My Journey to Lake Tahoe

I get up at the blurry eyed hour of 9:30 to get started on the 8 hour drive from Vegas to South Lake Tahoe. My allergies are killing me, they have been for the last week, allowing me to wake up with a nasty case of cotton mouth.

After the washing the foul taste of dried saliva outta my mouth I hit the road. Barring any unforeseen problems I should make it to Tahoe around 6pm.

Let's roll out!

popping a wheelie in the Subaru

That's snow! WTF?

When I told a few of my peeps that I was driving to Tahoe, the general consensus was that I was an idiot. That's the first time 100% of the popular vote went against me but I was looking to forward to the long lonely road trip. I like them. They help me clear my head. They get me focused. They get me pulled over.

Somewhere about an hour south of Carson City I was following a car pulling a trailer. We were coming down into a valley with a small town. It was lightly raining so I was only going about 73 mph and (I thought) the speed limit was 70.

We passed a sheriff and he immediately turned on the lights and flipped a bitch on us.

"He can't be going after me! Right?" I thought to myself. The guy in front of me is pulling a trailer made out of plywood in the rain. Right???

I test the waters by slowing down and pulling off to the side to let him pass. He pulls along side of me and motions for me to follow him. Fuuuuck.

He finally gets the dude with the trailer over and I parallel park in between them. He walks up to my car, I roll down my window and look up at him. He's big. Linebacker big.

He's ask for my license, proof of insurance, and registration. Wasn't it just license and registration before?

I hand over my info and I suddenly realize that this guy looks like the bad guy from Highlander who played the evil preacher in Carnival! Fuckshit! I'm screwed. This popo rides for the devil. He's immortal!

Clancy Brown aka Officer T. Urso badge# 520 from Yerington NV? I think so.

Of course I don't have my most current insurance card in the car. Bollocks. I'm done I know he's going to bring a sword back here to cut off my head and steal my life juice.

The officer asks me where I'm headed.

"Tahoe." I respond.

"For what?" he continues to inquire.

"Poker." I reply

"Where are you staying?" He persists.

"Harvey's.". WTF? (I didn't say that but I should've.)

"I'll be right back." He says as he walks back to his policia car.

I watch him break out his clip board and start writing up ticket(s). Well the speeding ticket can't be much and the expired insurance car is easily fixable.

Finally he calls me back to his car. Ok I've done these before. In worse places. Arizona. I came out ok then. Even though the midget cop threaten to take me to jail for driving over the speed limit. Arizona can SMD. (Thx epmtyseat88)

I walk up to Evil Highlander's car, he tells me where to stand, and I start shivering. It's fucking 40 degrees out. I stick my hands in my hoodie pockets and start the involuntary shakes as my body tries to combat the cold.

"Take your hands out of your pockets!" He barks. Fuck! Ok they're out. Chill Kurgan!

After he explains the citation (so poor) and I sign the $799 ticket ($67 for speeding and $732 for not having a current insurance card) he asks me where I live. I say Vegas and show him where my new address is on the back of the license.

"Where are you staying tonight?" he asked again.

WTF? We've been through this. I tell him again, "Harvey's."

"Are you on anything?" He continues with the roadside interrogation.

Huh? This catches me off guard.

"Umm... No?" I counter. (btw this is not a good way to respond to a suspicious policeman.)

"Cause your eyes look, off." he says.

"Oh! I've been having really bad allergy attacks for the last week." I reply.

"What are you allergic to?" he continues.

"Everything really. Something was blooming in Vegas recently." I truthfully respond.

"Are you on crack or..." and before he finished I start laughing. Whenever I hear this phrase directed towards me or even near me I giggle. "Don't laugh. Let me finish. Are you on crack cocaine or meth?" He continues.

Holy shitballs! He's serious! I start laughing again. I have to say it, "No I'm not on crack."

"Well there's something going on with your eyes." He continues

"Yeah allergies dude." is he really gonna run with this.

"Can I check your pulse?" he asks.

Where are you going with this buddy? I give in and say, "Sure."

He grabs my right wrist just below my palm on the pinkie side. Ok now you're reaching lawman. The pulse is on the thumb side.

He stands there for a while, staring me down before he remembers to look down at his watch.

"Are you nervous? You have a pulse of 120." he states.

"I'm freezing." I say as my body tries to combat the frostbite developing on my fingers because you don't want me to put my hands in my pockets.

He sizes me up for a bit. Oh man my head is coming clean off. I see him sneering. I'm done. Its over.

He finally tells me to go back to my car and wait for him there. Dude! You already gave me an $800 ticket. What else are you going to ask me? Or are you waiting for the right moment to stab me in the neck?

He let's the guy with the plywood trailer go before he returns his attention to me. Jeebus man! You didn't even look in the plywood rape/kill trailer! You know his mummified mother is in there.

He comes back to my passenger side window and continues to ask about my drug habits.

"Look dude, I don't even drink soda. I'm not a meth head. I have all my teeth." It's all I got. What else can I say to this guy?

"Do you have a history of family heart problems?". The motherfucker keeps going. Is he going to ask for my medical records next? "You should get that checked out." He continues on! Man give it up. Your read was off.

"Drive safely." again! WTF!!!!

Ok I'm outta here? I start the car back up and... I start the car... I start... OMFG! Car won't start!!! What the motherfucking fuck fuck?

The battery is dead. I left the lights on for a half an hour while the douche bag questioned me about my non-existent drug habit.

The trip odometer reset for the first time in the history of the car and the clock is off. I get out of the car and walk back to the officer's car to tell him that my battery is dead.

I wait for the "are you really on drugs" question but he says he'll come back around in a few to see if I'm still there.

The car is half dead. The hazards work but it won't turn over. I let it sit for a couple of minutes, then try again. Still no go.

So I sit there for 15 minutes texting the gf some dirty things to keep me occupied while I watch the Highlander pull over another quota point.

He finally comes back and asks if I want him to push my car with his car, so I can pop the clutch. I say what the hell let's give it a whirl.

Needless to say the Highlander overlooks his hatred of drug users that turn out to be non-drug users and the clutch pops.

I'm outta here, until I hit the next speed limit sign and it says 50mph. I'll take it easy as he decides to follow me through the town of Yerington.

As soon as he flips a bitch on someone else I drop to the peddle to the floor and get the fuck outta there.

I make it to Tahoe in one piece with a Del Taco burrito in my hand as I plan playing at least 1 tournament tomorrow. Possibly 3 tournaments. We'll see. Check back for updates.

JDN