Hello, JDN.
Thanks for your email. Your case has been escalated to me and I'll do all I can to explain our position on this matter.
While we understand your frustration over Mr. Ivey's alleged theft of your iPod (or uSheep, as we prefer to call them due to the blind fawning loyalty of their users), obviously we cannot pass judgment until we are allowed access to the security cameras at the Casino at the Empire. Even more obviously, the casino's management will never allow us that access. And more obviouser still, Mr. Ivey will more than likely deny any wrongdoing.
As a result, our most obviousest conclusion is to assume that your story is a fabrication, and therefore we consider this matter closed.
What troubles us more than your spurious accusations, however, is the blatant racial musical profiling you have used to make some conclusions about Mr. Ivey's taste in music. There is no place for such bigotry in poker, Jason, or any where else, for that matter. We know many Caucasians that enjoy the pounding beats of that hippity-hop music, and we are also aware of many people of color who enjoy the twangin' sounds of today's country music (otherwise known as "crappy pop with a steel guitar").
Further, we were very disheartened to see you your thinly-veiled disdain for the great Barry Manilow, who we consider to be a musical demigod. Shame on you, Jason. May you never fall in love at the Copa.
On a positive note, we do appreciate you explaining the mysteries of "position" to us as it relates to the game of poker. It's not often that one of our players teaches us something about poker, but on those rare occasions we give credit where credit is due.
As for your request for compensation, our policy precludes us from submitting to this form of blackmail, because, as you know, if we give in then the terrorists win. However, we may be able to grant your request for a personal avatar; we have attached a couple of prototypes for you to review. Please let us know if either is acceptable.
We trust you understand our position, JDN, and wish you the best of luck at the tables.
Sincerely,
Mike
Full Tilt Poker Support
PS: My eight year old daughter tells me that the Jonas Brothers are the greatest thing since Hannah Montana. And I don't know who *she* is either, before you ask.
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This is a recent email that I sent to Full Tilt support about Phil Ivey's actions during the WSOPE. Hopefully they'll send a response back.
Hello FTP support peeps,
I recently played in the WSOPSE Horse tournament in London and was fortunate, or unfortunate depending on how you look at it, enough to have Mr. Philip Ivey to my left, that means he has position on me, for about 8 hours. Now it wasn't enough that he is the luckiest person in poker, and quite good looking too (no I'm not gay), but he also decided to steal my ipod.
How rude!
Actually, he asked me to look through his ipod, which turns out to be stolen too, to find something for him to listen to. I asked him what he liked and he said, "What do you think?"
"Barry Manilow?" I responded.
I thumbed through the artists list and was amazed to find among others, Clay Aiken, The Jonas Brothers (Who the F are they?), and I shit you not, Vanilla Ice. Now I know that this is not Phil's ipod because I've seen Phil pal around with Irv Gotti of Murder Inc fame. That mofo is gansta! And so are his rap projects.
"Phil," I said. "This pretty white." I guessed that this ipod must have had to belonged to Paul Phillips (you probably don't know who that is, but if you look up his account, he has a personal avatar) at some point. I know that Phil and Paul were pals at one point and that Paul even named his first born Ivey. Can you say bromance?
I pulled out my ipod and dialed him up some Black Milk. I pressed play and hand it to him to listen too. Then the table broke. Phil said, "I'm going to borrow this." Then he walked off to his new table. That was the last I saw of my lovely ipod.
I was then moved to John Juanda's right (that means he has position on me) and to my right was Max Pescatori (that means I have position on him). At this point I'm pretty sure that Full Tilt has it out for me. A few hands later was busted out of the tournament during Stud 8 by Mr Juanda and Doyle "Tex Dolly" Brunson.
So not only did one of your Team Full Tilt members bust me out of the tournament, one of them stole my ipod. Its quite a statement about the people you have representing your site. Whats next? Paul Wasicka robs me at gun point?
So at this point I'm prepared to ask for reparations. (Don't worry, I'll be emailing Doyle's Room to inform them of the shady play of their #1 endorsee.)
For my pain, suffering and loss of ipod I would like you to send me a brand new ipod and a 24" computer monitor. Would also like to have a personal avatar. Who can make that happen? Please forward this onto that person.
I look forward to your positive response,
JDN
1 comment:
Ha! Hilarious. I'll be awful curious of their response.
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