WSOPC Main Event Caesars Palace

My new pre-tournament ritual now consists of 15 minutes of Call of Duty, a big bowl of quinoa, and a baby bell cheese wheel. So far, this is the second of a ritual, it seems to be working.

I satellited into the main event on my second try yesterday, thanks to an appearance of infamous Senor Heineken.

So after epic display of bad ass sniper skills I arrive 45 minutes late to the tourney. I lose all my green chips and I'm down to 24,800.

I'm invisible.

Table 38 seat 4. @OleGSmith is sitting right behind me. Gonna be a long day if this table doesn't break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Internet kid named Owen. I think he's my facebook friend.
Seat 2: rwg
Seat 3: Internet kid named Phil. There are already too many Phils in poker.
Seat 4: jdn
Seat 5: rowg. He's pleasant but a little confused on how things work. He likes to min-raise preflop.
Seat 6: Peter "Nordberg" Feldman
Seat 7: rwg with a giant screw as a card protector.
Seat 8: rbg that I played a satellite with yesterday. Think I got a pretty big tell on him.
Seat 9: Internet kid named James or Brian that I played the Caesars Mega Stack Main Event with. (his name is Brent)
Seat 10: fresh off a win at Bay101 Shooting Stars, Steve Brecher

I play a couple hands with the rbg where we reverse positions. The first one I flop top pair with AK and he hits a set. He check calls then bets out on the turn and river. He has 5s full of 8s. He gets 3500 from me.

An orbit or two later I flop bottom set with 22 and check call the flop. I bet out on the turn, trying the same thing on him but he raises me. Wait what? That's not supposed to happen. Top or middle set? I call the 3500 raise and I fill up on the river. I'm outta position so I check and he checks. Bah! He shows top pair and I take it down.

24,650 at first break. Treading water.

That Phil kid sucks. He's getting lucky when playing weird hands. Then Nordberg forgets to bet the turn on a hand and gave the kid a free card which allowed me to lose 7K.

Fuck you Nordberg!

Down to 17K I order the days first Heineken. This should turn things around.

Everyone is staring at the massage lady at the next table. That's a lotta ass. Trying to get a pic.

Meh...

The Heineken is kinda working. I've gone card dead so I'm not losing chips.

19,025 at break. EDog paid me back and I put it on the over for the Lakers Jazz game. Productive break.

Nordberg tells me that this Phil kid is USCPhildo... I don't know what that means.

Table breaks and I get moved to 35 seat 4. Brent is to my left and Mr Smokey is to my right. Awesome.

I wad up a napkin and bounce it off of Joy Miller's head when she's shooting an intro video. I get AA the next hand.

Joy's head is lucky... There's a joke there but I'm not going to say it.

I think seat 1 is Cory Carrol.

The masseuse (not the hot one) behind me keeps rubbing her ass on me.

I do a video with Joy Miller at dinner break and I get "beeped."

Here's a link, here.

After dinner at Sushi Roku (the gf is gonna be pissed) with Edog (busto), Nordberg (busto), Gsmith, and katkin I double up with KQ vs KT against the kid in seat 9 that looks like a healthy Mark Newhouse.

3 hands later I lose 15k with AQ vs J4.

Lovely.

Seat 1 is Matt Brady. Who the fudge is Matt Brady?

I try to see some flops but I have to lay down 77 and AQ preflop against aggressive players like Mr Smokey and some other internet nerds.

Then this hand comes down. I'm on the button and Matt Brady tries to raise from the cut off. He misbets and can only make the minimum raise. I know Mr Smokey is gonna raise it, and he does. I look down at AJ and move all in for 13K. Brady folds and Mr Smokey makes a quick call.

Fuck. How does he wake up with a hand here? He shows AK and I blank out. I'm sure I'm good about 85% of the time in that position. Whatta lucksack.

Oh well, I kinda freerolled the whole thing with my video poker and Edog winnings.

Off to New Orleans next week. Lots of poker in store for me!

JDN

Caesars WSOPC $340 NLH Double Stack Turbo

Can someone explain to me why Caesars would have a turbo tournament and make it a double stack? It makes no sense. If anything it should be a half stack.

Anyhoo, I'm playing it. I arrive 5 minutes before the start and am greeted by a line of 60 people waiting to buy in.

Lovely. The 1K only got 116 players in it today. The prize pool should be about the same in this tourney. Plus I didn't want to commit to a 1K because there's a UFC on tonight. Go Rua!

I miss half of the first level buying in and miss another 5 minutes waiting for them to open up our table. Think ahead Skeezers peeps!

Table 2 seat 5. 12K in chips with 25 minute levels.

Table draw:
Seat 1: rowg. Very very hairy. His beard goes up to his eyes, down onto his chest, and I'm pretty sure it meets up with his back-of-the-neck hair via the path below his ear. I bet he's got a mean manvest under that salmon colored polo.
Seat 2: rag that doesn't understand the concept of a turbo
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rwg kinda stinky
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: rwg rocking blu blockers.
Seat 7: rwg, very loud and annoying. He was also trying to pick up on our first dealer. Aim low buddy.
Seat 8: rowg. A euro.
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rag

$10,850 at break. Played 2 hands and got a walk. Boring!

Back from break I order a Heineken and settle in for the long haul. Then the table breaks. Assdfgljjh!

New table is 58 seat 5. I'm stuck between two older dudes.

There's a creepy Ginger with a beard in seat 2 and Dennis Waterman is in seat 8. Times are tough.

Blinds just went up to 200/400 with a 50 ante. In 4 levels, the best hand I've seen has been A8. I'm saving up all my good hands for later.

I got 10K left. 25 big blinds, but I do my best work with 10 big blinds. I'm playing this like the turbo hundo on FTP.

The euro to my right raises to 1400 preflop and I call with 99, the best hand I've seen all day. The flop comes down 7s 8c 9c. He checks I bet 1550.

Another Heineken shows up. He moves in. I call and show my set'o'nines. He shows aces. No club. Sweet.

The turn is a 6 and the river is a 10.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Chop up the blinds and antes. (There's a joke in here somewhere but it escapes me at the moment.)

Blinds move up to 300/600 with a 75 ante. On my big blind, 3 peeps limp to me. I'm sitting on 7000 which is pretty much 10 big blinds. Action time! I move in with J2.

Everyone folds. This is how we do it. I need to get back down to 10 BBs so I can move in with more weak hands.

Right before the break it's raised to 3K and called when I'm in the small blind. I look down at QQ and move in. The big blind moves in too. Crizzap.

The other two donks fold and he shows me AA. I scoot back to stand up when a queen hits the flop. Double up to 22K.

22,025 at break.

I win the race off during the break and get up to 22,100. On a roll.

Shortly after the break another euro limps to me on the big blind and I raise to 3100 with KK. Small blind calls as does the original limper. The flop falls J 5 J. Check check and I bet 5000. Small blind, a Spaniard, calls. The other euro folds.

The Spaniard checks blind and I move in for 11k. He thinks a bit before calling and shows TT.

Blank on the river and I double to 44K.

After another break, I'm sitting on 45K, which is double average. UFC is starting.

On the button, it's limped twice to me for 1600. I look down at AK and raise to 7000. Small blind folds and big blind calls leaving him self 9K behind. What?

Fold fold and the flop comes of J 5 9. Big blind moves in. I can't fold. I call. He shows J9 off. What the fuck? Why would you call have your stack off with J9? I can understand if he moves in preflop, but just calling? It makes no sense.

I'm not drawing dead, turn is a 9. Now I am. River is a jack. Blargh.

A few hands later, the bald guy under the gun moves in for 14K and the guy next to him calls. I look down at 99 and call also.

The flop is J 3 6, pretty good for 99, and the not all in guy moves in. What? Looks like he's defending AK. I call and he shows 66 for Satan's Set. I whiff on the turn and river and I'm out.

pfffft!

JDN

$500 6-handed NLH Caesars Circuit

I find an orange skittle in my pocket while walking through the casino. That's good luck right?

First thing I see when I walk into the pokerroom is an Eskimo lurking for change. We make eye contact, he recognizes me but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know my name.

I make it by him without being asked for money. Sweet. I'm already a winner on this day.

This a 6 handed event. I've flamed out of the last two I played before the first break. Those were at the series and in Tahoe and that was when I was running bad. I'm not running great or even playing decent but... I really wanted to play golf today but there were lightening bolts on my iPhone. So I'm playing poker.

Apparently I just wanted to lose $500 today.

Table 38 seat 3

Table draw!

Seat 1: rwg. Think I've played with him before. He's kinda clueless.
Seat 2: rwg who's a damn know it all
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: rwg
Seat 5: Thor Hansen. The dealer already made a joke about his missing hammer.
Seat 6: rbg (random black guy). Trying to bust to play the Venetian because he didn't know it was a 6 handed tourney.

The rbg is a cockroach. He gave all his chips to Thor before I double him up from 300 when my 33 got counterfeited by the board and his J high wins.

Then he gets down to 50, yes 50 chips, and doubles 3 hands in a row with 95 vs AQ, JT vs QQ, and A9 vs JJ.

Aiyeah. He's doubled at least 3 more times but he still only has 1200.

Doubled again up to 3K. Seat 1, a Canadian, has doubled him up 4 times and he's down to 4200.

The Kings of Leon should change the title of their new album to "Songs to Hump By." I'm sitting here with a bunch of guys wanting to get back home for nefarious reasons. Gotta change the tunes.

I limp for 100 with 22 in late position and seat 2 raises it to 500. Everyone folds back to me and since I haven't hit a set in a while, I call.

The flop falls 8 2 9 and I check and he bets 800. I call and check the 3 on the turn. He bets 2500 leaving himself 2000 behind

I put him all in and he calls showing queens. Sweet! Ship it.

20K at break. That skittle I found in my pocket was lucky!

They got 247 players for this tourney. The SCOOP must be over.

A little High on Fire has cured me of my "Leon Boner" and I'm winning hands with my renewed focus.

I participate in this series of texts with Jeremiah early in the 3rd level.

Jeremiah Smith:
Yo homoface just sent you some money on tilt

JDN:
Sweet. Playing the 6 handed. 20k at break.

JS:
What 6 handed???

JDN:
caesars

JS:
Wtf. Thanx for telling me. Woulda loved that.

JDN:
I was gonna golf but here instead. Schedule is online.

JS:
I'm so tilted right now.

JDN:
Self induced?

JS:
By u not telling bout 6max

i hate u

so much

JDN:
You're such a girl

JS:
I would say go blow yourself but i know ur too fat

JDN:
LOL nice one


In the 4th level rbg raises to 750 under the gun. On the button I reraise to 1750 with AK. He calls and the flop is 9h 2h 3c. Check check.

The turn is the 4h and he bets 2700. Hmm, this is not making a lot of sense to me. He usually checks the made hands. But to call the reraise preflop, he's gotta have a decent hand. I basically put him on a JT or better but no pair. I also rule out two hearts. One heart makes more sense.

I got the gut shot draw too. I call the 2700.

The river is the 2s. He bets 4525. Well, that couldn't have helped him. None of this is making sense.

I tank it. Replaying the hand in my head. Nope. No way. Riiight. Nothing is adding up.

I look over at him and he's pulling a chris ferguson. Hands on chin, covering his nose and chin, just staring at me. This is new. Haven't seen this before.

He keeps staring at me. Now with any other player I would take this as a strong hand. But not him.

I call. He shows QT. Gotcha biatch! I show my AK. Minor freak out on the table as I scoop the pot.

I bust a dingleberry when I flop another set at the end of the level. I'm a machine.

47K at 2nd break.

I pretty much just maintain for the next two levels before these two hands happen.

A new seat 2 does not know how to bet preflop. He's betting out 4 and 4.5 times the blind while the rest of the table is betting less than 3 times.

Everyone is waiting to catch him with a 3 bet. So of course it's folded him on the button and he raises to 2300. I look down at QQ and raise to 6500. He calls.

The flop is Ad Jh 2d. He quickly checks outta turn. I bet out 8K sensing weakness and he raises all in. WTF?

I ditch the queens and he shows an ace.

On the very last hand of the level seat 4 moves in under the gun for 7500. It's folded to me in the big blind and I look down at QdJd. They're probably live. I just lost a big pot. I'm on tilt. I call.

He shows AdQc. Blargh. But a jack on the flop wins it for me. Sweet.

30K at dinner break.

I get moved to the table behind me and there are two women at the table. Last two in the tourney.

Then something happens to me that's never happened before. It's folded to me on the button, I raise to 2100 with 94. Standard right? I drop a chip on my cards and as I pull my hand away the edge of the card catches a ridge somewhere in my finger print and flips the cards over.

Wait! What?

The card flips over, the chip drops straight down on top of the 9. My 4 of spades is exposed.

...

So embarrassing.

Everyone laughs. The small blind shows a 3 of clubs and folds. Then the big blind, a woman, who's low in chips, moves in. I have to fold and she shows QJ.

Bah!

Blinds move up to 600/1200 and I'm hovering around 25K.

I pick up kings and everyone folds. Shenanigans!!!

The TDs may have changed the payout structure mid-tournament.

Details to come.

Make another break with 35K. 36 players left.

I get all in for the first time in tournament with AK in the big blind. The lady with all the chips folds AQ face up. Sgghhfsaghhjllkjk!

The pay out structure has been changed from 27 peeps to 24. Bunk. Basically they said that the payouts were for a 9 handed tourney and they had to change it to a 6 handed one.

Makes sense.

The night TDs at Caesars are way better than the morning ones.

I bust the old guy in seat 2 with my hot mess of a A8 vs his K8. Up around 75K.

I make a big call with 2 pair and it's good. Up to 110K.

We redraw at 30 players and I swear to god my cousin Nathan is to my right. Except he's wearing Ed Hardy. Nathan would never wear that... Well, he might.

In the big blind I get moved to another table behind the button. Sweet! Allie Prescott is the only person I know here.

I try and abuse the bubble and I get the cards to do it, but I end up breaking even on the level and finish at the break with 116K.

4th break. I gotta pee.

25 peeps left. We'll be hand for hand when we get back.

Oh momma. On the small blind I decide to 3 bet anyone that raises. Under the gun raises to 6500 and the Ginger to his left calls. I reraise to 19200 with K2. Wait wait! Hear me out.

I know the Ginger doesn't have a big hand and the Asian under the gun will fold AK here.

The Asian folds and the Ginger reluctantly calls. The flop is Q 2 4. He checks and I move in. He quickly folds. Looks like a middle pair to me.

Up to about 140K.

Finally!!! We make the money. I got close to 150K. I think we get $1200 for 24th.

Donk off a bunch of chips to the retarded ginger who called my raise with 76 vs my A6.

58k at the next break. 16 left.

In the 2000/4000 level seat 6 raises under the gun to 1200. I call with 33. Allie calls behind.

The flop falls 9h 3c 3h. Oh. Snap. Bitch. Now how am I going to get any chips outta this?

Seat 6 moves in. Ah! Ha! I call. Way to quickly. Allie shows the Ah 4h and folds. Fudge.

Seat 6, who is a ringer for Tim Meadows, shows Ad 8d.
Ship it this way. Back up to 145k.

I bust seat 2 with TT vs his 66 and we're down to 12. Table redraw. I got 200K.

I like my new seat. I'm in 6 with two big stacks to my right. The first hand is of course raised by the young kid with the beanie to my right. I look down at A5 and make the call.

The flop falls A 3 K. He bets out on the flop for less than half the pot and I call. I also decide to call him down on this hand. He's a solid player, but I've seen him over play a couple of hands. The turn is a 6. He bets half the pot, about 45K. I call.

The river is an 8 and he quickly moves in. What? I got about 125K left. Weird. I tank it. I look at the payouts, 5 minutes to end of the day. Still have a lot of chips if I fold.

I notice that a couple a guys on the rail stand up to watch this hand. They're wearing beanies too. Must be a gang. They're all young.

I ask the kid if that's his backer. He says yes. Pretty sure the little one is Chad Batista. He could be showing off for his backer. He's either got nothing or everything. Smells a little like a bluff, or maybe he even has a K.

If I win this hand I'll be up around 450K. I can fold, play it safe and come back tomorrow.

Fuck it. I call.

He's got a King. And an Ace. Bollocks. Nice hand sir. I muck my cards.

My 1st really horrible read of the day.

Bah. 12th place pays $2K. Not bad for a days work. Even better, I was playing good. Not too tight, aggressive and making spot on reads has me feeling really good about playing some more tournaments at Caesars and beyond.

This is a stepping stone.



JDN

$500 Caesars Circuit Event

Insta-tilt to start the tournament. The tournament starts and the floor directs the dealer to deal. The problem here is that there are only 3 people at the table. I call the floor over to say that you can't deal with only 3 players.

He says all the seats are sold, go ahead and deal. I tell I him I don't believe him for a second that all the seats are sold.

He sarcastically says, "I hope you win the tournament."

As he walks away I reply, "I if win you better hope for a tip."

What a fucking douche bag. I text Matt Savage to see what the TDA rule is.

(start text)

JDN: Hey the TDs are caesars are retarded. Can you start dealing a tournament when there are only 3 players at the table?

MS: depends on the situation?

JDN: It's a ten handed 10 table only 3 seats sold. Happy Easter btw

MS: Thanks, with only 3 on a new table i will wait but if all the seats are sold or even 8 of the 10 are there then i will deal

JDN: THat's what I thought. thx

MS: Golf... lets do it!

(end of text)

I then watch the next person to buy in, walk over to our table and sit down in seat 8. Fucking lying bastard.

Now we have 4.

I lose two tilty hands in the next orbit and 4 more people buy in and take their seats at the table. I swear I'm gonna smack that guy next time I see him.

It's not so much that he was wrong, it's that he treated me like I was retarded. I know what the fucking rule is. Just cause you don't, don't lie to cover it up.

Then with seat 8 on the button, seat 1 limps, I raise to 175 with Ac8c. The small and big blind call as does seat 1. The flop comes 6c 7c 8d.

There's gonna be some fireworks on this hand.

Seat 8 bets out 550. Seat 1 calls. I raise to 1500. Small blind folds.

Then seat 8 does this whole confused act for several minutes before trying to raise to 4500. It takes a couple more minutes to get the right amount of chips out there.

Ok I'm up against a set or a straight. I never win these. I should fold.

I move in.

He calls and says, "show me aces!"

I got better. I show the Ac8c and he shows 7h6h. WTF? Why would you wanna see aces with that hand. Guess he's never been counterfeited before.

No sir I only have 16 outs. The turn is a 4. Now I got 19 outs.

The river pairs the board with the wrong card. A 6 and I'm out.

Fuck this place. I'm going to go the Venetian to play the HORSE tourney. In 3 hours. Blargh!

JDN

Opportunity Village Charity Poker Tournament

I meet up with Perry Friedman at registration and we notice that Mr Top is also registered for the tourney.

Top Carrot, a new show coming to Bravo this fall staring 20 hopeful gingers vying to become the next creepy ginger celebrity.

$300 buy in, 1000 chips to start, rebuys get you 1500 and the add on gets you 2000. 20 minute levels, it's a turbo! Sweet!

Table 5 seat 4

Table draw: Is really boring. No famous peeps, no poker pros, nothing. Except the little guy at the other end of the table that looks like Warwick Davis of Willow and Leprechaun fame.

In the first level I flop a flush and get paid off. Then I flop a straight and get paid off.

In the second level I flop 2nd pair and lose all my chips. Rebuy!

I call a 450 raise with 88 from the small blind and 3 of us see the 5 6 9 flop. Looks like I'm getting all in on this one. I check and seat 6 moves in for 750. Seat 10 flats calls and I move in for 725 more. Seat 10 can't fold and shows QQ. Seat 6 turns over 66 for set of sixes (hail Satan!) and I show my 88 and ask for a rebuy. A 7 on the turn and I tell the rebuy to go away. Triple up to 5500 or something.

Sweet.

Hey look! It's the backside of that female poker player from that Celebrity Apprentice show. Don't they know that poker players are not celebrities?

I do the add on at the end of the 3rd level and I have 7500 at break. Since I have no crazies at my table I'm looking good. Figures that this is charity tourney and I'm doing good.

I double up the cranky grandma in seat 7 after her K8 makes two pair on the turn vs my TT. She got angry with me after I asked her how many chips she had left after she called my preflop raise.

She didn't want me to look at her chips and she tried to hide them behind her cup holder.

They're auctioning off a full tilt poker poker table signed by team full tilt. Including Clonie Gowen. Oops. I wonder how long that's been sitting in storage?

The redneck guy in seat 1 is playing for reals. He gets all pissed when people beat him in pots and he's boarderline throwing his cards into the muck. This charity tournament circuit is serious stuff.

This is officaly the most boring, tightest charity tournament table evar. I might need to order a cocktail.

I make the second break with 3575.

Triple up with jacks on the first hand back. Up to 9k before losing with aq vs a8. Down to 500, I move in under the gun with KK and get 2 callers. The guy next to me has TT and the guy in the small blind has AQ.

When an Ace hits on the flop I'm walking out the door, but I sit back down with the river brings a two outter K. I think I'm around 3000 when the table breaks.

I get moved next to Marissa the tax lady and funny enough, James the tax man was at the same table before he busted. This is pretty much the first time ever James and I weren't at the same table during a tournament. Next to Marissa is a dancer from the Fantasy show at the Luxor.

It's a topless show and this chick is defintely qualified. Her gianormous fun bags are basically spilling out the top of her corset. I have a hard time remembering my hole cards.

Then she stands up. Whoa! Those pants are too tight girlfriend. She's got this weird skinny chick muffin top, a biscuit can if you will, going on. Not to mention I see half her ass when she stands up.

With the tight jeans and the corset pinching her skin, her waddle looks like the cheese spilling out of the grilled cheese sandwich your mom used to make you.

Aiyeah.

I get my stack up to 10K before Jeremiah Smith and his nerdy glasses shows up to sweat me in a charity tournament. The guy has no life.

With blinds at 1k/2k I move in for 11k from middle position with As7s. The english guy at the other end of the table thinks about it forever before calling with AK. WTF took you so long bloke? I hit a 7 but still lose the hand thanks to my mush Mr Smith.

Oh well, it was for charity and I had a good time.

I'll probably play a Venetian tournament later this week. Bellagio only got 27 people for the 5K. I'm not going back there this month. Especially with the WSOPC starting at Caesars next weekend.

JDN

Dream Team Poker

The night before the tournament I, Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith and the GF, attend some sort of party in the poker room at Caesars. It wasn't easy to get a drink and it was harder to get our jerseys!

Even though it was on the wall, we couldn't get it.



I guess we have to buy in. ok ok.

While standing in line with Miah, we're discussing the latest issue of Invincible when Zee Justin and Jimmy Fricke walk up. This should be good. Miah says "hi" to both before Jimmy throws out a hand to me. I shake it, then say, "Do you know who I am?" He says no. Sweet. I tell him I'm the guy that forwarded the email from Howard to you.

Awkward silence.

He says, "Sorry."

I laugh it off and continue with the talk with Miah about Invincible. Issue #60 was awesome.

After buying in we get our jerseys.

Oh yeah, our 3rd is non other than Scott Fischman. And we're Team Zurvive. Don't ask about the name.

The peeps from Dream Team sent me this email about a week before and here's my response:

1) Why you think you have the best team?

We don't have anywhere near the best team. Our best chance to win is to move in on any two cards that make a flush or straight. This technique is also know as the Jeremiah "That Donkey" Smith system.

2) How you came up with your team name?

Truthfully? Spellcheck on the computer broke.

3) How you decided on who was going to be on your team?

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suite case and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that
Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat?
I don't think sow
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

Jeremiah's response to #3 was classic:

#3) Most teams are trying to put together a team of mixed playing styles, but we took that one step further. We are fielding a has-been, a wannabe, and a never-was.

I'm not sure who I am but I would put money on the wannabe.

Day 1

We're starting no earlier than 12:45. It's takes 30 minutes to get people in their seats and just when we think we're going to see some cards, we get some special announcements. One by the founder of Dream Team Poker, one by the mayor of Beverly Hills (WTF), and one by a congress woman who's name I can't remember. Shelly something. Regardless it was a brutal 45 minutes waiting for this thing to start.

In the first orbit I lose 3K with 44 vs seat 5 when he fires 2 bullets with AK and catches the ace on the river. Blargh.

An orbit later I raise with AA in early position and everyone folds. So it's just gonna be one of those days.

My right eye is killing me. I feels like someone rubbed a chipolte in my eye. I'm slowly turning into Popeye here.

In the 50/100 level it's mistakenly minraised by seat 5 and I call the extra 100 with K2. The flop falls 8s Kd Qs. Sweet, time for a check raise. It's checked around. Bah! I bet $350 on the turn when a jack falls.

Seat 5 calls and I bet 625 on the river. Its an 8. Seat 5 thinks about it for a few seconds before he raises to 3600. Damn it! He makes a funny face and winks at me. Full house or quads? I fold. Down to 5500.

Table 36 seat 1

Table draw:

Seat 1: jdn
Seat 2: rwg can't remember his name but he's on team Drity Sanchez.
Seat 3: rwg with a Jew-fro. And no, it's not Alex Jacob.
Seat 4: rowg that I've played with before. He's a got a bad mustache too.
Seat 5: rwg. Way too old to be wearing a basketball jersey. But to his credit he's wearing a sweat shirt under it.
Seat 6: Steve Sung. He left in the 2nd level to go play a blackjack tournament at the bellagio
Seat 7: rwg. Some girl on his team walked up to talk to him and she wasn't wearing a bra under her jersey. I know exactly what her breasts look like. All I can think about is a motorboat.
Seat 8: rag
Seat 9: rwg
Seat 10: rag. Minor SAG.

9950 at break. Jeremiah has 15k and Scott has 12k.

Joe Sebok tucks his jersey in. I LOL'd.

Steve Sung just came back but he has to go back to the bellagio at 4 for more BJ.

Jeremiah just got congratulated over the pa for going deep in the main event. I'm def the never-was.

Level up! 200/400 with a 50 ante. Gamble gamble. I got 10k.

Steve Sung can make his BJ tournament. He's busto.

Seat 5 stares at my chips every time he raises. So now I call him on it every hand. I'm trying to tilt him and it seems to be working. He lost two raise hands in a row. Haha fucker!

With blinds at 200/400 I raise to 1100 in middle/early position with KcQc. The rag in seat 8 calls from the big blind. The flop is 2 5 6. Check check. The turn is a K. He bets out 1400 and I call. The river is a 4 and he checks. I must be good. I bet 2000 and he calls.

I show my KQ and he flips over what I think is KQ. On my second take I see that it's KK. WTF?! That's right I gotta hit the 1 outter to lose any money. But he plays it so bad I get away cheap.

Down to 5500 I get it all in with AK vs the 99 of seat 10. Ace on the flop and I'm up to 10K. Again. Starting stack.

A few orbits later seat 3 raises under the gun to 1200. Seat 7 flat calls and I move in with KT on the button. I know seat 3 reads this as a squeeze and moves in. I'm racing. Then seat 7 calls all his chips off, seat 3 has him covered.

Seat 3 shows 66 and seat 7 shows JJ. After a T on the flop I blank out and head to the Mermaid Maid Bar to kick it with Scott Huff, his GF, and Amanda Leatherman. None of them make me fell better about the way I played, so I have a few more Hieneken's before hitting up the roulette table.

Fuck this team shit!

Jeremiah busts a few hands after me and Scott actually makes it to the bubble before busting with KK vs QQ.

Aiyeah!

JDN
(I'm not spell checking this BS before I post it. Deal with it!)

Caesars 1K Day Two

Table 44 seat 8

I got $71,800 and that's below average. The biggest stack at my table is
only maybe 90K. Good draw. Of course Kyle Bowker is at my table again
and he has position on me again, but he's only got 39K.

Blinds start today at 1500/3000 with a 400 ante. Eek. Kinda steep.
This tournament is going to be played and won preflop.

78 players left. Here we go.

I pick up aces in the first orbit and win the blinds and antes. Then I
get moved to the table with all the chips. Lovely.

In the first orbit I pick up aces again and make a preflop reraise
against seat 3. He calls but then folds on my all in bet on the K high
flop. I'm up over 100K.

Ok, the real table draw:

Seat 1: Kyle Bowker, this guy is my fricken shadow
Seat 2: Thor Hansen doppelganger
Seat 3: rwg
Seat 4: rag definite non-sag
Seat 5: Internet geek
Seat 6: rag (non-sag)
Seat 7: rwg
Seat 8: big fat English guy wearing a rugby club shirt. Guaranteed he
hasn't played rugby in a while
Seat 9: JDN
Seat 10: rwg

I get seat 10 all in with my A4 vs his AK. D'oh. The flop falls Jd 6c
Jc. Sweet. The turn is the Jh. D'oh. The river is As. Chop! Sweet!

We're already down to 58 players from 78. We've lost 20 players in
less than an hour.

Internet kid doubles through drunk guy in a donkey play, then he cracks
my QQ with A3. So poor.

Random white guy in seat 7 just showed us naked pictures of his wife.
I shit you not. Not bad for an old guy. Probably photoshopped though.

75K going into level #12.

In the small blind with levels at 2000/4000, the fat bloke, who turns
out to be from Amsterdam, moves in from the button. I knew he was
going to do that before he did. I look down at QQ and call. He shows
58 off. Haha

The flop falls 7 3 9. Fuck. Gotta fade the gut shot, which I have not
been good at recently. But I do this time!!! Double up to 140K.

Then I take a shot at a pot and get knocked down 74K. I swear this
midget-looking kid can't miss a flop.

74K at break with 39 people left.

With blinds at 2500/5000 the Internet nerd, whose name is Brent, I
think, raises to 12,000. The midget kid to my right calls and I look
down at AA.

How should I play this? Can't flat call it with 2 in front. So I decide to
over raise it to look like a steal. I throw out 45,000. Take that
fuckers.

I look down at my bet. There's only 25,000 out there. Shit. I
miscounted my 5K chips. D'oh! Ok. Well I guess its looks like I have
aces then.

Everyone folds to the midget kid, who calls. He can't read the signs
obv. The flop falls K 8 6. I bet 35,000 and the kid moves in. I snap
call and he asks if I have a set of kings. Fuuck he flopped a set.

He shows 66 for bottom set. D'oh. I stand up and grab my hoodie, Ace on
the turn! Aces! Fuck yeah!!!

Up to 200K.

Table breaks when we're down to 30 players. Of course the drunk guy
from last night is to my left and working on getting drunk again. He
won't shut up.

Drunk guy AKA Thor Hansen doppelganger is popping Valium. Awesome.

It's folded to me in the big blind and I look down at 55. I raise to
18,000 to the doppelganger's protest. He tanks it for a moment before
raising another 45,000. I call bullshit and move in. He shows 92 off
and asks if I can beat that.

I say "no" and rake the pot.

240K at dinner break. 23 players left and 18 pay. Getting down to it.

Mike Laing The drunk guy is Mike Laing! I knew I knew him.

In the next level I see AJ 3 times and AA once. I win two of those and
basically break even until were down to 20.

We redraw when we're down to two tables and guess who I'm sitting next to?
Kyle motherfucken Bowker. But he's on my right this time and he's
short. Haha fucker!

Mike Laing busts in 19th. On the bubble.

Gross. Kyle Bowker bubbles with QdQs vs KdTd. Gross. Runner runner
flush and kwob busts. Bad for him. Good for me.

Vee Rob, you get 20% of your buy in back.

$239,000 at break. 16 players left. Not much going on with me. I'm
just maintaining my stack, making preflop raises once or twice an
orbit. This shit is easy.

Just found out that the Mexican guy at our table, who's wearing
sandals, is that guy who finished 3rd in the WSOP POY points race. I
guess he knows how to play this game, but not how to speak the language.

Sick! I'm in the big blind when under the gun limps. The Ginger in
seat 7 calls, as does the chip leader in seat 1. I'm in seat 2 and
look down at AT.

The flop comes Qd Td 3c. Check around. The turn is a 7c. Check, check,
45,000 from the under the gun limper. I call. Fold fold.

The river is a Qc. I like the queen but hate the club. I check. The
UTG limper bets 90K. I got 130K. Ok ok I call. If I'm wrong I got
another hand to get my money in.

He shows Ad3d. I show my ten and take the pot down.

I got about 360K as someone busts on the other table.

13 left.

In the sickest hand yet, euro guy flops a full house with KK on a Q K
Q board against the guy next to me's KQ. Aiyeah!

Down to 10. Mexican doesn't want to play and we're coming back tomorrow.

Damn it. Most of us want to play another level.

$388,000 in chips. That's good for 7th at the final table. Gl me.

JDN

Caesars 1K mega stack thingy

I had the report all written up for the Caesars freeroll that I tortured myself to get into, but I accidentally deleted it from my iPod notes instead of emailing it. Thank you Apple for not having a back up for the notes. Genius bar my ass.

I had this new positive attitude and good outlook on the day then I bubbled the final 64. I had queens with 4 players left to the heads up and I moved in. I was short and of course I ran into aces. I should have folded.

On the bright side, I swapped 10% with Vee Rob and he made a run for it in the heads up finishing 4th for 6K. So at the end of my 40 hour debacle I'm up a little bit. Thanks mostly to the goofball playing high card with me in the mix game and Vee Rob going deep in the freeroll. I love poker.

On the way to Caesars I discover that they closed the Twain underpass behind Caesars. The tilt! That was my favorite short cut! Damn it.

My new positive attitude is out the window!

Table 58 seat 1

$30K in starting chips (holy shit) and 60 minute levels.

Table draw:
Seat 1: JDN
Seat 2: rwg (random white guy)
Seat 3: rwg with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 4; rwg with sunglasses and a hat
Seat 5; rwg with sunglasses and a hoodie
Seat 6: rwg
Seat 7: rwg with sunglasses and a hat and a bracelet. Wait! What? Yes he's got a wsop bracelet on. How tacky! To top it off, it's one of the ugly 2005 ones. That's barely a bracelet.
Seat 8: rag (random Asian guy)
Seat 9: goofy white guy who I've played with before. That's all I got.
Seat 10: rwg with a visor on.

Bracelet guy is playing like a goofball and hitting every hand. He is absolutely torturing seat 10 who's got under 5K.

I play pretty tight through the first two levels and only win 4 hands. All 4 hands counted and I'm up to around 35K.

35,275 at break.

Oh snap I win the $25 chip race off and I am rounded up another $25. Sweet. Free money!

237 total players. Wow. About a 100 more than I would have guessed. First place is $60K. 18th is 4K. Good payouts.

Just saw a 50k pot where all the money went in on the turn on a 4 7 K 6 board. Seat 6 shows 64 for two pair, seat 8 shows J9 for jack high. Ummm ok. Nothing like going bust with J high.

Oh no. Vee Rob is out. There's goes my 5%.

I catch goofy bracelet guy bluffing at the river on a board of A J 7 A 2. I call with queens and I got 45K.

In the 200/400 level I call a raise from goofy bracelet guy from the small blind with AhKc. The flop comes down 3h As 5h. I bet out 2100 and get two callers, seat 5 and the goofball. The turn is a 6c. I bet 3500, seat 5 calls and goofy raises to 12,000.

Ick. His hand range is huge, but I've seen him tighten up in his level after the break. Plus this other kid is in here with who knows what. So I tank it. For a long time.

Probably the longest I've ever thought and didn't get the clock called on me. I just go through all of the hands I've seen him play. Can he do this with AQ, AJ, or AT? Yes. KK or QQ? Yes. But he could also have 24, 47, 78, A6, A5, A3, 33, 55, or 66. There's more hands I lose to than win against.

Plus there's this other kid in the hand, which makes me think he's making a move. Arghh!

Wow, while writing this, I just got a walk! Bitchen'.

I finally fold and tell the guy I give him too much credit. The kid in seat 5 says he folded a set, which I know is complete bullshit. He was on a flush draw.

I think I was right to fold even though I might have been ahead. It wasn't worth my tournament to push in on a hunch. Now if I would have had AhKh, I would have just called.

Maybe I should have check raised the flop. That would have gotten rid of one of them. I don't know. This game sucks. I wanna play PLO8. Or HORSE.

43,100 at break.

Table break!

Table 32 seat 2.

Table draw
Seat 1: rwg
Seat 2: JDN
Seat 3: rwg. Just kidding! It's Kyle "kwob" Bowker.
Seat 4: rag
Seat 5: rpg
Seat 6: I think it's Tommy Vu. He's got an orange, like Johnny Chan, and a 32 oz bottle of apple juice.
Seat 7: a guy that looks like Nolan Dalla but fatter
Seat 8: a guy that looks like John D'Agostino but taller.
Seat 9: rag
Seat 10: rwg

And.... Table break. Again!

Bullshit.

I'm not going to do a table draw cause it's going to break soon anyway. But two players from the first table are here and Blake Bluffington, I swear that's his real name, is in seat 3.

David "C4" Plastik moves into seat 1. I think he should change his nickname to "CB4." Then he can sing "Sweat from my balls" at the table.

Made the dinner break with $39,500. I basically win 4 hands preflop and lose 3 hands post flop in the last 2 levels. Treading water.

Table breaks again and I get moved to table 33 seat 3. To my left is Kyle Bowker again. Random my ass.

In the 600/1200 level I raise it up under the gun to 3200 with TT. The goofball with the bad skin on the button pushes in for 18K. He looks nervous. He's staring at the ceiling. AJ? I call. He shows AQ.

The board runs out K 4 T J 8. Fuck. Me.

18K. Argh! I get it all in on the next hand with 77 on a T high flop to get some more chips.

The very next hand it's limped to me in the big blind while I'm holding Qs4s. The flop falls J Q Q. I get some more chips.

An orbit later Tommy Vu fires at the pot on the river with 3rd pair and I call with top pair to take down the pot.

Another few hands later on the big blind, Mr Vu moves in from middle position and I call with AJ. He's shows A4. Sweet. I'm up to 50K.

Then I get aces. And everyone folds. WTF?

Then a guy who I think is Thor Hansen sits down with a ton of chips. Then he talks and I do a double take. That's not Thor! It's some kinda country bumpkin doppelganger!

The whole table can tell that he's drunk and on his first hand he raises to 4500. I happen to be in the big blind and look down at 66. I call as does the small blind before me.

The flop falls J 8 6. Cool. I bet out 12,000 to get things started. The faux Thor raises me to 27,500. I push in for another 26K and he folds. Wait! What? Drunk bastard must have had 5 high. He was getting like 4 to 1 on his money. Bah! Whatever. I got 80K... Wow. Even though it's a mega stack it's been a while since I had that much.

After another f'ing table I end the day with 71,800. A little bit below average but still in good shape.

Starts up again tomorrow at 2pm.

JDN

Venetian $340 NLH

After the last debacle in a $300 tournament, I'm hoping to last more than 2 hands and not stand in line for 2 hours.

As I walk into the Venetian, I am greeted by another damn line. This one is small and I get bought into the tourney in about 5 minutes and only miss a few hands.

After a moment of searching, I find my seat at 18 and get dealt my first hand. I look down at queens. Not this shit again. After raising, I get a call from the old guy to my left and the flops falls 2 3 9. Wonderful. Just wonderful. (I'm slowly turning into Allen Kessler. I go into a hand thinking that there's no chance I'm going to win it).

I bet out and he folds. Whew!! Good start.

Table 18 seat 8

12K in starting chips. 40 minute levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: a crusty old seaman with a bushy mustache from Reno. He's wearing a Peppermill hat and he looks like he's had a hard life on the high seas.

Seat 2: a younger white guy who looks like he just came from the club. He's got on way oversized sunglasses and he's sucking on one of those fake cigarette things. From the other side of the table it looks like he's got a sharpie in his mouth.

Seat 3: an older white guy that looks like a turtle. I don't think it would be to hard for him to pull his head into his jacket to avoid giving off tells when he's made a reraise on someone.

Seat 4: rwg

Seat 5: rwg who I've played with before. I would bet that he's clinically insane. He really has no concept of poker, betting, gambling or math.

Seat 6: a younger white guy with one of the worst jr high school mustaches evar! The only reason I can see it is because he's pale and he has dark facial hair.

Seat 7: older white guy trying to channel Mickey Rourke from that Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man movie. He's got the bandana, 1 hoop earring in the left lobe, leather jacket, and cowboy boots. And he's horrid at poker.

Seat 8: jdn

Seat 9: the mad Greek. He's a little guy, about 60, and insane! Never saw a hand he didn't like and he went on a roller coaster in the first level. Going from 12K to 3K back up to 25K with blinds at 25/50. I need to get some of those chips.

Seat 10: rwg that kinda looks like Chris Moneymaker. In between hands he's highlighting documents.

LOL the kid in seat 2 is wearing reading glasses under his way oversized shades. Classy.

Holy moly! My table is outta control. In the first 3 levels we've lost 6 players. The blinds were at 100/200 and people were going apeshit. I love these tournaments.

I was pretty card dead through the last two levels, levels 2 and 3... So I didn't see any of the bust out chips. Clinically insane guy got most of the chips and he's sitting on a 50K stack.

I got 10,750 at break.

Wow. They got over 500 players in this shizzle. And they lost about 100 in the first 3 levels. It's like a turbo but not.

I pick up kings early in level 3 and take some chips from the turtle guy to get up to 15K.

I have to start manufacturing hands to get any chips. I get all of my chips in the middle with AQ on a board or 2 K J 4 against the insane guy. I think I'm bluffing with the best hand because the most I can put him on is a bad flush draw. He folds and I win the 8K pot.

The old scallywag in seat 1 just raised a 750 bet to 8000. Maybe he can't see past his mustache.

In the middle of level 5 the table breaks. Damn. So sad to see it go.

I get moved to table 31 seat 2 and I don't want to do a table draw. Frankly, because all these new peeps are boring and non-descript. Just a bunch of RWGs.

In the 200/400 level I finally pick up aces. I reraise seat 9's 850 bet (WTF is that?) to 2100 and get the big stack in seat 5 and seat 9 to call.

The flop comes 5h 7h 4c. Not a huge fan but when it's checked to me I bet 6K. Big stack folds and seat 9 goes into the tank. He thinks forever so put him on 8s 9s or 10s.

He finally calls and shows 88. Ok, gotta fade 6 or an 8. The turn is a two of hearts. Ick. I dunno if he has a heart or not. It's definitely red though. The river is a harmless deuce and I drag the pot. Now I got some chippies!

A few hands later I bust this Grizzly Adams looking mofo with 99 vs his A8. I get up to around 37K. Woo hoo!

That doesn't last long.

I'm in the small blind when it's folded around to seat 1 who raises to 1500. I call with AT and check the Q high flop. He bets 3K. I call thinking that's he's continuing the semi bluff. The turn is a 9. I check he bets 3K again. Now I know he's on air. I call and the river peels off a K.

After a few seconds of thought I put him all in with a bet of 8K. He calls pretty quick and shows AJ. Kicker plays. WTF was that? How do you call off your stack with AJ?

He says something about being committed. Really? What kind of math is that? K-Mart math?

I'm pretty sure I found the only person in this tournament that would be dumb enough to make that call.

I think even if I put him all in on the turn he's calling. These people...

After the break, I don't even bother counting my chips, we're in the 400/800 level and I'm in the big blind with about 13K in front of me.

It's folded to the idiot in seat 1 and he raises to 2500. Every time it's been folded to him in late position he's raised. He read a book or something about position apparently. I look down at J8 off and make the call. I'm calling that small blind raise about 90% of the time with any two cards. And he can't possibly have another hand. Right?

The flop falls 4 8 J. Sweeeet. He bets 6K. I move in for my last 11K or so. He doesn't snap call this time. He must have not have AJ again. After the dealer does a piss poor job of counting out the chips, he finally calls. I show my two pair and he gasps. I guess he didn't expect me to have a hand. He shows AK.

The turn is a Q, river a T. Giving him the nut straight. GG.

Really? I mean WTF? The guy plays like shit and wins only two hands while I'm at the table. Both from me. I just handed him 40K.

I now understand why people go on shooting sprees. Makes total sense now. This is why I don't own any weapons. I would use them.

I feel so robbed when I walk out of the Venetian. Why can't I just not get over the hump? I just keep getting raped and I keep going back for more. No matter what you do, you're still gonna get prison raped in the shower. There's no escaping it.

I think about going back into the Venetian to stab that guy with a spork but I decide the best course of action would be to find out if he has any kids. If he does, I'm going to take them down to the animal shelter and get them fixed right away. Those genes do not need to be passed down to another generation of idiots. I'll be doing a good deed for society and saving the welfare system some trouble too. I'll be a hero.

Why am I so worked up over a $300 tournament? I don't know. Its ricockulously frustrating to keep losing to horrible players in shitty low stakes tournaments.

I get to look forward to the Caesars freeroll on Sunday, Venetian main event on Monday, and Caesars main event on Tuesday...

Fuck this shit, I quit.

JDN

The Final 10 hours

I clock in a little before 4:30pm and by 5, I'm up $175. Thanks to aces and a flopped set of deuces, things are looking up. We'll see how long this lasts.

It don't last long because I leave the table to go play a 4/8 mix game. So much more interesting than 1/3 no limit. The games are badugi, ace to 5 triple draw, omaha hi/lo, 2 to 7 triple draw, and Chinese poker.

Unfortunately the triple draw games are not very fun to write or read about. Not to mention I probably miss at least 75% of the action.

All that I know is that beginners luck is real. The guy to my left has never played 2 to 7 before. He rattles off 4 straight hands with a 86 or better, including the wheel. On the 5th hand he bet up an ace high because he forgot what he was playing.

I didn't do any accounting for the last couple hours because, because well I was busy losing $500 in a 4/8 game. This one Asian guy that looks like a mini Kelly Kim ran hotter than the sun. He ran Phil Ivey hot.

Each game is usually 3 or 4 bet preflop and I can't catch a break. I feel like this blog should be called "I wish I was Allen Kessler."

Finally I get fed up and throw my hand down during 2 to 7 and say, "Fuck this game!".

I'm going to Chipotle to drown my sorrows in a vegi burrito.

After dinner I start high carding for $50 with the crazy Asian in seat 8. He beats me 3 outta 4 to start before I go on a tear and win 6 of 8.

Then I actually start to win hands. Then we up the ante in the high card game...

Now, this is where I usually start writing about how I got pwned by so and so. A bad beat basically. But this time I do the bad beating. I'm just gonna say that I won high card with a 4. Twice.

Sweet. I leave the mix game only down $50 or so and head to the midnight tourney.

And... That lasts about an orbit. Details aren't interesting, I'm too tired to recount the details.

Instead of heading back to the mixed game I jump into a 1/3 game and low and below, guess who's playing?

That's McLovin!!!

I play to 3:30am and when I go to check out, the floor man tells me that I'm an hour and 15 short.

...

Cocktails. I tough it out for another hour, losing a hundo, before I head home. Come Feb 22nd, I'm gonna win this bitch. Unless I'm playing the LAPC main event.

I like torturing myself.

JDN

Hades part 3

I get clocked in at 1:32 even though I've been sitting at the table since 1:15. The floor person called "Bill" is a moron.

Oh well 22.5 more hours to go and 3 days left. I'm going to try and get 12 hours in today.

The day starts out great when my aces get cracked by J8. Down $60.

I've gotten so bored that I'm counting hands per hour. It took 14 minutes for the first 9 hands and 27 minutes for 18 hands. So I'm looking at 35-40 hands an hour and in the neighborhood of 450 hands over the 12 hours that I'll be here today. Gawd that's depressing.

Retarded cocktail waitress is back. Why can't she have a day off?

I keep telling myself that this whole 40 hour thing is not about results. Otherwise I would be playing the 5/10 at bellagio. I'm just putting in hours for the overlay. Though I much rather just pay a $500 entry fee than do 40 hours in H E double hockey sticks.

I haven't won a hand yet and the guy next to me just went south for $200.

So here are my hour 18 results:
-$190
1 Heineken

2:56pm
I win my first hand of the day when my Q high holds up in a four handed pot that gets checked down. That $12 is mine bitches!

Finally win a hand with post flop betting. Of course I had to play it horrible and hit a 2 outer to win it but I'll take it non the less.

I call a $50 bet on the turn with a board reading 2c 5d 6c Qs. I hit my 3rd 3 on the river with a 3c. It tilts the guy so bad he leaves the table.

Hour #19 results:
-$220
1 Heineken

I lose a good sized pot to the crazy old guy with dyed eyebrows in seat 1 when he rivers a 3 outer with his KT vs my AK.

I finally hit a hot streak and win two more hands. I flop trip 8s and bust the middle aged house wife with my T kicker.

Then I get the crazy old dude with the eyebrows, or CODWTE, to call me down with top pair vs my two pair.

I'm on fire!!!

Hour #20 results:
-$200
1 Heineken
1 water
No pee breaks

I look down at KhQs and raise to $11. A house wife calls from the 6 seat as the big blind from the 7 hole. The flop falls Ks Kc 8s. When she bets at flop I know she has a king too. She's done the same thing when she flopped a boat and a nut flush.

So I reraise her to $45 and she moves all in for $150ish. I call as the turn and river come 2s 7s putting 4 spades on the board. She asks if I have a spade and say yes. Then she turns over K7 for the full house. Nice.

She didn't slowroll me on purpose, she's just a noob. The tilter is that her husband is on right and he slapped me on the back and said something like, "Ooh boy!"

The very next hand I limp with Kc7c and it's a family pot. The flop is Ac 9c 4c. Great! How am I going to get any action on this hand.

Seat 9 moves in for $101 from early position. Sweet. I call and then the guy to my left moves in for $225. Awesome.

Seat 9 shows 3c5c, seat 4 shows Jc6c, and open up the da nuts. I just gotta fade the 2c. It doesn't come and I'm up to down $200.

Hour #21(over the hump) results:
-$200
1 Heineken
1 shitty burrito from the food court

The shitty burrito comes back to haunt me and I make a run for the border. Time to do the deuce.

I manage to lose another couple hundred to the lesbian in seat 5 when she hits a set. Down $475.

As I sit here typing this I gotta think to myself that there might be a chance that I cannot beat 1/3 nl game. I'm definitely running cold, ie no flopped sets, no kings in two days, but can I really be this bad? Am I in right profession? Is this a profession?

I've never tried to play this much poker before and I am now realizing why. Cause it sucks. Fuck this shit I'm going home.






Well, I didn't go home. I met up with the GF and got some sushi roku.

I make back to the pokerroom before they pick me up. My luck is changing. I can feel it.

I think this hour 27. Results:
-$400
3 Heinekens
2 deuces

And would you believe, I pick up aces and flop a set! I didn't get much action but it's a step in the right direction.

11:23pm
Well that streak didn't last long. I run into a couple sets and lose another couple hundo.

To top it all off I've developed a weird zit on my hand.



I'm pretty sure I got it from the dirty ass chips. Or the video poker machines at the hooker bar. It's probably a staph infection.

I get pissed and head to the hooker bar to play some video poker. Now I know I said I wouldn't go there any more but it's been a rough day and I need to blow off some steam by losing more money.

Then something different happens. I go on video poker monster motherfucken tear! I hit quads 4 times in 15 minutes on a double bonus machine and walk away up $800 plus a free beer! YEAH BOY!

I'm even for the day. Maybe. I don't know if my accounting is correct. Probably not.

My mood instantly changes I'm happy, I'm ready for the morning, I'm going to play the midnight tournament, and I don't think I have a staph infection anymore.

I decide to play the tournament to get a change of scenery. Since I've already played 11 hours I'll just quietly walk over to the tournament area and keep the clock running.

The tournament is boring and I bust out around 1:30am. I clock out with 29.5 hours credit. Only 10.5 to go.

I'll be back tomorrow to knock this bad boy out.

JDN

Purgatory: Day 2

I got to Caesars about 5 hours earlier than expected because of rain. My day of golf got rained out. In Vegas. Really?

So I'm up all early and after breakfast I head down to Caesars. Unfortunately I forget my daily ritual and halfway through hour 1 I gotta drop a deuce.

So there I am in the stall. In a casino. Not much cleaner than Hollywood Park. Complating the universe, solving the world's problems when I hear the guy next to me start to cuss in between his gasps for breath as he presummibly gives birth to a monster brown trout. A lunker if you will.

This goes on for several long minutes as just sit there waiting for a prolapse. Then suddenly he gets up flushes the can and leaves. I don't think he wiped. I try to get a look at his shoes to see if he's at my table.

On a side note, I was impressed with Caesars TP quality. It's no charmin but it's quite soft. Kudos Harrahs.

Hour #7 results:
+$38
1 bloody mary
0 Heinekens

Post BM I start feeling all losey goosey and fire a bluff on the river vs the old lady in seat 5. She limped preflop, called my $10 bet on the T 7 3 flop, checked the 6 on the turn and bet $40 on the 9 river.

I reraised to $120 with A5. I did so because she looked really uncomfortable after making the bet. She was looking up, fumbling with her cards and such. I'd never seen her to do that in the hour and a half that we've been playing. I know she's weak. I've been pretty tight, I got a good image, but this is 1/3 at Caesars.

After thinking about for a while she says, "This is a bad call. I call."

She shows AT. Bah!

Hour #8 results:
-$150
0 Heinekens

Hour 9 is absolute shit. I have to rebuy after calling most of my stack off with bottom pair. Hey I thought I was good.

The goofball in seat 1 is holding over me and I've doubled him up twice, almost 3 times.

So I order a Heineken.

It's not here yet.

I more than double up to $420 (LOL) when I get it all in with a flush draw vs two pair. I river the flush. Finally! Some luck. Sweet!

I just watched the retarded cocktail waitress give my Heineken to a guy at another table. She then walked over to our table give the old lady her drink. She proceeded to stare at the wall for 10 minutes as I tried to get her attention.

Obv I failed to get her to notice me as she soon wandered over to the other side of the room trying to avoid eye contact with thirsty poker players.

This bitch is fucking with my mojo.

I proceed to blow 120 to the tubby cowpoke in seat 4.

The young kid next to me keeps mumbling about how bad the players are and how he wants a table change. I tell him this how all the games are. Noob.

Hour #9 results:
-$200
0 fucking Heinekens (I'm going into an alcoholic rage! Motherfuckers!)

I'm pretty sure that peter griffin from family guy is our dealer. He got contacts and grew a goatee to go incognito.

I decide to take a break and lose $200 at video poker. That worked out well.

It's now well into hour 10. Only 30 more to go. Shoot me now.

I like the new cocktail waitress. She's not retarded for starters. And she told me that she too likes to drink alone. I'm usually alone at midnight in my man cave drinking but I'm the only one at the table with a frosty beverage in front of me.

Hour #10 results:
-$385 in poker
2 Heinekens
-$200 in video poker

Shiiiiiiit. Retard waitress is back.

Absolutly nothing happens in hour 11.

Hour #11 results:
Lame

I swear I'm playing on a slow short bus to hell. The new guy in seat 2 looks like lurch and the senile old man in seat 5 just check raised the flop before open folding the turn. I've never seen that before.

I finally turn things around when I bust the senior broham when my flush gets there on the turn. Back up around $300 down. It's sucks so bad to be happy about being only $300 down in a 1/3 game.

Didn't notice at first but my hommie Kevin "bleu329" Peterson sits down in seat 3. I haven't seen that guy in a couple years.

I keep running into the goofy white guy in seat 7's big hands. He's got all these weird tells, it looks like his palms are sweaty, and twitches. I finally make a move on him when I push in with 6 high on a 9 A 9 K 7 board. He folds AJ face up, I can't resist and I show him the bluff. What a great set up. Now I can't leave till I bust him.

I think I'm in to hour 13 or 14. Results:
-$250 in poker
3 or 4 Heinekens
-$200 in video poker

Goofy white guy keeps holding over me and I get down to -$515 after he, I guess, outplays me or I underestimate his intelligence.

The very next hand I pick up aces, first in 12 hours, and what do you know? Goofy guy raise in front of me.

Oh snap! I just throw in my chips, about $85, (I've got $400 cash behind) hoping that goofball thinks I'm steaming. And it works! But on the wrong player.

The creepy euro kid in seat 2 reraises to $200 not seeing my $400 behind. Then goofy white guy almost calls. Damn it! He would have doubled me up had he called the $85.

Goofball finally folds and I throw my cash out on the table all disgusted like. I totally deserve an oscar nod. The euro calls with jacks. Sweet. I flop my set. Double sweet.

Then the dealer puts the Td on the turn giving him a royal gut shot draw. Shiiiiiiiiit. Now I gotta sweat this shit.

He misses and now I'm only down $100.

Goofy guy leaves. Fuck. I'm thinking about following him.

Hour #15? results:
-$200 in poker
5 heinekens
-$200 in video poker

The new "not obv retarded cocktail waitress" forgets my Heineken. WTF is going on here. You think with the economy being what it is, that Caesars would hire some decent waitresses for below street value.

Guess not. I may need to write a letter to Mr Harrah.

Hal Lubarsky is back. His reader is wearing the same pokerwire shirt from yesterday. My legacy lives on in the rarely bathed.

Around midnight I flop 2 pair on a J 7 A board with J7 and I run into A7. Down $550. Thats it, I'm done. I gotta go home and watch the Wire. It will be my only moment of happiness I'm going to experience today. Omar needs to blast some fools.

Results:
17 hours and 30 minutes
+$4 in poker
-$117.50 in video poker

I need to stay away from the hooker bar.

JDN

40 hours of hell

Caesars Palace is running a promotion where a player can get into a freeroll to the NBC heads up if they play 40 hours of cash games in January. The first prize in the freeroll is a $20K seat and $10K in cash. Top 32 pay at least a dime and there should be only 225 people in it.

Of course I forgot about it until yesterday so I have 5 days to get 40 hours in. That's like a work week. It's been a while since I've done that.

So I gotta get this done by Tuesday. I leave for a vacation from Vegas on Wednesday (a must for vegas residents at least a couple of times a year).

I'm not much of a cash player. Definitely not a grinder and I'm riding a shit streak at cash. Somehow I've lost 3K straight at the Red Rock playing 2/5. So poor. Ok. Here we go. This is gonna suck.

I get into my seat around 6:15 and buy in for $300. Looking around at the boneheads playing this 1/3 game, and... and it's what you would expect at Caesars on a Thursday. I so belong here. This is my hell.

I play pretty tight for the first hour. I gotta practice some money management skills. The bank roll is wounded.

Only hand I saw the river on was my 77 vs the guy in seat 4's AA. Of course I called down and hit a 7 on the river.

Hour #1 results:
+$27
0 heinekens

In hour 2 I open it up a bit. On a board of 5 5 8 T 6 I call a $50 bet from seat 4 (again I know!) with 44 and it's good. The table goes wild. Seat 1 and 5 talk about it way too long, breaking it down and analyzing it, and I have to put my head phones in to drown it out.

I also hit a gutter ball on the turn with KT on a A 8 T J 7 board and get paid off. Sweet.

The cocktail waitresses here are pretty brutal. I ordered 3 drinks and only got 2 in 2 and a half hours.

Hour #2 results:
+$200
0 heinekens

After finally getting my Perrier, I pick up 22 in a multiway pot. The flop falls 8h 6h Th. It's checked around to the preflop raiser who bets $10. Hmmm. He must have the ace of hearts. I call. Everyone else folds. The turn is a black 7. I check he bets $10 again. Ok I just gotta fade an ace, king or a heart and this pot is mine. I think the river is a 5d. I check he shows the Kh As.

Dang! He was worse off than I thought. But not by much. The table laughs as I scoop the pot. Seat 1 starts talking again. Shut up dude!

A few hands later I pick up aces. I grab some chips to make a raise and a random chip rolls out from off my stack, not my hand, and stops past the betting line. WTF?! I stare at it for a second before asking the dealer if that's a bet? She says yes. Well, she should said it's a call. I protest as the other players at my table call the $3.

I call the floor over just explain the rule. (it was obv that I was trying to raise and the chip didn't come out my hand). Then the guy in seat 9, who looks like a mini Mike Matuaow, does the dumbest thing I've ever seen at a poker table. He raises to $8 to give me that option back.

Wait what? He says something like he's just being nice. Whatever. Idiot. I reraise to $20 and get 4 callers. Ahhh 1/3 No limit. You gotta love it.

I flop an ace and bust the fishy old dude in seat 7.

Hour #3 results
+$450
0 Heinekens

I decide to take a dinner break in hour 4. As long as your chips are at the table, you still get credit.

I grab a slice of pizza in the food court, that breaks apart when I pick it up, and hit up Caesars version of the hooker bar to play some video poker and watch the end of the laker game.

At the end of regulation I hit a straight flush and the smelly pirate hooker next to me slaps me on the back says something intelligible to me. Her voice is as gravely as county road she grew up on. I assume it's that way due to 50 years of smoking and gargling bum dong.

Hour #4 results:
+$300 in poker
2 heinekens
+$82.50 in video poker

the cash out machine runs on windows xp. vista sux.

The fat guy in seat 4 tells the hillbilly in seat 3 that he's a food broker. No shit Sherlock. What are the odds he's getting his kick backs in bacon?

The fake ginger dealer is telling the table about how she shares her boyfriend with other girls and her preference in the chubby chicks over the "skinny bitches".

Caesars is totally becoming Hollywood Park east.

I rake the biggest pot of the night when I flop a full house with 22 on a board of 6 2 6. The new seat 7 had Q6 and called a reraise and a $125 bet on the river. Sweet. I don't often get action when flopping a full house.

Hour #5 results:
+$500 in poker
3 Heinekens
1 bisexual dealer
+$82.50 in video poker

Hal Lubarsky is playing 1/3 two tables over. No doubt playing for the freeroll. Pretty sure Hal used to play the 10/20 game at the Mirage. I wonder how much he pays his reader? Is it a flat rate or a percentage? Gawd, playing him heads up would be brutal.

I wonder if it would be possible to throw his reader off? Like pretending to fall asleep at the table and betting the wrong amounts. Maybe blowing a vomit burp his way. I think tilting his reader would be the best way to beat him.

I pretty much coast through the last hour.

Hour #6 results:
+$554 in poker
3 heinekens
+$82.50

Shiiiiiiit. I clocked out too early and only got 5 hours and 50 minutes credited to me. 34:10 to go.

JDN