prove my identity.

And... I'm out.

Took the ole AAJ5 vs AA36 and lost to a 7 high straight when the 5 hit the river. Awesome.

I play the 9pm $200 tourney a little later and after bluffing all my chips off with 9 high I bust out in the 3 level with KJ vs 88.

I decide to play some cash games and find a 4/8 limit hold'em limit omaha high game and sit. 3 or 4 hours later, down $100, I head back to the hotel but before stopping at 24 hour dinner called Daisy Dukes. Pretty sure I saw them mircowaving my New Orleans Sampler while the new graveyard waitress tried to figure out the cash register.

Got back to the hotel around 5am to chow down on some gumbo, jambalaya, and red bean something or other.

The Next Morning:

Having stayed up at little late and drinking a little too much, I slept till 3pm and missed the noon tournament. No biggie. I want to play the 6 handed Wednesday.

After wandering around Bourbon Street and eating a catfish po-boy, I head back over to the Casino to play the 9pm tourney again.

Just as we're starting the tournament, I see that the 6 handed was today. Blargh!!!

I play 4 levels of poker before I raise it up with KK and get two callers. The flop is 7 high and its checked to me. I move in and the big blind calls with A7. Blank on the turn, 7 on the river.



GG and I'm headed back to Bourbon Street.

JDN

WSOPC Main Event Caesars Palace

My new pre-tournament ritual now consists of 15 minutes of Call of Duty, a big bowl of quinoa, and a baby bell cheese wheel. So far, this is the second of a ritual, it seems to be working.

I satellited into the main event on my second try yesterday, thanks to an appearance of infamous Senor Heineken.

So after epic display of bad ass sniper skills I arrive 45 minutes late to the tourney. I lose all my green chips and I'm down to 24,800.

I'm invisible.

Table 38 seat 4. @OleGSmith is sitting right behind me. Gonna be a long day if this table doesn't break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Internet kid named Owen. I think he's my facebook friend.
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: Internet kid named Phil. There are already too many Phils in poker.
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: rowg. He's pleasant but a little confused on how things work. He likes to min-raise preflop.
Seat 6: Peter "Nordberg" Feldman
Seat 7: rwg with a giant screw as a card protector.
Seat 8: rbg that I played a satellite with yesterday. Think I got a pretty big tell on him.
Seat 9: Internet kid named James or Brian that I played the Caesars Mega Stack Main Event with. (his name is Brent)
Seat 10: fresh off a win at Bay101 Shooting Stars, Steve Brecher

I play a couple hands with the rbg where we reverse positions. The first one I flop top pair with AK and he hits a set. He check calls then bets out on the turn and river. He has 5s full of 8s. He gets 3500 from me.

An orbit or two later I flop bottom set with 22 and check call the flop. I bet out on the turn, trying the same thing on him but he raises me. Wait what? That's not supposed to happen. Top or middle set? I call the 3500 raise and I fill up on the river. I'm outta position so I check and he checks. Bah! He shows top pair and I take it down.

24,650 at first break. Treading water.

That Phil kid sucks. He's getting lucky when playing weird hands. Then Nordberg forgets to bet the turn on a hand and gave the kid a free card which allowed me to lose 7K.

Fuck you Nordberg!

Down to 17K I order the days first Heineken. This should turn things around.

Everyone is staring at the massage lady at the next table. That's a lotta ass. Trying to get a pic.

Meh...

The Heineken is kinda working. I've gone card dead so I'm not losing chips.

19,025 at break. EDog paid me back and I put it on the over for the Lakers Jazz game. Productive break.

Nordberg tells me that this Phil kid is USCPhildo... I don't know what that means.

Table breaks and I get moved to 35 seat 4. Brent is to my left and Mr Smokey is to my right. Awesome.

I wad up a napkin and bounce it off of Joy Miller's head when she's shooting an intro video. I get AA the next hand.

Joy's head is lucky... There's a joke there but I'm not going to say it.

I think seat 1 is Cory Carrol.

The masseuse (not the hot one) behind me keeps rubbing her ass on me.

I do a video with Joy Miller at dinner break and I get "beeped."

Here's a link, here.

After dinner at Sushi Roku (the gf is gonna be pissed) with Edog (busto), Nordberg (busto), Gsmith, and katkin I double up with KQ vs KT against the kid in seat 9 that looks like a healthy Mark Newhouse.

3 hands later I lose 15k with AQ vs J4.

Lovely.

Seat 1 is Matt Brady. Who the fudge is Matt Brady?

I try to see some flops but I have to lay down 77 and AQ preflop against aggressive players like Mr Smokey and some other internet nerds.

Then this hand comes down. I'm on the button and Matt Brady tries to raise from the cut off. He misbets and can only make the minimum raise. I know Mr Smokey is gonna raise it, and he does. I look down at AJ and move all in for 13K. Brady folds and Mr Smokey makes a quick call.

Fuck. How does he wake up with a hand here? He shows AK and I blank out. I'm sure I'm good about 85% of the time in that position. Whatta lucksack.

Oh well, I kinda freerolled the whole thing with my video poker and Edog winnings.

Off to New Orleans next week. Lots of poker in store for me!

JDN

$500 6-handed NLH Caesars Circuit

I find an orange skittle in my pocket while walking through the casino. That's good luck right?

First thing I see when I walk into the pokerroom is an Eskimo lurking for change. We make eye contact, he recognizes me but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know my name.

I make it by him without being asked for money. Sweet. I'm already a winner on this day.

This a 6 handed event. I've flamed out of the last two I played before the first break. Those were at the series and in Tahoe and that was when I was running bad. I'm not running great or even playing decent but... I really wanted to play golf today but there were lightening bolts on my iPhone. So I'm playing poker.

Apparently I just wanted to lose $500 today.

Table 38 seat 3

Table draw!

Seat 1: rwg. Think I've played with him before. He's kinda clueless.
Seat 2: rwg who's a damn know it all
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: Thor Hansen. The dealer already made a joke about his missing hammer.
Seat 6: rbg (random black guy). Trying to bust to play the Venetian because he didn't know it was a 6 handed tourney.

The rbg is a cockroach. He gave all his chips to Thor before I double him up from 300 when my 33 got counterfeited by the board and his J high wins.

Then he gets down to 50, yes 50 chips, and doubles 3 hands in a row with 95 vs AQ, JT vs QQ, and A9 vs JJ.

Aiyeah. He's doubled at least 3 more times but he still only has 1200.

Doubled again up to 3K. Seat 1, a Canadian, has doubled him up 4 times and he's down to 4200.

The Kings of Leon should change the title of their new album to "Songs to Hump By." I'm sitting here with a bunch of guys wanting to get back home for nefarious reasons. Gotta change the tunes.

I limp for 100 with 22 in late position and seat 2 raises it to 500. Everyone folds back to me and since I haven't hit a set in a while, I call.

The flop falls 8 2 9 and I check and he bets 800. I call and check the 3 on the turn. He bets 2500 leaving himself 2000 behind

I put him all in and he calls showing queens. Sweet! Ship it.

20K at break. That skittle I found in my pocket was lucky!

They got 247 players for this tourney. The SCOOP must be over.

A little High on Fire has cured me of my "Leon Boner" and I'm winning hands with my renewed focus.

I participate in this series of texts with Jeremiah early in the 3rd level.

Jeremiah Smith:
Yo homoface just sent you some money on tilt

JDN:
Sweet. Playing the 6 handed. 20k at break.

JS:
What 6 handed???

JDN:
caesars

JS:
Wtf. Thanx for telling me. Woulda loved that.

JDN:
I was gonna golf but here instead. Schedule is online.

JS:
I'm so tilted right now.

JDN:
Self induced?

JS:
By u not telling bout 6max

i hate u

so much

JDN:
You're such a girl

JS:
I would say go blow yourself but i know ur too fat

JDN:
LOL nice one


In the 4th level rbg raises to 750 under the gun. On the button I reraise to 1750 with AK. He calls and the flop is 9h 2h 3c. Check check.

The turn is the 4h and he bets 2700. Hmm, this is not making a lot of sense to me. He usually checks the made hands. But to call the reraise preflop, he's gotta have a decent hand. I basically put him on a JT or better but no pair. I also rule out two hearts. One heart makes more sense.

I got the gut shot draw too. I call the 2700.

The river is the 2s. He bets 4525. Well, that couldn't have helped him. None of this is making sense.

I tank it. Replaying the hand in my head. Nope. No way. Riiight. Nothing is adding up.

I look over at him and he's pulling a chris ferguson. Hands on chin, covering his nose and chin, just staring at me. This is new. Haven't seen this before.

He keeps staring at me. Now with any other player I would take this as a strong hand. But not him.

I call. He shows QT. Gotcha biatch! I show my AK. Minor freak out on the table as I scoop the pot.

I bust a dingleberry when I flop another set at the end of the level. I'm a machine.

47K at 2nd break.

I pretty much just maintain for the next two levels before these two hands happen.

A new seat 2 does not know how to bet preflop. He's betting out 4 and 4.5 times the blind while the rest of the table is betting less than 3 times.

Everyone is waiting to catch him with a 3 bet. So of course it's folded him on the button and he raises to 2300. I look down at QQ and raise to 6500. He calls.

The flop is Ad Jh 2d. He quickly checks outta turn. I bet out 8K sensing weakness and he raises all in. WTF?

I ditch the queens and he shows an ace.

On the very last hand of the level seat 4 moves in under the gun for 7500. It's folded to me in the big blind and I look down at QdJd. They're probably live. I just lost a big pot. I'm on tilt. I call.

He shows AdQc. Blargh. But a jack on the flop wins it for me. Sweet.

30K at dinner break.

I get moved to the table behind me and there are two women at the table. Last two in the tourney.

Then something happens to me that's never happened before. It's folded to me on the button, I raise to 2100 with 94. Standard right? I drop a chip on my cards and as I pull my hand away the edge of the card catches a ridge somewhere in my finger print and flips the cards over.

Wait! What?

The card flips over, the chip drops straight down on top of the 9. My 4 of spades is exposed.

...

So embarrassing.

Everyone laughs. The small blind shows a 3 of clubs and folds. Then the big blind, a woman, who's low in chips, moves in. I have to fold and she shows QJ.

Bah!

Blinds move up to 600/1200 and I'm hovering around 25K.

I pick up kings and everyone folds. Shenanigans!!!

The TDs may have changed the payout structure mid-tournament.

Details to come.

Make another break with 35K. 36 players left.

I get all in for the first time in tournament with AK in the big blind. The lady with all the chips folds AQ face up. Sgghhfsaghhjllkjk!

The pay out structure has been changed from 27 peeps to 24. Bunk. Basically they said that the payouts were for a 9 handed tourney and they had to change it to a 6 handed one.

Makes sense.

The night TDs at Caesars are way better than the morning ones.

I bust the old guy in seat 2 with my hot mess of a A8 vs his K8. Up around 75K.

I make a big call with 2 pair and it's good. Up to 110K.

We redraw at 30 players and I swear to god my cousin Nathan is to my right. Except he's wearing Ed Hardy. Nathan would never wear that... Well, he might.

In the big blind I get moved to another table behind the button. Sweet! Allie Prescott is the only person I know here.

I try and abuse the bubble and I get the cards to do it, but I end up breaking even on the level and finish at the break with 116K.

4th break. I gotta pee.

25 peeps left. We'll be hand for hand when we get back.

Oh momma. On the small blind I decide to 3 bet anyone that raises. Under the gun raises to 6500 and the Ginger to his left calls. I reraise to 19200 with K2. Wait wait! Hear me out.

I know the Ginger doesn't have a big hand and the Asian under the gun will fold AK here.

The Asian folds and the Ginger reluctantly calls. The flop is Q 2 4. He checks and I move in. He quickly folds. Looks like a middle pair to me.

Up to about 140K.

Finally!!! We make the money. I got close to 150K. I think we get $1200 for 24th.

Donk off a bunch of chips to the retarded ginger who called my raise with 76 vs my A6.

58k at the next break. 16 left.

In the 2000/4000 level seat 6 raises under the gun to 1200. I call with 33. Allie calls behind.

The flop falls 9h 3c 3h. Oh. Snap. Bitch. Now how am I going to get any chips outta this?

Seat 6 moves in. Ah! Ha! I call. Way to quickly. Allie shows the Ah 4h and folds. Fudge.

Seat 6, who is a ringer for Tim Meadows, shows Ad 8d.
Ship it this way. Back up to 145k.

I bust seat 2 with TT vs his 66 and we're down to 12. Table redraw. I got 200K.

I like my new seat. I'm in 6 with two big stacks to my right. The first hand is of course raised by the young kid with the beanie to my right. I look down at A5 and make the call.

The flop falls A 3 K. He bets out on the flop for less than half the pot and I call. I also decide to call him down on this hand. He's a solid player, but I've seen him over play a couple of hands. The turn is a 6. He bets half the pot, about 45K. I call.

The river is an 8 and he quickly moves in. What? I got about 125K left. Weird. I tank it. I look at the payouts, 5 minutes to end of the day. Still have a lot of chips if I fold.

I notice that a couple a guys on the rail stand up to watch this hand. They're wearing beanies too. Must be a gang. They're all young.

I ask the kid if that's his backer. He says yes. Pretty sure the little one is Chad Batista. He could be showing off for his backer. He's either got nothing or everything. Smells a little like a bluff, or maybe he even has a K.

If I win this hand I'll be up around 450K. I can fold, play it safe and come back tomorrow.

Fuck it. I call.

He's got a King. And an Ace. Bollocks. Nice hand sir. I muck my cards.

My 1st really horrible read of the day.

Bah. 12th place pays $2K. Not bad for a days work. Even better, I was playing good. Not too tight, aggressive and making spot on reads has me feeling really good about playing some more tournaments at Caesars and beyond.

This is a stepping stone.



JDN

$300 Omaha Hi Lo Day 2 (why is a $300 tournament a 2 event?)

Before the tournament starts up again I take a seat in the bleachers (yes there are bleachers) and proceed to eat a bagel. Grizzly Adams walks up and says, "Having a snack huh?"

I'm reminded of that scene in dumb and dumber where Jim Carey walks out of the 7/11 and up to a group of guys and says, "Big Glups, huh guys?"

Awkward silence followed by, "Ok, see ya later!"

Table 44 seat 1

Table draw:
Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: an older version of grizzly Adams. Turquoise bracelet in tow.
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: younger Asian guy. His voice sounds like he's on helium.
Seat 5: rwg
Seat 6: rwg
Seat 7: random middle aged white lady, our tournament's Tiffany Michelle.
Seat 8: rowg
Seat 9: rwg on the younger side

With blinds at 2400/4800, I'm on the small blind to start and it's folded to me. I raise and take down the big blind. I show A2 as I fold.

It's folded to me on the next hand and I raise and take down the blinds. I show A2 as I fold. This is a set up and it will allow me to open up my range of starting hands as the tournament progresses.

Someone, the dealer or old grizzly Adams smells like old balls. I'm leaning towards the grizz and his beard being the culprit.

I'm crushing the table in the first two levels of play. I'm the only one raising preflop, a lot. Old grizzly Adams is playing back at me with bad hands and I've quartered him a couple of times.

125K and climbing.

I over play QQ against the Asian guys AA. I ship him 30k but he thought he was calling with the worst hand. I like where I am. 90K.

With 12 people left I get moved to the nine seat at the other table. About 98k.

Final table of 10. Technically we need to lose 1 player to make the "real" final table. We're playing 10 handed cause they need to start the other final that runs at 4.

I got about 80K. Jason with the bald head and braves jersey is to my left and both Grizzly Adams are here as well as our faux Tiffany Michelle.

I'm considering buying into the HORSE tournament that starts at 4pm.

I stopped writing down hands because I get completely fucked with 8 people left. I raise to 10k with AA39 and get called by the lady in the small blind and random old dude in the big blind. The lady leads out on a flop of Q 3 5. Old guy calls and I raise. Call call. Turn is a 7 and the lady bets again. The river is an 8. She bets again and the old guy calls. Is there anyway I'm getting half this pot? I call. She turns over KK62 for the 62 low and he shows 367J for two pair. WTF!

I'm down to 15000.

I stand up, knocking over my chair, and head to the registration desk to buy into the horse. But I can't. I was told I could buy in any time in the first level. Its still the first level. I walk over to the TD and she says I can still buy in. I give my ID and cash and ask her to buy me in. I come back to the Omaha table shortly before she returns and she tells me I can't play the HORSE. Its sold out. Fuck you people. You run your tournaments like a 5th grader would. How do you sell out of a tournament when there are 15 open tables.

I take my money back and push my chips all in when I look down at A589. 4 calls and I scope the main pot when two 5s flop.

Somehow the chick manages to lose 60K in chips in about 3 hands and she's out in 8th.

I get it all in with A289 3 diamonds. I get called by the chip leader with A3T6 and after a flop of 2 T 7, I brick out in 7th.

When I cash out, the lady says congratulations. STFU!

At least that covers my ticket I got on the drive out here.

jdn

$300 Omahahaha Hi Lo (that joke is only funny once but I'll continue to beat it to death)

When playing Omaha you need to entertain yourself because its such a boring game. Thank god Monday night football is on.

So instead of recording anything before the first break, I'm going to tell a story from last nights cash game.

The random donks playing the 3/5 game, where cash does not play for some reason, start talking about the main event. A young lady at my table, who's boyfriend went deep, is talking about how she was on tv for a spilt second and how she has become a local celebrity because of it. Random Joe, two to my right, starts talking about how some donkey (ironic, I know) knocked out his friend deep in the main event. The aforementioned girl chimes in, "Was it Jeremiah Smith?"

I LOL 'd so hard I almost fell out of my seat.

Poor Jeremiah. He's like the Rodney Dangerfield of poker. No respect.

5k at break.

I got absolutely brutalized by the 4 of spades on the river in two consecutive hands. I'm kinda bitter about them so I'm not going to recount them here.

Guess I'll do a table draw...

Table 39 seat 1

Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: Jason something. I see him in vegas all the time and he always wears sports jerseys.
Seat 3: gorilla knuckles. I don't know what this guy does for a living but he uses his hands. He's got the most calused knucks I've ever see.
Seat 4: Clueless girl. She's having a hard time playing with 4 cards. She actually said "this is not like the Internet."
Seat 5: completely random white guy
Seat 6: completely random white guy #2
Seat 7: another random whitey
Seat 8: random with a handle bar mustache and some weird googley eyes
Seat 9: and... Another random white guy.

There's never any entertaining personalities in Omaha. Probably because half the field is near death. I'm going back to abberivations for descriptions.

In the 200/400 level I actually win a big hand. I hit the nut flush on the turn in a big 4 way pot. I pray for the board not to pair and it doesn't!!! Holy moley. And...! I get two calls on the river.

I turn over the hand with the Ah 6h 7h and gorilla knuckles shows 5h 8h 9h. The clueless girl shows broadway. That's alotta hearts. Then the dealer mucks my hand. Whoa there motherfucka! I fish my hand out of the muck and get my chips.

Back up to 6k. Starting chips!

Then I get fucked. Again. I got AJ36 on a board of 7 6 6 5 2. Don't worry. My hand is only good for a quarter of the pot.

1600 left in the 300/600 level.

Somehow I make it through the level with 2600. Now we take an hour dinner break. WTF? We just started 4 hours ago. Jeebus.

In the 400/800 level I'm down to 2000 when I see a flop with A36T. It falls 7 4 2 and I get it all in on the turn and called 4 ways. It holds, and I double to 4k. Woot.

I double again in a 4 way limped pot when I hit a straight flush and a wheel with the awesome starting hand if 2s 2h 4d 6d. 8100. Yeah boy!

I sleep through the 800/1600 level and somehow end up with 20Kish at break. Not sure how I got there. I also realize that I've only had 4 hours of sleep in the last 42 hours or so. And I've only eaten a del taco burrito and two tiger's milk bars in that time. This can't be good for me.

I refuse to eat the free food here or eat at the table, so I guess I'm going to starve for a while.

I get moved to table 40 seat 9.

I won't do a table draw but Grizzley Adams is in seat 2 and the Asian Chris Ferguson wearing Andy Bloch's hat is in seat 5.

I scooped a massive pot with 2s 4h Js Jh on a board of 7d 7c 3c Ac Jc. Seat 1 and Asian Chris Ferguson were all in during the 4 way pot. 34K. Snap!

I get moved to a new table and everyone here is rather dull. No new table draw! But there are a lot of chips on the table.

I'm too tired to write any hands down. I flopped two full houses twice and move to another table with about 40K. That's down from my high 49K when I has 2nd best flush and 2nd best low on a paired board with all three players with a flush in a massive 70K pot.

$44,500 at break. 24 players left. 18 pay. Which is stupid. 18th pays $365 for a profit of $35. 1st is 9K. And no ring for the winner. I quit.

We hit the money at 2:45am. Handlebar Mustache guy is the bubble dude. Haha. Clueless Chick is out too. Double haha. 18 players left and I think I'm in 3rd with $70,500. We start tomorrow at 2pm. Hopefully we can get done in time for me to play the HORSE at 4pm.

Sleepy time for JDN.

Nighty night.

$500 WSOPC Lake Tahoe No Limit Hold'em

I wake up at 10am, a lovely 4 hours after I hit the hay at 6am, after another session of fail sleep due to allergies*. This is getting reduckolous. I'm considering cutting my nose off.

I get down to the tournament about 5 min late and buy in. Kinda sparse. Only about 150 peeps.

Table 32 seat 5

I finally get to my table, table numbers aren't visible, (genius, who needs to find their table in a tournament?) and there's someone in my chair. He's involved in a big pot. Those are my chips in there! Holy goat cheese! It's only been 5 min since the tourney started.

The floor gives me his seat on table 33 seat 5. See? Make the table numbers visible and that won't happen.

Ok finally! Table draw:

Seat 1: older guy that looks kinds like George Lucas. My read: he screwed up star wars for everyone.
Seat 2: random middle aged white guy with Hawaiian shirt. My read: pretty solid but he may get drunk. He's already on his second Bourbon and coke.
Seat 3: another non-descript white guy. My read: tight and boring.
Seat 4: middle aged housewife. My read: tight weak and afraid to play.
Seat 5: jdn My read: damn sexy.
Seat 6: really old white guy with shaky banana hands. He's huge. My read: horrid with a capital D! He's got no idea what's going on, always acts outta turn, raises utg with 83 (I guarantee he thought it was 88), and he called down with Js8c on a 2d 2h Qh 4d Kh board vs my AQ. He then says, I forgot what I had.
Seat 7: younger balding white guy. My read: fairly tight but solid. Has a weakness for table talk.
Seat 8: older white guy. My read: he sucks annnnd he's out. He replaced by a very loud young Asian guy with one of those long pinkie finger nails. What's that all about. My dad had one growing up but he used it to pick his nose.
Seat 9: younger white guy. My read: tight and solid, he likes to work out.

The old dude in seat 6 is putting on a show. I'm guessing that as long as I'm sitting next to him most if not all of my updates will involve him.

I'm pretty active in the first two levels. So because of that, I'm a roller coaster. From a starting stack of 7k I drop down to 5000, back up to 8500 and then down to 4000. Mostly due the guy in seat 6. He needs a nickname. Hmm. I'm gonna call him Goofy.

I raise in late position AQ and get called by goofy before the kid in seat 7 ships it in for 1500. I reraise all in for 3500 or so thinking that goofy is going to fold but no. He calls pretty quick.

Broham in seat 7 shows of all things 77. Goofy has Jc8c. Okaaay. The board blanks out and the pair holds up. But since goofy called my 3500 I make money on the hand. I end up 4300ish. Thank you bad player.

A few hands later I get into a pot with who else? Goofy. That's right. I raised on the button with 99 to 650 and get 3 callers. The flop comes Qh 6s 2h. Goofy bets out 500 as seat 2 (aka Bourbon and coke) and I call. The turn is the Jh. Goofy bets 1000, seat 2 folds and I decide to call this guy down. I call as the river falls a black 4. I check with 2k behind and goofy, already with the chips in hand, bet out another 1k. I call. He show the big Ah2d and I open up my nines to take down the pot and nearly double to 9k.

Pretty sure he just saw the colors and thought he had a flush. Oh goofy. You're so silly.

$11,850 at first break.

Why is this door here?

Goofy has the hiccups and seat 2 just ordered another Bourbon and coke

Eek. Only 106 players. 50k prize pool and prob 17k for first. I'll take it!

So sad. Goofy is out. Can't say I didn't see it coming. He shoved all his chips in on the river with 3rd pair and got called.

Bourbon and coke busted too.

And I'm out too. I got seat 3 all in on a flop of 6d Kc Tc. I had Ac 6c and he has Td Ts. With the last T in the deck on the turn I consider ninja staring the dealer with my cards but he mucks them too fast.

I down to 1650 till I look at TT and put it all in. George Lucas moves in and seat 2 calls his stack off. George has KK and Seat 2 has JJ. That means GG for me and I buy into the Omaha tournament at 4.

See ya soon,
JDN

* I had an allergy attack like this once when I lived in Seattle. One day I decided to get out of the house and do something despite my condition. So I went to a comic book convention at Seattle Center.

At the convention I walked around look at various nerd porn and such before I found myself in front of Matt Wagner's (He created the great Grendel book) table. I had a short talk with him and he showed me the designs for the new Jay and Silent Bob figures that he designed. I leaned over to look at the paper in front of me and I a drop of my nose runoff fell right on Jay's face.

The look on Matt's face was that of shear disgust. I tried to play it off and ask for his autograph on a comic. He didn't really want to touch it after I had handled it but he did anyway and I got a signed Grendel from him even if was repulsed by me.

Damn allergies.

My Journey to Lake Tahoe

I get up at the blurry eyed hour of 9:30 to get started on the 8 hour drive from Vegas to South Lake Tahoe. My allergies are killing me, they have been for the last week, allowing me to wake up with a nasty case of cotton mouth.

After the washing the foul taste of dried saliva outta my mouth I hit the road. Barring any unforeseen problems I should make it to Tahoe around 6pm.

Let's roll out!

popping a wheelie in the Subaru

That's snow! WTF?

When I told a few of my peeps that I was driving to Tahoe, the general consensus was that I was an idiot. That's the first time 100% of the popular vote went against me but I was looking to forward to the long lonely road trip. I like them. They help me clear my head. They get me focused. They get me pulled over.

Somewhere about an hour south of Carson City I was following a car pulling a trailer. We were coming down into a valley with a small town. It was lightly raining so I was only going about 73 mph and (I thought) the speed limit was 70.

We passed a sheriff and he immediately turned on the lights and flipped a bitch on us.

"He can't be going after me! Right?" I thought to myself. The guy in front of me is pulling a trailer made out of plywood in the rain. Right???

I test the waters by slowing down and pulling off to the side to let him pass. He pulls along side of me and motions for me to follow him. Fuuuuck.

He finally gets the dude with the trailer over and I parallel park in between them. He walks up to my car, I roll down my window and look up at him. He's big. Linebacker big.

He's ask for my license, proof of insurance, and registration. Wasn't it just license and registration before?

I hand over my info and I suddenly realize that this guy looks like the bad guy from Highlander who played the evil preacher in Carnival! Fuckshit! I'm screwed. This popo rides for the devil. He's immortal!

Clancy Brown aka Officer T. Urso badge# 520 from Yerington NV? I think so.

Of course I don't have my most current insurance card in the car. Bollocks. I'm done I know he's going to bring a sword back here to cut off my head and steal my life juice.

The officer asks me where I'm headed.

"Tahoe." I respond.

"For what?" he continues to inquire.

"Poker." I reply

"Where are you staying?" He persists.

"Harvey's.". WTF? (I didn't say that but I should've.)

"I'll be right back." He says as he walks back to his policia car.

I watch him break out his clip board and start writing up ticket(s). Well the speeding ticket can't be much and the expired insurance car is easily fixable.

Finally he calls me back to his car. Ok I've done these before. In worse places. Arizona. I came out ok then. Even though the midget cop threaten to take me to jail for driving over the speed limit. Arizona can SMD. (Thx epmtyseat88)

I walk up to Evil Highlander's car, he tells me where to stand, and I start shivering. It's fucking 40 degrees out. I stick my hands in my hoodie pockets and start the involuntary shakes as my body tries to combat the cold.

"Take your hands out of your pockets!" He barks. Fuck! Ok they're out. Chill Kurgan!

After he explains the citation (so poor) and I sign the $799 ticket ($67 for speeding and $732 for not having a current insurance card) he asks me where I live. I say Vegas and show him where my new address is on the back of the license.

"Where are you staying tonight?" he asked again.

WTF? We've been through this. I tell him again, "Harvey's."

"Are you on anything?" He continues with the roadside interrogation.

Huh? This catches me off guard.

"Umm... No?" I counter. (btw this is not a good way to respond to a suspicious policeman.)

"Cause your eyes look, off." he says.

"Oh! I've been having really bad allergy attacks for the last week." I reply.

"What are you allergic to?" he continues.

"Everything really. Something was blooming in Vegas recently." I truthfully respond.

"Are you on crack or..." and before he finished I start laughing. Whenever I hear this phrase directed towards me or even near me I giggle. "Don't laugh. Let me finish. Are you on crack cocaine or meth?" He continues.

Holy shitballs! He's serious! I start laughing again. I have to say it, "No I'm not on crack."

"Well there's something going on with your eyes." He continues

"Yeah allergies dude." is he really gonna run with this.

"Can I check your pulse?" he asks.

Where are you going with this buddy? I give in and say, "Sure."

He grabs my right wrist just below my palm on the pinkie side. Ok now you're reaching lawman. The pulse is on the thumb side.

He stands there for a while, staring me down before he remembers to look down at his watch.

"Are you nervous? You have a pulse of 120." he states.

"I'm freezing." I say as my body tries to combat the frostbite developing on my fingers because you don't want me to put my hands in my pockets.

He sizes me up for a bit. Oh man my head is coming clean off. I see him sneering. I'm done. Its over.

He finally tells me to go back to my car and wait for him there. Dude! You already gave me an $800 ticket. What else are you going to ask me? Or are you waiting for the right moment to stab me in the neck?

He let's the guy with the plywood trailer go before he returns his attention to me. Jeebus man! You didn't even look in the plywood rape/kill trailer! You know his mummified mother is in there.

He comes back to my passenger side window and continues to ask about my drug habits.

"Look dude, I don't even drink soda. I'm not a meth head. I have all my teeth." It's all I got. What else can I say to this guy?

"Do you have a history of family heart problems?". The motherfucker keeps going. Is he going to ask for my medical records next? "You should get that checked out." He continues on! Man give it up. Your read was off.

"Drive safely." again! WTF!!!!

Ok I'm outta here? I start the car back up and... I start the car... I start... OMFG! Car won't start!!! What the motherfucking fuck fuck?

The battery is dead. I left the lights on for a half an hour while the douche bag questioned me about my non-existent drug habit.

The trip odometer reset for the first time in the history of the car and the clock is off. I get out of the car and walk back to the officer's car to tell him that my battery is dead.

I wait for the "are you really on drugs" question but he says he'll come back around in a few to see if I'm still there.

The car is half dead. The hazards work but it won't turn over. I let it sit for a couple of minutes, then try again. Still no go.

So I sit there for 15 minutes texting the gf some dirty things to keep me occupied while I watch the Highlander pull over another quota point.

He finally comes back and asks if I want him to push my car with his car, so I can pop the clutch. I say what the hell let's give it a whirl.

Needless to say the Highlander overlooks his hatred of drug users that turn out to be non-drug users and the clutch pops.

I'm outta here, until I hit the next speed limit sign and it says 50mph. I'll take it easy as he decides to follow me through the town of Yerington.

As soon as he flips a bitch on someone else I drop to the peddle to the floor and get the fuck outta there.

I make it to Tahoe in one piece with a Del Taco burrito in my hand as I plan playing at least 1 tournament tomorrow. Possibly 3 tournaments. We'll see. Check back for updates.

JDN

$300 Venetian Deep Stack

Pretty sure last time I played a tourney here I won it. That was back in feb, it was an Omaha tourney, and Jeremiah Smith was almost killed by a falling ceiling tile at the mirage. Ahhh good times.

Table 43 seat 1

When I get to the table the dealer isn't dealing in the absent stacks. Whoa buddy. I tell him that he needs to deal them in and he tries to protest before I shut him down. Of course the rest of the table, who have let him do this for a couple of hands, chime in at this point and back me up. Whatta bunch of donks. He goes on to misdeal the 2nd hand of the tournament 3 times before getting it right.

I like this table.

Table draw!!!

Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: crazy old guy with a deep stack hat. Obv a fan of the Venetian
Seat 5: empty
Seat 6: young white guy that looks like Isaac Haxton on roids.
Seat 7: creepy older guy wearing no less than 15 necklaces, 10 bracletes, a dangley earring, lots of turquoise, and a "it's all good" hat. He also can't remember the blinds and basically shows everyone on his side of the table his cards when he looks at them.
Seat 8: young Asian kid wearing a hat, sunglasses and giant headphones. He has to pull his glasses down to look at his cards and pull his headphones back to hear the raises and calls. It's like playing with Hellen Keller.
Seat 9: empty
Seat 10: mr agressive. definaitely an Internet player.

A rpg sits down in seat 5 and seat 3 reveals himself to be a Canadian. Sly devil.

Seat 9 sneaks in and to everyone surprise, he's a random white guy with brown hair and glasses.

Not much happens in the first two levels. I win two decent pots and lose 1500 with JsJc on a Qd Td 9d flop. Somehow I see the river and call 1k bet from creepy turquoise guy. My read was right, he had 1 diamond but I forgot to factor in the turn and river. A 5 and another 5. He shows the 8d and 5s to take down the pot.

I think I have a recockulous tell on mr agressive. I need to see a couple more hands from him to validate my read.

Creepy turquoise guy doubles through the Canadian in probably one of the worst plays i've ever seen from two players. Needless to say turquoise guy check raises the flop with 2 pair and the Canadian calls with AJ. The turn is the Ac which puts 3 clubs on board and turquoise guy can't get his chips in fast enough. The Canadian calls and I'm quite confused. The 2 pair improve to a full house on the river after the Canadian asks for the board to pair. WTF?

I love my table.

We get a new seat 8 after the deaf, dumb, and blind Asian kid donates his chips to seat 9. I can't tell if seat 8 is a guy or a gal. The frame is def female but his/hers/it's voice is very male. It kinda looks like this lesbian chick I went to high school with. Weird.

12,275 at break. I was completely card dead for levels 2 and 3. But I don't need to push it. The game will come to me. I'm zen. Thanks to 3 very spicy bloodly marys.

Sometimes I get bored and decide to play hands that I shouldn't. Well, I think it would've worked against any other player accept mr agressive. I'm in the small blind and it folded to him on the button and he makes it 600. I had decided to reraise him with anything before the hand is even dealt.

So I looked down at T7 off and reraise him to 1700. He calls pretty quickly and I bet out 2500 on a flop of A 3 J. He calls. Crap. What are the chances he's got an ace? I mean really? The turn is an 8. I got outs. Snap. I bet 3500. He calls. Fucker.

This is the first hand I have played in two levels. Does he think I'm joking? (even though I am). I'm begging for a 9 on the river but it's a jack. Damn. I actually think about pushing my last 6k in. He should be good enough to lay his A6 or whatever down if I shove. Then there's always the off chance he's got a jack.

I'm done with this hand. Hopefully he bets so I don't have to show my embrassassing hand. He checks and shows A9. Thank you kind sir. I muck and pick up some more information on this goofball.

I steam call the next hand with Th 7h. I win the 3 way pot with a board of 8s 7s 3s 3d Ah. Back up to 9K.

The crazy turquoise guy is telling the table about the time he died in a motorcycle accident.

Isaac Haxton on roids just busted creepy turquoise guy with a two-outter on the river. I giggled.

I'm a rollercoaster. At my lowest I was a 4k. Then I worked it up to 25k. Now I'm at 5500.

I lost 40k pot towards the end of the level. Mr agressive raises to 1800 with blinds at 300/600. I call with jacks expecting to be playing the goofball heads up but the guy on the button decides to be a pain and calls. The flop is 3s 8s 9c. I bet out 2500 after the goofball checks and the but just calls. Flush draw? Prob. The turn is a Th. I bet 6K and the diggleberry on the button moves in. I don't give it much thought because I have an open ender now too. So I snap call. He shows T9. Ok I need a 7, Q, or a jack. Thats a lot of outs. Right?

The river is the 7s. Snap ship it. I look back at his hand to double check and low and behold he's got the Ts 9s. Damn it all to hell! Fuck shit!

This knocks me down to 6100.

I fold to the break and go into the 400/800 75 ante level with 5500. I'm under the gun when I get back. Gonna be sticking it in with just about any playable hand.

First hand back I look at Js Ts and let it rip. Its folded around to the goofball who quickly calls with a pair of 8's. With an 8 on the flop I'm drawing thin. The turn and river blank out and I bounce out the front door.

This is getting really brutal. Last I counted I have two cashes since starting this blog. One was a win, which is nice, and the other was in the BARGE main event which is like cashing... well, cashing the BARGE main event. LA Mike on the other hand is 1 for 1 and making me look bad.

To be fair I am playing some tournaments right. I've satellited into all of the big tournaments, even the WSOPE main event. It just doesn't seem like I'm getting any result other fail and sat wins and that is something that needs to change. Next week I'll heading to beautiful Lake Tahoe to play the WSOPC prelims. I'm really going to change my game for these events and just start firing. This playing tight BS is really getting on my damn nerves.

Hopefully we'll get some more post from the LA Mike soon. He can bring some hope to this depressing recount of my poker failings that pokerwtf has become.

JDN

New Orleans WSOPC

New Orleans $5K WOSPC

Jackson Square

I'm not going to lie. Its fucking cold in new orleans. At least in the casino it is. The temperature is so different from outside the casino that Im worried that my lungs will collaspe if I wander in and out too many times during the day.

The Stunning One and Chris... Bell the night before the main event.

Table draw:
Seat 1: The Syringe. This guy left the table for a good half an hour during the first level to get a sangwich but he waited to get back to the table to shoot up his what I'm assuming is his insulin. Never seen that at the poker table.
Seat 2: young buck with a card runners sweatshirt on. He seems to know his shit and plays like he's watched a lot of CR videos.
Seat 3: a complete donk... JDN
Seat 4: random southern white guy
Seat 5: random Asian. Non-sag but total retard. He's exposing hands during play, touching other peoples cards and chips and being an all around moron.
Seat 6: random older southern white guy with two sets of glasses on
Seat 7: The Russian.
Seat 8: random southern white guy
Seat 9: The Stunning One Bill Edler


Hey! I spy John Little! Hope that's really him playing. Rim shot please.

1st break 7k

2nd break. Treading water with 7k.

The Russian calls my river bet with ace high and its good. So poor.

Bill is locking his cup while thinking about his hand. Yuck. I think is an involentary action and he has no idea that he's doing it. I tell him after the hand, which he wins with a gutter ball on the river, that if we're ever in a hand together he absolutely cannot lick his cup. He said, "Oh was I licking my coffee cup?"

"Yes you were. I've seen porno with less tongue in them." I respond.

Shortly there after I ask Bill to make me some change with a 1k chip. I flip the chip to him but the moron in seat 5 grabs it and tries to give me change. I tell him I don't want it from him, I want it from Bill. He asks why he can't give me change and I tell him that he's bad luck.

I tell him to give it to Bill but he won't. He gives Bill the change and Bill sends me 2 $500 chips. Fucking idiot.

I get widdled down to 3k or so in the 3rd level. I limp in late position with KQ off behind a couple of limpers. The moron in seat 5 raises the blind 5x. Ok he's got 99. Seat 1 calls as do I. The flop comes Q 3 5. Seat 1 checks and I ship it. Moron can't get his chips in quick enough has seat 1 folds. I show my KQ and moron shows obvious remorse for calling. He's got TT. Turns is a T and I'm out. I wanted to kick this tard in the teeth for being an annoying moron all day. I thought about the psyhics of jump kicking him over the table but decided to go back to the hotel and beat my GF.

World Series here I come on a down swing.

JDN

Ceasars Circuit Day Two

Play starts again at 2. So I wake up drink some shitty lemonade and play some call of duty. Shooting people always puts me in a good mood and shortly after I head on down to the strip.

Two of the players are wearing suits. Really? You're getting dressed up for the final 15 of a $500 circuit event? Granted I wore my lucky bright orange New Balances but the whole suit thing is a bit overkill.



We start off in the same seats as before with Men to my right and the chip leader to my left. We play a few hands before the shortest stack busts at the other table and we have to balance the tables. The poker gods were on my side today. The big blind at our table is moved to the other one. Good bye Mr. Master. Who says there's no luck in poker? The table is mine and it doesn't take long for me get involved in a hand with the temporary chip leader.

Its folded around to me in the small blind and I make a 2.5x raise (I can't remember what the blinds were) with 9h 5s. The big blind calls and the flop comes 5d As 2d. I bet out, somewhere in the neighborhood of 15k. He calls. The turn is an 8c and I fire out 42k. I remember this amount cause I had to used my 1k chips to make the bet. I was out of 5k ones. He deliberates for a moment before calling. Maybe he has a weak ace but it seems like more of a flush draw. I've played a few blind vs blind hands against him and he is totally capable of reraising the flop with a weak ace.

The river is a 3h and I shove. I'm sticking to my flush draw read, and I may very well have the best hand. He thinks for a while and asks me if I'm on a busted flush draw. He folds. New chip leader with about 260k. During the next hand he says he had an ace. So I have to tell him that he made a good lay down cause I had A5.

A few more short stacks bust and we get down to the final table pretty dang fast. I come to the table 2nd in chips with 319k and the chip leader is two to my left with 340k. Men is in the 9 seat with about 150k and the other good player, Louis Lee, was two to my right with 215k.

The official WSOPC press release on the final table can be read here.

The press release is a little inaccurate. I won 5 of the first 6 hands at the table, busting out the short stack too, and I never lost the chip lead at that point. I didn't have to do a lot. I just kept raising 2.5x the blind and they kept folding.

and Men pushed all in. I fold! AK vs Men's When we got down to 4 I pissed of Men by reraising him two hands in a row preflop with AQ and KK. He said, "You kept raising me with shit..." in his little munchin voice and it made me laugh. For the next few hands he just stares at me, muttering to himself, shooting icey daggers of death into my soul with this beady little eyes. Well, I can stoke this fire a little bit. I min raised Men's big blind from the button with 2s 4s. Small blind reraised and Men moves in. AK vs Men's AQ and he's a goner. Down to 3.

Again it didn't take long for me to get involved in a big pot with the guy 2nd in chips to my left. Blind vs blind again. In the small blind I raise it up with K4 and he calls. With a flop of 2 3 5 I lead out with another bet. He grabs some more chips and I decide to shove if reraises me. Of course he reraises and I put it all in. He asks me if I have AQ and he calls. WTF? top pair? A5? No. He had the ole' Q2 in what is probably one of the worst calls evar. So I need a 4, a 6, an ace or a king to win. Ding! 6 ball on the turn! Its over. The dealer throws a ace on the river for me too. I have a 6 card straight.

Heads up! Its been a while since I won a NL tournament. Probably a Binions one in the August was the last. I got a shirt for that one. At the circuit events they give you rings but they're generic and don't have the tournament engraved on the them. A little weak imo. Venetian at least put the date and tournaments on their trophies.



My opponent was Louis Lee. He was a good player, conservative and maybe a bit too tight, but a good player none the less. I would have preferred to get heads up with the other guy but with a five and a half to one chip lead it didn't matter. I kept telling myself, "Don't pull a Gus, don't pull a Gus." It seemed to work.

He asked if I wanted to talk about a deal but I told him that I don't do deals. He was fine with that. It wouldn't have even made sense to do a save with the chip lead that I had.

Also going in my favor was that I had Louis absolutely convinced that I had no idea what I was doing. When I was moved to the Hollywood Dave table the night before Louis was two to my left. When Dave asked if I played online I responded with, "I don't play much online." Which is mostly true but when he asked me about fold equity, I said, "I don't even know what that means."

A few hand later I pulled what appeared to be a stop and go and Louis mentioned it, telling me I executed it perfectly. Not like its hard to do that but my reply was, "What's a stop and go?"

Again, none of this really mattered at this point because I had 1.2 million to his 240k.

Heads up lasted all of 3 hands. We both folded the small blind once and on the 3rd hand I raised from the button with T9. Louis called and and the flop came T 7 4. I bet out and he called. The turn a 2 and I put him all in. He called pretty quick and I was worried he had a JT or QT. Nope. He had a T7. Oh well. Even if he doubles I still have a million in chips. As the dealer burned a card I stared at the deck. A nine would be nice. 9 of diamonds on the river. Ship it!

Even the dealer was shocked. He didn't want to look at Louis. He didn't even put the card up with the rest of the board. He just left it back by his tray.

Louis was a little dramatic but its too be excepted. I shook his hand. GG sir. GG.



Winner winner chicken dinner. I'm still on this stupid fast so I couldn't celebrate in the normal way and I almost left the ring at the cashier. There would be no dinner with friends. No drinks with Gavin. So I walked down to the Nike Store in the Forum shops and bought 3 new pairs of shoes.

This was one of the weirdest tournaments and weakest fields I've ever played. In retrospect it was the prefect day to play a $500 tournament in the middle of the strip. It was Sunday and all the internet kids would be playing online. There were mostly middle aged men, some of their wives, and tourist playing. I rarely showed a non-all in hand and I'm pretty sure I only opened up a 4 hands between 50k and the win. The last time I was all in preflop was in the 3rd level with AJ vs TT.

I never had any big hands. I only had AA once and KK twice during the whole tournament and all of those hands were won preflop. I only had one full house, when I flopped it against a drunk guy late on day 1 and I can't remember getting a flush at all. I might have had one but I can't remember because I'm light headed from not eating for 4 days. Whatever. A win is a win and 70k is 70k.

Next I'm off to Canada and the River Rock Casino for a couple of small buy in WPT events.

JDN

Las Vegas Ceasars Circuit $500 Tourney

I try wake up at 11am but I'm not feeling that well. I'm in my 3rd day of a master cleanse fast and its usually the worst day of the 10. I lay there complating my day to come. Should I just stay in bed and watch tivo? Or should I get up, take a shower, get dressed, drink my shitty lemonade, and drive all the way down to Ceasars to spend $500 on a tournament that I'll probably last two levels in?

I choose the more painful option of the two and get out of bed.

Table draw:
Seat 1: younger guy. Wearing a Abercombie and Fitch sweat shirt. His bro hawk has molted, probably due to a late night out.
Seat 2: middle aged wife of someone else playing in the tournament. She has giant boobs and her hands shake.
Seat #3: oldtimer with a Hollywood park hat on and a gold watch. Looks to be the savoyest of the group
Seat 4: a younger oldtimer with a turbo swift hat. WTF is that?
Seat 5: older middle aged house wife. Short hair, specticles, 50ish. I bet her husband has a mustache and likes to fish for bass.
Seat 6: empty
Seat 7: possible sag with a receding mini mullet. Sag status not confirmed since shook hands with Allen the chainsaw kessler, the super nit.
Seat 8: non- descript random middle aged white guy
Seat 9: jdn
Seat 10: older guy with track suit and long eyebrow hairs.

Our dealer is officially the slowest shuffler evar.

Breaking news! Bad read on me. Seat 5 is English. She asked the waitress for some water and with apperance of a fanny pack, or a FUPA* pack in this case, her englishness was confirmed.

After the first break I have 5k and seat 6 is filled with another potential sag. A young Asian lady sits down and I can tell by the way she's handling her chips and cards, that's she's a gambler. I'll have to wait and see if she's a sicko.

After the 2nd break I have 6500. Turns out both of my potential sags are pags (passive asain gambler) and my table is one of the tightest ever.

Early in the 3rd level we lose the lady pag and the non-descript middle aged white guy. Shorty after this cat I know, Amir, moves into seat 6 and it makes me wish I brought my head phones. Non-descript white guy was replaced by non-descript balding white guy, who turns out to be a cool guy who donates all his chips to me.

A few hands later I run my queens into the pocket 7s of the oldtimer with the Hollywood Park hat and lose 850.

I win a big pot against long eyebrow hair guy and lose another 1200 to turbo swift when my AJ can't out run his KQ.

I'd been torturing big breasted house wife for most of the tourney and I'm on tilt when she finally moves all in into a limped pot. I announce a tilt call with 73 of hearts. I think I have two live cards... Nope. She's got 77. Drawing dead on the turn. As boobies drags the pot she starts mumbling something and I reply, "you shouldn't complain, you won."

She mutters something about being greedy before she waves me off and the oldtimers and myself have a chuckle.

I lose most of my chips on a board of 9 4 3 all hearts with two black 7s. I had raised preflop and the brohawk in seat 1 called. I led out on the flop and he thought for a while before pushing in. I call pretty quickly and tell him he's only got one heart. He's got QhJc. Brillant play sir. The turn is red. Diamond. Good. River is red. Deuce of hearts. Shit.

Down to about 2500 now and the very next hand I have AJ of spades. I shove and English lady calls with TT. Ace on the turn and I double up. Snap.

Yum. Spicy lemonade.

After the 3rd break we've lost a few people including the oldtimers and big boobies. Turbo swift was replaced by a big guy that we will call Biggie. Biggie liked to play a lot of hands in early position. He also liked to play a lot of hands badly. He had about 22k in front of him and I had somehow amassed a pile of 18k.

He limped in early postion with the blinds at 300/600 with a 75 ante. I called with a9 off in middle position. The small and big blind also called/checked.

The flop fell T Q 8 with two diamonds. The blinds and biggie check. Oh momma I got a gutter ball! I bet out 2500 as the blinds fold and biggie calls. Hmm. He usually leads out with a big hand. (In the previous orbit he had led out in ep with kk against my TT and he shoved on a flop of A K x. I folded pretty quickly as he showed the table marvelous play.) So I didn't think he had a straight or even a Q. The turn comes 7. He checks again. He's gotta have a ten. I fire out 6k. He calls pretty quickly.

The river is an ace of hearts. He makes this bizarre face before checking. WTF was that. Does he have AT? Bugger. I check. He opens up JT. I show my A9 and drag the pot. 40k.

The very next hand biggie limps under the gun. I look down at two jacks and raise it to 2k. Everyone folds to biggie who calls. Flop comes A 7 2. He checks. I'm golden. I check. Turn is another ace. He moves in and I quickly call. He rolls his eyes thinking I have an ace. Nope just jacks. Snap. He shows QT and ships the pot to me. Weeeeeee.

45k at dinner break. I think I'm 2nd in chips.

My table finally gets broken with around 60 players left and I have about 50k. At my new table is someone who I've never met but I know by name. Hollywood Dave. He's a talker folks. He also apparently has his own clothing line with "HD" on everything. Looks like someone has been watching too many Helmuth instructional videos because in addition to the clothing line named after him, he thinks he's the best player at the table and like to berate bad plays.

I know his gf, Tiffany-Michelle aka Hot Chips aka Chopped Liver (inside joke), and she is sweating him from the table behind us. As soon as she introduces us I know he's going to come after me. He's a short guy. Short guys gotta mark their territory, like a dog pissing. Sure enough he raises my first big blind. I know its coming before he does. I fold the hand knowing this is gonna get ugly at some point.

Doesn't take long till we get mixed up in a pot. He raises in early position (I can't remember what level we're at) and I call in late with AT. Everyone else folds. The flop falls K 9 x. He checks. He's got air. I check. The turn is a 4 of hearts putting two hearts on board. He bets out a pot sized bet and I call. The river is another 9 and he checks. He's on bigger air than me. AQ I think. There's only one way I'm winning this pot. All in.

Of course he talks himself through the hand 8 times. Asking if I have a full house or busted flush draw. He finally makes a disgusted fold. Later he said he had KJ but never asked me what I had. AQ for sure.

The best thing about bad players that think they're good is that they'll lay down hands. Bad players that have no clue won't lay hands down.

We get down to 47, with 45 paying, I decide to try and abuse the bubble. To say it was successful is an understatement. I went from 55Kish to 85K with out seeing a turn card. Saw two flops with KQ and KJ and hit a K on both to pick them up. I made a preflop raise on average of 3.5 times an orbit and no one reraised. This game is easy.

Once we are down to 45 we redraw. To my left... Men "The Master" Nguyen. Did you know he wears heels? See the grainy cell phone picture below.

1am.

20 players left. I have 145k. I haven't shown a non all in hand since I was at 50k.

Play ends at 2am. I have $185,500 and that’s good for second place. I was up to $254,000 but I donated some chips to “The Master” is a blind vs blind hand that I played horridly. Oh well I’m in good shape. 15 players come back tomorrow for the final two tables. Time for sleep.

JDN

*FUPA is a Fat Upper Pussy Area