Back at it. Kinda.

I pretty much gave up poker for the last 4 months to play video games and gain several pounds around my mid section. I considered not playing ever again but then I sobered up and figured I should give it another go round.

The only problem... I'm broke. Bankroll is nonexistent and I can't really pin point the exact reason for my financial failures but I sure it has to do with the fact I don't have the ability to balance a check book. Never mind that I don't have a job and no prospects of any sorts. So any of the WSOP tournies are out of the question so this summer. Looks like I'll playing at the Nugget this year.

There's several PLO8 tournaments spread between the various casino this summer and my goal to play as many of those as I can. I can probably find someone to buy my action in the WSOP $1500 and $5000 PLO8 events but I won't worry about those quite yet.

I'll also probably play some cash games, and a few Venetian tournaments along the way.

Soooo... Prepare for a summer full of fail!

In other news:

I was on Jon Friedberg's Under the Gun show that hosted by Card Player. Gavin Smith is also a guest and we talk about how bad our softball team is and some other shit that I have really right discussing in public.

Check out Under the Gun: Softball and Sponsorship Deals

And just a couple of days ago, I was on again, this time with Jeff Madsen and Joe Tehan as we played the Savage Invitational Golf Tournament in Temecula. (godamnit I look fat)

15th Annual Savage Golf Tournament

I shot like a cripple over the 3 days so I won't go through the pain of listening to me bitch about missing a put, drive, and or chip. I shot on average, 110 over the 3 days. So I'll just do a photo easy with some funny captions.

Day 1: Cross Creek Golf Course

1 good golfer and 3 morans.. Tehan is the good one btw.


Friedberg decides to pee next to the restrooms.


My closest to the pin for the bad players. Also got a skin this day but I don't know what hole.


After finishing the first day, I decided to celebrate with some poison oak in the eye.

Day 2: Red Hawk Golf Course


Day 2 sucked ass so this is only picture of the day. I wore pink. Nuff said.

Day 3: Journey at Pechanga


Lots of gambling going on today. Probably the funnest round of golf I've played.


Teh Ghey


Another closest to the pin for the bad players. Got half a skin here too


The 6th hole. Amazing.


Madsen looking for his ball on the 6th hole.


Friedberg showing off for Tehan's gf Lisa


Madsen's water shot. Took two tries.


My biggest golf win evar! $640.


And finally... Pechanga, WTF?

JDN

WSOP $1500 PLO 8

I think I broke my finger last night playing trivia with Gavin. Don't ask how. It's a long story.

Amazon Room (yay first time in here!). Orange table 72 seat 9.

1500 starting chips with two rebuy chips. 1 hour levels.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Jacobo Frenandez AKA The Human Rain Delay
Seat 2: RAG
Seat 3: Perry Friedman
Seat 4: ROWG
Seat 5: My arch nemesis from the Hollywood Park days, Mickey "Mouse" Mills
Seat 6: Mike "Salt of the Earth" Gracz
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: Random Euro
Seat 9: JDN

This table needs more Euros and less ROWGs.

This is gonna be a long day...

I sit down and double up to 3000 pretty quick in a drawing hand vs Jacobo when I hit my wrap for a straight against what had to be a set. Sweet!

Near the end of the 2nd level it's big pot time. 4 way all in with Jacobo, Perry, a ROWG and myself.

I had the nut low draw that couldn't be counterfitted vs Perry's full house vs Jacobo's trips and nut low draw vs the ROWG's top pair. I whiffed.

I use my rebuy chips and I have 3000 at 1st break.

We get back from break and have pause for the bracelet cerimony. Lame.

Jason Potter sits down in seat 2 and Joe Tehan takes seat 4.

A couple of hands in, Joe Tehan doesn't quite pot it from middle position and its folded to me. I have Ac 8c As Qs. I pot it to 1350.

Joe calls half his stack off as the flop comes 5d 6c 9d. I move in for 2000 and Joe quickly calls the all in.

I open my hand and Joe says, "Pretty good flop for my hand..."

Oh Jesus. Joe shows Ad 4d 7h Jh. What? Wait! Did Joe Tehan really just call off half his stack preflop with that?

Oh My Gawd.

The turn is a 3h and I'm drawing dead. Well played Mr Tehan.

I'm down to 450.

A few hands later I get it all in with K K T 9. Joe calls from the big blind as the does the original raiser in seat 7.

The board runs out 3 J T 9 K. Don't you worry, Tehan shows the ole 2 8 Q J for the 2nd nut straight. The old guy shows A A 2 T.

The best part of the hand was that Joe talked the guy out of betting on the flop because there was no side pot.

Nice.

Normally I like Joe Tehan, but today is he's a fuck wit. Sorry Joe, you just earned the title and you really deserve it.

JDN

WSOP $1500 HORSE

goat on horse!

I arrive a little late and have to wait for the big blind to start playing. I catch the last hand of Omaha and look down at Ah Ad 2d 5h. I raise and get called by 5 players and lose to the ole K 9.

Our second dealer didn't know there was a burn in stud. Half the table didn't know either.

My #2 stud mush David Singer sits down in seat 8.

Brasilia Room. Table 233. Seat 4.

Table draw:

Lakers win!!!

Roland de Wolfe wins!!!!

Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: RWG
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: RWG
Seat 6: Random Lady. I don't know of what origins.
Seat 7: Russian Guy from the other HORSE
Seat 8: David Singer

The guy to my left check called 7th street in stud with trip aces. Of course I had trip 8s.

I go on a heater in the first level (where were you yesterday Mr Heater) and I head into the break with 6600.

After 2nd break I have 5000. On the first hand of hold'em I look down at 99 and raise it up. I get called by the doofus to my left and I bet out on a J T 6 board. He instaraises me. I could already see the chips in his hand before mine hit the felt.

So I reraise him. He calls. The turn is an A and I bet out, he calls. The river is something... I can't remember, but I bet out again and he calls with AQ. Moron.

The very next hand its raised by the new Asian kid in seat 6. I call from the big blind with QT. The flop is J 3 3. I check he bets I call. The turn is a 9, which I really like because it gives me an open ended straight draw. I'm figuring both of my cards are live too. No real read to get to that assumption. I just always assume I got two lives ones.

I bet he calls. The river is a blank and I fire out another bet leaving me 125 behind. I show him my 125 left, daring him to raise me. He decides to call with AK. Awesome.

Down to 125.

This should be the end of the story but its not. I double up twice and actually survive to Omaha.

In Omaha I look down Ad 3s 4s 5s and limp into a multiway pot. The flop is A 6 T. I get all my money and the turn is a 4. Think that just fucked me. The river is another low card giving me aces up and a 5 3 low. Don't you worry. David Singer has a flush and a 5 2 low.

Busto.

Oh and what are the odds that the same guy busts you out of 2 HORSE tournaments with a combined population of 1000 players in less than a week?

Even money if you're JDN

WSOP $5K Pot Limit Omaha 8 or better

Brasilia Room. Table 242. Seat 3.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

5000 in chips with 2 rebuy chips worth 5000 each.

I sweat Gavin for a bit in the stud8 / Omaha 8 tourney where he tries to get our Prince Albert bet on again. I turn it down, which I think, it a good fold on my part.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Justin Smith aka Boosted J. He just busted in 9th from the 2-7 No limit. Hopefully he's on tilt.
Seat 2: Max "The Italian Pirate" Pescatori
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: ROWG possible Euro
Seat 5: Random FTP Pro. Def Euro
Seat 6: RWG
Seat 7: ROWG
Seat 8: John Racecar
Seat 9: Internet Nerd with a Thunder Cats shirt on.

Max doubles me up when we both blank out on a board of 7s 9h Qh 4d 4c. I held Ah 7h x x vs his Kh Jh Th 9s. Sweet. Back up to 5000.

4500 at first break.

I gotta fold big starting hands on the flop in the 3rd level and get down to 1550. Time to use my rebuy chips.

For the first time tonight I pot it preflop to 1050 with Ac As Ks Qc. I get called 5 ways. WTF? The flop is 4 5 5. Check fold by me.

I bust the old guy next to me when he calls off all his chips with a low draw and gets counterfeited with the 2 that makes my straight.

After Thunder Cats Noooo busts and Kathy Liebert takes his seat.

I make a redonkculous lay down preflop, and I made it really quick.

I pot it in early position with A 2 Q Q to 1400 and John Racecar repots to 5K. He can only do that with 1 hand A A 2 x. Even if he has A 2 K K, I'm a huge dog. I fold. Bah!

John Racecar has been playing pretty tight. Very ABC for PLO8. So when he raises there, I know he has a big hand.

A couple of hands later into a limped pot I flop 3 pair with Q 2 7 and bet out 1200. The kid to my right repots it to 4800. WTF? Really? He has to hit the ole 1 outter for a set?

This kid is not an idiot, he's not doing it with A3. I fold. Blah fucker!

11,200 at dinner break.

Shortly after the dinner break ended I get moved to a new table. This one seems to gave more gamble than the other one.

The highlights are as follows:

Seat 1: Burno Fitoussi
Seat 2: JDN (yes I'm a highlight. I write this shit out!)
Seat 5: Rob Mizrachi
Seat 7: Ross Boatman
Seat 8: David Bach
Seat 9: Chip Jett

David Bach out!

I fold my way down to 8700 before it's folded to Bruno in the small blind. He pots it and I look down A A 4 7. I repot to 4500, Bruno puts me all in for 8700.

He shows A 2 3 9. Aces hold up and I double up to 17K.

Bruno out. He played like he had better things to do.

Man I'm tired.

A big stack RWG takes seat one.

Seat 3 busts and is replaced by a Random Euro FTP Pro. (REFTP?)

Rib Mizrachi is a beast. He's so aggressive that every time he folds preflop the guy on his right raises. Together they're kinda running over the table.

Man I'm tired.

17300 on break.

I pick up a few pots in the 400/800 by being aggressive and get up around 25K.

Then I pot it under the gun with Ad 2h 5s 7s. Rob Mizrachi calls. The flop falls 7 6 9. I bet 4500 and Rob calls.

The turn is a 4 and I check. I'm just trying to see where I'm at. Rob moves me all in.

Sooo I guess that where I'm at. I'm probably getting quartered but I have the straight redraw. Ok I call.

Rob asks me if I have A 2. I say yes and he says he thought he had A 2 too. Oh wow. He's embarrassed to turn over his hand.

Rob shows A 3 J Q. Wow.

The river is a T. Scoop! Pair of 7s for the high and A2 for the low. 51K. Ship it!

Table breaks and I get move to the next table to break. That's how I roll. Andy Bloch and Scott Clements are here.

I flop a set of deuces on a 2 6 T board and check raise the kid from my first table, all in. I show A 2 2 3 and he's got A A 3 Q. The turn is another T.

I got the high locked up since Andy Block threw away an ace.

The river is a lovely 9 that allows me to scoop! Up to 80K. That's double average ladies and gents!

The tables breaks (again) and I'm moved to a table with Daniel Negranue and Chris Reslock.

One more level and I can sleep.

I decide to play tight at this next table. So I bust 2 short stack players in one hand and get up to 100K. Yeah boy.

Then with about 10 minutes left in the level, I look down at Ac 2c x x. Its potted preflop and called 5 ways.

The flop is 3c 4c Ks. I like that. The old guy next to me bets 10K. I repot it to 38K. Everyone folds back to him. He tanks it. Shit. He's got a set of kings. I'm too tired and I didn't even take the time to think about what he had before I raised.

I got too much money in there and I make the decision to get it all in on the turn regardless of what it is. Oh, and BTW, he started the hand with about 70K.

The turn is the 9h and he shoves. I have to call. He show the Kh Kc for top set, I show my Ac 2c for nut low nut flush draw.

River is the Qc. Ding bitches!

The day ends two hands later and I bag up 185,900 in chips. That's good for chip leader and that's 50K more than anyone else.

Man I'm tired.

Back tomorrow at 2pm. You can also follow me on twitter @jdnewitt and on Poker Road's Twitter page at http://tweet.pkrrd.com/nation

JDN

WSOP #21 3K HORSE

The very first hand of hold'em I pick up queens and after my raise I have 4 callers. An ace flops and I call a bet to see the turn. It's not a queen and fold to another bet.

Not a good start.

Then I look down at queens again on the 3rd hand of the tournament. They hold up against a flush draw and I take down a nice 1st level pot.

That's a good sign.

Up 1K in 8 hands of hold'em.

Brasilia Room Table 198 Seat 7

I pick up another $600 in Omaha and I can clearly see the Laker game in the other side of the room. It's not ideal but it will work.

10K at break.

I run up to the iBar to meet Layne for a couple of Mango tangos while we watch the end of the first half of the Laker game.

When I get back to my table Phil Ivey is in seat 8. To my left. Great. Not only is he pretty good at poker, he's the luckiest player on the planet.

Table Draw:

Seat 1: RWG with a yellow fishing hat and a teddy bear sweatshirt on.
Seat 2: Old black guy named Ozzie that I used to play with at Hollywood Park.
Seat 3: Doyle's man servant.
Seat 4: ROWG with a sombrero
Seat 5: Older Russian guy that I've played with a lot.
Seat 6: RWG named Chad. Talks too much.
Seat 7: me myself and I
Seat 8: Phil Ivey

Omaha sucks and I did not play every hand. I just made bad calls on the river. Gotta stop doing that.

Ivey turns out to be my mush. I don 't win a hand for a whole level thanks to Phillip. 6K going into the 3rd level.

I finally win a hand in Razz against Phillip and get back up to 9K.

The Lakers just tied it up at 99 with 2 minutes left. Phillip has big money on Orlando. Noob.

Phillip is steaming slightly.

In stud, I complete with 7c (Tc 7d). Phillip raises to 400 and I call. 4th street for me is the 7s. I double bet and Phillip calls.

To make a lame story short, he calls me down the whole way and hits his club flush on 7th street.

Now this is where lucky Phillip comes into play. If he would have been paying attention to the poker game and not the basketball game he would have noticed that there were 4 clubs up and I had 2 more showing by the end of the hand.

So Phillip had to hit a 3 outer on 7th to beat me in a 6K pot.

That's how he rolls.

1725 at break. Yes 1725.

Second hand back from break I'm in the big blind and Phillip tries to raise from under the gun. But he only puts out 400 and the blinds are 150/300. That's a call. (BTW he had just raised to 600 the hand before).

Anywhoo I flop 2 pair with T2 and get called down by Ozzie and double to 3800.

Chau Chang moves to my right. Better awesome.

Back up to 5K with what I assume was a running bluff with 5s in stud. Got the Russian to fold on 6th street.

Chau Chau is petite. And he has dry hands. Long nails too.

5500 going into level 6.

I get it up to 6K before someone decides to limp for the first time in hold'em.

I call 200 from the small blind with Kh5h and Phillip checks his big blind. The flop is Ah 2h 6d. I check and Phillip bets out as expected. Ozzie, the OG limper raises to 800. I call. Phillip folds.

The turn is the Ks and I check call Ozzie.

The river is a Q and it's check check. Ozzie shows A8 off. Nice limp. Phillip cost me another 400 in chips. He's so bad for me.

4200.

I 3/4 a pot with guy wearing a sombrero to get back up to 6K.

Sometimes I play a pretty good short stack.

Just lost everything when I flopped a set of aces and lost to runner runner wheel. Down to 1600.

Doubled up in Razz against Doyle's man servant when I make a 9 6 low on 7th street.

3600 at break. Joe Stapleton is wearing a pink shirt.

I get all my chips in drawing to an 8 in razz against Ozzie and I actually get there. Back up to 8K.

88. That's lucky.

I think Terrence Chan got moved to my table.

No it's not Terrence. It's that Asian Accountant guy that got deep in the main event. Excuse my whiteness.

I didn't think I'd ever say this but thank god for limit hold'em. I get aggressive with two hands and take them both down on the turn.

Wait a second. Chau's male masseuse is getting way to close to me.

Anyway I check raise with AJ on a K Q x x board to win it and fire out with 7c7d on a Qd 9h 2d 3d board too.

Up to 17K when that Schwartz guy from the final table moves to out table.

Table break.

I move to table 239 with 15k.

Nick Frangos is on my left and Dario Alioto is in seat 3. There's also a female pokerstars pro in seat 5. She's from Brazil. No clue as to who she is.

Dario hits a royal on the last hand of limit hold'em. Luck sack.

Daniel walked by and winked at me.... What does that mean?

I end the day with 15100. I'm very happy about that and I'm even happier that Phillip has busted.

On to Day 2!

LAPC $1K HORSE

I get to the Commerce Casino in about 30 minutes from Venice which is a great sign. I'm running good already, I beat the LA traffic game.

The other tilter about the Commerce is that if you bust between 3pm and 7pm you get stuck in traffic heading home. Bust out time becomes a real issue here.

I run into Scott Clements and Brian Devonshire shortly before the tournament and get roped into a 30 person last longer. Actually I was the fifth one in and at that time there was only the aforementioned Scott, Devo, Jimmy Fricke (I LOL'd and sent out a couple texts), and some kid with a lol donkaments shirt on. Nerd alert.

Since then it's ballooned to about 30 players and includes the likes of Miami John, Jerry Buss, Maria Ho, Raymond Davis, Mark Gregorich, and assorted other Internet nerds that I don't know.

It's definitely the biggest last longer I've ever been a part of. I also got Devo to promise to manage the list even if he busts.

Table 10 seat 6

Table draw:
Seat 1: rwg
Seat 2: Tyler Patterson, a Canadian
Seat 3: Dr Jerry Buss, who looks exactly like the guy that owns of the Lakers.
Seat 4: a younger skinny white guy that I've played with in vegas and couple of occasions.
Seat 5: rwg with lovely knit sweater on.
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: a guy the looks like the actor Luis Guzman but talks like he's from the valley.
Seat 8: don't his real name but his online name is cardsharpsnet. He's a dirty hippy too. He's wearing a grateful dead shirt.

The last longer is up to about 35 players. That's a fifth of the field.

I make myself look like a noob in stud 8, when after 7th street in a big multiway pot I announce my hand as a wheel with 3s up. D'oh!

I didn't even have 3s up. I had 4s up. So poor. A few people have a laugh but I'm the one scooping the big 3k pot. Biacthes!

And Devo is out. First one in the tournament.

I gotta give some kudos to TD Matt Savage. Awesome structure! We start with 5K and blinds start at 50/100. Levels are an hour long and the game changes every 8 hands.

There's no 3 levels of fluff. Every hand counts. Well done sir! I hope the WSOP is listening. But I bet they're not.

And you know they're not listen to the community because this year the lifestyles show is called pokerpalooza. Really? Genius.

$5850 at break. Down from 8K cause I got a little frisky in Omaha.

About half the people at the table are riding Jerry's nuts. I saw this happen at the last LAPC main event when we were at the same table on day 2. He doesn't seem to mind but it bugs me. One of them will be saying this later:



Jerry can't remember the blinds to save his life. It's soooo cute when he acts all confused.

Official count is 212 players which beats my guesstimation.

I'm running so bad in limit omaha. I'm thinking about just sitting out of the game and going to take a dump. It would be more productive than this.

In a hand with Tyler the flop falls K Q T rainbow. I have AAJ9. I flop the nuts as I check call Tyler's bet the turns peels off another T. My nuts go right out the window. I check call again as the river puts a flush out there. I check call again and he shows AsJs. Pfffffft.

I win half a multiway stud 8 pot with AQ high. Sweet!

I get involved in a big stud 8 with Tyler and cardsharps in the final hand of the round. It's bet every round and I hit a wheel on 7th to scoop. I should just be playing stud 8 and going to lunch during all the other games.

And now I've seen everything. In Omaha (of course) seat 5 bets the flop, turn and river with A high and gets called by top pair.

I'm changing the name of it to Omahhhhfuckitha.

$5325 at 2nd break. Treading water. My speciality.

I get blinded down 3300 before I pick up split kings in stud 8. See? I should just be playing stud 8. It's the only thing keeping me alive.

Anyway... I'm up against split aces for seat 5 and split queens for seat 7. I call the aces down till I get Kings up on 6th and put him all in. It holds up and I collect his stack to get back up to 5500.

Tony Ma sits down in seat 5 and some balding little guy with a really bad mohawk, it looks like a comma on his forehead, takes seat 8.

The idiot in seat 1 is winning every hand he plays. It's so gross. I just keep telling myself, "be patient motherfucker!".

The blinds are now at 300/600 and peeps are dropping like flies. I have 3700. Patience!!!

That random guy who final tabled the 50K last year gets moved to seat 8 after horrible Mohawk guy bust by playing a razz hand horribly.

Down to 1900 on the 3rd hand of stud 8 (see?) I get it all in vs the idiot in seat 1 with 8s and 6s against his queens and flush draw. I don't have to sweat it cause an 8 pops out next and I more than double to 5000. Starting stack!!!

In the last hand before dinner break Jerry Buss beats me out of a hand that I would gotten half of. Course he got scooped by the idiot in seat 1.

$3800 at dinner break.

In the 400/800 hold'em level I have to bluff off my whole stack to pick up a pot against Luis Guzman. But as it turns out, my 8 high was good. 4300.

Oh Luis!

Haha. Jerry Buss still uses a RAZR phone.

After the Canadian busts, Scott Clements takes his seat. Great. He's an Omaha specialist, two bracelets! But he's super short.

I fold every hand in the Omaha round. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Seat 1 idiot and Scott bust out in the same razz hand to Luis Guzman. Miami John takes seat 1. And he has chips. Lovely.

Fuck razz. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Seat 1 busts. Donk. Of course I didn't get any of his chips. Those all went to Tony Ma.

I'm in life support during stud. Down to 1700 at one point. I. Just. Need. To. Make. It. To. Stud. 8.

So I do make it to stud 8. 80 people left in the tournament and I never had more than 8000 chips. Lovely. I look down at 2s 4s in the hole and a 3s showing. Let's get this shit moving. It's a 4 way pot with Tony Ma, Luis Guzman, and the kid. My 4th street card is the 4c. I don't really like that but I'm moving in on this.

For some reason its checked around. 5th street is a Ks and I get it all in. Luis calls as does the kid. I pick up a 6d on 6th street and it looks like I'm in a good spot to scoop the main pot.

On 7th Luis bets out and the kid calls with trip 7s. Luis has an ace high heart flush. Ok. I can scoop with the ace of spades or get half with a low card. Time to squeeze. I shuffle up the down cards. 4s. Ok I already knew I had that. Red ten. Fuck. I throw down my cards and walk out.



JDN

WSOP Event #49 $1500 No Limit Hold'em

Amazon orange table 26 seat 2.

I don't recognize anyone in the orange section. Oh wait there's JC Tran and someone is in his seat. Bad beat.

Our dealer Lou is a moron. He's mucking winning hands before the folded ones. When seat one asks him to muck the folded hands first, he calls the floor over for a ruling. He promptly gets his ass handed to him by the floor.

Seat 7 asks "what's a table break?"

Seat 4 can't count or speak English. I'll assume he's Guatemalan because he was wearing their football jersey. On a hand where its checked to him he announces "raise!" I tell him that he can only bet. Confused face. Seat 3 tells him that he can only bet if its checked to him. Very confused face. The dealer tells him he can check or bet. He pats the felt.

Lou the retard asks him, "You're checking?"

The Guatemalan responds with a bet of 200. Huh? Wait... What?

The rest of the players fold. Whatever.

Soon after the Guatemalan checks the river and is faced with a 1200 bet from seat 6. The dealer says, "1200 bet." the Guatemalan announces raise and puts out 1200.

Wait for it... Wait for it... Nada. Thats it.

"No sir. You must raise at least to 2400." the dealer says.

Confused face. He fumbles with his chips and puts out 200 more. No no no! People start talking to him in broken Spanish. He puts another 200 on top of the 1400.

Seat 10 says, "C'mon man! You know what you're doing."

He finally gets the 2400 out there and seat 6 pushes all in. The Guatemalan folds. Wait... what?

And I'm out before I can do an overly judgemental table draw observation.

I get my last 1100 in on a flop of Ad 7d 5c with Jd Td vs Ac 9c and brick it.

Oh well... Back to building the bankroll through blackjack.

JDN

WSOP Event #43 $1500 PLO8

Table draw:
Seat 1: rog. Looks like Mario from Super Nintendo
Seat 2: the lovely ms Clonie Gowen
Seat 3: rowg. I've seem him around a lot he always wears a suit and a baseball cap. Def a euro.
Seat 4: rywg
Seat 5: Sam-e-nole
Seat 6: jdn
Seat 7: random... Oh he's out already
Seat 8: rwg. Looks euroish
Seat 9: rywg with a Mohawk and a sportscenter shirt. Someone should teach these kids how to dress.

3k at first break. I'm treading water. Gavin Smith is sitting at the table next to mine and he has 22k at first break.

After break I'm moved to table 23 seat 7 and I'm the shortest stack at the table. I don't recognize anyone so I'm not going to do a table draw description.

Gavin is out.

Oh Lee Markholt is in seat 5.

Love my new table. I get it all in with A 2 K 9 vs A 3 4 Q on a board of 4 8 T K. The river is a 3 and we chop. Poor!

Very next hand I get it all in with A 2 3 K vs A 3 8 9 on a board of 4 8 k. The turn is a J river an ace. Snap. Double up to 8k.

7k at 2nd break. This is the deepest I've gotten except for the horse.

Paul "The Truth" Darden makes 3 hand appearance before he busts. Grand opening. Grand closing.

Table redraw:
Seat 1: Chad Moore
Seat 3: rywg than kinds looks like a shorter fatter version. Of my brother. He has a dragonball z chip protector. Nerd alert!
Seat 6: random Russian from my first table
Seat 7: jdn

The rest are non descript honkies. I only play a few hands before the dinner break and I don't win a single one. 8500 at dinner.

A special shout out goes to Chris Ferguson for buying Layne Flack, Chris... Bell and myself dinner at the loud Italian cafe above the Wine Cellar.

After dinner the theme of not winning any hands continues until my big blind. Limped 3 ways into a flop of Ks 4c Ac. Holding Qc 2c 2s Ts, I check raise all in on. I'm against a donk that flopped bottom set. And I whiff.

JDN

WSOP Event #41 $1500 Mixed Hold'em

Of course the table wasn't ready for us and we started 15 minutes into the first limit round.

Table Draw:
Seat 1: Random German Kid with a hackysack as a chip protector. Hippy.
Seat 2: All around nice and random FTP pro, David Bradley.
Seat 3: I'm out.

The SAG in seat 7 got half my stack with QT vs my 77 on a 5 4 2 board. I gave the rest to Vanessa Russo when I ran my 66 into her KK.



JDN

WSOP Event #41 $2500 6 Handed No Limit

Alright a 6 handed tournament! Too bad we don't have cards or chips at my table. We wait 15 minutes for the instruments poker to arrive and they still only sell 5 of the 6 seats at our table.

Table Draw:

Seat 1: Random Aussie
Seat 2: RYWG
Seat 3: Table Break!!

Table Redraw:

Seat 1: Same Random Aussie from the first table.
Seat 2: RYWG
Seat 3: I'm out.



When I moved to the new table everyone had over 15k. I had 4k and it didn't take long for me to get it all in with AQ vs Droopy's JJ.

JDN

WSOP Event #22 $3000 HORSE

I was the bubble boy in this tournament last year when it was $2500. Here's to not bubbling this year! Cocktails!!!

Table Draw:

Seat 1: Some guy named Jack that I know. Kinda.
Seat 2: ROWG
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: RAG (Random Asian Guy)
Seat 5: ROG (Random Old Guy) ethnicity unknown
Seat 6: RPG (Random Persian Guy)
Seat 7: My 2nd favorite friend from North Carolina, Mike "The Kid" Gracz
Seat 8: Hollywood Dave... Here we go again. Hopefully he doesn't feel the need to berate the the players at the table like I witnessed at the Ceasars Tournament. I'm going to change his name to Hollywood Douche.

You're doing it wrong! This year the Rio is changing the game every 8 hands instead of every half an hour. The dealers are keeping track of the hands and game with numbered pieces of yellow paper. So far we've had a couple of disputes and one name calling incident. This should end well.

Finally I hit my heater in the Stud 8 level. I win 5 outta the 8 hands and I'm rolled up twice. In a row. Once with 9s to scoop and once with 2s to scoop. So sick, as Roland de Wolfe would say. Everyone at the table hates me but its a pleasant atmosphere and the table banter is fun.

I continue to torture Hollywood Douche in the stud rounds and he's lost half his stack by the end of the Stud 8 level.

At first break I have 12k and have doubled up in two levels of limit games. And two of the games are split games! For the first time this WSOP, I'm actually having a good time.

I bust Hollywood Douche in the next omaha round when I make a 8 high flush against his A A x x. Opps. Thank you come again.

Shortly there after, David Bach and his little fan get moved to the table. All the short stacks keep doubling up. This is BS. Someone needs to bust.

Allen "The Chainsaw" Kessler gets moved to my left after one of the short stacks finally goes busto. I get involved in one of the best hands of the tournament. I got no clue what the blinds are, so you can just plug in some random numbers and make it a huge hand.

During the hold'em round I call a raise from the button by seat one with AJ. David Bach calls from the big blind. The flop comes Kc Tc 9d. Bach checks, seat 1 bets, I call (gonna need a Q), and Bach moves all in for less. The turn is a Q. Ding! Seat 1 bets into me. Double Ding!! I raise he calls. The river is a 2. Or a 4. I can't remember but it didn't matter. Seat 1 checks I bet, he calls. I open up my broadway and seat 1 does the "Kevin Garnett" scream, but no chest pounding since its a losers scream, and throws his JJ down. As David Bach mucks he shows us the QJ. Dang. Sick.

21K at the midnight break.

The table finally breaks at 1am. I got 28k and I got some new faces at my next table. In seat 2 is David Levi, in seat 4 is Andy "I'm not Andrew Black" Bloch, and in seat 5 is Cardplayer's Queen Bee, Alyn Schulman.

I get involved in another rather large pot in the stud round with Andy Bloch. This seems to be a theme developing for this tournament.

Andy brings in with a 2 showing and I complete with (K K) T and Andy calls. I hit a K on 4th street and Andy calls my bet. On 5th street and Andy hits another 2. I'm golden now. I check raise him, he calls. On 6th I catch the last deuce and Andy calls another bet. On 7th Andy checks blind and I squeeze out another T to fill up. Of course I bet and he calls.

As I open up my hand I say, "Kings full." Andy thinks I say kings up, and shows his trip 2s. No sir Mr MIT blackjack genius, that's KINGS FULL, not kings up. Ship it to me. Andy is crippled and gets busted the next hand. 34k for me.

I end the night with 31,200, good for 12th in chips.

Day 2

I wake up to the noon sunshine and the birds chirping and the freeway freeing and... I'm kinda hung over from drinking a bottle of wine the night before to celebrate not busting out of a tournament. Its go time!

Table Draw:
Seat 1: ROWG
Seat 2: Greg "Fossilman" Raymer. His fossil looks like a lacured clam.
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: Ted Forrest
Seat 5: Markus Gosler
Seat 6: Random Euro
Seat 7: Annoying Euro from the omaha tournament that turns out to be south american. Still annoying though.
Seat 8: ROBWG (random older bald white guy)

Greg Raymer just keeps talking about nothing the whole time we're at the table. Yadda yadda yadda. I'm considering asking Hoyt Corkins if I can borrow his ear plugs. It's more like he's just talking to himself and everyone has to listen as he tries to draw people into his self-conversation. Ted even looks mildly annoyed and he stops responding to the Fossilman.

I lose 10k in the opening omaha round playing like a banana (tyvm eugenetoddbro). Maybe I should rethink my omaha strategy.

The table breaks and the poker gods have shined on me.

Table Draw:

Seat 1: JDN
Seat 2: Jim Pechac or something. The second fattest man in poker and an equally as large douche bag. One of these days I'll explain why I think he's a monster douche but I don't want to write the whole story of how he called the floor when he wasn't in the hand and how they took away the turn card and how I lost the hand after the turn was mucked. Douche bag.
Seat 3: ROWG
Seat 4: Markus Gosler
Seat 5: ROWG
Seat 6: ROWG
Seat 7: Phil Ivey
Seat 8: Shannon Elizabeth

Both Shannon and Phil have chips, ohhhhhh snap!

I say hi to Shannon and Phil and before too long Mike Sexton joins the table. Let's get our gamble on!!!

Guess what happens next? HUGE HAND! In stud no less.

Mike Sexton completes to 1200 (i remember the blinds) with a 4 showing and Shannon calls with a T up. I raise with 888. That's right. Rolled up again. Mike and Shannon call. My 4th street is a 5 and Mike and Shannon both hit an ace. Hmmmm. I check, Mike bets and Shannon raises. Now I guess I could have just called here and check raise on 5th street but I thought this was a good time to get Mike out of the hand. So I reraise. Mike just shakes his head and finally folds. Shannon calls.

I know that she doesn't have that much experience in stud and that she's only playing her hand. I bet every street, end up making 8s full of 5s, and Shannon calls with aces. Ding! As I open up my hand Mike says I can't believe you were rolled up. You should have seen me yesterday Mr Voice of the WPT.

I'm up to 49k. Then two hands later, I give some back to Shannon. I have buried aces and reraise Shannon's raise. She calls and everyone folds. We're off to the races. She catches a K on 5th street and I should fold. If she has buried aces I'm done but I figure she could easily have queens or jacks. I call her down but she checks 7th. Huh? I consider betting out and calling her Nadia to tilt her but I decide not to. I'm a nice guy. Sometimes. Once in a while. Rarely.

She shows the trip kings and I muck. Fuck. I liked those chips.

Table breaks. Damn it.

Table Redraw:

Seat 1: Berry Johnston. I like Berry, he's and old timer and an all around nice guy. But I swear to god he is my biggest mush in omaha. Either that or I just suck but I always seem to suck just a little bit more when Berry's at my table. Online and offline. Berry's mushiness travels over the internets.
Seat 3: Tom Scheinder. Tom is holding a plastic knife in his hand. I feel a stabbin' coming.

Those are the only two peeps I know. Can men over 50 be peeps? The Aussie to my left talks too much. I miss the other table.

This table breaks after I win a massive pot in Razz and I get moved to Hoyt's table
with about 60k in chips. Its all down hill from here.

Basically I can't win a hand or half a hand. I tighten up a bit as the bubble nears and I'm sitting on 40Kish with 43 left. 40 pay. Then comes this hand. In stud.

I'm the bring in with a 4. Its folded around to the short stack directly to my right. He raises with a Q showing. I look down at 5s 6s. I call. This could be interesting. 4th street bring me a Ks. Good card. He bets I call. 5th street gives me a 7s. Very nice. He bets I call. He's getting short. On 6th street I peel off a Jh. Pretty useless. He bets out leaving himself less than a full bet left. Ok, I'm open ended with a flush draw. If he has split Queens, I gotta nice here. Even if he has two pair or even rolled up, I got a lotta outs to win.

I raise him all in. He calls and shows split queens. Good I like my draw. I need an 8, a 3, a spade or a king. Thats like half the deck.

7th street comes faces down. Time to squeeze. Its black! Its and ace! But its a club. Fuck! One time and all that shit.

I'm down to 12k and not being able to pump the breaks I get it all in on the next hand with buried 5s against the buried 8's of the annoying Aussie. Pretty much drawing dead by 5th street and I'm going home. So fucking poor. I place 42nd while 40 pay.

I quit. Heineken please. Exit stage right.

JfuckingDN

WSOP Event #16 $2000 Omaha Hi Lo

Seat 6 Table 29. I try to sit at table 26 seat seat 9. Stupid dyslexia.

After I finally find my seat, Matusow sits down at the table to my right and as soon as he sees me he asks for 2k. He'll pay me back tomorrow. Riiiight. So I give it to him. All the wrong people owe me money. I won't even try to list them.

Then it turns out Mike is in the wrong seat at the wrong table. I run bad. Little did I know that this would be a sign of things to come.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG* with a Coast Casino t-shirt on. He probably plays a lot of video poker, he probably knows Allen "The Chainsaw" Kesslar, he's probably a nit.
Seat 2: ROWG** that plays every hand. More on this piece of work later.
Seat 3: RYWG** An obvious former Marine, and later we find out a MMA fighter with a losing record, with a USMC/panther tattoo on his arm. He shows up about 30 minutes late, plays a few hands and then leaves. I don't see him again for the rest of the tournament.
Seat 4: Annoying Euro that checks his cards 5 times before he acts. He is slow to act, like he's playing no limit. Maybe he's mildly retarded and can't remember his cards. If he is "slow" his shitty attitude kills any innocent charm he might have due to his condition.
Seat 5: RYWG
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: RYWG from the south. He actually turns out to be a pleasent fellow and we have a few friends in common. I never get his name. I'm a bad co-table'er. Is that a word?
Seat 8: ROWG with a carnival pf poker jacket on. A real old time grinder.
Seat 9: RYWG
Seat 10: RYWG


Our dealer, the self proclaimed "Chocolate Momma," deals 5 cards to half the table. My first 4 cards are A 4 A 4. Brutal.

Someone has forgotten to turn on the AC. People are sweating. I can't win a hand. Things get worse.

I play a huge 2nd level pot with As 2s Ac Qc. Its capped 4 ways on a flop of Tc 9d 7c. Then capped 3 ways on a turn of Jc. Ok, I'm thinking to myself, don't pair the board. Whatever happens Don't! Pair! The! Board!!! The river is a Jd. Fuck me. Check check and the button bets out. Early position folds. I pay him off. He opens up T T J 7. The kid in seat 9 that was in the hand on the flop says that he had T 7.

The kid that wins says, "I can't believe I won that hand."

"I can." I respond.

I actually looked this hand up on twodimes.net and all it said was that I should have won.

I lose more chips against the dork in seat two when I reraise him preflop with A A x x. The flop was 8 3 7. The turn was an Ace. I bet out again. He calls. The river is a T. He bets out. Fuck me. I actually think about folding the set of Aces but he could have anything. I call. He opens up the ole Ad 8h 6h 9h. Jaysis! I precede to stab myself in the eye with a spork from the poker kitchen.

I go into to the first break with 450 in chips. Well at least I can bust by the 7:00pm $300 tournament.

I run into The Chainsaw at break and he tries to tell me a bad beat story. I stop him short and ask him how many chips he has.

"5000." He tells me.

"I got 450." I explain.

"... that is bad." he replies. "But let me tell you about this hand."

I walk away. I try to get some money from Layne. Drawing dead. Breaks over, cards are dealt and I'm out. Pretty sure I'm the first one out. Balls.

I decide to skip the 7pm and go home to beat my therapy dog with a flip flop.

I need a Heineken.

Therapy Dog needs a cocktail after being flogged.

JDN

* Random White Guy
** Random Older White Guy
*** Random Younger White Guy

WSOP Event #6 $1500 Omaha Hi Lo

Hopefully Maureen Feduniak isnt at my table. We've been at the same table in the last two omaha tournaments that I played and we always end up pwning one another. And its never a good thing to get pwned or pwned Maureen.

Table Draw:

Seat 1: Random White Guy
Seat 2: Chris Reslock (Everytime that I see Chris I'm reminded of a running joke that LA Mike had last year about Mr Reslock having anal sex with Amanda Leatherman. Ha ha ha. Anal sex.)
Seat 3: Random White Guy that I recgonize but don't his name.
Seat 4: Random White Guy that has already slow rolled the table in the first orbit.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: Random Older White Guy
Seat 7: Random Older White Guy
Seat 8: Random Older White Guy
Seat 9: Random Younger White Guy

I see a theme going on here. We must be at the Elk's Lodge or something.

Fuck. Omaha is boring. But I do get to check on Brian Devonshire's facial hair. He's thinks I've shaved but I'm just patchy. Our beard last longer has expanded. The field now includes me, Devo, Gavin, Bobo, Scott Fischman, Rick Fuller, and Brad the bartender. We cannot shave from May 25th to Sept 1st. He who shaves first owes everyone $500. If you bust 2nd to last, you still owe everyone left $500. So I only need to last till 4th to break even but I don't think anyone is giving in.

4500 at break, down from a high of 5200. I kept playing junk like 2238 and 233J. I should really stop that.

I'm pretty sure that Seat 7 and Seat 9 have no idea how to play. I'm seeing random raises with 479K and A69Q. Too bad they keep winning with those.

I end up with one $500 chip at dinner break. I couldn't win a hand for levels 3 and 4. I grab a Heineken during our short ass 30 min dinner break and watch whatever final table is happening.

After dinner I have 6 hands before the big blind. I fold them all. On the big blind I fold. On the small blind I fold. 200 in chips left. I fold around again to under the gun where I call all in blind. I actually win the high on this hand but since its a chop, I only get 50 more chips. Bah! All in again in the big blind and I whiff. Nighty night. Or so I think.

I decided to stick around and sweat my homies in the $5k mix event. They're at 3 tables so this is going to be a while. I play a little blackjack, gotta keep my rating up, before come back down to the amazon room. Fuck thats a long walk. I know everyone keeps complaining about it, its fucking ridiculous. I'll been doing it for 4 years now and I'm over it.

Back down in the poker room I decided to play some cash games. After they send me to a table with no one there I finally settle into a 2-5 game. Everyone has about 500 in front of them so I try to buy in for 2k. 500 max. Fuck that. I just keep topping off my stack after every hand, because, well I'm call 100 pre flop with 2 6. Sometimes it wins.

I'm bascically calling everyhting and shoving when someone checks to me. My Heinken Factor* is in the neigborhood of a 7 so I'm up 1k. Down 750. Down 2k. Down 1k. Typical.

There's a 5 way all in hand on a flop of Jh 7h Ad. I actually have a hand with As 8d and I'm pretty sure I gotta catch a 9 and T to win the hand... so I call. So do two people behind me. Of course I'm in last place when there's a set of Jacks, a set of 7s, and two flush draws. The turn is a black 9, I got outs! River is a blank. So poor.

Later in the night, after I've poured a drink into my lap I get into a hand with this big Italian guy in seat 7. Stereotypical guido with track suit, a flat top and ginormas muscles. He raises and I call with Q6. The flop J T 9. He bets small and I shove for 700. He calls. The turn is a Q and the river is a blank. I open up my Q6 and I takes him a while to figure out that he's won the hand with 88. I ship him the 500 or so that he has. Heineken! Cocktails!

After the guido has finished stacking his chips he gets up and taps me on the shoulder.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" He asks.

"Um, sure." I say as I follow him away from the table. My mind is racing as fast a Heineken Factor of 8 will allow me too. I'm look for an escape route. He's huge! 6 foot 4 and 260 with muscles! I might have to employ the eye gouge crotch punch that Chris... Bell told me about when fighting people bigger than you. I got money on the table too! Security!!!!

He stops and turns around to face me. I look for his eyes but there's 4 of them. Fuck.

"I'll give you ten thousand to play the 5/10 and you get to keep 50% of the profits." He tells me.

I stare at him for a moment. The 4 eyes get focused down into 2 eyes. Did he just really offer me a backing deal?

I reply with a stunned, "Do you know how drunk I am?"

"Yeah but I can tell you're a good player."

JDN


* The Heineken Factor: This scale is based on the number of Heinekens consumed, multiplied by 2.5 divided by the number of brain cells left. Really. No not really. Basically it's math/poker comprehension scale based on the total number of Heineken's orally consumed. 1 point of the scale roughly translates to 2.5 bottles of Heineken.