Hopefully Maureen Feduniak isnt at my table. We've been at the same table in the last two omaha tournaments that I played and we always end up pwning one another. And its never a good thing to get pwned or pwned Maureen.
Table Draw:
Seat 1: Random White Guy
Seat 2: Chris Reslock (Everytime that I see Chris I'm reminded of a running joke that LA Mike had last year about Mr Reslock having anal sex with Amanda Leatherman. Ha ha ha. Anal sex.)
Seat 3: Random White Guy that I recgonize but don't his name.
Seat 4: Random White Guy that has already slow rolled the table in the first orbit.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: Random Older White Guy
Seat 7: Random Older White Guy
Seat 8: Random Older White Guy
Seat 9: Random Younger White Guy
I see a theme going on here. We must be at the Elk's Lodge or something.
Fuck. Omaha is boring. But I do get to check on Brian Devonshire's facial hair. He's thinks I've shaved but I'm just patchy. Our beard last longer has expanded. The field now includes me, Devo, Gavin, Bobo, Scott Fischman, Rick Fuller, and Brad the bartender. We cannot shave from May 25th to Sept 1st. He who shaves first owes everyone $500. If you bust 2nd to last, you still owe everyone left $500. So I only need to last till 4th to break even but I don't think anyone is giving in.
4500 at break, down from a high of 5200. I kept playing junk like 2238 and 233J. I should really stop that.
I'm pretty sure that Seat 7 and Seat 9 have no idea how to play. I'm seeing random raises with 479K and A69Q. Too bad they keep winning with those.
I end up with one $500 chip at dinner break. I couldn't win a hand for levels 3 and 4. I grab a Heineken during our short ass 30 min dinner break and watch whatever final table is happening.
After dinner I have 6 hands before the big blind. I fold them all. On the big blind I fold. On the small blind I fold. 200 in chips left. I fold around again to under the gun where I call all in blind. I actually win the high on this hand but since its a chop, I only get 50 more chips. Bah! All in again in the big blind and I whiff. Nighty night. Or so I think.
I decided to stick around and sweat my homies in the $5k mix event. They're at 3 tables so this is going to be a while. I play a little blackjack, gotta keep my rating up, before come back down to the amazon room. Fuck thats a long walk. I know everyone keeps complaining about it, its fucking ridiculous. I'll been doing it for 4 years now and I'm over it.
Back down in the poker room I decided to play some cash games. After they send me to a table with no one there I finally settle into a 2-5 game. Everyone has about 500 in front of them so I try to buy in for 2k. 500 max. Fuck that. I just keep topping off my stack after every hand, because, well I'm call 100 pre flop with 2 6. Sometimes it wins.
I'm bascically calling everyhting and shoving when someone checks to me. My Heinken Factor* is in the neigborhood of a 7 so I'm up 1k. Down 750. Down 2k. Down 1k. Typical.
There's a 5 way all in hand on a flop of Jh 7h Ad. I actually have a hand with As 8d and I'm pretty sure I gotta catch a 9 and T to win the hand... so I call. So do two people behind me. Of course I'm in last place when there's a set of Jacks, a set of 7s, and two flush draws. The turn is a black 9, I got outs! River is a blank. So poor.
Later in the night, after I've poured a drink into my lap I get into a hand with this big Italian guy in seat 7. Stereotypical guido with track suit, a flat top and ginormas muscles. He raises and I call with Q6. The flop J T 9. He bets small and I shove for 700. He calls. The turn is a Q and the river is a blank. I open up my Q6 and I takes him a while to figure out that he's won the hand with 88. I ship him the 500 or so that he has. Heineken! Cocktails!
After the guido has finished stacking his chips he gets up and taps me on the shoulder.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" He asks.
"Um, sure." I say as I follow him away from the table. My mind is racing as fast a Heineken Factor of 8 will allow me too. I'm look for an escape route. He's huge! 6 foot 4 and 260 with muscles! I might have to employ the eye gouge crotch punch that Chris... Bell told me about when fighting people bigger than you. I got money on the table too! Security!!!!
He stops and turns around to face me. I look for his eyes but there's 4 of them. Fuck.
"I'll give you ten thousand to play the 5/10 and you get to keep 50% of the profits." He tells me.
I stare at him for a moment. The 4 eyes get focused down into 2 eyes. Did he just really offer me a backing deal?
I reply with a stunned, "Do you know how drunk I am?"
"Yeah but I can tell you're a good player."
JDN
* The Heineken Factor: This scale is based on the number of Heinekens consumed, multiplied by 2.5 divided by the number of brain cells left. Really. No not really. Basically it's math/poker comprehension scale based on the total number of Heineken's orally consumed. 1 point of the scale roughly translates to 2.5 bottles of Heineken.
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