Before the tournament starts up again I take a seat in the bleachers (yes there are bleachers) and proceed to eat a bagel. Grizzly Adams walks up and says, "Having a snack huh?"
I'm reminded of that scene in dumb and dumber where Jim Carey walks out of the 7/11 and up to a group of guys and says, "Big Glups, huh guys?"
Awkward silence followed by, "Ok, see ya later!"
Table 44 seat 1
Table draw:
Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: an older version of grizzly Adams. Turquoise bracelet in tow.
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: younger Asian guy. His voice sounds like he's on helium.
Seat 5: rwg
Seat 6: rwg
Seat 7: random middle aged white lady, our tournament's Tiffany Michelle.
Seat 8: rowg
Seat 9: rwg on the younger side
With blinds at 2400/4800, I'm on the small blind to start and it's folded to me. I raise and take down the big blind. I show A2 as I fold.
It's folded to me on the next hand and I raise and take down the blinds. I show A2 as I fold. This is a set up and it will allow me to open up my range of starting hands as the tournament progresses.
Someone, the dealer or old grizzly Adams smells like old balls. I'm leaning towards the grizz and his beard being the culprit.
I'm crushing the table in the first two levels of play. I'm the only one raising preflop, a lot. Old grizzly Adams is playing back at me with bad hands and I've quartered him a couple of times.
125K and climbing.
I over play QQ against the Asian guys AA. I ship him 30k but he thought he was calling with the worst hand. I like where I am. 90K.
With 12 people left I get moved to the nine seat at the other table. About 98k.
Final table of 10. Technically we need to lose 1 player to make the "real" final table. We're playing 10 handed cause they need to start the other final that runs at 4.
I got about 80K. Jason with the bald head and braves jersey is to my left and both Grizzly Adams are here as well as our faux Tiffany Michelle.
I'm considering buying into the HORSE tournament that starts at 4pm.
I stopped writing down hands because I get completely fucked with 8 people left. I raise to 10k with AA39 and get called by the lady in the small blind and random old dude in the big blind. The lady leads out on a flop of Q 3 5. Old guy calls and I raise. Call call. Turn is a 7 and the lady bets again. The river is an 8. She bets again and the old guy calls. Is there anyway I'm getting half this pot? I call. She turns over KK62 for the 62 low and he shows 367J for two pair. WTF!
I'm down to 15000.
I stand up, knocking over my chair, and head to the registration desk to buy into the horse. But I can't. I was told I could buy in any time in the first level. Its still the first level. I walk over to the TD and she says I can still buy in. I give my ID and cash and ask her to buy me in. I come back to the Omaha table shortly before she returns and she tells me I can't play the HORSE. Its sold out. Fuck you people. You run your tournaments like a 5th grader would. How do you sell out of a tournament when there are 15 open tables.
I take my money back and push my chips all in when I look down at A589. 4 calls and I scope the main pot when two 5s flop.
Somehow the chick manages to lose 60K in chips in about 3 hands and she's out in 8th.
I get it all in with A289 3 diamonds. I get called by the chip leader with A3T6 and after a flop of 2 T 7, I brick out in 7th.
When I cash out, the lady says congratulations. STFU!
At least that covers my ticket I got on the drive out here.
jdn
Showing posts with label Lake Tahoe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lake Tahoe. Show all posts
11.11.2008
$300 Omahahaha Hi Lo (that joke is only funny once but I'll continue to beat it to death)
When playing Omaha you need to entertain yourself because its such a boring game. Thank god Monday night football is on.
So instead of recording anything before the first break, I'm going to tell a story from last nights cash game.
The random donks playing the 3/5 game, where cash does not play for some reason, start talking about the main event. A young lady at my table, who's boyfriend went deep, is talking about how she was on tv for a spilt second and how she has become a local celebrity because of it. Random Joe, two to my right, starts talking about how some donkey (ironic, I know) knocked out his friend deep in the main event. The aforementioned girl chimes in, "Was it Jeremiah Smith?"
I LOL 'd so hard I almost fell out of my seat.
Poor Jeremiah. He's like the Rodney Dangerfield of poker. No respect.
5k at break.
I got absolutely brutalized by the 4 of spades on the river in two consecutive hands. I'm kinda bitter about them so I'm not going to recount them here.
Guess I'll do a table draw...
Table 39 seat 1
Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: Jason something. I see him in vegas all the time and he always wears sports jerseys.
Seat 3: gorilla knuckles. I don't know what this guy does for a living but he uses his hands. He's got the most calused knucks I've ever see.
Seat 4: Clueless girl. She's having a hard time playing with 4 cards. She actually said "this is not like the Internet."
Seat 5: completely random white guy
Seat 6: completely random white guy #2
Seat 7: another random whitey
Seat 8: random with a handle bar mustache and some weird googley eyes
Seat 9: and... Another random white guy.
There's never any entertaining personalities in Omaha. Probably because half the field is near death. I'm going back to abberivations for descriptions.
In the 200/400 level I actually win a big hand. I hit the nut flush on the turn in a big 4 way pot. I pray for the board not to pair and it doesn't!!! Holy moley. And...! I get two calls on the river.
I turn over the hand with the Ah 6h 7h and gorilla knuckles shows 5h 8h 9h. The clueless girl shows broadway. That's alotta hearts. Then the dealer mucks my hand. Whoa there motherfucka! I fish my hand out of the muck and get my chips.
Back up to 6k. Starting chips!
Then I get fucked. Again. I got AJ36 on a board of 7 6 6 5 2. Don't worry. My hand is only good for a quarter of the pot.
1600 left in the 300/600 level.
Somehow I make it through the level with 2600. Now we take an hour dinner break. WTF? We just started 4 hours ago. Jeebus.
In the 400/800 level I'm down to 2000 when I see a flop with A36T. It falls 7 4 2 and I get it all in on the turn and called 4 ways. It holds, and I double to 4k. Woot.
I double again in a 4 way limped pot when I hit a straight flush and a wheel with the awesome starting hand if 2s 2h 4d 6d. 8100. Yeah boy!
I sleep through the 800/1600 level and somehow end up with 20Kish at break. Not sure how I got there. I also realize that I've only had 4 hours of sleep in the last 42 hours or so. And I've only eaten a del taco burrito and two tiger's milk bars in that time. This can't be good for me.
I refuse to eat the free food here or eat at the table, so I guess I'm going to starve for a while.
I get moved to table 40 seat 9.
I won't do a table draw but Grizzley Adams is in seat 2 and the Asian Chris Ferguson wearing Andy Bloch's hat is in seat 5.
I scooped a massive pot with 2s 4h Js Jh on a board of 7d 7c 3c Ac Jc. Seat 1 and Asian Chris Ferguson were all in during the 4 way pot. 34K. Snap!
I get moved to a new table and everyone here is rather dull. No new table draw! But there are a lot of chips on the table.
I'm too tired to write any hands down. I flopped two full houses twice and move to another table with about 40K. That's down from my high 49K when I has 2nd best flush and 2nd best low on a paired board with all three players with a flush in a massive 70K pot.
$44,500 at break. 24 players left. 18 pay. Which is stupid. 18th pays $365 for a profit of $35. 1st is 9K. And no ring for the winner. I quit.
We hit the money at 2:45am. Handlebar Mustache guy is the bubble dude. Haha. Clueless Chick is out too. Double haha. 18 players left and I think I'm in 3rd with $70,500. We start tomorrow at 2pm. Hopefully we can get done in time for me to play the HORSE at 4pm.
Sleepy time for JDN.
Nighty night.
So instead of recording anything before the first break, I'm going to tell a story from last nights cash game.
The random donks playing the 3/5 game, where cash does not play for some reason, start talking about the main event. A young lady at my table, who's boyfriend went deep, is talking about how she was on tv for a spilt second and how she has become a local celebrity because of it. Random Joe, two to my right, starts talking about how some donkey (ironic, I know) knocked out his friend deep in the main event. The aforementioned girl chimes in, "Was it Jeremiah Smith?"
I LOL 'd so hard I almost fell out of my seat.
Poor Jeremiah. He's like the Rodney Dangerfield of poker. No respect.
5k at break.
I got absolutely brutalized by the 4 of spades on the river in two consecutive hands. I'm kinda bitter about them so I'm not going to recount them here.
Guess I'll do a table draw...
Table 39 seat 1
Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: Jason something. I see him in vegas all the time and he always wears sports jerseys.
Seat 3: gorilla knuckles. I don't know what this guy does for a living but he uses his hands. He's got the most calused knucks I've ever see.
Seat 4: Clueless girl. She's having a hard time playing with 4 cards. She actually said "this is not like the Internet."
Seat 5: completely random white guy
Seat 6: completely random white guy #2
Seat 7: another random whitey
Seat 8: random with a handle bar mustache and some weird googley eyes
Seat 9: and... Another random white guy.
There's never any entertaining personalities in Omaha. Probably because half the field is near death. I'm going back to abberivations for descriptions.
In the 200/400 level I actually win a big hand. I hit the nut flush on the turn in a big 4 way pot. I pray for the board not to pair and it doesn't!!! Holy moley. And...! I get two calls on the river.
I turn over the hand with the Ah 6h 7h and gorilla knuckles shows 5h 8h 9h. The clueless girl shows broadway. That's alotta hearts. Then the dealer mucks my hand. Whoa there motherfucka! I fish my hand out of the muck and get my chips.
Back up to 6k. Starting chips!
Then I get fucked. Again. I got AJ36 on a board of 7 6 6 5 2. Don't worry. My hand is only good for a quarter of the pot.
1600 left in the 300/600 level.
Somehow I make it through the level with 2600. Now we take an hour dinner break. WTF? We just started 4 hours ago. Jeebus.
In the 400/800 level I'm down to 2000 when I see a flop with A36T. It falls 7 4 2 and I get it all in on the turn and called 4 ways. It holds, and I double to 4k. Woot.
I double again in a 4 way limped pot when I hit a straight flush and a wheel with the awesome starting hand if 2s 2h 4d 6d. 8100. Yeah boy!
I sleep through the 800/1600 level and somehow end up with 20Kish at break. Not sure how I got there. I also realize that I've only had 4 hours of sleep in the last 42 hours or so. And I've only eaten a del taco burrito and two tiger's milk bars in that time. This can't be good for me.
I refuse to eat the free food here or eat at the table, so I guess I'm going to starve for a while.
I get moved to table 40 seat 9.
I won't do a table draw but Grizzley Adams is in seat 2 and the Asian Chris Ferguson wearing Andy Bloch's hat is in seat 5.
I scooped a massive pot with 2s 4h Js Jh on a board of 7d 7c 3c Ac Jc. Seat 1 and Asian Chris Ferguson were all in during the 4 way pot. 34K. Snap!
I get moved to a new table and everyone here is rather dull. No new table draw! But there are a lot of chips on the table.
I'm too tired to write any hands down. I flopped two full houses twice and move to another table with about 40K. That's down from my high 49K when I has 2nd best flush and 2nd best low on a paired board with all three players with a flush in a massive 70K pot.
$44,500 at break. 24 players left. 18 pay. Which is stupid. 18th pays $365 for a profit of $35. 1st is 9K. And no ring for the winner. I quit.
We hit the money at 2:45am. Handlebar Mustache guy is the bubble dude. Haha. Clueless Chick is out too. Double haha. 18 players left and I think I'm in 3rd with $70,500. We start tomorrow at 2pm. Hopefully we can get done in time for me to play the HORSE at 4pm.
Sleepy time for JDN.
Nighty night.
11.10.2008
$500 WSOPC Lake Tahoe No Limit Hold'em
I wake up at 10am, a lovely 4 hours after I hit the hay at 6am, after another session of fail sleep due to allergies*. This is getting reduckolous. I'm considering cutting my nose off.
I get down to the tournament about 5 min late and buy in. Kinda sparse. Only about 150 peeps.
Table 32 seat 5
I finally get to my table, table numbers aren't visible, (genius, who needs to find their table in a tournament?) and there's someone in my chair. He's involved in a big pot. Those are my chips in there! Holy goat cheese! It's only been 5 min since the tourney started.
The floor gives me his seat on table 33 seat 5. See? Make the table numbers visible and that won't happen.
Ok finally! Table draw:
Seat 1: older guy that looks kinds like George Lucas. My read: he screwed up star wars for everyone.
Seat 2: random middle aged white guy with Hawaiian shirt. My read: pretty solid but he may get drunk. He's already on his second Bourbon and coke.
Seat 3: another non-descript white guy. My read: tight and boring.
Seat 4: middle aged housewife. My read: tight weak and afraid to play.
Seat 5: jdn My read: damn sexy.
Seat 6: really old white guy with shaky banana hands. He's huge. My read: horrid with a capital D! He's got no idea what's going on, always acts outta turn, raises utg with 83 (I guarantee he thought it was 88), and he called down with Js8c on a 2d 2h Qh 4d Kh board vs my AQ. He then says, I forgot what I had.
Seat 7: younger balding white guy. My read: fairly tight but solid. Has a weakness for table talk.
Seat 8: older white guy. My read: he sucks annnnd he's out. He replaced by a very loud young Asian guy with one of those long pinkie finger nails. What's that all about. My dad had one growing up but he used it to pick his nose.
Seat 9: younger white guy. My read: tight and solid, he likes to work out.
The old dude in seat 6 is putting on a show. I'm guessing that as long as I'm sitting next to him most if not all of my updates will involve him.
I'm pretty active in the first two levels. So because of that, I'm a roller coaster. From a starting stack of 7k I drop down to 5000, back up to 8500 and then down to 4000. Mostly due the guy in seat 6. He needs a nickname. Hmm. I'm gonna call him Goofy.
I raise in late position AQ and get called by goofy before the kid in seat 7 ships it in for 1500. I reraise all in for 3500 or so thinking that goofy is going to fold but no. He calls pretty quick.
Broham in seat 7 shows of all things 77. Goofy has Jc8c. Okaaay. The board blanks out and the pair holds up. But since goofy called my 3500 I make money on the hand. I end up 4300ish. Thank you bad player.
A few hands later I get into a pot with who else? Goofy. That's right. I raised on the button with 99 to 650 and get 3 callers. The flop comes Qh 6s 2h. Goofy bets out 500 as seat 2 (aka Bourbon and coke) and I call. The turn is the Jh. Goofy bets 1000, seat 2 folds and I decide to call this guy down. I call as the river falls a black 4. I check with 2k behind and goofy, already with the chips in hand, bet out another 1k. I call. He show the big Ah2d and I open up my nines to take down the pot and nearly double to 9k.
Pretty sure he just saw the colors and thought he had a flush. Oh goofy. You're so silly.
$11,850 at first break.
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Goofy has the hiccups and seat 2 just ordered another Bourbon and coke
Eek. Only 106 players. 50k prize pool and prob 17k for first. I'll take it!
So sad. Goofy is out. Can't say I didn't see it coming. He shoved all his chips in on the river with 3rd pair and got called.
Bourbon and coke busted too.
And I'm out too. I got seat 3 all in on a flop of 6d Kc Tc. I had Ac 6c and he has Td Ts. With the last T in the deck on the turn I consider ninja staring the dealer with my cards but he mucks them too fast.
I down to 1650 till I look at TT and put it all in. George Lucas moves in and seat 2 calls his stack off. George has KK and Seat 2 has JJ. That means GG for me and I buy into the Omaha tournament at 4.
See ya soon,
JDN
* I had an allergy attack like this once when I lived in Seattle. One day I decided to get out of the house and do something despite my condition. So I went to a comic book convention at Seattle Center.
At the convention I walked around look at various nerd porn and such before I found myself in front of Matt Wagner's (He created the great Grendel book) table. I had a short talk with him and he showed me the designs for the new Jay and Silent Bob figures that he designed. I leaned over to look at the paper in front of me and I a drop of my nose runoff fell right on Jay's face.
The look on Matt's face was that of shear disgust. I tried to play it off and ask for his autograph on a comic. He didn't really want to touch it after I had handled it but he did anyway and I got a signed Grendel from him even if was repulsed by me.
Damn allergies.
I get down to the tournament about 5 min late and buy in. Kinda sparse. Only about 150 peeps.
Table 32 seat 5
I finally get to my table, table numbers aren't visible, (genius, who needs to find their table in a tournament?) and there's someone in my chair. He's involved in a big pot. Those are my chips in there! Holy goat cheese! It's only been 5 min since the tourney started.
The floor gives me his seat on table 33 seat 5. See? Make the table numbers visible and that won't happen.
Ok finally! Table draw:
Seat 1: older guy that looks kinds like George Lucas. My read: he screwed up star wars for everyone.
Seat 2: random middle aged white guy with Hawaiian shirt. My read: pretty solid but he may get drunk. He's already on his second Bourbon and coke.
Seat 3: another non-descript white guy. My read: tight and boring.
Seat 4: middle aged housewife. My read: tight weak and afraid to play.
Seat 5: jdn My read: damn sexy.
Seat 6: really old white guy with shaky banana hands. He's huge. My read: horrid with a capital D! He's got no idea what's going on, always acts outta turn, raises utg with 83 (I guarantee he thought it was 88), and he called down with Js8c on a 2d 2h Qh 4d Kh board vs my AQ. He then says, I forgot what I had.
Seat 7: younger balding white guy. My read: fairly tight but solid. Has a weakness for table talk.
Seat 8: older white guy. My read: he sucks annnnd he's out. He replaced by a very loud young Asian guy with one of those long pinkie finger nails. What's that all about. My dad had one growing up but he used it to pick his nose.
Seat 9: younger white guy. My read: tight and solid, he likes to work out.
The old dude in seat 6 is putting on a show. I'm guessing that as long as I'm sitting next to him most if not all of my updates will involve him.
I'm pretty active in the first two levels. So because of that, I'm a roller coaster. From a starting stack of 7k I drop down to 5000, back up to 8500 and then down to 4000. Mostly due the guy in seat 6. He needs a nickname. Hmm. I'm gonna call him Goofy.
I raise in late position AQ and get called by goofy before the kid in seat 7 ships it in for 1500. I reraise all in for 3500 or so thinking that goofy is going to fold but no. He calls pretty quick.
Broham in seat 7 shows of all things 77. Goofy has Jc8c. Okaaay. The board blanks out and the pair holds up. But since goofy called my 3500 I make money on the hand. I end up 4300ish. Thank you bad player.
A few hands later I get into a pot with who else? Goofy. That's right. I raised on the button with 99 to 650 and get 3 callers. The flop comes Qh 6s 2h. Goofy bets out 500 as seat 2 (aka Bourbon and coke) and I call. The turn is the Jh. Goofy bets 1000, seat 2 folds and I decide to call this guy down. I call as the river falls a black 4. I check with 2k behind and goofy, already with the chips in hand, bet out another 1k. I call. He show the big Ah2d and I open up my nines to take down the pot and nearly double to 9k.
Pretty sure he just saw the colors and thought he had a flush. Oh goofy. You're so silly.
$11,850 at first break.
Why is this door here?
Goofy has the hiccups and seat 2 just ordered another Bourbon and coke
Eek. Only 106 players. 50k prize pool and prob 17k for first. I'll take it!
So sad. Goofy is out. Can't say I didn't see it coming. He shoved all his chips in on the river with 3rd pair and got called.
Bourbon and coke busted too.
And I'm out too. I got seat 3 all in on a flop of 6d Kc Tc. I had Ac 6c and he has Td Ts. With the last T in the deck on the turn I consider ninja staring the dealer with my cards but he mucks them too fast.
I down to 1650 till I look at TT and put it all in. George Lucas moves in and seat 2 calls his stack off. George has KK and Seat 2 has JJ. That means GG for me and I buy into the Omaha tournament at 4.
See ya soon,
JDN
* I had an allergy attack like this once when I lived in Seattle. One day I decided to get out of the house and do something despite my condition. So I went to a comic book convention at Seattle Center.
At the convention I walked around look at various nerd porn and such before I found myself in front of Matt Wagner's (He created the great Grendel book) table. I had a short talk with him and he showed me the designs for the new Jay and Silent Bob figures that he designed. I leaned over to look at the paper in front of me and I a drop of my nose runoff fell right on Jay's face.
The look on Matt's face was that of shear disgust. I tried to play it off and ask for his autograph on a comic. He didn't really want to touch it after I had handled it but he did anyway and I got a signed Grendel from him even if was repulsed by me.
Damn allergies.
My Journey to Lake Tahoe
I get up at the blurry eyed hour of 9:30 to get started on the 8 hour drive from Vegas to South Lake Tahoe. My allergies are killing me, they have been for the last week, allowing me to wake up with a nasty case of cotton mouth.
After the washing the foul taste of dried saliva outta my mouth I hit the road. Barring any unforeseen problems I should make it to Tahoe around 6pm.
Let's roll out!
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When I told a few of my peeps that I was driving to Tahoe, the general consensus was that I was an idiot. That's the first time 100% of the popular vote went against me but I was looking to forward to the long lonely road trip. I like them. They help me clear my head. They get me focused. They get me pulled over.
Somewhere about an hour south of Carson City I was following a car pulling a trailer. We were coming down into a valley with a small town. It was lightly raining so I was only going about 73 mph and (I thought) the speed limit was 70.
We passed a sheriff and he immediately turned on the lights and flipped a bitch on us.
"He can't be going after me! Right?" I thought to myself. The guy in front of me is pulling a trailer made out of plywood in the rain. Right???
I test the waters by slowing down and pulling off to the side to let him pass. He pulls along side of me and motions for me to follow him. Fuuuuck.
He finally gets the dude with the trailer over and I parallel park in between them. He walks up to my car, I roll down my window and look up at him. He's big. Linebacker big.
He's ask for my license, proof of insurance, and registration. Wasn't it just license and registration before?
I hand over my info and I suddenly realize that this guy looks like the bad guy from Highlander who played the evil preacher in Carnival! Fuckshit! I'm screwed. This popo rides for the devil. He's immortal!
Of course I don't have my most current insurance card in the car. Bollocks. I'm done I know he's going to bring a sword back here to cut off my head and steal my life juice.
The officer asks me where I'm headed.
"Tahoe." I respond.
"For what?" he continues to inquire.
"Poker." I reply
"Where are you staying?" He persists.
"Harvey's.". WTF? (I didn't say that but I should've.)
"I'll be right back." He says as he walks back to his policia car.
I watch him break out his clip board and start writing up ticket(s). Well the speeding ticket can't be much and the expired insurance car is easily fixable.
Finally he calls me back to his car. Ok I've done these before. In worse places. Arizona. I came out ok then. Even though the midget cop threaten to take me to jail for driving over the speed limit. Arizona can SMD. (Thx epmtyseat88)
I walk up to Evil Highlander's car, he tells me where to stand, and I start shivering. It's fucking 40 degrees out. I stick my hands in my hoodie pockets and start the involuntary shakes as my body tries to combat the cold.
"Take your hands out of your pockets!" He barks. Fuck! Ok they're out. Chill Kurgan!
After he explains the citation (so poor) and I sign the $799 ticket ($67 for speeding and $732 for not having a current insurance card) he asks me where I live. I say Vegas and show him where my new address is on the back of the license.
"Where are you staying tonight?" he asked again.
WTF? We've been through this. I tell him again, "Harvey's."
"Are you on anything?" He continues with the roadside interrogation.
Huh? This catches me off guard.
"Umm... No?" I counter. (btw this is not a good way to respond to a suspicious policeman.)
"Cause your eyes look, off." he says.
"Oh! I've been having really bad allergy attacks for the last week." I reply.
"What are you allergic to?" he continues.
"Everything really. Something was blooming in Vegas recently." I truthfully respond.
"Are you on crack or..." and before he finished I start laughing. Whenever I hear this phrase directed towards me or even near me I giggle. "Don't laugh. Let me finish. Are you on crack cocaine or meth?" He continues.
Holy shitballs! He's serious! I start laughing again. I have to say it, "No I'm not on crack."
"Well there's something going on with your eyes." He continues
"Yeah allergies dude." is he really gonna run with this.
"Can I check your pulse?" he asks.
Where are you going with this buddy? I give in and say, "Sure."
He grabs my right wrist just below my palm on the pinkie side. Ok now you're reaching lawman. The pulse is on the thumb side.
He stands there for a while, staring me down before he remembers to look down at his watch.
"Are you nervous? You have a pulse of 120." he states.
"I'm freezing." I say as my body tries to combat the frostbite developing on my fingers because you don't want me to put my hands in my pockets.
He sizes me up for a bit. Oh man my head is coming clean off. I see him sneering. I'm done. Its over.
He finally tells me to go back to my car and wait for him there. Dude! You already gave me an $800 ticket. What else are you going to ask me? Or are you waiting for the right moment to stab me in the neck?
He let's the guy with the plywood trailer go before he returns his attention to me. Jeebus man! You didn't even look in the plywood rape/kill trailer! You know his mummified mother is in there.
He comes back to my passenger side window and continues to ask about my drug habits.
"Look dude, I don't even drink soda. I'm not a meth head. I have all my teeth." It's all I got. What else can I say to this guy?
"Do you have a history of family heart problems?". The motherfucker keeps going. Is he going to ask for my medical records next? "You should get that checked out." He continues on! Man give it up. Your read was off.
"Drive safely." again! WTF!!!!
Ok I'm outta here? I start the car back up and... I start the car... I start... OMFG! Car won't start!!! What the motherfucking fuck fuck?
The battery is dead. I left the lights on for a half an hour while the douche bag questioned me about my non-existent drug habit.
The trip odometer reset for the first time in the history of the car and the clock is off. I get out of the car and walk back to the officer's car to tell him that my battery is dead.
I wait for the "are you really on drugs" question but he says he'll come back around in a few to see if I'm still there.
The car is half dead. The hazards work but it won't turn over. I let it sit for a couple of minutes, then try again. Still no go.
So I sit there for 15 minutes texting the gf some dirty things to keep me occupied while I watch the Highlander pull over another quota point.
He finally comes back and asks if I want him to push my car with his car, so I can pop the clutch. I say what the hell let's give it a whirl.
Needless to say the Highlander overlooks his hatred of drug users that turn out to be non-drug users and the clutch pops.
I'm outta here, until I hit the next speed limit sign and it says 50mph. I'll take it easy as he decides to follow me through the town of Yerington.
As soon as he flips a bitch on someone else I drop to the peddle to the floor and get the fuck outta there.
I make it to Tahoe in one piece with a Del Taco burrito in my hand as I plan playing at least 1 tournament tomorrow. Possibly 3 tournaments. We'll see. Check back for updates.
JDN
After the washing the foul taste of dried saliva outta my mouth I hit the road. Barring any unforeseen problems I should make it to Tahoe around 6pm.
Let's roll out!
popping a wheelie in the Subaru
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That's snow! WTF?
When I told a few of my peeps that I was driving to Tahoe, the general consensus was that I was an idiot. That's the first time 100% of the popular vote went against me but I was looking to forward to the long lonely road trip. I like them. They help me clear my head. They get me focused. They get me pulled over.
Somewhere about an hour south of Carson City I was following a car pulling a trailer. We were coming down into a valley with a small town. It was lightly raining so I was only going about 73 mph and (I thought) the speed limit was 70.
We passed a sheriff and he immediately turned on the lights and flipped a bitch on us.
"He can't be going after me! Right?" I thought to myself. The guy in front of me is pulling a trailer made out of plywood in the rain. Right???
I test the waters by slowing down and pulling off to the side to let him pass. He pulls along side of me and motions for me to follow him. Fuuuuck.
He finally gets the dude with the trailer over and I parallel park in between them. He walks up to my car, I roll down my window and look up at him. He's big. Linebacker big.
He's ask for my license, proof of insurance, and registration. Wasn't it just license and registration before?
I hand over my info and I suddenly realize that this guy looks like the bad guy from Highlander who played the evil preacher in Carnival! Fuckshit! I'm screwed. This popo rides for the devil. He's immortal!
Clancy Brown aka Officer T. Urso badge# 520 from Yerington NV? I think so.
Of course I don't have my most current insurance card in the car. Bollocks. I'm done I know he's going to bring a sword back here to cut off my head and steal my life juice.
The officer asks me where I'm headed.
"Tahoe." I respond.
"For what?" he continues to inquire.
"Poker." I reply
"Where are you staying?" He persists.
"Harvey's.". WTF? (I didn't say that but I should've.)
"I'll be right back." He says as he walks back to his policia car.
I watch him break out his clip board and start writing up ticket(s). Well the speeding ticket can't be much and the expired insurance car is easily fixable.
Finally he calls me back to his car. Ok I've done these before. In worse places. Arizona. I came out ok then. Even though the midget cop threaten to take me to jail for driving over the speed limit. Arizona can SMD. (Thx epmtyseat88)
I walk up to Evil Highlander's car, he tells me where to stand, and I start shivering. It's fucking 40 degrees out. I stick my hands in my hoodie pockets and start the involuntary shakes as my body tries to combat the cold.
"Take your hands out of your pockets!" He barks. Fuck! Ok they're out. Chill Kurgan!
After he explains the citation (so poor) and I sign the $799 ticket ($67 for speeding and $732 for not having a current insurance card) he asks me where I live. I say Vegas and show him where my new address is on the back of the license.
"Where are you staying tonight?" he asked again.
WTF? We've been through this. I tell him again, "Harvey's."
"Are you on anything?" He continues with the roadside interrogation.
Huh? This catches me off guard.
"Umm... No?" I counter. (btw this is not a good way to respond to a suspicious policeman.)
"Cause your eyes look, off." he says.
"Oh! I've been having really bad allergy attacks for the last week." I reply.
"What are you allergic to?" he continues.
"Everything really. Something was blooming in Vegas recently." I truthfully respond.
"Are you on crack or..." and before he finished I start laughing. Whenever I hear this phrase directed towards me or even near me I giggle. "Don't laugh. Let me finish. Are you on crack cocaine or meth?" He continues.
Holy shitballs! He's serious! I start laughing again. I have to say it, "No I'm not on crack."
"Well there's something going on with your eyes." He continues
"Yeah allergies dude." is he really gonna run with this.
"Can I check your pulse?" he asks.
Where are you going with this buddy? I give in and say, "Sure."
He grabs my right wrist just below my palm on the pinkie side. Ok now you're reaching lawman. The pulse is on the thumb side.
He stands there for a while, staring me down before he remembers to look down at his watch.
"Are you nervous? You have a pulse of 120." he states.
"I'm freezing." I say as my body tries to combat the frostbite developing on my fingers because you don't want me to put my hands in my pockets.
He sizes me up for a bit. Oh man my head is coming clean off. I see him sneering. I'm done. Its over.
He finally tells me to go back to my car and wait for him there. Dude! You already gave me an $800 ticket. What else are you going to ask me? Or are you waiting for the right moment to stab me in the neck?
He let's the guy with the plywood trailer go before he returns his attention to me. Jeebus man! You didn't even look in the plywood rape/kill trailer! You know his mummified mother is in there.
He comes back to my passenger side window and continues to ask about my drug habits.
"Look dude, I don't even drink soda. I'm not a meth head. I have all my teeth." It's all I got. What else can I say to this guy?
"Do you have a history of family heart problems?". The motherfucker keeps going. Is he going to ask for my medical records next? "You should get that checked out." He continues on! Man give it up. Your read was off.
"Drive safely." again! WTF!!!!
Ok I'm outta here? I start the car back up and... I start the car... I start... OMFG! Car won't start!!! What the motherfucking fuck fuck?
The battery is dead. I left the lights on for a half an hour while the douche bag questioned me about my non-existent drug habit.
The trip odometer reset for the first time in the history of the car and the clock is off. I get out of the car and walk back to the officer's car to tell him that my battery is dead.
I wait for the "are you really on drugs" question but he says he'll come back around in a few to see if I'm still there.
The car is half dead. The hazards work but it won't turn over. I let it sit for a couple of minutes, then try again. Still no go.
So I sit there for 15 minutes texting the gf some dirty things to keep me occupied while I watch the Highlander pull over another quota point.
He finally comes back and asks if I want him to push my car with his car, so I can pop the clutch. I say what the hell let's give it a whirl.
Needless to say the Highlander overlooks his hatred of drug users that turn out to be non-drug users and the clutch pops.
I'm outta here, until I hit the next speed limit sign and it says 50mph. I'll take it easy as he decides to follow me through the town of Yerington.
As soon as he flips a bitch on someone else I drop to the peddle to the floor and get the fuck outta there.
I make it to Tahoe in one piece with a Del Taco burrito in my hand as I plan playing at least 1 tournament tomorrow. Possibly 3 tournaments. We'll see. Check back for updates.
JDN
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