WSOPC Main Event Caesars Palace

My new pre-tournament ritual now consists of 15 minutes of Call of Duty, a big bowl of quinoa, and a baby bell cheese wheel. So far, this is the second of a ritual, it seems to be working.

I satellited into the main event on my second try yesterday, thanks to an appearance of infamous Senor Heineken.

So after epic display of bad ass sniper skills I arrive 45 minutes late to the tourney. I lose all my green chips and I'm down to 24,800.

I'm invisible.

Table 38 seat 4. @OleGSmith is sitting right behind me. Gonna be a long day if this table doesn't break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Internet kid named Owen. I think he's my facebook friend.
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: Internet kid named Phil. There are already too many Phils in poker.
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: rowg. He's pleasant but a little confused on how things work. He likes to min-raise preflop.
Seat 6: Peter "Nordberg" Feldman
Seat 7: rwg with a giant screw as a card protector.
Seat 8: rbg that I played a satellite with yesterday. Think I got a pretty big tell on him.
Seat 9: Internet kid named James or Brian that I played the Caesars Mega Stack Main Event with. (his name is Brent)
Seat 10: fresh off a win at Bay101 Shooting Stars, Steve Brecher

I play a couple hands with the rbg where we reverse positions. The first one I flop top pair with AK and he hits a set. He check calls then bets out on the turn and river. He has 5s full of 8s. He gets 3500 from me.

An orbit or two later I flop bottom set with 22 and check call the flop. I bet out on the turn, trying the same thing on him but he raises me. Wait what? That's not supposed to happen. Top or middle set? I call the 3500 raise and I fill up on the river. I'm outta position so I check and he checks. Bah! He shows top pair and I take it down.

24,650 at first break. Treading water.

That Phil kid sucks. He's getting lucky when playing weird hands. Then Nordberg forgets to bet the turn on a hand and gave the kid a free card which allowed me to lose 7K.

Fuck you Nordberg!

Down to 17K I order the days first Heineken. This should turn things around.

Everyone is staring at the massage lady at the next table. That's a lotta ass. Trying to get a pic.

Meh...

The Heineken is kinda working. I've gone card dead so I'm not losing chips.

19,025 at break. EDog paid me back and I put it on the over for the Lakers Jazz game. Productive break.

Nordberg tells me that this Phil kid is USCPhildo... I don't know what that means.

Table breaks and I get moved to 35 seat 4. Brent is to my left and Mr Smokey is to my right. Awesome.

I wad up a napkin and bounce it off of Joy Miller's head when she's shooting an intro video. I get AA the next hand.

Joy's head is lucky... There's a joke there but I'm not going to say it.

I think seat 1 is Cory Carrol.

The masseuse (not the hot one) behind me keeps rubbing her ass on me.

I do a video with Joy Miller at dinner break and I get "beeped."

Here's a link, here.

After dinner at Sushi Roku (the gf is gonna be pissed) with Edog (busto), Nordberg (busto), Gsmith, and katkin I double up with KQ vs KT against the kid in seat 9 that looks like a healthy Mark Newhouse.

3 hands later I lose 15k with AQ vs J4.

Lovely.

Seat 1 is Matt Brady. Who the fudge is Matt Brady?

I try to see some flops but I have to lay down 77 and AQ preflop against aggressive players like Mr Smokey and some other internet nerds.

Then this hand comes down. I'm on the button and Matt Brady tries to raise from the cut off. He misbets and can only make the minimum raise. I know Mr Smokey is gonna raise it, and he does. I look down at AJ and move all in for 13K. Brady folds and Mr Smokey makes a quick call.

Fuck. How does he wake up with a hand here? He shows AK and I blank out. I'm sure I'm good about 85% of the time in that position. Whatta lucksack.

Oh well, I kinda freerolled the whole thing with my video poker and Edog winnings.

Off to New Orleans next week. Lots of poker in store for me!

JDN

Shronk

I didn't quite know what to write about about Shronk. I had to let it sink in before I could wrap my head around it.

I've known the guy for a few years. We weren't close friends, I don't think I have his phone number in my address book, but we could share a beer and a story together.

We never worked together directly, but during the WSOP we would interact daily to organize Cardplayer interviews and videos with the pros from Full Tilt. I got to know this... awkward, funny person during the '07 series and he immediately struck me as someone that would keep things interesting with just his basic perception and reaction to the insane world that we were working in.

In the summer of '07, there was a world series of roshambo tournament and Shronk was on interview duty for Cardplayer. He also got to play the tournament for Mike Matusow because Mike, believe it or not, was still in a tournament, and didn't want to come down to the Rio at 9AM. This being a story about Shronk, we met in the 2nd round.

Shronk catches a hot one at 3:10 in.

Having only known Shronk for a few weeks, I knew him well enough that I could do some physical comedy on him and he would roll with it. So I slapped him after beating him. He laughed it up and we bro'd up shortly after.

When I was running Pokerwire, having resurrected the Circuit, aka Pokerwire Radio, aka PokerRoad Radio, Shronk came to me and asked if Pokernews could do a feature on the new show. He only wanted to do it because he was a fan of the show. Plain and simple. You don't see much of that in poker media, or any industry for that matter.

After I left the working poker world for a life of luxury at the small stakes, I saw less of Shronk. I would randomly run into him at the televised tournaments that I would play and I would undoubtedly get some kinda of random story from him about traveling to Korea or Australia and getting some virus from eating the local cuisine late at night. None of it was surprising. It was Shronk. You'd expect that kinda of story from him every tournament.

It was a let down when he didn't tell you about going to the hospital or getting stuck in some foreign airport for 2 days. You always needed a Shronk story to keep you in a positive attitude because... it wasn't happening to you. Like watching Jerry Springer.

But it didn't really seem to bother Shronk. It was all a part of the ride for him. Acceptance and experience. I think he had fun.

The last time I saw Shronk was at the Dream Team Poker tournament at Caesars. He was prepping the radio show when I walked over to say hi. He went into another story, that escapes me, before I was lured away by a green bottle. I remember saying "see you later" as I walked away.

Brutal.

Pokerroad Radio did an amazing tribute show for Shronk. Please listen. Even if you didn't know him, by the end of the show, he'll be your friend.



JDN

Caesars WSOPC $340 NLH Double Stack Turbo

Can someone explain to me why Caesars would have a turbo tournament and make it a double stack? It makes no sense. If anything it should be a half stack.

Anyhoo, I'm playing it. I arrive 5 minutes before the start and am greeted by a line of 60 people waiting to buy in.

Lovely. The 1K only got 116 players in it today. The prize pool should be about the same in this tourney. Plus I didn't want to commit to a 1K because there's a UFC on tonight. Go Rua!

I miss half of the first level buying in and miss another 5 minutes waiting for them to open up our table. Think ahead Skeezers peeps!

Table 2 seat 5. 12K in chips with 25 minute levels.

Table draw:
Seat 1: rowg. Very very hairy. His beard goes up to his eyes, down onto his chest, and I'm pretty sure it meets up with his back-of-the-neck hair via the path below his ear. I bet he's got a mean manvest under that salmon colored polo.
Seat 2: rag that doesn't understand the concept of a turbo
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rwg kinda stinky
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: rwg rocking blu blockers.
Seat 7: rwg, very loud and annoying. He was also trying to pick up on our first dealer. Aim low buddy.
Seat 8: rowg. A euro.
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rag

$10,850 at break. Played 2 hands and got a walk. Boring!

Back from break I order a Heineken and settle in for the long haul. Then the table breaks. Assdfgljjh!

New table is 58 seat 5. I'm stuck between two older dudes.

There's a creepy Ginger with a beard in seat 2 and Dennis Waterman is in seat 8. Times are tough.

Blinds just went up to 200/400 with a 50 ante. In 4 levels, the best hand I've seen has been A8. I'm saving up all my good hands for later.

I got 10K left. 25 big blinds, but I do my best work with 10 big blinds. I'm playing this like the turbo hundo on FTP.

The euro to my right raises to 1400 preflop and I call with 99, the best hand I've seen all day. The flop comes down 7s 8c 9c. He checks I bet 1550.

Another Heineken shows up. He moves in. I call and show my set'o'nines. He shows aces. No club. Sweet.

The turn is a 6 and the river is a 10.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Chop up the blinds and antes. (There's a joke in here somewhere but it escapes me at the moment.)

Blinds move up to 300/600 with a 75 ante. On my big blind, 3 peeps limp to me. I'm sitting on 7000 which is pretty much 10 big blinds. Action time! I move in with J2.

Everyone folds. This is how we do it. I need to get back down to 10 BBs so I can move in with more weak hands.

Right before the break it's raised to 3K and called when I'm in the small blind. I look down at QQ and move in. The big blind moves in too. Crizzap.

The other two donks fold and he shows me AA. I scoot back to stand up when a queen hits the flop. Double up to 22K.

22,025 at break.

I win the race off during the break and get up to 22,100. On a roll.

Shortly after the break another euro limps to me on the big blind and I raise to 3100 with KK. Small blind calls as does the original limper. The flop falls J 5 J. Check check and I bet 5000. Small blind, a Spaniard, calls. The other euro folds.

The Spaniard checks blind and I move in for 11k. He thinks a bit before calling and shows TT.

Blank on the river and I double to 44K.

After another break, I'm sitting on 45K, which is double average. UFC is starting.

On the button, it's limped twice to me for 1600. I look down at AK and raise to 7000. Small blind folds and big blind calls leaving him self 9K behind. What?

Fold fold and the flop comes of J 5 9. Big blind moves in. I can't fold. I call. He shows J9 off. What the fuck? Why would you call have your stack off with J9? I can understand if he moves in preflop, but just calling? It makes no sense.

I'm not drawing dead, turn is a 9. Now I am. River is a jack. Blargh.

A few hands later, the bald guy under the gun moves in for 14K and the guy next to him calls. I look down at 99 and call also.

The flop is J 3 6, pretty good for 99, and the not all in guy moves in. What? Looks like he's defending AK. I call and he shows 66 for Satan's Set. I whiff on the turn and river and I'm out.

pfffft!

JDN

$500 6-handed NLH Caesars Circuit

I find an orange skittle in my pocket while walking through the casino. That's good luck right?

First thing I see when I walk into the pokerroom is an Eskimo lurking for change. We make eye contact, he recognizes me but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know my name.

I make it by him without being asked for money. Sweet. I'm already a winner on this day.

This a 6 handed event. I've flamed out of the last two I played before the first break. Those were at the series and in Tahoe and that was when I was running bad. I'm not running great or even playing decent but... I really wanted to play golf today but there were lightening bolts on my iPhone. So I'm playing poker.

Apparently I just wanted to lose $500 today.

Table 38 seat 3

Table draw!

Seat 1: rwg. Think I've played with him before. He's kinda clueless.
Seat 2: rwg who's a damn know it all
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: Thor Hansen. The dealer already made a joke about his missing hammer.
Seat 6: rbg (random black guy). Trying to bust to play the Venetian because he didn't know it was a 6 handed tourney.

The rbg is a cockroach. He gave all his chips to Thor before I double him up from 300 when my 33 got counterfeited by the board and his J high wins.

Then he gets down to 50, yes 50 chips, and doubles 3 hands in a row with 95 vs AQ, JT vs QQ, and A9 vs JJ.

Aiyeah. He's doubled at least 3 more times but he still only has 1200.

Doubled again up to 3K. Seat 1, a Canadian, has doubled him up 4 times and he's down to 4200.

The Kings of Leon should change the title of their new album to "Songs to Hump By." I'm sitting here with a bunch of guys wanting to get back home for nefarious reasons. Gotta change the tunes.

I limp for 100 with 22 in late position and seat 2 raises it to 500. Everyone folds back to me and since I haven't hit a set in a while, I call.

The flop falls 8 2 9 and I check and he bets 800. I call and check the 3 on the turn. He bets 2500 leaving himself 2000 behind

I put him all in and he calls showing queens. Sweet! Ship it.

20K at break. That skittle I found in my pocket was lucky!

They got 247 players for this tourney. The SCOOP must be over.

A little High on Fire has cured me of my "Leon Boner" and I'm winning hands with my renewed focus.

I participate in this series of texts with Jeremiah early in the 3rd level.

Jeremiah Smith:
Yo homoface just sent you some money on tilt

JDN:
Sweet. Playing the 6 handed. 20k at break.

JS:
What 6 handed???

JDN:
caesars

JS:
Wtf. Thanx for telling me. Woulda loved that.

JDN:
I was gonna golf but here instead. Schedule is online.

JS:
I'm so tilted right now.

JDN:
Self induced?

JS:
By u not telling bout 6max

i hate u

so much

JDN:
You're such a girl

JS:
I would say go blow yourself but i know ur too fat

JDN:
LOL nice one


In the 4th level rbg raises to 750 under the gun. On the button I reraise to 1750 with AK. He calls and the flop is 9h 2h 3c. Check check.

The turn is the 4h and he bets 2700. Hmm, this is not making a lot of sense to me. He usually checks the made hands. But to call the reraise preflop, he's gotta have a decent hand. I basically put him on a JT or better but no pair. I also rule out two hearts. One heart makes more sense.

I got the gut shot draw too. I call the 2700.

The river is the 2s. He bets 4525. Well, that couldn't have helped him. None of this is making sense.

I tank it. Replaying the hand in my head. Nope. No way. Riiight. Nothing is adding up.

I look over at him and he's pulling a chris ferguson. Hands on chin, covering his nose and chin, just staring at me. This is new. Haven't seen this before.

He keeps staring at me. Now with any other player I would take this as a strong hand. But not him.

I call. He shows QT. Gotcha biatch! I show my AK. Minor freak out on the table as I scoop the pot.

I bust a dingleberry when I flop another set at the end of the level. I'm a machine.

47K at 2nd break.

I pretty much just maintain for the next two levels before these two hands happen.

A new seat 2 does not know how to bet preflop. He's betting out 4 and 4.5 times the blind while the rest of the table is betting less than 3 times.

Everyone is waiting to catch him with a 3 bet. So of course it's folded him on the button and he raises to 2300. I look down at QQ and raise to 6500. He calls.

The flop is Ad Jh 2d. He quickly checks outta turn. I bet out 8K sensing weakness and he raises all in. WTF?

I ditch the queens and he shows an ace.

On the very last hand of the level seat 4 moves in under the gun for 7500. It's folded to me in the big blind and I look down at QdJd. They're probably live. I just lost a big pot. I'm on tilt. I call.

He shows AdQc. Blargh. But a jack on the flop wins it for me. Sweet.

30K at dinner break.

I get moved to the table behind me and there are two women at the table. Last two in the tourney.

Then something happens to me that's never happened before. It's folded to me on the button, I raise to 2100 with 94. Standard right? I drop a chip on my cards and as I pull my hand away the edge of the card catches a ridge somewhere in my finger print and flips the cards over.

Wait! What?

The card flips over, the chip drops straight down on top of the 9. My 4 of spades is exposed.

...

So embarrassing.

Everyone laughs. The small blind shows a 3 of clubs and folds. Then the big blind, a woman, who's low in chips, moves in. I have to fold and she shows QJ.

Bah!

Blinds move up to 600/1200 and I'm hovering around 25K.

I pick up kings and everyone folds. Shenanigans!!!

The TDs may have changed the payout structure mid-tournament.

Details to come.

Make another break with 35K. 36 players left.

I get all in for the first time in tournament with AK in the big blind. The lady with all the chips folds AQ face up. Sgghhfsaghhjllkjk!

The pay out structure has been changed from 27 peeps to 24. Bunk. Basically they said that the payouts were for a 9 handed tourney and they had to change it to a 6 handed one.

Makes sense.

The night TDs at Caesars are way better than the morning ones.

I bust the old guy in seat 2 with my hot mess of a A8 vs his K8. Up around 75K.

I make a big call with 2 pair and it's good. Up to 110K.

We redraw at 30 players and I swear to god my cousin Nathan is to my right. Except he's wearing Ed Hardy. Nathan would never wear that... Well, he might.

In the big blind I get moved to another table behind the button. Sweet! Allie Prescott is the only person I know here.

I try and abuse the bubble and I get the cards to do it, but I end up breaking even on the level and finish at the break with 116K.

4th break. I gotta pee.

25 peeps left. We'll be hand for hand when we get back.

Oh momma. On the small blind I decide to 3 bet anyone that raises. Under the gun raises to 6500 and the Ginger to his left calls. I reraise to 19200 with K2. Wait wait! Hear me out.

I know the Ginger doesn't have a big hand and the Asian under the gun will fold AK here.

The Asian folds and the Ginger reluctantly calls. The flop is Q 2 4. He checks and I move in. He quickly folds. Looks like a middle pair to me.

Up to about 140K.

Finally!!! We make the money. I got close to 150K. I think we get $1200 for 24th.

Donk off a bunch of chips to the retarded ginger who called my raise with 76 vs my A6.

58k at the next break. 16 left.

In the 2000/4000 level seat 6 raises under the gun to 1200. I call with 33. Allie calls behind.

The flop falls 9h 3c 3h. Oh. Snap. Bitch. Now how am I going to get any chips outta this?

Seat 6 moves in. Ah! Ha! I call. Way to quickly. Allie shows the Ah 4h and folds. Fudge.

Seat 6, who is a ringer for Tim Meadows, shows Ad 8d.
Ship it this way. Back up to 145k.

I bust seat 2 with TT vs his 66 and we're down to 12. Table redraw. I got 200K.

I like my new seat. I'm in 6 with two big stacks to my right. The first hand is of course raised by the young kid with the beanie to my right. I look down at A5 and make the call.

The flop falls A 3 K. He bets out on the flop for less than half the pot and I call. I also decide to call him down on this hand. He's a solid player, but I've seen him over play a couple of hands. The turn is a 6. He bets half the pot, about 45K. I call.

The river is an 8 and he quickly moves in. What? I got about 125K left. Weird. I tank it. I look at the payouts, 5 minutes to end of the day. Still have a lot of chips if I fold.

I notice that a couple a guys on the rail stand up to watch this hand. They're wearing beanies too. Must be a gang. They're all young.

I ask the kid if that's his backer. He says yes. Pretty sure the little one is Chad Batista. He could be showing off for his backer. He's either got nothing or everything. Smells a little like a bluff, or maybe he even has a K.

If I win this hand I'll be up around 450K. I can fold, play it safe and come back tomorrow.

Fuck it. I call.

He's got a King. And an Ace. Bollocks. Nice hand sir. I muck my cards.

My 1st really horrible read of the day.

Bah. 12th place pays $2K. Not bad for a days work. Even better, I was playing good. Not too tight, aggressive and making spot on reads has me feeling really good about playing some more tournaments at Caesars and beyond.

This is a stepping stone.



JDN

$500 HORSE Venetian Deep Stack AKA Debacle at the Venetian

I get to the Venetian around 1pm and sit down at a 4/8 Omaha hi/lo table with a half kill. I gotta kill two hours before the horse tourney starts. Might as well do it at omahahaha.

Just found out that the tourney doesn't start till 4. Blargh!

I pick up from the Omaha game at 4:00pm to play the horse. And I'm up $350. Ship it! I'm freerolling the horse!

Table draw:

Table 45 seat 3. 8k in chips, 20 minutes per game. Blargh! I like 8 hands per game way better.

Seat 1: rowg, a Greek. Kinda fat.
Seat 2: rowg named Stan. A very friendly gentleman.
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4 rowg, apparently he won this tourney in feb. He's announced it 3 times.
Seat 5: rowg
Seat 6: rowg that looks like martin Scorsese. Complete with the giant glasses.
Seat 7: rwg
Seat 8: crazy ivan. Some Russian with a New York accent. He's channeling Tony G.

I lose 2500 in the first round of limit hold'em. At 50/100. Good gawd. At least I can last longer than 25 minutes... that's what she said.

I get it all back in Omaha and get up to 12K.

Then all hell breaks loose when razz starts. Apparently no one looked at the structure before we played. We jump up to 25 ante, 25 bring in 100/200.

Pretty much every table calls the floor over to protest and Mr Matt Savage walks over to say hi. I ask him if this is his structure.

He says no and that he just texted someone that it was bullshit. Tru dat.

10k at first break.

I pretty much stop writing shit down at this point because I lose every hand I play.

I stay alive long enough to have two old dudes in stud blind check 7th street to me when they both hit gutshot straights. Dummies. Eskimo Clark did that to me once with a straight flush. Old dudes man...

I get down to 500 and get it all in 5 or six hands in a row and chop every one.

1150 at next break.

On the button in hold'em it's limped to me with Kh7h. I call and 4 of us see the flop. All I know is that there are 2 hearts on the flop and that's all I'll ever see.

Gotta walk back to Caesars.

I play so bad.

JDN

$500 Caesars Circuit Event

Insta-tilt to start the tournament. The tournament starts and the floor directs the dealer to deal. The problem here is that there are only 3 people at the table. I call the floor over to say that you can't deal with only 3 players.

He says all the seats are sold, go ahead and deal. I tell I him I don't believe him for a second that all the seats are sold.

He sarcastically says, "I hope you win the tournament."

As he walks away I reply, "I if win you better hope for a tip."

What a fucking douche bag. I text Matt Savage to see what the TDA rule is.

(start text)

JDN: Hey the TDs are caesars are retarded. Can you start dealing a tournament when there are only 3 players at the table?

MS: depends on the situation?

JDN: It's a ten handed 10 table only 3 seats sold. Happy Easter btw

MS: Thanks, with only 3 on a new table i will wait but if all the seats are sold or even 8 of the 10 are there then i will deal

JDN: THat's what I thought. thx

MS: Golf... lets do it!

(end of text)

I then watch the next person to buy in, walk over to our table and sit down in seat 8. Fucking lying bastard.

Now we have 4.

I lose two tilty hands in the next orbit and 4 more people buy in and take their seats at the table. I swear I'm gonna smack that guy next time I see him.

It's not so much that he was wrong, it's that he treated me like I was retarded. I know what the fucking rule is. Just cause you don't, don't lie to cover it up.

Then with seat 8 on the button, seat 1 limps, I raise to 175 with Ac8c. The small and big blind call as does seat 1. The flop comes 6c 7c 8d.

There's gonna be some fireworks on this hand.

Seat 8 bets out 550. Seat 1 calls. I raise to 1500. Small blind folds.

Then seat 8 does this whole confused act for several minutes before trying to raise to 4500. It takes a couple more minutes to get the right amount of chips out there.

Ok I'm up against a set or a straight. I never win these. I should fold.

I move in.

He calls and says, "show me aces!"

I got better. I show the Ac8c and he shows 7h6h. WTF? Why would you wanna see aces with that hand. Guess he's never been counterfeited before.

No sir I only have 16 outs. The turn is a 4. Now I got 19 outs.

The river pairs the board with the wrong card. A 6 and I'm out.

Fuck this place. I'm going to go the Venetian to play the HORSE tourney. In 3 hours. Blargh!

JDN

$500 Venetian Deep Stack

Las Vegas is slowing turning into Los Angeles. I get stuck in traffic on Spring Mountain in Chinatown for 20 minutes. Brutal!

So I'm 15 minutes late to the tourney and to punish me for my tardiness, I draw seat 1 on table 50. I hate seat 1!!!

We start with $15K and that is accompanied by 45 minute levels.

Table draw!

Seat 1: your favorite loser, JDN
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 2: random Asian guy that looks like he was born to be a member of BARGE. Weird Indiana Jones hat, check. Glasses, check. Ponytail, check. Probably a math nerd too.
Seat 3: rwg. Balding but still trying to look cool.
Seat 4: rwg younger than seat 3 but completely bald. He also likes to check dark.
Seat 5: older rwg who likes to raise with crazy hands, like the kids do. He also won't shut up and has told the table about his chemo.
Seat 6: older rwg. He looks kinda lost.
Seat 7: rag with serious SAG tendencies. He's also wearing a hat that says, "Laotion Lotion.". I wonder if that's his nickname, which would awesome, or just his favorite product.
Seat 8: middle-aged housewife with silver hair. I'm trying to figure out her range of hands because I've seen her play AK like aces and min raise with a full house.
Seat 9: younger rwg playing very weak tight

The table is pretty tight in the first level and I pick up 1000 chips in the first orbit. Sweet!

Then it all goes down the shitter. I basically call down with 2nd pair 8 or 9 times and lose half my stack.

Then this hand goes down.

It's limped to me on the button in two spots. I look down at A9 and call for 200. Small blind calls and big blind raises to 800. Seat 5 calls, so does the older lady in seat 8. Shit, I guess I should call too, so I do as does the small blind.

The flop falls T 8 9 rainbow. Small blind checks, big blind bets 2K. Seat 5 folds, old lady goes into the tank. If she calls I gotta call. Getting the right price. She calls, I call, small blind tanks it and starts talking to himself. What the... he raises to 5K. Damn. OK I'm done with hand.

Big blind and old lady call the 5K. Wait what? Whatever. I call leaving 3K behind. The turn is a 5 and its quickly checked to me! What?! All in.

I put my last 3K in and the small blind goes into the tank. I think at this point QQ and JJ will fold. The lady could easily have AJ the way she was playing. Small blind is talking to himself again. He finally moves in for 14K.

While the big blind thinks about it, the small blind leans over to me and tells me I'm winning the hand. What? There's a big possibility that I'm drawing dead. Hopefully this donk has an over pair or two pair. Those are the only hands I can beat.

Big blind and the old lady fold. The guy turns over 76 for the ass end of the straight. Drawing dead. Idiot. Or am I the idiot?

JDN

PS Google is our friend. Found this after a search. http://laotionlotion.com Two words: Awe Some

Random Golf Tournament for... Medical Students?

Disclaimer: I know this isn't golfwtf.com (I gotta see if that's available) but I've been playing more golf than poker lately and this is a tournament, and I'm playing with some degen poker players, so it seems like a perfect fit for pokerwtf.

So Jeff Madsen texts me the other night and asks if I want to play a golf tournament. Having just played two days in a row, I was a little hesitant to say yes, until I found out that Gavin, Bobo, and Layne were playing too.

Ok I'm in and we got action!

I show up at the Eagle Crest Golf Club at 1:30 and I can't find anyone. I text Gavin and he says he's on his way. Off to the driving range.

I find Madsen and he tries to steal my bucket of range balls. You gotta watch this kid.

We head back up to the carts to get started, but Gavin and Bobo are no where to be seen. The professor that organized this thing is asking us where Gav is and I tell him he's on his way.

Team New Hotness

2:15pm
Still no Gsmith. Madsen and I find the refreshment cart and promptly remove all their Heinekens for $4 each. And! They give us a cooler.

Team Old and Busted

2:20pm
We meet our other twosome that will be playing with us. They're med students and I forget their names as soon as the first Heineken is cracked open.

2:25pm
Gavin, Bobo, and Ryan (Gavin's Manservant is taking Layne's place because he's in jail again. Just kidding, he's playing the SCOOP) make their entrance and even from 50 yards away, I can tell that Gavin is drunk. His hair is doing that bozo thing where it is just sticking straight out. Kinda like Curly from the 3 Stooges.

Turns out he was playing trivia all night at the Porchlight and when Madsen called him at 12:15pm he was still there. Stay classy G!

Bets get placed and we're ready to go. I bet Jeff $100 a side and $5 a putt. I give him 6 shots over the whole course and 2 putts. We also get two mulligans apiece.

Jeff gets a bet down with Gavin for $2K. Team vs team and Gavin's giving us 10 shots. We could be good here.

2:30pm
We finally head off to hole #14 for our shotgun start.

Madsen drops his beer while driving. I almost have to jump out of the moving cart to avoid getting wet.

Hole #14 par 3
We lose our partners, they decided to drive across the 13th green for some reason. So we tee off. Madsen grounds his to the right and I put mine in the shit on the left. Great start.

The med students finally show up to tee off and I realize that they only have 1 golf bag. The guy wearing the Affliction shirt holds a driver up and asks me if he should use this club. Oh boy.

Turns out neither of these guys have ever played before. Aiyeah.

Jeff and I bet on who will get the better score. I take Affliction guy and Jeff takes the guy with the shorts. $100 on this one.

The first hole takes us 25 minutes to complete. This is gonna be a long day.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #15 Par 3
The yardage sign reads 147 from the white tees. I take an 8 iron and hit a beautiful shot straight at the pin. Looks a little long. It bounces on the back of the green and into some bushes across the cart path.

That sign is a liar!

Madsen: 6
JDN: 5

Hole #16 par 3

Madsen: 3 shots 2 putts
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

Hole #17 par 3
This is a closer to the hole... hole. I put it in the sand behind the hole and take 3 shots to get out. I hate the sand.

Madsen: 6 shots 3 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #18 par 4
Our first driver hole! I put mine about 250 yards out, but to the right and I lose the ball. Pretty sure one of those poor med students on the hole next to us picked it up.

On the green, Affliction guy tells me that he wants to be a ER doctor. Sweet, there's hot chicks in the ER. I watch House. Then he tells me about sticking his finger in other dudes' asses. I'll pass.

Madsen shows us his "ball behind the club" technique.

Madsen drives the cart up next to the green and the marshall yells at him. I tell the marshall that he's going to be doing a lot of that today.

Madsen: 7 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots and 2 putts

Hole #1 par 4
At 306 yards, I almost drive to the green, but end up in the sand on the right. I have problems getting out. It would probably help if I had a sand wedge and not a lob wedge for these.

Madsen: 7 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 2 putts

Hole #2 par 3
We're almost out of beer. Everyone has to pee.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #3 par 3
The refreshment cart arrives! Yes!

Madsen: 4 shots 1 putt
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

Hole #4 par 3
After peeing everyone is invigorated and ready for more. I put my tee shot 6 feet from the pin and I still 2 putt it. Blargh! At least I made par.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 3 shots 2 putts

Hole #5 par 4
I lose my tee shot in the water and Madsen doesn't. He puts his over the water and has to hit from the beach on the other side of the lake. Pretty sure he cheated on this hole.

Madsen: 5 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #6 par 3
I hit my tee shot fat and only make it half way to the green. I hit my second shot fat and lay up in front of the green. I quit.

Madsen: 5 shots 2 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #7 par 3
I get the tee shot within 10 feet of the pin before 2 putting it. So rigged against birdies.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 3 shots 2 putts

Pee Break!

We block off the tunnel and whizzle.

Madsen killing ants

Hole #8 par 3
Nothing interesting happened on this hole.

Madsen: 6 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 2 putts

Hole #9 par 4
Play has slowed. When we reach the tee box, there are 2 other teams in front of us. We decide to draft players on the foursome behind us, Gavin, Bobo, Ryan, and the Professor, and bet on closest to the hole for $50 a shot. We both win one and lose one for a push.

Madsen decides to run up a drainage pipe until he walks into some spider webs and runs out screaming, "Ahhh spiders!" like a little girl.



Madsen: 7 shots 3 putts
JDN: 6 shots 3 putts

Hole #10 par 4
Both Madsen and I have decent drives on this hole. When I reach my ball I realize that it's about 5 yards short of the longest drive. Damn, if I would have known that, I would have taken a mulligan to try and out-drive it. I need that $25 gift certificate to Sammy's.

On the green we decide to implement a new rule. You have to bring your beer with you to the green. We're gonna need more beer.

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 5 shots 1 putt

Hole #11 par 3
After our tee shots, some college girls show up with booze. Sweet. They apparently have been driving around this whole time giving out free drinks. Oh what the hell? We're almost done and we're just finding out about this? I ask for a beer and all they have is Coors Light or MGD. Good grief. Gimme the silver bullet.

Madsen: 5 shots 3 putts
JDN: 5 shots 3 putts

Hole #12 par 3
Again we're waiting for the team ahead of us so we bet on Gavin and company's tee shots. I scoop and I'm up $200. Yeah boy!

Madsen: 6 shots 1 putt
JDN: 6 shots 2 putts

Hole #13 par 4
I have to use my last mulligan on this one because Madsen hit a nice drive about 280 yards out. On my second tee shot I crush it right up the middle and Madsen tries to tell me his is longer. Bet! I'm about 20 yards from the hole and out drive him by 80 yards. Sucka!

Madsen: 6 shots 2 putts
JDN: 4 shots 2 putts

As a team we end up shooting a 90. Pretty good. Gavin and Bobo need to shoot a 79 or better to win. I think Madsen is money here. I shoot a 96 with 41 putts. Jeff got a 107 with 49 putts. I beat him for $500 something. I need to play with him more often.

Gavin and Bobo shoot a 71. Oops. They beat us by 19 strokes. We are so bad.

We join Gavin and Bobo near the putting green and we all get our gamble on. We throw golf balls closest to a designated pin. Jeff and Gavin are betting in the thousands and Bobo and I are betting $5 a throw.

Madsen shagging balls.

Gavin just got pwned

Good times.

JDN

Opportunity Village Charity Poker Tournament

I meet up with Perry Friedman at registration and we notice that Mr Top is also registered for the tourney.

Top Carrot, a new show coming to Bravo this fall staring 20 hopeful gingers vying to become the next creepy ginger celebrity.

$300 buy in, 1000 chips to start, rebuys get you 1500 and the add on gets you 2000. 20 minute levels, it's a turbo! Sweet!

Table 5 seat 4

Table draw: Is really boring. No famous peeps, no poker pros, nothing. Except the little guy at the other end of the table that looks like Warwick Davis of Willow and Leprechaun fame.

In the first level I flop a flush and get paid off. Then I flop a straight and get paid off.

In the second level I flop 2nd pair and lose all my chips. Rebuy!

I call a 450 raise with 88 from the small blind and 3 of us see the 5 6 9 flop. Looks like I'm getting all in on this one. I check and seat 6 moves in for 750. Seat 10 flats calls and I move in for 725 more. Seat 10 can't fold and shows QQ. Seat 6 turns over 66 for set of sixes (hail Satan!) and I show my 88 and ask for a rebuy. A 7 on the turn and I tell the rebuy to go away. Triple up to 5500 or something.

Sweet.

Hey look! It's the backside of that female poker player from that Celebrity Apprentice show. Don't they know that poker players are not celebrities?

I do the add on at the end of the 3rd level and I have 7500 at break. Since I have no crazies at my table I'm looking good. Figures that this is charity tourney and I'm doing good.

I double up the cranky grandma in seat 7 after her K8 makes two pair on the turn vs my TT. She got angry with me after I asked her how many chips she had left after she called my preflop raise.

She didn't want me to look at her chips and she tried to hide them behind her cup holder.

They're auctioning off a full tilt poker poker table signed by team full tilt. Including Clonie Gowen. Oops. I wonder how long that's been sitting in storage?

The redneck guy in seat 1 is playing for reals. He gets all pissed when people beat him in pots and he's boarderline throwing his cards into the muck. This charity tournament circuit is serious stuff.

This is officaly the most boring, tightest charity tournament table evar. I might need to order a cocktail.

I make the second break with 3575.

Triple up with jacks on the first hand back. Up to 9k before losing with aq vs a8. Down to 500, I move in under the gun with KK and get 2 callers. The guy next to me has TT and the guy in the small blind has AQ.

When an Ace hits on the flop I'm walking out the door, but I sit back down with the river brings a two outter K. I think I'm around 3000 when the table breaks.

I get moved next to Marissa the tax lady and funny enough, James the tax man was at the same table before he busted. This is pretty much the first time ever James and I weren't at the same table during a tournament. Next to Marissa is a dancer from the Fantasy show at the Luxor.

It's a topless show and this chick is defintely qualified. Her gianormous fun bags are basically spilling out the top of her corset. I have a hard time remembering my hole cards.

Then she stands up. Whoa! Those pants are too tight girlfriend. She's got this weird skinny chick muffin top, a biscuit can if you will, going on. Not to mention I see half her ass when she stands up.

With the tight jeans and the corset pinching her skin, her waddle looks like the cheese spilling out of the grilled cheese sandwich your mom used to make you.

Aiyeah.

I get my stack up to 10K before Jeremiah Smith and his nerdy glasses shows up to sweat me in a charity tournament. The guy has no life.

With blinds at 1k/2k I move in for 11k from middle position with As7s. The english guy at the other end of the table thinks about it forever before calling with AK. WTF took you so long bloke? I hit a 7 but still lose the hand thanks to my mush Mr Smith.

Oh well, it was for charity and I had a good time.

I'll probably play a Venetian tournament later this week. Bellagio only got 27 people for the 5K. I'm not going back there this month. Especially with the WSOPC starting at Caesars next weekend.

JDN

Bellagio $1500

As usual the bellagio's clocks are 15 minute slow and I got some time to kill after buying in. I resist the urge to blow money on video poker, I'm trying to quit, and instead I do the healthy thing and get an orange juice at snacks.

I promptly spill it all over my air force 1s. Damn you video poker! Damn you.

The Venetian started their deep stack today and it killed the bellagio's numbers. We'll be lucky to get 125 players.

Table 53 seat 9. 4500 in chips with 1 hour levels.

Table draw:

12:45. The first table has broken.

And I'm out. Tax man Jim was at my table, and this SAG in seat 4 got me all in with 77 vs her AK on a 8 high flop. Ace on the turn and I'm going to play Venetian tournaments from here on out.

JDN

Dream Team Poker

The night before the tournament I, Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith and the GF, attend some sort of party in the poker room at Caesars. It wasn't easy to get a drink and it was harder to get our jerseys!

Even though it was on the wall, we couldn't get it.



I guess we have to buy in. ok ok.

While standing in line with Miah, we're discussing the latest issue of Invincible when Zee Justin and Jimmy Fricke walk up. This should be good. Miah says "hi" to both before Jimmy throws out a hand to me. I shake it, then say, "Do you know who I am?" He says no. Sweet. I tell him I'm the guy that forwarded the email from Howard to you.

Awkward silence.

He says, "Sorry."

I laugh it off and continue with the talk with Miah about Invincible. Issue #60 was awesome.

After buying in we get our jerseys.

Oh yeah, our 3rd is non other than Scott Fischman. And we're Team Zurvive. Don't ask about the name.

The peeps from Dream Team sent me this email about a week before and here's my response:

1) Why you think you have the best team?

We don't have anywhere near the best team. Our best chance to win is to move in on any two cards that make a flush or straight. This technique is also know as the Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith system.

2) How you came up with your team name?

Truthfully? Spellcheck on the computer broke.

3) How you decided on who was going to be on your team?

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Jeremiah's response to #3 was classic:

#3) Most teams are trying to put together a team of mixed playing styles, but we took that one step further. We are fielding a has-been, a wannabe, and a never-was.

I'm not sure who I am but I would put money on the wannabe.

Day 1

We're starting no earlier than 12:45. It's takes 30 minutes to get people in their seats and just when we think we're going to see some cards, we get some special announcements. One by the founder of Dream Team Poker, one by the mayor of Beverly Hills (WTF), and one by a congress woman who's name I can't remember. Shelly something. Regardless it was a brutal 45 minutes waiting for this thing to start.

In the first orbit I lose 3K with 44 vs seat 5 when he fires 2 bullets with AK and catches the ace on the river. Blargh.

An orbit later I raise with AA in early position and everyone folds. So it's just gonna be one of those days.

My right eye is killing me. I feels like someone rubbed a chipolte in my eye. I'm slowly turning into Popeye here.

In the 50/100 level it's mistakenly minraised by seat 5 and I call the extra 100 with K2. The flop falls 8s Kd Qs. Sweet, time for a check raise. It's checked around. Bah! I bet $350 on the turn when a jack falls.

Seat 5 calls and I bet 625 on the river. Its an 8. Seat 5 thinks about it for a few seconds before he raises to 3600. Damn it! He makes a funny face and winks at me. Full house or quads? I fold. Down to 5500.

Table 36 seat 1

Table draw:

Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: rwg can't remember his name but he's on team Drity Sanchez.
Seat 3: rwg with a Jew-fro. And no, it's not Alex Jacob.
Seat 4: rowg that I've played with before. He's a got a bad mustache too.
Seat 5: rwg. Way too old to be wearing a basketball jersey. But to his credit he's wearing a sweat shirt under it.
Seat 6: Steve Sung. He left in the 2nd level to go play a blackjack tournament at the bellagio
Seat 7: rwg. Some girl on his team walked up to talk to him and she wasn't wearing a bra under her jersey. I know exactly what her breasts look like. All I can think about is a motorboat.
Seat 8: rag
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rag. Minor SAG.

9950 at break. Jeremiah has 15k and Scott has 12k.

Joe Sebok tucks his jersey in. I LOL'd.

Steve Sung just came back but he has to go back to the bellagio at 4 for more BJ.

Jeremiah just got congratulated over the pa for going deep in the main event. I'm def the never-was.

Level up! 200/400 with a 50 ante. Gamble gamble. I got 10k.

Steve Sung can make his BJ tournament. He's busto.

Seat 5 stares at my chips every time he raises. So now I call him on it every hand. I'm trying to tilt him and it seems to be working. He lost two raise hands in a row. Haha fucker!

With blinds at 200/400 I raise to 1100 in middle/early position with KcQc. The rag in seat 8 calls from the big blind. The flop is 2 5 6. Check check. The turn is a K. He bets out 1400 and I call. The river is a 4 and he checks. I must be good. I bet 2000 and he calls.

I show my KQ and he flips over what I think is KQ. On my second take I see that it's KK. WTF?! That's right I gotta hit the 1 outter to lose any money. But he plays it so bad I get away cheap.

Down to 5500 I get it all in with AK vs the 99 of seat 10. Ace on the flop and I'm up to 10K. Again. Starting stack.

A few orbits later seat 3 raises under the gun to 1200. Seat 7 flat calls and I move in with KT on the button. I know seat 3 reads this as a squeeze and moves in. I'm racing. Then seat 7 calls all his chips off, seat 3 has him covered.

Seat 3 shows 66 and seat 7 shows JJ. After a T on the flop I blank out and head to the Mermaid Maid Bar to kick it with Scott Huff, his GF, and Amanda Leatherman. None of them make me fell better about the way I played, so I have a few more Hieneken's before hitting up the roulette table.

Fuck this team shit!

Jeremiah busts a few hands after me and Scott actually makes it to the bubble before busting with KK vs QQ.

Aiyeah!

JDN
(I'm not spell checking this BS before I post it. Deal with it!)