$225 PLO8 at the Golden Nugget

First of all I would to point out that the Lakers won game 7 of the NBA finals last night I may or may not have drank a few too many Heinekens during said game.



Be forewarned!

Table 16 seat 9.
Holy shit this table is small. Apparently we're on a stud table. Who's genius idea was to have a PLO game on a stud table?

12,000 in chips (I think, can't be bothered to count) and 40 minute levels (i think, I can't be bothered to turn around and look at the clock.)

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: empty
Seat 3: Random Euro... Oops, he's busto.
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: RAG who got all of the Euro's chips
Seat 6: RWG with a grizzly Adams beard who thinks we play all the time together at the Bike.
Sear 7: RWG who's falling asleep at the table.
Seat 8: RWG aka the Hillbilly. Y'all.
Seat 9: JD fuckin N. Respect bitches.

I decide to play more aggressive poker today. I wonder how horribly this will fail.

I guess we started with 10k in chips. I finally turned around and looked at the clock.

Hey that means I have more than starting stack! Sahweet!

Grizzly Adams beard guy is officially the worst PLO8 player ever. He's followed closely by the Hillbilly. They just played a 10k pot that was won by a pair of kings.

The fatest dealer in the nugget is now at our mini table. Thank gawd this is the first table to break.

Grizzly Adams has a lisp and it's fuckin' hilarious.

Brainfart! I'm out.

I played a hand so badly that I'm embarrassed to recount it here.

So I run over to Binions to play the $500 HORSE.

Table 21 seat 7

It smells like French toast in here.

20K in chips, aiyeah! That's a lot of nuts. 20 mins per game. Lame. That means we'll be playing 3 times as many hand of hold'em compared to any other game. Laaaaaame.

Table draw:

Seat 1: Frumpy looking white guy. FLWG?
Seat 2: Ginger Canadian who won the $1500 HORSE last year at the WSOP
Seat 3: RYPG who I've played with before.
Seat 4: RWG. Kinda frumpy but it's a HORSE tournament at Binions. What else should have I expected?
Seat 5: ROWG
Seat 6: Random Old Black Guy with a frumpy white mustache.
Seat 7: JD Brianfart N
Seat 8: Random White Lady with hairy forearms.

I put on a stud 8 clinic to go on a 8k upswing and go into the break with 26K.

Table break!

I get moved to table 19 seat 4. Frumpy white mustache guy is here and I'm sitting between two women. Indeed!

Our 1st hand of Omaha takes almost 6 minutes to complete. The dealer sucks as I had to tell him to stack the chips up for a split pot game and he waited till the river to do it.

And he shuffles slow. Bah!

Man this a redonkalous structure. We're already at 500/1000. Average is 22k. 22 big blinds per person and only 5 hours into the tourney.

I sound like Allen Kessler.

Finally get a playable razz hand but it's the first hand of stud. Getting blinded down fast. Lame!

On the last hand before break in stud 8 I get heads up with one of the table idiots. With 4 clubs showing I bet 3000 on 6th street. Seat 6 calls.

On 7th street I bet blind and make sure he sees it. Numbnuts tanks for all of 1 minute and calls with two pair 9s and 7s. Moron. I hope I hit that flush.

I look at my last card it's a 3. They that's trip 3s. Ship it!

I play goot!

30K on break.

I go on but of a heater in hold'ed and get up to 42k before I get cold decked by seat 9 in hands to go back down to 30k.

Bah!

Holy jeebus! We've already lost half the field.

Well I played that omaha hand poorly. 9 high flush and seat 9 called me down with aces full. 19k.

Just saw a guy get all in during razz with 10 9 10 showing vs A A 2, and he was actually ahead but ended up losing.

I guess I just save all my big hands for the last of the level. I get a guy all in with A 2 3 6 Q vs seat 4's A 2 3 4 T. Shit. I thought I was way ahead. Thank gawd for the 5 on 7th that gave me the pot.

35K.

Then I manage to lose 9k on the first hand of stud I play vs what could be Allen Kessler's older brother.

Then I have buried aces with a ten showing and the Frumpy guy from the 1st table calls with Q showing.

4th street is another ace. Bet. Call.

On 5th I hit an 8. Bet. Call.

6th brings another 8. He now has a pair of 3s on the board so I have to figure him for queens up. I check. He bets.

I raise him to 12,000, yeah blinds are big, and I only have 300 left.

He calls the 300 on 7th and the pot is shipped to me! 52K.

Yeah boy! I'm above average with 33 peeps left.

42K going into dinner break.

Think I ate a gut bomb at dinner. Might puke. I probably deserve it for eating at a fast food Indian place on Fremont Street.

First hand I play in hold'em I got 2 red queens. Big blind calls the raise.

The flop is As Ks 8s. Check. I bet. Call.

The turn is the Kc. Check check.

Guy checks in the dark.

River is the Qc. Ding!

Bet. Call. I show my hand. He shakes his head in disbelief. Well, that's what happens when you let me get free cards. Haha!



We consolidate down to 3 tables.

I got 60K and average is 66,666.

The last hand of hold'em, again, and Allen Kessler's older brother raise from the button. The small blind moves all in for 11K.

I call with Ac8c.

The Chainsaw's bro says "complete" and gets the bet up to 14K.

I call. The flop is Jc Tc Js.

Bet. Call.

The turn is 5s. Bet. Call.

The river is 3s. The guy that was all in walks away. I bet. The bro disgustingly throws his hand away.

I show my A8 to collect the pot and he yells, "that beats me!"

Lol. 95K.

Down to 16 peeps. I got 126K.

And after 2 hands of razz I'm out. With levels at 5,000/10,000 I get fucked with a wheel draw on 4th street in the 1st hand. In the 2nd hand, I think I river a wheel but I forgot that I need a 3 and now I have bull shit.

So... fucking... frustrated...



JDN

$560 PLO8 at the Venetian

Had a late night dinner last night for a friend's birthday at Rare 120 at the Hard Rock and it's not sitting too well with me. First of all it gave me weird dreams.

I was invited to church with Gavin Smith. And I went. I know. Weird. My high school friend's Norwegian wife was there also.

After trying to find a parking place and introductions to the blue haired ladies of the congregation, we all stood up, held hands and walked over to the bountiful buffet. I reminded myself not to drink the cool aid.

Then I woke up with a stomach ache and a dreadful feeling that I had missed my tee time. The thing was, there was no golf scheduled on this day.

I was tripping balls. I blame the lobster quesadilla appetizer from last night. It got me fuuuucked up. (I've never said that about a food before)

After clearing away the cobwebs I head down to The Venetian for today PLO8 tournament. In the car I manage to spill orange juice AND cream cheese all over my shirt.

This is gonna be a trainwreck of a day.

15,000 in chips to start, 40 minute levels, and a decent structure. Sweet.

Table 65 seat 4

Table draw:

Seat 1: Random Fat White Guy. Big one. Same shape as Humpty Dumpty.
Seat 2: RYWG
Seat 3: Random Persian Guy
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: RWG with bad breath. Why are they always sitting next to me?
Seat 6: Random White Lady with bleached blond hair and bruises on her flabby overly tanned upper arms.
Seat 7: Random Asian Guy. Low SAG possibilities.
Seat 8: Jason Stern. I swear this guy is stalking me.
Seat 9: RWG

I swear I always have to sit next to some douche bag with dragon breath that doesn't know how to brush his teeth or how to eat a Tic Tac. He's horrible at this game too so hopefully I will bust his Breath Savor needing ass.

I'm slightly torturing Humpty Dumpty. Not playing big pits but just keeping him off balance so he keeps giving me chippies.

20K at break.

I have bottom set hold up against seat 2's top two nut low and nut flush draw to get up to 25K. That hand never holds up! Woot.

190 runners for today's tourney. That's pretty amazing for a new game that blossoming on the tourney circuit.

24K for 1st. I have goal.

Humpty Dumpty had a fire lit under his ass in the 200/400 level and raised every hand until the RPG busted him after they both flopped broadway and it came runner runner diamonds. Can't put it back together after that BS.

It's limped to me in the big blind and check with the monster hand of 9997. To make my hand worse the Th was exposed before the flop.

Since I brought this hand up, you have to assume the last 9 flopped. I did. 9 3 2 board. And I had top set. So I pot it to 1200 and the kid in seat 2 repots to 5k or so. He's only got 3K behind so I put him all in guessing at best he's got an under set or a wrap.

He shows 3457. Got some outs to dodge.

Turn 3. Sweet.

River King. Scooooop!

34K.

Table break and I move to table 64 seat 6. The next table to break. Bah!

Table 64 is a fairly tight table. Every other preflop pot is winning the blinds.

I bet it up to 1700 with AAQ8. The big blind, a RYWG in seat 2, calls.

Flop is Q 4 6. He checks. I bet 2700 he calls.

Turn is a J. He checks. I check thinking he's gonna hang himself if a face card falls.

River is a 9. Gotcha bitch. He bets 7000 and I quickly call. He shows A239. Ship it.

Table breaks.

Table 76 Seat 3.

Big pot on the last hand before break. I raise to 2100 with As3sKcJc and get called in two spots before the big blind, seat 9, repots it to 11,100.

I read seat 9 for mild retardation, so I put him on a bad A2 hand.

I call, so does the Euro in seat 6. The small blind is short and is getting the right price, but he folds. Later he said he had aces.

The flop falls 4 J 6 two diamonds. Seat 9 jams it in for about 7k. I repot to isolate and the Euro folds.

Mr 9 shows A28K two diamonds. Oops. I don't like my hand so much now. I'm ahead. Barely.

Turn 6. Lame.

River King no diamond. Aiyeah. Chop it.

49,400 at break.

Get moved to a new table with about 60K.

There's two old dudes here just shipping it with naked low draws and they're both sitting on 100K stacks.

I try to catch them and end up giving away half my stack before missing a low draw and busting.

Very disappointed. Gonna go beat my dog.

JDN

Binion's PLO8 $200

I show up at Binion's at 12:03pm and there's no one in the poker room...

Fuck cock shit!

It doesn't start till 2pm. Damn it.

Guess I'll wander around Fremont St for 2 hours.



Once on Fremont St it takes of 3 minutes for someone to offer me some "really dank ganja.".

No thanks. I'll go to the "dank" El Cortez and play pai gow. Truthfully I had no idea how I got there but $5 pai gow seemed like the right thing to do with 2 hours to kill downtown.

1:45pm, I walk out of the El Cortez down $3.75. Only in pai gow is that possible.

Table 14 seat 9

15,000 in chips (cool) and 30 minute levels (that's a little quick).

Table draw:
Seat 1: Robert Goldfarb
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: RYWG, looks like an Internet Nerd
Seat 4: ROWG
Seat 5: Jason Stern
Seat 6: Random Latino Guy
Seat 7: Random Black Guy
Seat 8: RWG
Seat 9: JDN. I hate seat 9. Bah!

I manage to have the 2nd best hand every time I see the river and I'm down to 10k at the end of the second level.

Gonna have to play tighter now.

And I'm out. Flopped top set of kings vs old guy with a naked low draw and he hits runner runner straight and didn't even know it. Old guys are awesome.

Golden Nugget $225 PLO8

I felt like shit today so I didn't write anything about the tournament.

I basically played the short stack all day and busted with about 15 to the money.

So I'll leave you with a picture of the Jewish Brett Michaels.

JDN

Back at it. Kinda.

I pretty much gave up poker for the last 4 months to play video games and gain several pounds around my mid section. I considered not playing ever again but then I sobered up and figured I should give it another go round.

The only problem... I'm broke. Bankroll is nonexistent and I can't really pin point the exact reason for my financial failures but I sure it has to do with the fact I don't have the ability to balance a check book. Never mind that I don't have a job and no prospects of any sorts. So any of the WSOP tournies are out of the question so this summer. Looks like I'll playing at the Nugget this year.

There's several PLO8 tournaments spread between the various casino this summer and my goal to play as many of those as I can. I can probably find someone to buy my action in the WSOP $1500 and $5000 PLO8 events but I won't worry about those quite yet.

I'll also probably play some cash games, and a few Venetian tournaments along the way.

Soooo... Prepare for a summer full of fail!

In other news:

I was on Jon Friedberg's Under the Gun show that hosted by Card Player. Gavin Smith is also a guest and we talk about how bad our softball team is and some other shit that I have really right discussing in public.

Check out Under the Gun: Softball and Sponsorship Deals

And just a couple of days ago, I was on again, this time with Jeff Madsen and Joe Tehan as we played the Savage Invitational Golf Tournament in Temecula. (godamnit I look fat)

15th Annual Savage Golf Tournament

I shot like a cripple over the 3 days so I won't go through the pain of listening to me bitch about missing a put, drive, and or chip. I shot on average, 110 over the 3 days. So I'll just do a photo easy with some funny captions.

Day 1: Cross Creek Golf Course

1 good golfer and 3 morans.. Tehan is the good one btw.


Friedberg decides to pee next to the restrooms.


My closest to the pin for the bad players. Also got a skin this day but I don't know what hole.


After finishing the first day, I decided to celebrate with some poison oak in the eye.

Day 2: Red Hawk Golf Course


Day 2 sucked ass so this is only picture of the day. I wore pink. Nuff said.

Day 3: Journey at Pechanga


Lots of gambling going on today. Probably the funnest round of golf I've played.


Teh Ghey


Another closest to the pin for the bad players. Got half a skin here too


The 6th hole. Amazing.


Madsen looking for his ball on the 6th hole.


Friedberg showing off for Tehan's gf Lisa


Madsen's water shot. Took two tries.


My biggest golf win evar! $640.


And finally... Pechanga, WTF?

JDN

$500 Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo LAPC

Possibly my last stab at a Commerce tourney this year, one can only torture one's self so much.

Table 32 seat 3

4000 in chips
40 minute levels
Mah favorite game!

Table draw:
Seat 1: Random Middle Aged Lady who looks like Sabyl Cohen's mini me
Seat 2: RWG
Seat 3: JDN
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: Random Mexican Guy in a wheelchair. He sucks at PLO8 btw. He's always showing his big folds when he probably shouldn't have seen a flop in the first place.
Seat 6: RAG with zero SAG factor.
Seat 7: RPG that plays every hand. I'm gonna get all his chips.
Seat 8: RWG
Seat 9: RYWG

Sabyl's mini me busts out when she mis-reads her hand thinking she had the nut flush draw when in actuallity she had the ole' 6 high flush draw. Oops. An bald RPG takes her seat.

The old RPG in seat 7 bluffs me off a hand with the board reading 3 4 J 9 3. I have A3KQ. He fires a pot size bet on the river, about 2500, half my stack. I can only put him on 34.

I fold showing my 3. He shows A256. Argh! I'm going to get you, you fuckwit.

AhKh7c7s vs RPG's A289 board Jh Tc 6h Qs x. Triple up to 9k

Level two is the same as level 1. Blinds at 25/25. Cool beans.

9000 at break.

2348 vs RAG's AAAT vs RPG's QcJcTs9c. Board 4c 8c Kd 6h 8s. Scoop huge 21K pot.

Annnd that's the last thing I wrote. I end up going to the final table as chip leader with 145K.

DAY 2

I'm 45 minutes late to the final table because of this:

Yeah, that's the 10 freeway in LA. But it don't matter, I win the thing beating Chris Bjorn heads up in 5 hands. He had a 2 to 1 chip lead on the first hand. Ship it!

About fucking time! I quit.

JDN

$500 HORSE LAPC

I can't believe I'm back here for more torture. I've never run this bad over so many tournaments. I might as well drink a bottle of bleach.

So I start out the day with a burrito from Poquito Mas, walk over to Hot Rod afterwards and buy a pair of Chukas, because new shoes are always lucky, and I make it from West LA to the Commerce in 20 minutes.

Those are all pretty good signs.

4000 in chips
40 minute levels
High card for the button
High card for the game... Stud 8
Autobots rollout!!!

Table 25 seat 1 (That sucks)

Seat 1: JDN (LAME!!!)
Seat 2: RPG
Seat 3: Young tight kid from the other Omaha tourney. He must not be stoned today cause he's talking to the table.
Seat 4: ROPG
Seat 5: RWG
Seat 6: ROWG that has a huge red nose that looks like a used cock.
Seat 7: RAndom Mexican Guy
Seat 8: ROWG

See these are the type of tables I'm used to. Lots of crotchey old dudes.

We start in stud 8 and early on I hit broadway on 7th street with Kings showing against two low draws. Or so I think.

I raise seat 8 and seat 6 folds his busted low draw. Seat 8 reraises me with 3s showing. I guess he's got a low straight. Prob gonna chop anyway so I just call.

He's got rolled down 6s for 6s full of 3s... It fucking never ends.

I win I nice sized pot in Omaha to get back to starting stack. I'm pretty amazed that the board didn't pair to kill mah flush.

Sweet! I get to be the bring in for 6 out of 8 hands in stud.

The dealer just tried to shuffle the cards and lost her handle of the deck, thus showering me in cards. Awesome.

I finally win a big hand when I fill up on 7th street agaist Cocknose's aces up.

4600 at break. I'm above starting stack! It pays to play like a crotchey old man.

Get off my lawn!!!

We have a r'tarded dealer who's never chopped a pot or dealt Omaha. Seat 8 is chopping pots for her.

I try to bluff the Latin guy on a Q J J 4 8 board in Omaha. I raised him on the turn representing a J and he called me down with top pair. It's good.

The very next hand I flop quad jacks, get reraises on the turn and the guy in seat 2 folds to my capped bet. Bah!

Cocknose has been all in predflop twice with 175 and 125 left in chips respectively. I also had him all in in razz with my A 2 3 4 draw vs his 8 7 5 draw. He won.

He did the same thing to the kid on seat 3. I'm changing his name to Cocknose the Cockroach.

The Mexican and Cocknose the cockroach should probably start a club. They're both morons who just seem to win through ignorance.

Cocknose the Cochroach finally busts.

Starting stack at 2nd break.

First hand back from break I have the big blind. I have TTT8 and win the hand with a straight. Sweet.

I didn't write anything after that so I have to assume I busted in some horrible fashion.

JDN

(insert funny pic here)

$500 OE (Omaha hi lo & stud 8) LAPC

I buy in a little late, bad late night burrito, so I get see who will be at my table in line.

4000 in chips
40 minute levels
Prepare for failure

Table 14 seat 5

Table draw:

Seat 1: Miami John Cernuto
Seat 2: Steve Wong
Seat 3: RWG with a Mariners hat on. I've played with him a few different times.
Seat 4: Random Black Lady
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: RPG
Seat 7: RWG that I've played with before. He kinda looks like Steve Young.
Seat 8: RPG

Miami gets picked up and that creepy ginger Dan Hiemiller takes his spot.

In spectacular fashion I make an 8 high flush and a 7 low in stud 8 and get scooped by Seat 8's full house and Steve Wong's 6 low.

FML.

But wait it continues...

Typical shit. When I call with the bad low I lose. When I fold the bad low I would have gotten half. Stud 8 is killing me.

Omaha... Not so bad. It's keeping me alive even though I'm down to half a starting stack.

I finally win a big hand in Omaha, but I had to call a cap bet preflop with 2c 3s Tc Qh. I turned the straight and got paid off in 2 spots.

3825 at break.

I have declared that there will be no time traveling at this table.

I miss two huge scoop draws in omaha to get back down to 2100.

At least I'm not the first one out of the tourney. 3 down so far out of 131.

Peter, the cat that looks like Steve Young, hit a diamond royal and I called him down with the low. Too bad it was 3 handed and I had the 2nd best low.

Somehow I get down to 1000, well I know how, in Stud 8. So me being me I have the 2c showing. In stud the low up card brings in. Kinda of like a blind. So I bring...

Oh fuck it. I got all in 3 handed with a huge chance to scoop but I chopped it with the chick next to me and I doubled up kinda.

3000 at break. I suck.

I bust Steve Wong when I hit a 2 outter on 7th and promptly dump those newly won chips to Steve Young Jr when I again miss my straight and low.

Table break.

Table 3 seat 1

I got 2500 and we have Steve Young Jr, Frankie O'Dell, Ozzie, and Bigfoot at the table.

Oh sweet! 1250 now!

Outsky. Tried to squeeze out low against two high hands and I was given two pair for my troubles against Steve Young's full house.



JDN

$335 Stud 8 LAPC

GG

$335 Obamaha Hi/Lo LAPC

Recovered from my barfy Saturday and my car breakdown Sunday I wait till Tuesday to get back in action. And that action is Omaha Hi / Lo aka Old Man's Torture.

It takes me 1:15 to get to the Commerce in the rain so I buy in right at the start time of 4:00pm. I get to my table and there's no dealer and no chips. And all the peeps who were around me in line, are at my table. WTF? Is this the WSOP?

Table 54 seat 7...
3000 in chips ...
40 minute levels ...
It's go time!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

"I think I have a low."

"there is no low."

Table draw:

Seat 1: Random Peruvian Guy (that's a new one). I can tell cause he's got one of this funny English hats on and all he's missing is a pan flute.
Seat 2: Pau Gasol. Not the real Pau Gasol, who's on TV right now, but he looks just like him minus a foot.
Seat 3: an oldtimer named Ozzie that I used to play with at Hollywood Park years ago.
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: Random Persian Guy who might be the very worst Omaha player I've ever seen. He's in every pot and calls every single one down.
Seat 6: Random White Chick
Seat 7: JDN
Seat 8: Random Old White Guy. At least 70 and oddly enough the only RPWG at the table.
Seat 9: RYWG. Our own little Allen Kessler. So tight I don't know why he is even looking at the hands.

With blinds at 25/25 there's no reason to raise preflop so I just call or limp pre and see play the flops. It seems to be working for me so far as I've scooped several pots in the first two levels.

I drill Ozzie when I limp with AAxx and I fill up on turn. I slow played it, then after he filled up on the river we cap it, I scoop it, and the dealer ships it.

Yeah boy!

The guy in seat 5 is trying so hard to bust but he's chopping just enough pots to keep his head above water.

3300 at break. I had 4600 but I caught the ass end of a straight against Ozzie and I called it down like a donk.

First hand back from break I limp with 2456 rainbow, a awesome Badugi if there ever was, and I flop the wheel four handed. Checked around. I turn the 7 high straight, checked around. I finally the river and everyone folds. Blargh.

Table break!

At table 41 I know a couple peeps. Seat 4 is my golfing buddy Carol and in seat 6 is Linda Johnson.

I lose a big hand with AA68 vs KKJ7.

Mark Gergorich moves to seat 3. This table sucks.

But then it gets better. I flop a straight against Carol and she donates a bit.

I make a hero call with AAxx on a multi-way pot with the board reading J 8 6 Q Q and it's good.

I hit and open ended straight draw on the turn and scoop a nice pot from the Asian guy in seat 2.

Hey I think Suzie Issacs is in seat 1.

Hey I just busted Suzie Issacs with the nut flush.

Hey Suzie Issacs has giant knockers.

Holy shit! There's a guy hulking out at table 34! There's gonna be a fight! Looks like the floor man, not Matt Savage, wants to get involved.



It's diffused. Bah!

My friend Kung Fu calls me at 7:30 to ask if I want to go get some drinks. He knows that I started the tourney at 4. I tell him I'm still in and he says "really?"

Fuckers.

Table break!

Table 31 seat 9.

The only one I recognize here is Chris "Hey I'm Really an Ewok" Bigler. He only lasts a few hands before busting.

I got around 8K. Which is double average.

And then I'm out. Couldn't win a hand once I got moved to the new table and I was in seat 9 which is the unlucky seat.

BAH!

JDN!

$335 1 Million Guarantee LAPC

Day 3.

I drove in from Vegas last night to buy in and avoid the all too familiar alternate line.

In case if you don't know, it's monsoon season in the southwest.

And apparently is snows during monsoons too.



It was fairly uneventful save the van taking a 70 mph left turn into the center divider while coming into Barstow.

The next morning I begin my trek inland to the Commerce in another torrential downfall. Really is this LA?

I arrive at the casino at 11:55am, perfect. After a quick jaunt up to the ballroom, I see that the tourney doesn't start till 1pm.

....

Shiiiiiiiiiiite.

Fast forward 1 hour:

Table 62 seat 4
3000 in chips, 40 minute levels, blinds start at 25/25.

With blinds at 25/25 there's no fold equity preflop so I would imagine that there will be very little folding preflizzle.

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG wearing his free Commerce shirt.
Seat 2: RYAG with a set of buck teeth that could stab your eyes out. He seems fairly new to poker.
Seat 3: ROAG who is the king of the limpers.
Seat 4: JDN
Seat 5: empty
Seat 6: RAG
Seat 7: ROWG with a cowboy hat that looks like he should have been on Bonanza.
Seat 8: Random White Chick who I played with last night in a $80 single table. My read: Agro luckbox
Seat 9: ROWG that's trying to engage everyone in conversation. Can't you see I have headphones on old man?!
Seat 10: RAG

And I'm out

Got it in with AT on a Ten high board vs the Aces of the chick that I played the night before. She busted me in that tourney too. Luckbox.

I'm out so fast that its too early for me to buy in into the tournament for the next day. I gotta kill and hour and a half. Fuck.

Might as well go see if I can win my buy in at the cash games.

In win $400 in 45 minutes at a 2/3 no limit game. I love the Commerce.

Unfortunately I work up the next morning all barfy and couldn't play. Lame.

Next for me: Omaha 8 on Tuesday.

JDN

Heartland Poker Tour Main Event

I win $100 playing video poker before the start of the tourney, so this trip to the Red Rock Casino won't be a total waste no matter what.

I get to my seat, the tourney starts, I win a couple of hands, I'm feeling good... And the... Holy Shit!!

I jump outta my seat and b-line it to the restroom.

I pass Tiffany-Michelle on the way and say, "hicanttalkGOTTAPOOP!!!"

I make it to a clean vessel no less than two seconds from detonation.

Whyaaaaaaaarrrrfgggghhhhhhhh!!!!1!



Once back in the pokerroom, I feel 5 pounds lighter and ready to get it going!

So I promptly bluff off 7K in chips while I was playing the board. I put the guy on a flush draw and when it didn't get I was agressible. He made the crying call on a paired board with middle pair.

Table 8 Seat 7

15,000 in chips, 40 minute levels, shitty structure.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG. I've taken half of his chips, then handed them over to seat 8.
Seat 2: ROWG that I played with in the super satellite. He sucks.
Seat 3: ROWG sporting the gold necklace and hairy chest circa 1983
Seat 4: Doug "The Toolbox" Lee
Seat 5: ROWG aka Shakes. His hands are twitching like a mofo.
Seat 6: Vinny Vinh. He smells like stale cigarettes.
Seat 7: JDN
Seat 8: RWG who I gave 7K to for being r'tarded.
Seat 9: Random Asian Guy, def not a SAG.
Seat 10: RPG

Doug Lee out! He play bad.

17K at break.

Down to 11,500 by virtue of checkdowns. Awesome.

I think I lose the minimum preflop with TT in the big blind when the RPG in seat 10 limp reraises to 12K. He shows AA.

8K.

Vinny Vinh out. So is the Poker Kat.

6K. I don't like this trend.

Jon Friedberg get moved to the table next to me and has 50K. FML.

The old guy that took Vinny Vinh's seat is wearing a WSOP bracelet. It had to be the seniors event in 92.

I move all in with 77 in early position and everyone folds. Pussys.

Its raised by the button while I'm in the small blind with QJ and I snap move in for the rest of my chips. The button snap calls with KQ.

GG.

JDN

Venetian Nooner

I thought it was a $125 buy in but I forgot that it was Saturday, since I never know what day it is, and the buy in is $340. That's a little steep for the ole' bankroll nowadays... Oh well I drove all the way down here. Fuck it!

Table 51 Seat 8

I think we started with 10k in chips, I didn't bother to count and we got 40 minute levels. I think. I'm watching playoff football. I can't be bothered with details.

Table draw:
Seat 1: Random White Guy
Seat 2: empty
Seat 3: Random Persan Guy who I've played with before. He thinks he's good but he sucks. So he's probably better than me.
Seat 4: RWG with a teal and purple Zoo York hoodie/windbreaker thing that he should not be wearing. It totally clashes withhis gingery pale white skin.
Seat 5: Random Older White Guy
Seat 6: Random Really Old White Guy
Seat 7: RPG aka the human rain delay. This guy is killing me. Thank god football is on. Let's hear it for the over on the Jets / Bengals game!
Seat 8: JDN
Seat 9: Random White Bloke. (he's british and a big one too)
Seat 10: RWG who looks like he's been on a 3 day martini bender.

The line is 34 1/2 points for the Jets & Bengals game. And I got a big TV to my right. Sweet!

Zoo York Ginger snaps my AJ off with 93 on a A Q 9 6 3 board. Lovely.

Bengals score.

13K at first break.

I win a big pot with 22 on a 2h 4h 4c flop in a hand with seat 1. I bet out at the flop and he min raises me. Looks like an over pair or a flush draw. I just call.

The turn is an ace. That could be a good card for him or it's gonna scare him out of the hand. I check he checks. Guess it's a flush draw or a pair of tens.

The river is the 7h. Well if he has the flush he's going to raise me if I bet out. If he's got tens he's gonna fold to a bet and check behind a check.

I bet 3500 and he folds. Bah!

The Jets score! Yay!

I'm in a big hand facing an all in bet from the Big Bloke on a board of Th 7s Js 9s. I got Qd Td.

Then the Jets score again! Yes. I can fold happy now. I fold.

14 to 7 at half time. Over bets looking good!

A Russian looking chick sits down in seat 2. She looks mean. Vodka drunk mean. I'll be sure to stay outta her way.

I just realized that this is the first time I've played a live tourney since Canada in Novmember. I didn't do a post on that trip because it sucked ass. Like all things poker for me at the moment.

The Human Rain Delay busts and all is right with the world.

The old guy in seat 6 just took off his shoes, which he had a hard time reaching cause of his big ole' saggy old man gut.

Bengals miss a field goal! FML! Someone fire that kicker!

I'm card dead but then... The Jets score a touchdown!!1! Yes. I only need 7 points in the 4th quarter. C'mon motherfuckers!

The dealer is too fat to push chips to players beyond the grasp of his Snickers Bar fingers so he's just kinda of shoveling them at players. I might need some eye protection.

Bengals score!!! Ship the over!

Then I take KK against the old man's AT and over course he hits an ace on the river to bust me. He stands up shoots and invisible arrow over the table and does a dance before trying to shake my hand.

I stare at the hand in front of me. WTF? I tell him to go fuck himself.

Well at least I win my football bet.

I'm so steamed now that I walk down to Aria to try out its new poker room.

Aria:

There's no cell phone service in the poker room. Fuck this place. I'm outta here.

Venetian 7pm

I sit down a little late play a few hands before I flop two pair with A2 on a A 2 6 board. I get all in vs a player with AK and the king hits on the river. Typical.

On my way out the Venetian I see a tweet from Mark Seif saying that Amir Vahedi died.

Fuuck.

I'm going to miss that close talking, cigar breath having bastard.

RIP My Friend

JDN

2009 Poker Twitterers Awards

The Funniest Twitterer Award goes to: @ComplainSaw



This is another anonymous account. This person seems to have a direct line to the thoughts and rational of Allen "Chainsaw" Kessler. Be it a bad tournament structure or the correct usage of comp points, @complainsaw gives us an amazing insight into one of poker's most... unusual minds.

@ComplainSaw highlights:

yawn. someone alert the media again. RT @allenkessler The bellagio 5k horse structure does NOT get thechainsaaw seal of approval
3:03 PM Dec 8th, 2009 from web

I am Kessler's Buffalo Bill. "It rubs the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose"
3:01 PM Dec 7th, 2009 from web

I am Brandon Cantu's raging case of oral hemorrhoids. (@brandoncantu)
8:53 PM Nov 30th, 2009 from web

I am the Ralph Wiggum of Poker
1:38 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from web

I am Kessler's ability to tweet and fold at the same time
2:23 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from web

I am Kessler's simmering paranoia
1:11 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from web

Kessler Translation: Tourneys should play like cash games. Don't pressure me out of my comfort zone or expand my range to QQ.
10:33 AM Nov 21st, 2009 from web

Caught a cheater today at the buffet. He was using multiple plates per trip, an obvious angle shooter.
9:01 AM Nov 21st, 2009 from web

Keep it going @ComplainSaw!

The What the What Twitterer Award goes to: @MarcelLuske



We all know that Marcel is a bit of a nutter, we've seen it on his televised table appearances. Upside down glasses, the singing, the accent. None of it really makes a whole lotta sense. So it shouldn't surprise you that his twittering is just as random and confusing as ever. To top it all off, he's apparently launched his first album.

R U Ready 4 the best year of yr life,,2010,,,, the PCA bahamas,beats & victory,s,,, sun & fun...you,l better...cause we R...C U there, {;
2:33 AM Dec 29th, 2009 from web

vegassssssssssssssssssssss,,,prepair some sushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss,,lol
12:20 PM Dec 9th, 2009 from web

We All state By Joking partly the truth with{out} knowing it,{B carefull what you wish 4} then After,it take,s a brave heart 2 admit that{;
5:11 AM Dec 6th, 2009 from web

moving problems to next week will not solve them,, taking time 2 do correct judgement does !
1:02 PM Nov 25th, 2009 from web

learn 2 enjoin the joy of others and C how how it make,s you happy as well,,Try it,,even when I know its hard 4 U grompy,s,,LOL
5:30 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from web

i know U dont have a clou what i,m talking about,, lets keep it like that,, grom..grom..,LOL
9:29 AM Nov 24th, 2009 from web

so retarded,,,hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
4:21 PM Oct 30th, 2009 from web

Wait! What?

The Meanest/Sometimes Funny Poker Twitterer Award goes to: @AsianSpa

No one really knows who Asian Spa is. He's crass, obnoxious, and sometimes damn funny. His tweets are repetitive and shallow, but you have to admit, the man likes to speak his mind. Latest rumor is that Asian Spa is actually our very own Jon Friedberg... The truth is out there, somewhere.

@AsianSpa highlights:

@Lara_Miller Are u reping @fat_david_benyamine ? I am trying to get ahold of him for a Jenny Craig deal and Subway is showing interest also
about 5 hours ago from web in reply to Lara_Miller

@laceyjones it isnt like anyone goes to your website anyway.
about 20 hours ago from mobile web

@hollywood_dave u sir could not service @tiffnymichelle right so she blew u out, now u wear UB patches to go to the grocery. Get –a-Life
4:44 PM Dec 18th, 2009 from web

@MariaHo sounds like somebody needed "Crack Spakle"
10:46 AM Dec 10th, 2009 from web in reply to MariaHo

@crissangel went to your show last week and boy did it SUCK
1:09 PM Nov 11th, 2009 from web

@back2backflack Layne your a True Fuck Head
2:49 PM Nov 7th, 2009 from web in reply to back2backflack

@dennis_phillips Your shit gets old sir.. Your podcast is like listening to dave stann talk about his cock size
8:58 PM Nov 3rd, 2009 from mobile web

@joesebok theres selling out, and selling out... U fucked the fans
9:51 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from mobile web

We hate @brandoncantu!
7:09 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from mobile web

@JonFriedberg what are u doing on MLK buying crack or hookers?
2:35 PM Oct 28th, 2009 from web in reply to JonFriedberg

Congrats @AsianSpa

The Laziest Twitterer of the Year award goes to: @BrandonCantu



I think Cantu is just trying to save time and energy by not writing complete sentences, hell he isn't even writing complete words.

Out
4:30 PM Jan 5th from txt

Hpy nye
9:54 PM Dec 31st, 2009 from txt

Mry xms
9:59 AM Dec 25th, 2009 from txt

Hpy thxgvg
11:46 AM Nov 26th, 2009 from txt

144k cant win a race
3:59 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from txt

w holds to 82k
4:25 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from txt

4 of 6
12:29 AM Nov 5th, 2009 from txt

Chipleader hu
6:39 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from txt

414k done
8:32 PM Oct 23rd, 2009 from txt

cngrts

The most Honest Twitterer of the Year Award goes to: @ToddBrunson



Todd just doesn't give a fuck. I like that.

@SavagePoker Ya you need to work on that piece of crap!!!
11:32 PM Jan 2nd from web

Merry Christmas to all!! Well cept the Jews and the Muslims. To u guys.. Happy Hanukkah and Ramadan.. Or whatever
1:27 PM Dec 25th, 2009 from txt

Lady gaga could kick ur ass!!!!
8:53 PM Dec 17th, 2009 from txt

Genius put all his chips in with middle pair
8:12 PM Dec 15th, 2009 from txt

What an idiot. I'm bb he's sb. He limps. Flop 345 he checks and I push
8:03 PM Dec 12th, 2009 from txt

And my stupid sister Pam
7:52 PM Dec 12th, 2009 from txt

I proceded to tell her how that place has gone down hill and that's why no poker players go there anymore
12:23 AM Dec 3rd, 2009 from txt

I really think if JFK and LBJ had eaten Vietnamese soup they wouldn't have been in such a hurry to go to war with them
12:55 AM Nov 18th, 2009 from txt

We are the only white ppl in here and everyone is staring at us
6:31 PM Nov 3rd, 2009 from txt

Down to 12 players. If I make it to 10 maybe I'll stake that bitch Lara miller since she came all this way
10:35 PM Oct 9th, 2009 from txt

This trophy sucks!

The Most Annoying Twitterer Award of the Year goes to: @jeffmadsenobv



Obv. Turn off that stupid horoscope that auto posts every day and fills up my twitter with BS. Post more conspiracy theories, that always gives us something to laugh at. Even his picture is too big. Obv.

Annoying, like a skinny rapping ginger

The Twitter Fight of the Year: @allenkesslar & @savagepoker

<

This was like watching to Star Trek nerds duke it out over the topic of who was the best captian in Trek history. Kirk or Picard? Picard or Kirk? Hey look at those two pale guys with the noodley arms slap box!

This orginally started in a 2+2 thread, that you can find here, but then it didn't take too long for it to spill into the halls of the Twitter-verse.

Here are a few of the highlights:

RT @allenkessler: Finished 4th in palms 25k winner take all ;( That's your best finish in a while..... Maybe the fast structure suits you!
12:38 AM Dec 5th, 2009 from Echofon

55 X 2 = 86 is @allenkessler Math?
1:36 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from Echofon in reply to allenkessler

@AllenKessler Can you seethe marquee in the distance? http://twitpic.com/qozgd
4:25 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from Echofon



Enough about @mymixednuts already. ......
6:16 PM Dec 19th, 2009 from twidroid

People complaining here about the fast limit structure. @savagepoker yours are even faster than this.
3:22 PM Dec 1st, 2009 from txt

@savagepoker youre embarrassing yourself. They played 90 min levels at venetian and day 1 was 3 hours longer than yours
3:18 PM Nov 24th, 2009 from txt

@savagepoker people dont want to play a main event where half bust by dinner and 80% out day 1 either. Borgata falls midway between.
5:40 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from txt

@savagepoker continues to make fun of me on twitter, perhaps there is some merit in my comparisons. Both venetian and borgata give more
1:06 PM Nov 23rd, 2009 from txt

2 dead giveaways that @savagepoker main event structres need work. 1) half the field out by dinner 2) avg stack 5x starting chips end day 1
10:09 AM Nov 21st, 2009 from txt

Savage brought out the big guns in the 2+2 thread:

To the Chainsaw: Please avoid the LA Poker Classic if you are going to nit me everyday for more chips, longer levels, and buffet comps!

Advantage: Savage

Structure Fail Trophy

JDN

Listen here you douchebag!

Quit fucking spamming my blog! Or I'm going to do this to you.



fuckwit.

$340 + $10 Floor Staff Bonus Venetian Deep Stack Tournament

Is that Layne Flack on the left?

I get to the Venetian about an hour before the start of the tourney to meet up with a hot MILF for breakfast. The inherent problem with MILFs is the whole kids "thing."

Damn toddlers got me stood up.

I did the next best thing and had breakfast with old man Katkin. Not nearly as hot but at least he puts out.

12K in chips, 40 minute levels, here we go.

Table 29 seat 2

And the table breaks. Damn it. It's the greatest table evar! 3 old people who are clueless, a couple of young dudes swinging the poker cocks around, a female Asian commerce player and a crazy agro middle aged white chick. Epic.

I make a couple thousand before the table breaks and I'm sent out to the loud ass casino.

Table 67 seat 6

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG
Seat 2: Random Internet Nerd
Seat 3: Random Internet Nerd #2
Seat 4: empty
Seat 5: empty
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: ROWG from the first table.
Seat 8: Random Club Bro. Affliction shirt, check. Muscles, check. Bad tattoos, check. Bad hair, check.

And my table breaks. WTF?!

At least I pick up aces on the last hand before the table breaks.

New table 45 seat 5

Table draw:
Seat 1: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 2: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 3: RWG with bad skin and thinning hair.
Seat 4: Random Latino Guy with sunglasses.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: Random Internet Nerd
Seat 7: RWG
Seat 8: RLG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 9: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.
Seat 10: RWG with sunglasses and a hat.

I see a theme here.

The idiot in seat 8 just announced that he folded a set of 6s on a flop 6 5 4. He's such a r'tard, that I believe him.

Just saw the greatest hand ever! EVAR!

The R'tard in seat 8 raises to 850 with blinds at 100/200. The slow guy in seat 9 calls but he can't count so it takes about 3 minutes to get his chips out past the blind. I fold my big blind, Tc4c, and the flops falls Qh Th 6h.

The R'tard bets 300 and the slow guy snap moves in for 10K. Wait! What?

All kinds of awesomeness going down on this table.

21K at break.

Argument about playing brick breaker while in a hand just broke out between the r'tard, floor, and the ROWG in seat 10. I swear I'm riding the short bus.

Blargh. I raise to 1100 in early position with 55 and slow guy moves in for just under 7K. Then the big guy in the Phillies hat moves all in for less than 5K. Meh.

I call. The slow guy shows KQ off and the big guys shows AJ off. I got no chance.

The flop is K T Q. Slow guy walks away.

Blank blank and big guy rakes the main pot and someone has to grab the slow guy and tell him he's won the side pot.

Still got 26K.

Random Club Bro gets moved to my table.

Dude!

Sweet!

With blinds at 300/600 50 I'm on the big blind and the old guy in seat 10, who I now realize is wearing two hats, limps. The big guy in seat 2 raises to 2500. And then I pick up a tell...

Every time this middle aged woman comes over and talks to him he raises the hand. She's a mildly attractive 45 year old with a exposed midriff and a midlife crisis bellybutton piercing swimming around in her loose 2.3 kids belly skin.

He wants to tap that. But they're just friends.

Obv he's in love. He wants to show off.

I reraise to 8000 with Kh7h. I don't mind if the old guy with two hats moves in for his 10K. I just want smack the big guy with a boner down.

They both fold. Ha ha!

Embarrassing iPod song of the day: Clumsy by Fergie.

33K at break.

Just from break I loose 25K with JJ vs KK. The razor sunglasses lady to my left just flat called my reraise of 6500 and snap shoved on the flop of T 9 3.

It looked like a stop'n'go, which I gave her credit for knowing what that was.

15k as the table breaks.

Don't last long at this table as I'm blinded down to 8 big blinds before a I shove with Jd4d from the small blind. I hit a 4 at least.

Gonna go home and do this.

JDN

$340 Venetian Deep Stack

It's a bright and sunny day in Vegas. Everything is new and clean. I'm wearing some nice clean Air Max 95s. I put new music on my iPod. The dogs let me sleep till 11am.

All is good.

I get to the Venetian but I forgot my players card. No worries. I'll just get another one from the guy at the table that looks like Jimmy Fricke's mini me.

I buy in for $340 and the TD tells me that it's $350 if I want the extra 2000 in chips for the dealer bonus. I say no thanks. (mostly cause I'm too lazy to dig through my pocket to find another $10).

After they take the 2000 out if my stack I realize that my iPod isn't charged. But that's ok, I have a back up. It's all good.

$10,000 in chips, 40 minute levels.

Table 16 seat 6

Table draw aka Holy shit I swear I'm in Atlantic City!:

The table is full bedazzled shirts and looks to be 80% east coasters. This should a great table.

Annnnd then it breaks. But that's ok, the next table is going to be even better.

I get to the new table with 9725.

Table 71 seat 9

Table draw:
Seat 1: Random Black Guy wearing a WSOPC ring on each hand. Tacky!
Seat 2: Random White Guy with an Ed Hardy shirt.
Seat 3: Random Older White Guy with a Jagermiester hat on.
Seat 4: Random Younger White Guy with a voice like Louis Armstrong.
Seat 5: Random Asian Guy. SAG factor: low. Ed Hardy shirt is a go!
Seat 6: Random White Guy with lots of studs and shiny things on his hat and shirt. Brand unknown.
Seat 7: Random Older White Guy.
Seat 8: A younger version of Miami John that doesn't speak English.
Seat 9: JDN
Seat 10: Busted as soon as I sat down.

Hey there's Jon Friedberg! He comes over say hi and I pick up AK. Sweet! I get it all in on the river when the board runs out 8s 7c Kc 7h Ad. The RBG with the rings calls and I double up. Thanks Friedberg.

A few hands later Friedberg is back after busting on his first hand played and I pick up KK and take down the 10k pot on the turn.

Wow Friedberg is a lucky bitch. We should go to the craps table. Lady luck is on my side when he's around.

24k at break.

Back from break and I see a raised multiway flop with AK. The flop comes out Ad Kh 2h. The Ed Hardy Asian, who, btw also has an Ed Hardy hoodie and was the original raiser, bets out 2400. I raise him to 6500. Rest of the table folds.

He moves all in. I call and he shows AQ. Dominated. Sahweet!

The turn is a Q. But it's ok. I know I'm not going to get bad beat.

The river is a 3. See? Positive thinking. It works for me sometimes.

Dave Stann aka Hollywood Dave is at the table behind me and he just got the floor called on him for too much ass crack. Ha. Guess he's trying to be a plumber too.

The super bedazzled/studded guy in seat 6 is officially the human rain delay.

Table break! I really liked that table. But it's ok because my next table will be even better.

Nothing really interesting going on at table 53 except the Asian guy in seat 7 with about 70k in front of him.

I'm back in seat 9.

I bust a guy for a 20k pot when my A high flush bests his J high flush

Now I got 70K.

4:10pm: iPod dies. But it's ok. I have a backup.

A little over 70K at break.

Thinking about betting on the Fedor fight.

After break I decide to turn up the heat on these motherfuckers... Heineken!

Then the waitress forgets my beer. But it's ok. She'll be back around in no time.

I run my first successful bluff of the day when I fire a bullet on turn and river on a board of A Q Q K 2 with 33. I put the big guy in seat 6 on a weak ace or a medium pair. He checked every street to me so I knew he didn't really like his hand and I knew he didn't have a queen after the check call on the turn.

9000 value looking bet on river and he folds it.

88K.

The super SAG in seat 7 is trying his hardest to dust off all his chips. He's sitting on 30k now. Down 100k. Oops.

I dunno if it was a bad play or not but I check raised a guy on a K 7 Q to 15000 with AJ. He tanked it for a few minutes before saying nice hand and putting all his chips in the middle. Moron. He had KJ and it held.

Down to 60k. But that's ok because I'm still 20k above average.

I bust the crazy Asian lady in seat 10 with 55 vs her AQ. I get about 24k from her.

I go into the break with about 90k.

First hand after break the Super SAG raises to 11600 under the gun with blinds at 800/1200. Wait what?

I look down at JJ. The SAG has about 30k left and he's so damn fishy. I raise to 30K. It gets back around to him and he calls pretty quick with the Ac6c.

:-)

He flops a 6 but I river a jack. Haha!

126K. Yeah boy!

Overheard in the bathroom at break: Did you guys pee on your fingers?

Stopped taking notes after dinner break because I ate at Chipotle and went into food coma. My phone was also dying so I twitted a little bit and here they are:

120k at dinner break. Average 50k. 88 players left. 36 pay. I like my spot.
7:37 PM Nov 3rd from Echofon

Rocking 160k with 50 players left got a bunch of Internet nerds at my table.10:41 PM Nov 3rd from Echofon

Busted 5 from the money. Had double average with 10 to the money. FML. I hate poker.11:51 PM Nov 3rd from Echofon

This is how I roll.

And there goes my positive attitude.

JDN

WSOP day 2b & Dream Team Poker

Sadly this is my first day 2 in a no limit event at the World Series.

Sadly I have a starting stack.

Sadly there's traffic out in front of the Rio.

Sadly, I'm very happy to still be in after being card dead on the first day.

I get to my seat around 12:10pm and the tourney still hasn't started. Nice!

First hand of the tourney I look down at AQ and raise it to 1500. Or so I think. I look down and it's only 1100. Feck!

Big blind calls and I miss the flop. He picks it up on the turn. Lame.

When I'm the big blind it's folded to small blind, who've I've already pegged as a douche bag, insta raises to 1500.

I look down at AT and reraise to 4500. He moves in. Gagh!

He can be on nothing pretty easy here because I should fold this pretty easy. I fold telling him "I'll catch him later."

Good line huh?

Down to 26K.

An orbit later the older lady in seat 6, just after losing a big hand, makes it 3000 to go with blinds at 250/500. That's a little aggressive.

I look down at KK and move in. She's got about 7000 behind. So she's pretty much committed to calling. If she understands what that means.

She does call and shows AQ. Kings hold up and I scoop the pot.

Up to 40K. High point!

Brasilia Room. Table 210 Seat 8.

Table draw:
Seat 1: RYWG
Seat 2: RWG aka The Mustache. Holy moley this guy put Magnum PI to shame.
Seat 3: RAG that looks like Tetsuo from Akira. Tetsuo!!!!!!
Seat 4: RWG
Seat 5: RWG that may or may not be Kenny Powers brother.
Seat 6: RWOL... Oops busto. Ok it's a RWG... Busto. Now it's a Euro.
Seat 7: ROWG aka, Douche Bag
Seat 8: JDN
Seat 9: RAC Random Asian Chick. I can guarantee that she's a Commerce player.

18K at first break. Yes. 18k.

I stopped taking notes at this point because I was on life tilt. I could not win a hand. It was brutal.

The first of two hands that did me in was a hand against the Euro in seat 6. I could tell from the beginning that he had a very weak concept of preflop betting when he bet 4000 in middle position with blinds at 250/500.

He showed the table jacks and said he hated playing that hand.

Naturally a few orbits later he makes a 4x bet preflop and I call with TT.

The flop is a queen high and he checks. I check.

The turn is a blank and he bets out and I call.

The river is an ace. He bets out again but something about his movement and the bet amount is just fishy. I think he put in a pot sized bet and it just seemed like he wanted to buy the pot at that point.

I consider just shoving in and taking my chances. I've seen him open muck hands on the turn and if he thinks he's beat, he'll toss is away.

The only problem is that I don't really have enough chips to convince myself that he can fold. It would be barely more than a min raise.

But I then convince myself that I might actually have the best hand. The small (for him) preflop bet makes me think he's got a medium pair.

I tank it for several minutes.

I finally call, he says "nice hand" and flips over jacks.

I just shake my head and muck the hand.

I've got 6000.

I work it up to 9000 before that last hand before dinner break. I'm on the big blind and the Euro is on the button. Its folded to him and he makes a standard 3x raise to 1900. I look down at Q9 and make the call.

The flop is K 7 8. He checks out of turn. I shove. He calls with K7. Blank blank. I'm out.

That was so painful. It wasn't even fun. I should have sold my lammers when I won the satellite.


Dream Team Poker

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet.

I got Gavin Smith and Matt Keikoan on my team. I gotta good team. Right?

Both of them bust by the 3rd level. I'm playing like a maniac. I love it.

I crack aces twice and have 45K at second break.

I make a last long bet with Matt Savage for a round of golf. He's got 20K.

I crack aces again with a bluff.

I have 90K at 3rd break.

Joe Stapleton and I wander around the main event, inside the ropes, while drinking beer. Stapes gets kicked out first. I tell Gavin he's a bad teammate for busting so quick.

My chip count does this:

90k

55K

25K

2K

10K

28K

0K

Two orbits and I'm out.

I hate the Rio and I'm never coming back.

WSOP Main Event

I pull a mini Hellmuth and arrive 20 minutes to little fanfare or notice. None actually.

I get to my table, find my seat, the 6 seat and look down to see Court Harrington in seat 7. Oh what the fucking hell?

Not only do I actually know someone at my table, who's a good player, he's sitting right next to me. Bah!

Amazon Room Table 97 Seat 6.

30,000 in starting chips and 2 hour levels.

What the he'll am I going to do with 2 hour levels? My style is much more suited to turbo satellites and 20 minute level.

Who am I kidding? I don't have a style.

In the first level I lose 1500 to the possible Euro to my right when he has JJ vs my TT on a K 8 K 6 K board.

A couple of orbits later I donate 3500 to the kid in seat 1 but I'm not mad. I called the river to see his hand and made sure my read was correct and to really make sure that his tell was what I thought it was.

It was. I'm awesome.

Table draw:
Seat 1: RYWG with a serious tell. Really. It's like a book.
Seat 2: ROWG
Seat 3: RYWG
Seat 4: ROWG possible Euro, maybe Canadian but he has no clue what's going on.
Seat 5: RWG and another possible Euro. Haven't really heard him talk.
Seat 6: JDN
Seat 7: Courtney Tyrell Harrington. Yes that is his real name.
Seat 8: RWG and a possible Mormon. Heard him tell Court that he was from Utah. I always assume the worst.
Seat 9: RYWG and another possible Euro. He's got a tight white shirt on.

25,500 on break. Time for the stampede.

Highlight from the hall stampede was watching Joe Stapleton pick up to of the Hellmuth models and take them to lunch. The man's got talent.

In the second level I win a nice pot from the ROWG in seat 2 with AT on a Ks Ad 8s Ts 3h board. Sweet!

A little while later I raise it up with Td Th and get called by the Mormon in seat 8. The flop comes down 7s Js 3d. I bet 800. He calls.

The turn is the 4s. I check, he bets 1500. Yeah right donkey. I call.

The river is a 7h. Check check. Tens are goot! Ship it.

Back up to 30K.

For the rest of the level I just fold. I'm pretty sure the deck doesn't have any face cards in it.

I'm changing my nickname to JD "No Paint" N.

29K at 2nd break.

Hallway highlight:
There's a Sapphire Girl (aka a stripper) walking around in her bikini with her arm in a sling. I don't know why but it's kinda hot.

First hand back from break I pick up 88 and win the pot on the turn to get up over 30K. High point!!

The maybe Euro limps from the 9 seat, seat 1 limps, I limp from the small and Court raises to 1800.

Lame Court! Lame!!

Seat 9 folds and he turns out not to be a Euro. Seat 1 calls and fucks up my plan of folding. Gawd... I call.

The flop falls 9 2 3. I check. Court bets 2300. Seat 1 folds and I think for a moment. I can't really put him on anything other than a strong ace. I call.

The turn is a 2. I check and Court verbally checks. I hadn't heard him do that before. Somethings fishy.

I decide that I'm betting the river unless it's a face card or ace, a blank if you will.

It's an 8. I bet 3350. Court tanks it. Looking at his cards a couple if times before folding.

I muck my 55.

He pretty much let me take the pot by checking on the turn and on the river I could represent a set of 3s. He's a good enough player to recognize what I was doing. If there were a weaker player, I might get a call.

Up to 37K.

I lose 8000 to the Mormon when he flops a set to my over pair. I got rid of the hand after I 3 bet him on the flop and he moved in for, for way more than I had. Fuck.

24K with 30 minutes to dinner.

Mean while Court flops back to back top sets with AA and QQ and gets not much action.

Finally! I hit a set and get action. I flop a set of 7s in a 4 way pot and get paid off from the kid in seat 1. Finally motherfuckers!!1!! Finally!

Back up to 30K.

$29,500 at dinner. Off to dinner over at the Palms with Katkin, LA Mike, Warren and Lara. As foreseen, I eat too many chips before the burrito arrives.

I spend level 4 in food coma. So I write nothing and remember very little.

I played AK strong a couple of times and folded preflop once. No sets and no pairs. I get up to 35K and drop down to 23K.

Then I bust a short stack with A7 vs his KJ and get up to 28,500.

Last break of the night I have 28,425.

Our table breaks, thank fucking gawd, right after break and I get moved to Blue 13 seat 6.

As I sit down I can already tell that this table is a train wreck. I'm filling the seat of the only person to bust off this table today.

Highlights include a guy in seat 1 that may or may not have swine flu.

A semi hot chick in seat 2 that's wearing mermaid poker. Cleavage is a go!!!

There's a bald guy in seat 4 that looks like the bald guy from original The Hill Have Eyes.

A creepy little Euro that's looks like he was in that first Hostel movie.

To cap off the table we have a Midwest middle aged house wife that looks like she's wearing her bowling shirt.

So it's more or less like a 2am Binions tournament.

Yes!

Thank gawd for head phones. The bald moron won't shut up about how he never gets any hands.

I have to bluff to win a hand for the rest of the night. I also get rid of an over pair on a T high flop. Poker sucks.

I've gone 3 whole tournament days with only getting aces once and flopping only two sets. I am so due. Playing again on Wednesday.

JDN

$500 Venetian Deep Stack

Since the WSOP sold out today I decided to play the Venetian. I get down here around 1 and surprisingly, I'm not an alternate.

Wow. I feel like I'm already a winner.

Table 53 seat 5. 15,000 in starting chips (well 14,450 for me since I arrived a little late) and 40 minute levels.

I officially have the slowest most boringest table evar! Here's how my day has gone so far: fold fold fold fold fold fold fold call check fold fold fold fold fold fold fold fold fold.

Awesome.

12K at first break.

Table draw:

Seat 1: RWG with a blue PSP. He looks too old to have one
Seat 2: A woman. Not hot. Possibly a midget. Oops. Confirmed busto.
Seat 3: RBG who can't handle his chips and he's already mistakenly raised a couple of hands preflop when he was trying to call.
Seat 4: A woman. Asian. Also a dealer and not not hot.
Seat 5: JDN
Seat 6: RAG
Seat 7: RWG with a WSOP hoodie.
Seat 8: ROWG, a long time grinder that I've seen around a bunch. No clue as to his name.
Seat 9: RAG
Seat 10: RWG, super aggro with continuation bets and reraising.

PSP guy is wearing a Rio All Suite Hotel shirt that says, "Paradise Found." I wonder if he's ever actually be to the Rio.

I get it all in with AK on a A K 4 board against seat 10. He shows AK. Chop chop. That's most action I've seen all day.

The PSP guy makes is 550 to go in the 100/200 25 ante level and he gets called in 4 spots including me.

The flop falls T 8 6. The not not hot Asian dealer bets out 1300 and I call. Everyone else folds.

The turn is a 9. She bets 3600. I call.

The river is a 7. Hey! Thats a straight on the board. She thinks about it for a moment before checking. Hmmmm. I wonder what the amount is that she would fold to and I wonder how much she would call.

I bet 6000. I'm pretty sure she would fold to an all in. She's got about 9K behind her.

After a bit she makes the crying call. I show JJ and take down the pot with a J high strizzle.

Up to 28K.

A few hands later I bust her with QQ and get my stack up to 33K.

Right around 32K at second break. Haven't really had any strong hands and I've been manufacturing all of my pots.

First hand back the PSP guy raises it up to 2300. The RWG to my right moves all in and the guy on my left that looks like a mini Layoto Machida moves all in too. Then the dealer mucks his cards.

Wait! What?

The floor is called over and the decision is made to take 2300 out of his stack, give him the rest of the chips back and lecture him on protecting his hand.

It saved him money. Both of the other players flopped sets and rivered full houses.

I look down at 22 and raise it up to 2100 in late position and get called by the old timey grinder from the small blind.

The flop is HOLY SHIT! A girl just sat down in seat 1 with giant boobies. Motorboat!

Ok where was I? I can't remember what I was writing about.

Anywoo I fired two bullets with 22 on a board of A 6 7 K to take down a nice pot.

40300 at color up. The girl with big boobies is cold.

Well level 8 sucked moosecock bro. I lost 6000 with TT and a few hands later I lost 8500 with 88. I wish my nickname was the man with no sets or the man with no nuts.

The big titty committee can't remember to put her antes out. Damn annoying. Then she busts. Ding!

I would say that 60% of the time my first card is a K. 100% of the time the second card does not complement the King.

772 total players for this tourney. 74 pay and $101,000 for first.

42,900 at 3rd break. Right about average with 260 players left.

Annnnd we're on dinner break.

Apparently someone at another table disagreed with a ruling that one way or the other caused him to bust out. So this gentleman decided the best course of action was to dump everyone's chips into the middle of the table.

As you can imagine chaos erupted and security was called. The guy tried to make a getaway but the poker room manager, Kathy Raymond, caught him in the parking lot.

So the TDs called an early dinner so that they could check the cameras and figure out who's chips are who's.

Awesome. Chipotle here I come.

Watched the ping pong championships at dinner.

Entering burrito coma post dinner break.

Levels 10 & 11 go as follows: fold fold fold fold fold fold fold think about it... fold fold fold fold fold fold

Then I look down at JJ in middle position. Ok I have 25,600. I got abot 13 big blinds. Do I raise to 6K or just stick it in?

That's what she said.

I stick it in.

That's what she said.

I get called by the big blind who just happens to be my new British friend Ramsey, with AK.

He blanks out and I double to 53K.

An orbit later I flop my first set and check raise the RBG in seat 2 to snatch 20K off of him.

I'm up to 72K which is a just hair below average.

I stopped writing at this pot and I will now post responses to my tweets.

# 1
Rocking my moose cock off to Preistess and it seems to be working. Flopped first of the day. 73K with 140 players 73 pay.

Umm yeah, pretty much already talked about this. I don't really have a moose cock, its more of a mouse cock.

# 2
68K at break. A bit below average. Waiting for that rush to hit. Maybe I'll order a heineken.

I did order a Heine and I won $10 playing video poker. I promised myself not to play video poker but I have a hard time keeping to my personal promises.

# 3
47500 going into the 2k/4k level. About 90 left 73 pay. Why do I get myself in these situations? Need to cash so I can shave.

I made a bet with myself not to shave or get a hair cut until I cash. Let's just say that the GF is not a fan of this.

# 4
On the money bubble. I have 12 chips for exactly 36K. Average is 160k. Short stack ninja or fold machine?

LA Mike told me to shove every hand and Robin, Perry's GF told me to fold every hand. Not a fan of either of those options.

# 5
Just saw half a nipple on a giant boobie while walking back from the can. That's good luck right? Still on the bubble.

It was a giant boobie and I saw the part around the nozzle. Whats that called?

# 6
It was a lucky nipple! And the monkey is off my back. I can shave! And I won $73. WTF?

Pretty sure I'm gonna start asking to see nipples when I get near the money. It probably would have got me to the money in the 5K PLO8.

# 7
Busto. 66 vs KK. Both hit sets. Don't know what place or how much I'm getting but at least I cam shave now.

So I end up getting AK twice after we redraw with 72 left. I get up to 78K, a high for the day, before I move in with 66 from middle position. I rivered a set but the other guy turned his set.

Oh well. I got 52nd and $894. It was my first cash since February... holy fuck thats bad, but I think I played awesome.

I never had AA or KK and got every chip I could with the shit hands I had. This is a good sign.

JDN